One Year On [HELP NEEDED]

[Start]

Before I start, I wanna say that I am fully aware that many of you will ridicule me for any reason in particular (maybe/maybe not), but if that’s the case, go for it I suppose. Nobody knows me here and I rarely post here, let alone do anything but since this is the advice section, I’ll let this thing slide. I’ll be however obliged if you took a few minutes or so to read all of this. xD
Anyway to summarize what I have to say, I was a total idiot. I got myself banned on another website and I lost my VIP privileges on its mainsite. In turn, I felt like I lost everything else. My friends on that website and pretty much the one thing that brought me there. Respect. I’ve practically been there for nearly seven years which I spent getting games featured, writing game reviews and moderating.
I even felt respected on the forums until that one day when I had to get something else off my chest – Big messed up lies that I’ve done.
You see, I wasn’t perfect. Behind their back, I’ve made alts. I’ve cheated, lied, sustained different personalities through all of them and annoyed the heck out of some of the members. Some members suspected who I originally was when on my alts, but it definitely wasn’t blatantly obvious. Then on my original account, I got promoted to higher ranks on the forum and it felt really good. I spent years on doing this and that day I felt like I was on the top of the world. At the same time however, I felt bad about myself for hiding a truth I know I shouldn’t have done.
It didn’t feel right. I’ve confessed that one time and lost a part of my privileges on the forum. Maybe I was okay with that and I deserved it. I felt that hopefully it’ll turn down the suspicion a bit of some of the members I looked up to and wanted to be friends with. Still anyway, I regret the whole thing. I initially planned to leave the forums the minute I confessed but I didn’t want anyone to think I only joined the forums just to get extra VIP features and that I have a one-sided personality. I didn’t get banned however because I was respected and popular so they let me go without my forum rank.
A few months later, I gave my password to a previously banned user one time so I can just leave and get out of there, both of the mainsite and forum itself. I tried to make friends with him because I needed someone to talk to about how I felt without them judging me in a negative light. I wanted people to think I was a mature, responsible person but then that incident came that got me banned was when I acted on impulse. I was banned because I gave both my forum and mainsite passwords to the guy and in return, lost my moderating and other privileges. I was banned from the forums as well, although I don’t know when I can come back. Now I just want to write down that I’ve messed up big-time. I definitely deserve it since I was let off for a couple of years for all I’ve done on my alts, but I still regret the whole thing sociallywise.
I just wanted to get a strong worthy impression from other people while tackling boredom/letting off steam on my other accounts for some silly reason but boy was I a moron. I feel like rn I just want to apologize to the members that have been hating/disliking me over the years, particularly the ones that’s been suspicious of my alts and other offenses that I’ve caused like being a nuisance and trolling in mid-air when on my alts.
Now, I don’t want to keep reflecting on the past or be overly dramatic. Don’t even bother to reference this anywhere else. I’m just letting off internet steam here. Nothing major. I know that if I write this down, I’ll probably get this thing off my chest and feel better haha.
I didn’t do anything for the next five-six months or so until I left after that summer. Then I took a year hiatus after that to catch up on my school studies until I decided to take a visit on the mainsite since the start of this summer.
I didn’t want to feel pissed off about it because it’s just a website lol, but looking back at it, I’ve felt like I could’ve changed it/prevented anything if I had a time machine. It just felt totally cringy.
But heck, this is life. I need to get out. Staying indoors and playing the X-Box, but I still can’t find my jam. I’m a lazy guy. I need to start studying this summer as well as I’ve already promised hahha XP
I was 15 and a half when I was banned so I guess I’m nearly 17 now (5 days left) and I will be in my final year of high school so at least it helps if I jotted everything that’s been happening on my cyberlife until now. My social life not so much but I’ve only recently started to make good friends in school that’ll stick to you and not treat you like a baby because of your looks so it’s all good.
If anyone has anything to talk about about their life/or felt this way for any particular reaspn or maybe give advice, both personal or impersonal on my life, I’ll be very much appreciated to read what everyone else have to write about.
I thank being here and it's a pleasure to finally find a place where I can spare off some steam. I might need a bit of inspiration btw if that's alright. I hope I haven't really pressured or placed anyone under any circumstances though by posting this.
Thank you

[Scimitar]

one advice young bro,

Get a ball, and go to a park... seriously, leave the web to the old lot who cant kick a ball around anymore lol

Feel the sun on your back, wind through your hair, and the grass under your feet... it's wonderful.

Scimi

[Start]

one advice young bro,

Get a ball, and go to a park... seriously, leave the web to the old lot who cant kick a ball around anymore lol

Feel the sun on your back, wind through your hair, and the grass under your feet... it's wonderful.

