I need help :(

Salaam
I want to understand the meaning of Dua and marriage as I have read several versions and it has only confused me

I am a muslim sister at the age of 30 wanting to get married. I met someone (family friend), we wanted to get married, did istikhara and there were mixed signs, mostly negative. Both of us were heartbroken but we were told circumstances can change therefore istikara can change over time, so we held onto that. Apparently black magic/Nazar can have an impact on the ‘feeling’ you may get during istikhara. What if this is why we feel negative we questioned?

We both have tried for marriage for years historically & it never seems to happen. This time we both were convinced we are made for each other, yet again it’s the same old story…bad feelings. Has someone created marriage restrictions for us both?? via to Black magic/Nazar? We are both 30 why at this age this is happening?

For this reason we went to see a Maulana who gave us extracts to read from the Qu’ran. He said if you are affected by any bm/nazar then this ilaaj will eliminate it. Allhamdulillah we both felt calm and positive after this treatment. It made a world of difference. He experienced strange shakimgs during the night etc so Allah knows if he was affected. He has been to see people in the past for nazar
Simply reading extract directly from the Quran helped us both. Maulana said if we both agree to dedicate our lifestyle towards deen, then nothing can affect our marriage, so we both very positively went forward with this mindframe.

Families met, we were setting dates, marriage was due next year.

However he started feeling scared & doubtful as time went on. His worries are based on a 100 things, some so irrelevant but he worries about them. I can’t change that. I tried but a persons heart cannot be influenced. He decided to go Ummah for peace and guidance during Ramadhan. He came back and within 2 weeks called it off. He felt uneasy. That was his reason. He was unhappy for months he said.

As you can imagine I was heartbroken. With no real reason, my rishta broke? Unhappiness & doubt can come from the shaitaan too right? He said he tried and tried to find peace and couldn’t. He was unhappy. Some of it was due to our silly childlike arguments & as he is so sensitive with words, this added to his unhappy feeling. In marriage these arguments will happen for fun, you need to be strong and fight the whispers from the shaitaan. My family are upset, more due to the way he’s committed to me then called it off. They don’t want him anywhere near me.

Allhamdulillah since he’s back from Umrah, his deen has changed dramatically. He says if it is written then nothing can change it. But he can’t go ahead with his unhappy feeling. He does sometimes question what if he’s making a mistake but its still a no.

My question is can my dua have any impact on this situation? My heart is telling me he has made the wrong decision. I have cried endlessly because I have lost someone based on no valid reason. And I make dua to Allah to make him see and bring him back. Is my dua wrong? How does dua work vs marriage? Because Allah has already written our fate, but then dua can change this?

I know most people will give me the same advise I’ve heard a million times, and with the above yes I’d say the same.
But my question is towards how can my dua have any impact on my future with him? I am heartbroken hence I am trying so so hard for this. I don’t want to lose him. Allah knows best. My heart keeps saying this is not right. He made the wrong decision

Jazakallah Khair

Maryam1 said:

I know most people will give me the same advise I’ve heard a million times, and with the above yes I’d say the same.

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Assalamualaikum, sister.

May I know what advise that they say?.

ardianto said:

Assalamualaikum, sister.

May I know what advise that they say?.

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Wasalaam Brother, Jzk khair

The feedback I've received is the following

1. This is Allahs test for you, stay strong
2. What if this happened after marriage, it would have been worse
3. Allah has done this for a reason, have faith, Allah knows the unseen
4. His family were not good for you (they were very particular in need - because they have a divorcee sister thus fearful to get rest of the members married, they became paranoid)
5. If it written for you then it will happen (hence I ask the power of dua - can I make dua to Allah for this specifically? )
6. My fam & friends say he was too weak and confused & you need a strong man (how can someones heart change like that)

We have been family friends for years, we never looked at each other this way, in fact he was like a brother to me.
Suddenly we became best friends, why?
My background if I told you, it would bring you to tears & this is truly a test from Allah. But what if the shaitaan has ruined this? How can we be sure what is a sign from Allah and what is messed from Shaitaan

He is a wonderful human being, we both pray our namaz, we both are getting closer to our deen day by day. I understand 2 good people don't always equal happy ending but I am scared he may have made the wrong decision

Maryam1 said:

4. His family were not good for you (they were very particular in need - because they have a divorcee sister thus fearful to get rest of the members married, they became paranoid)
...........
6. My fam & friends say he was too weak and confused & you need a strong man (how can someones heart change like that)

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Society often push someone to choose spouse that meet standard criteria of society that usually 'high'. In example, society often push a man to choose only beautiful woman. And if this man choose a woman who is not beautiful, society criticize him like "she is not worth for you!". This criticism often affect the woman that he choose. It makes this woman think she is not worth to be his spouse and begin to hesitate to marry him.

The same thing happen to women. Society often push a woman to choose a man who meet high criteria such as strong, successful, smart, etc. If this woman choose a man who does not meet these criteria, although this man is good person, society start to criticize her, like "You should marry better man!", or criticize this man like "He is not successful person!", .. "He is too weak!", etc. This will affect this man which he start believe ti he is not worth for her and begins to hesitate to marry her.

This is what happen to the man you want to marry. So, this is not because magic, but because society pressure like you have described in quoted post above.

Is hard to stop the society pressure. The only way is motivate him to be strong. Tell him that whatever people say, he is still the best for you, and you are willing to marry him.

Give him time

make tahajud duas

WellI always say you will know when you meet the person you love, once that is established that the feelings are neutral don't let anything stand in the way. if one of you have your doubts, carry on looking for the other fish in the ocean that feels the same for you, and that will soon bring the end to those doubts, you could be going back and forwards forever trying to win the jackpot, the main thing is that you love each other, the rest is just life, just except it for what it is we all have to go through it.

...JUST MARRY HIM ALREADY - YOU LIKE HIM, HE LIKES YOU - WHATS THE PROBLEM?

Scimi