format_quote Originally Posted by
Muhammad Wasif
Salam brothers/sisters,
I am a born Muslim married to born muslim girl as well.My wife has made clear to me she does not believe in Islam due to how her life events have gone so far.She is from a Arab family and have always been made to please her father,brother,uncles and all males in the family on the name of Islam by never saying no to them.She had seen her cousins being beaten by saying its allowed in Suarh Nisa and Husband can beat wife's.
I am an Asian,so I cant speak Arabic although as being a born muslim Alhamdulilah I can read Quran.My wife being from Arab origin speaks Arabic and therefore when ever I try to have a conversation with her on to why she is having questions on Islam she throws Surahs at me which I wont be knowledgeable about.
I need a real Islamic Imam/Scholar to help me how to guide my wife back to the beautiful religion of Islam.Her life has been very hard and I do not blame her for how she think,as She has been a victim of a predominantly male society using Islam as a tool to control women.
She just needs a bit of answers which I am sure will get her revert back.
Her main concerns are :
1.Muslim husband men can beat women as per Surah Nisa.
2.If Islam says Man and women are equal than why has there been no Women Prophet ever.
3.Why when testifying a womans testimony is considered half in stature than to a men.
4.She believes that Islam is a religion made for men only.
5.Why can a Male divorce and female cant.
I have been married to my wife and have 3 kids.I am happy with her,but after knowing her belief in Islam is questioned,I am very concerned.I love my wife too much,and I decided not to force her to revert back as she is a born muslim and much more knowledgable about Islam than I am.I just cant imagine my wife to die as a non believer.
PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW WITHOUT FORCING I CAN GET MY WIFE TO START BELIEVING IN ISLAM AGAIN.
PS : PLEASE DONT TAKE IT OFFENSIVE,I DONT NEED A GENERAL ADVICE BY PUBLIC.I NEED REAL ISLAMIC ADVICE FROM OUR BROTHER ISLAMIC SCHOLARS.
Asalaamu Alaikum,
You should make her realise that her doubts regarding Islam are purely due to a lack of knowledge and her own assumptions and/or what she has seen or experienced based on culture and certainly not based on Islam.
Islam emphasises that men and women are equal as human beings and only more superior in the eyes of God depending on whose deeds are better. But there has to be an equilibrium in marriage.
When a man and a woman come together in marriage and live together, there are bound to be differences in opinion between them, and one party must have the final say in order to resolve the issue, otherwise the differences will multiply and disputes will increase. So there has to be someone in charge, otherwise the marriage will founder.
Hence Islam made the husband the protector and maintainer of the wife and gave him the responsibility of heading the household, because he is more perfect in rational thinking than her in most cases. This means that it is obligatory for her to obey him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means” [al-Nisaa’ 4:34]
Among the reasons for that are the following:
1 – Men are more able to bear this responsibility, just as women are more able than men to take care of the children and the household affairs. So each of them has his or her natural role and position.
2 – In Islam, men are obliged to spend on their wives; the wife does not have to work or earn a living. Even if she has an independent income or she becomes rich, the husband is still obliged to spend on her as much as she needs. Because he bears the responsibility of spending, he is made the protector and maintainer of his wife and is put in charge (of the household).
Hence we see chaos in the societies which go against that: men do not shoulder the responsibility of spending on their wives, and wives are not obliged to obey their husbands; they go out of the home whenever they want and leave the marital nest empty and neglect their children. A woman has to work hard even if that is at the expense of her house and family.
We should also take note of the following points:
1 – The woman will be rewarded by Allaah for her obedience to her husband.
2 – This obedience should not involve disobeying Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.”
3 – Just as the husband has the right to be obeyed, Islam also tells him to treat his wife kindly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable”
[al-Baqarah 2:228]
So he should not mistreat or oppress her, or issue harsh commands to her. Rather he should deal with her in a wise manner, and tell her to do things which are in her interests, his interests and the interests of the household, in a kind and gentle manner.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.”.
So we can see that Islam is a religion of balance. It is certainly not in favour of men. It recognises that we have different natures hence men and women have certain rights over one another. Women are more emotional and therefore this may affect her judgement hence why her testimony is not taken as seriously as men. It has nothing to do with women being lower than men in anyway. Women are better at doing many things than men and men are better at doing things than women. Islam is unique in that it recognises the differences in our natures and capabilities.
It seems as though your wife has been affected by cultural practices which do demean women. But she must realise that these cultural practices are nothing to do with Islam. Similarly western cultural practices also demean women whereby women are pressured to dress provocatively and consequantly become like sex objects. You can see it all over the media and western culture. Islam protects women and understands that men and women have certain natures when it comes to our carnal desires. Men being more visual and women more emotional. Men are protectors of women due to their physical capabilities and women leaders of the household and household affairs as women tend to be more patient and better at bringing up children.
I hope that helps in some way. If you require anything else then please do not hesitate to ask.
Also make much Dua for guidance for your wife during these blessed days and nights particularly just before your fast breaks and during Tahajjud time before Suhur ends. But know that guidance is not in our hands. We can only do our best to explain and make Dua but the rest is upto Allah.
May Allah guide your wife and all of us who have similar issues. Ameen