Scimi

You are a beast! Ty man! Finally a comment that doesn't criticise me or make me feel left out. I like you. :)

[Scimitar]

yeah the reputation of being a beast is hard to shake lol, but I embrace it.

I was in Battersea Park on wednesday, hired some bikes with my bro Tarek from Lebanon and his family and we all went riding around - that one hour riding that bike around battersea park trying to outrace a 7 year old (and a 5 year old too) - was the best hour i spent on an activity this year, so far... Now I really want to get a bike.

Life - is for living, not for discussing nonsense which is here today and forgotten tomorrow because XYZ.

I'd much rather plan a trip to macchu picchu with friends and wonder what it would be like to make a fire on a mountain top and eat marshmallows, discuss stories, history, etc - and then make fajr under the stars high up on that mountain... to me, this is life.

Yet here I am, young man, on the web - feeling like I just done smashed my head against a wall, repeatedly... coz after five years, I'm still on the web lol.

Scimi

EDIT: you said you was a mod on a gaming forum? heard of wipEout HD Fury? on PS3? :D i'm the boss.

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[Serinity]

:salam:

Dw, I cheated too on games, such as CSGO and CSS. :P I also feel that the respect you get on those gaming sites is just fake, and unfulfilling. I don't like it, personally. I don't like the fake entitlement and the feel of how good people view you, just cuz you cheat while they know not.

Welcome, and remember, Allah is your Lord, and if you want honour, then strive in His cause. His honor is everlasting, while the honor of humans, are not.

And Allah :swt: knows best.

[Start]

yeah the reputation of being a beast is hard to shake lol, but I embrace it.

I was in Battersea Park on wednesday, hired some bikes with my bro Tarek from Lebanon and his family and we all went riding around - that one hour riding that bike around battersea park trying to outrace a 7 year old (and a 5 year old too) - was the best hour i spent on an activity this year, so far... Now I really want to get a bike.

Life - is for living, not for discussing nonsense which is here today and forgotten tomorrow because XYZ.

I'd much rather plan a trip to macchu picchu with friends and wonder what it would be like to make a fire on a mountain top and eat marshmallows, discuss stories, history, etc - and then make fajr under the stars high up on that mountain... to me, this is life.

Yet here I am, young man, on the web - feeling like I just done smashed my head against a wall, repeatedly... coz after five years, I'm still on the web lol.

Scimi

EDIT: you said you was a mod on a gaming forum? heard of wipEout HD Fury? on PS3? :D i'm the boss.

That sounds like fun, man. Yknow if anything, I'm the eldest kid in my fam and I regret being mean to my younger siblings. The time I spent was compensated with online time, so in a way it's good to be banned. Maybe it is the will of Allah as I have been pretty negative when it came to my domestic personality irl.
Heck, I've a year left until Uni so I should rly impress my parents with my studies and also be more religious where I lack hard if it's the least I could do.

Yeah man, I was a moderator haha. Nah, it was on a gaming mainsite although I was a second rank on the forum which took me three years of personality-work to achieve. Now I know it means nothing lol, since that doesn't define any essence of life.

[Serinity]

Think positive: Allah guided you, and now you can embrace the brotherhood ! Keep Allah in your heart. (Not literally, audhu billah)

I tried to become a moderator on a website, boy that was a waste of time.. Why when I can use that time to gain respect and honor before Allah?

[Start]

:salam:

Dw, I cheated too on games, such as CSGO and CSS. :P I also feel that the respect you get on those gaming sites is just fake, and unfulfilling. I don't like it, personally. I don't like the fake entitlement and the feel of how good people view you, just cuz you cheat while they know not.

Welcome, and remember, Allah is your Lord, and if you want honour, then strive in His cause. His honor is everlasting, while the honor of humans, are not.

And Allah :swt: knows best.

Thanks man, I'll remember that. If anything, I need to be more religious in my life especially in a westernized country like this one. The world is crazy, man but I'll promise to look the other way insha'allah

[Scimitar]

I refuse to moderate any forum :D my reason?

I aint babysitting grown adults - but don't mind having a minder babysitting my behind when i'm in need of some forum cake :D

Scimi

EDIT: the pie is a lie :D

[Serinity]

Thanks man, I'll remember that. If anything, I need to be more religious in my life especially in a westernized country like this one. The world is crazy, man but I'll promise to look the other way insha'allah

Keep strong! Allah is with those who are patient and constantly repenting.

If anything else bothers you, or is hanging on your chest, feel no hesitation on making a thread or posting. Yeh, I sound cheesy lol. Who cares, embrace the cheesiness! That is one of the ways to feel relief, aight?

