Wali annoying me and I am stuck

[karimium]

I'm a 31 year old man and is independant and is capable of making decisions for himself. I feel like I being treated like a kid. I am looking for marriage and the brides side want to speak to my wali. Except my wali is annoying to say the least. he's controlling and makes decisions for me without my say so. I'd get 4 CVs from prospects and he'd only send me 2 of them after filtrering out the other two. I found a sister whose practicing and BEAUTIFUL, she's 30 years old, I'm 31. I'm happy with the tiny age gap. My wali is being an idiot and says I should go for a 26 year old. He has his ideas and is being obstructive. He says he's not free to arrange meeting, he has "bad feeling about the family" etc.

I am at my wits end. It's clear I cannot marry someone who is Islamic and follows the Islamic criteria of having a wali because my wali will always be an idiot.

Most people will be suspect of a guy who has a non-relational wali like a 3rd party imam when the groom has a Muslim family.

WHat do I do?

[Alpha Dude]

As a man, you do not need a wali.

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم


السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

A Wali (guardian) is for a woman, not a man. Marry this woman if you want to. Go to any Masjid and ask the Imaam to perform the Nikaah (marriage).

والسلام

[Scimitar]

I'm a 31 year old man and is independant and is capable of making decisions for himself. I feel like I being treated like a kid. I am looking for marriage and the brides side want to speak to my wali. Except my wali is annoying to say the least. he's controlling and makes decisions for me without my say so. I'd get 4 CVs from prospects and he'd only send me 2 of them after filtrering out the other two. I found a sister whose practicing and BEAUTIFUL, she's 30 years old, I'm 31. I'm happy with the tiny age gap. My wali is being an idiot and says I should go for a 26 year old. He has his ideas and is being obstructive. He says he's not free to arrange meeting, he has "bad feeling about the family" etc.

I am at my wits end. It's clear I cannot marry someone who is Islamic and follows the Islamic criteria of having a wali because my wali will always be an idiot.

Most people will be suspect of a guy who has a non-relational wali like a 3rd party imam when the groom has a Muslim family.

WHat do I do?

Tell him to go take a hike on a mountain and jump at the peak.

Scimi

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[greenhill]

You have been advised...


:peace:

[karimium]

Ah yes, I did research wali and kept coming up with walis for the bride, not for the groom.

I'm Bengali so our community has it's own cultural values. It's ususally the norm that the family have to meet and be happy with each other. There is rarely any social mobility because of these as the families have to be of matching "class" even down to famility structure. So a bride from a house with 2 siblings might have issue with marrying a groom from a family with 8 siblings. Though that's extreme.

The brides wali contacted me and wanted details of my wali, my wali probably went extreme and asked about the brides blood type. IQ score, # of facebook friends and some other ridiculous stuff like that and put off the wali. He does that all the time, he digs and digs and finds all these unnecessary information about the bride.

[karimium]

sorry forgot my origjnal point, so yeah while islamically the groom has no wali, culueral norm says there should be one.

[Scimitar]

If you gonna be like that bro, you might as well jump off the cliff :D

No - seriously though, speak to your parents and tell them you don't need no wali, just their acceptance of your choice - and take it from there.

Let your parents speak to her parents - go round their house, have a cup of chai, and some food, then if it's all good bro - arrange a date for the wedding if all agreed.

Don't complicate it - simple does it.

Oh, and tell the wali - "thanks dude, you did ok, but almost messed up my life in the process..." then hand hom a list of "do's and don'ts" for the next time he attempts "matchmaker" for some poor soul :D

Scimi

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Forget about cultural norms and marry the woman.

The Fuqahaa have mentioned that if a man fears he will fall into Zinaa if he does not marry, then it becomes Fardh (compulsory) upon him to get married. If you fall into sin as a result of not marrying, you will not be able to present the excuse on the Day of Qiyaamah that, "in Bangladesh, it was the culture to have a Wali for the groom as well..."

May Allaah Ta`aalaa save us and grant us the understanding,

Aameen.

Was-Salaam.

[Umm Malik]

Ask Allah and pray istikhara and make sure that Allah want ease for us
If you can be patient for a time , take this time of waiting by asking Allah he able to let your father accept and be happy for marring her
But if you can't ... then marry her and Allah will guide your father to understand
But in the all ways just obey him and do your effort and Allah won't ask you more than your capacity
Make a lot of istighfar and say allahumma Sali WA sallim Ala Sayyidina muhammad as you can
Allah will make your life ease


( 10 ) And said, 'Ask forgiveness of your Lord. Indeed, He is ever a Perpetual Forgiver.
( 11 ) He will send [rain from] the sky upon you in [continuing] showers
( 12 ) And give you increase in wealth and children and provide for you gardens and provide for you rivers.
10/12 nuh

( 90 ) They said, "Are you indeed Joseph?" He said "I am Joseph, and this is my brother. Allah has certainly favored us. Indeed, he who fears Allah and is patient, then indeed, Allah does not allow to be lost the reward of those who do good."
90 yousef
( 5 ) For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
( 6 ) Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
94:5/7