Sibling and family issues

[Nhelw1]

Hello, I'm new to all this so please forgive me if I have posted in the wrong section.

A little light on my issue and family. We are a family of 5 children (2 boys, 3 girls. Myself the youngest boy) who have grown up away from much or any mosques and Islamic communities.

My family is very in touch with Islam and we have been lucky enough to get new mosques in town and more culture.

Growing up in a very western community I personally (obviously) had a few issues being the only Muslim around and Forieghn.

However the main issue I really need guidence on is relating to my immediate family. My sisters and I get along well and haven't really had any major hiccups. On the other hand, my brother and myself have never seemed to get along. I have tried countless times to repair the relationship but unfortunately it constantly blows up in my face. The issue isn't a recent thing it's been going on for as long as I can remember and I have many bad memories as a child relating to my brother. There has been multiple psyical abusive instances and too many other things to mention (some are a bit to rough to speak about).

In 2015 I unfortunately was admitted to hospital for around 4/5 emergency surgeries and spent (from memory) 5 months in hospital. This only gave my situation a little more fuel to burn. My brother then Directed hatred to why, what and when am I going to stress my parents and family our further. If only this event was in my control because I wouldn't ever want to place pressure on my family.

I see how upset my mother and father are that we do not communicate and that really hurts me deeply. I have tried to repair the relationship and I have asked so many people multiple times what is it I have done wrong and what can I fix but I never seem to get an answer.

Inshallah I pray that things will get better but there are a few things that scare me. I feel as if I will be punished because I have not had constant communication with my brother. I feel that because I have made my parents sad with the situation and I have not been able to repair it.

I have recently begun praying and I am trying to make it a frequent and be sure I don't forget but I seem to becoming more distant from my family.

Because I haven't fixed the situation I feel distance between myself and my family. I feel sedated around them and not happy like I used to (although many of these feelings may be relating to medicines and surgeries). I don't live at home with my parents and being the youngest I feel guilty that I am not there with them all the time.

My questions are.
What are some steps I can take to remove that uncomfortable or "awkard" feeling when I'm around my parents?

How do I Change my view towards my brother as whenever I see him I just see anger and confusion.

Is it wrong that I do not live with my parents?

[*charisma*]

Assalamu alaikum,

Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about the problems youre having.

It seems that your family is overwhelmed or stressed out for some reason. Having negative vibes betweem u and ur bro could be just normal sibling rivalry. Although thats somethimg that we grow out of as we get older. Not sure how old you are but if your conscience is telling you something is wrong and that you can fix it, then you should do ur best to fix it. At times all that is holding us back from mending relationships is being too accostomed to avoid situations and to remain in our comfort zone.