[Scimitar]

I embraced the cheese before you did - stop jacking my lines :D

Scimi

[Serinity]

Lol, there comes times when one will realise, that the image one tries to hold before people is meaningless, as Allah is the One who knows it all, so why bother wasting time on trying to develop this self-image of self-importance?

Who cares what people view you as, they ain't going to save me or you on the day of Judgment! Only Allah the Creator can save you on that Day. (I think I stole that line from you again lol, @Scimitar )

Allah knows best.

[Scimitar]

all words are borrowed, it is the intent which remains fresh :)

Scimi

[Aaqib]

:salam:

Get into hobby, play a sport, play with your siblings, read Qur'an, pray more. There is a lot to do in this short life!

[Start]

Just another thing. What if people start at laughing at you for no reason? I mean I was walking to the city today literally with my younger bro to buy a videogame or something and some young guys and a girl (looking no older than 23 or so) were pointing at me and laughing maniacally from their car. This kind of thing makes me feel upset for some reason and this kind of stuff happens even during my school days, so pretty much like all my life. If anything goes, I should probably just ignore it I guess.

[Aaqib]

Just another thing. What if people start at laughing at you for no reason? I mean I was walking to the city today literally with my younger bro to buy a videogame or something and some young guys and a girl (looking no older than 23 or so) were pointing at me and laughing maniacally from their car. This kind of thing makes me feel upset for some reason and this kind of stuff happens even during my school days, so pretty much like all my life. If anything goes, I should probably just ignore it I guess.

"And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace" - Surah Furqan, aiayah 63

Stay strong brother, remember, dua is the weapon of a believer, make dua to Allah that this type of behavior can stop :) I made dua to Allah that a false rumor would stop, and it did, Alhamdullilah :)

[noraina]

Just another thing. What if people start at laughing at you for no reason? I mean I was walking to the city today literally with my younger bro to buy a videogame or something and some young guys and a girl (looking no older than 23 or so) were pointing at me and laughing maniacally from their car. This kind of thing makes me feel upset for some reason and this kind of stuff happens even during my school days, so pretty much like all my life. If anything goes, I should probably just ignore it I guess.

Akhi there will be plenty of weird people in this world - a valuable lesson is to never take to heart what others may say about you. Even the Prophets (as) were the most perfect of creation and yet they had people who mocked and hated them for whatever strange reasons...it's just people who don't have anything better to do.

It can be upsetting, and teenagers these days are pretty brutal and can make school hell...just stay firm, make lots of dua to Allah swt for strength and support, and keep in mind that their opinions aren't important, because honestly with people like that their actions reflect their own character and insecurities.

For practical advice....just ignore. If someone says anything to me I just pretend I never heard, it makes them look bad in the end because I don't give them any importance, their whole aim is to get a reaction.

[Start]

Yeah, I understand fully well. In fact with the islamophobes rising up by this so-called radical nonsense, it's all we can do pretty much. Stay strong and survive and shelter. Rinse & repeat. It's a harsh world but Allah swt made it like that to put us to the test. The hardcores are thus rewarded.

[Serinity]

Stay strong, in the end, what Allah thinks of you is what matters. What others think of you don't. What I mean is, stay true to yourself, do your best to strive and please Allah, stay true to your morals, and Religion, Al-Islam. Do your best to please Allah. So what if people will hate you for what you are? For being Muslim, submitting, and worshipping Allah alone?

I rather be hated for what I am, than loved for what I am not!

[Start]

'I rather be hated for what I am, than loved for what I am not!''

You're definitely right. If anything, faking your personality'll bring you nowhere. Only guilt and more self-loathing.
But loving, respecting and worshipping Allah, that's all that matters. In such a short life anyway.

[Arfa]

'I rather be hated for what I am, than loved for what I am not!''

You're definitely right. If anything, faking your personality'll bring you nowhere. Only guilt and more self-loathing.
But loving, respecting and worshipping Allah, that's all that matters. In such a short life anyway.

Brother this is spot on.

Theres a saying that goes: Go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated. Therefore, choose a healthy hobby or spend time with likeminded company as it leaves benefits SubhanAllah.

[Eric H]

I embraced the cheese before you did -

Your the big cheese here, no one should mess with your cheesy lines, you tell them to cheese off.

stop jacking my lines :D

Scimi

David Cameron has gone, Nigel Farage has gone, Obama is going, poor old Jeremy Corbyn looks like he is going, so now is the time to launch the World Cheese Party, you will rule, take control, the world is your cheese cake. :hiding:

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Start;

Thanks man, I'll remember that. If anything, I need to be more religious in my life especially in a westernized country like this one. The world is crazy, man but I'll promise to look the other way insha'allah

Today is the start of the rest of your life, may Allah bless you on your journey.

Eric