Greetings and peace be with you Roha Shahbaz;
i know i have sense that suicide is haraam,i also used to act like i'm going to commit suicide so my family would pay attention to me but it was no use.
Anger is like drinking poison, and hoping the other person dies!
This is a very dark place to be in, for a kind and caring person like yourself. You are hurting deep down, and you cannot bring yourself to harm your parents directly, but you know that if you harmed yourself, it would be on your parents conscience, they would blame themselves.
If you cannot get justice for the past abuse, you need to try and find ways to forgive them, just let go, you will find a profound sense of peace once you stop blaming them for the past. If you every have children yourself, you will find it incredibly difficult being a mother, life is tough, you could end up making the same mistakes as your mother. I am sure that when she was younger she had good intentions, but life can beat those good intentions out of you.
Even if your parents do not say sorry, forgive them anyway, this will be how you heal yourself....
I listened to Glen tell his story, he had been signed up to play football with Leighton Orient, alongside David Beckham. He had an exciting life ahead of him, but he was stabbed in the back shortly after, he has been paralysed from the waist down for the last 27 years, his wheelchair is his prison. They caught the man who did this, he served four years in prison, he was then able to walk out of prison on his own two feet, and justice had been served.
By this time, Glen had learned to drive a disabled taxi, he learned where his assailant lived, and then stalked him with the intention of running him over. Glen said at that point he came to understand that true justice could not happen. Justice is not that two people should be crippled, rather, it is that neither of them should be crippled. He knew this could never happen, he came to understand that he had to let go of his hatred. If not, he would become worse than his assailant, because his actions would be premeditated.
He said he had to live with two diseases, being crippled, and the greater disease was the hate burning away inside him. Forgiveness and letting go of the hatred was a gradual process, his wheelchair has been a daily reminder of the past injustice.
Pray for a blessing for your mother and father.
In the spirit of praying to a just and merciful God.
Eric
