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Anam Amrin
11-02-2016, 08:53 AM
Asalamwalekum,

Today i wanted to share something thats been bothering me a lot lately.

I am constantly reminded by all the suitors that I am not good enough coz I have brown/golden complexion.

Although I am very similar to my elder sisters in terms of features but I am a little darker in complexion when compared to them. My sisters have never had any issue with proposals and have got married AlhamdulliAllah.

So I have done my masters and I earn more than what most of the proposals ( through some marriage consultants )
are sent. I am passionate about cooking and very particular cleanliness. Most important of all i offer namaz 5 times a day and read Quran (though my Arabic is not that great) .

So the point I am trying to make is though I have got some qualities in me why is it that I am still not preferred by anyone. It makes me feel unwanted and not being worthy of any happiness.

When i was in college a lot of other faith people walked up to me to compliment me . I was complimented for a pretty face and for looking a lot younger than my actual age.

Now that my mom and brother have started looking for matches I am rejected almost all the time. Sometimes someone rejects by saying she is not fair and some reject by saying she is not tall enough. Once a lady rolled up her sleeves to tell my mom that she is looking for someone who is as fair as her arm. I felt humiliated in front of everyone.

My question if Allah has chosen this body and complexion for me then why I am being insulted and humiliated . Nobody even tries to know the qualities that i have and rejects me just coz of my complexion.

Allah says in Quran that we were made different so that we could be recognised then why all the difference.

Sadly the only discrimination I see coming is from Muslims not people of other faith.

I feel that I am not worthy of happiness and should give up on the idea of marriage (live all alone).
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*charisma*
11-02-2016, 09:20 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

I saw someone on a different site for motherhood ask about how she can change her baby's complexion. I was so shocked to read something like that because how could a mother not even favor her own child's skin tone??

I am so sorry for what you are going through, and the only thing I can say is that you do not need anyone judgmental like that in your life, not the suitor nor his family. In your culture, it may be a rare thing to find someone being more open and accepting of anyone's skin tone, and if that's the case then you should not be resistant to finding that one nonjudgemental person nor should you want to give up and lose hope just because of your experiences right now. You are not the problem, they are. I don't know if you or your family are more open to suitors of other cultures, but there are many people who will not discriminate against you like that. I just find it rude that they are very forward about their opinions over something that you can't change.

Also sis, just understand that people do have their preferences in appearance. I'm not saying that what the suitors or their mother's are doing to you is at all acceptable, but that attractiveness is an important factor when it comes to marriage. In a lot of cases, opposites attract so darker people may be more attracted to lighter skinned people and vice versa, and sometimes good personality and other things are the greater factors and can make anyone attractive despite color. In your case, they have not really given you a chance to express your qualities nor have some of the suitors even seen you before their mother's have rejected you I'm guessing, so I say take it as a blessing in disguise and be thankful that these types of people are not deserving to be part of your life, nor should you want them to! do not feel discourage because Allah does not neglect the pure souls <3
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Born_Believer
11-02-2016, 10:35 AM
People have different views on beauty, it's all very subjective. However, if a potential suitor of his relatives do not like you or they way you look, it's exceptionally rude for them to broadcast that view so openly. I doubt you would ever want to marry into a family like that.

At the end of the day, keep doing what you're doing and Allah will give you a match better than you can imagine even now, inshallah.

In terms of the whole complexion issue, you have to understand that the vast majority of the muslim world, from Africa through the middle east to Asia was ruled by Europeans. Mainly the British, the French and the Dutch. They perpetuated this idea that white is beautiful and dark/brown/black is not. it's an idea that was so embedded into the minds of the colonial subjects that it still endures to this day and not just in the Muslim community. It's stupid imo but hey, that's the way it is and as Muslims, we should all be optimistic about where our life will take us.
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Anam Amrin
11-02-2016, 10:38 AM
Thank you for your kind words it really helps me to feel good about myself. I do understand that there are preferences when it comes to selecting a partner but the problem is that the preference starts and ends with complexion. I live in India where most of the people are brown complexioned but people still prefer white over brown, our community being the most discriminating.

The proposals don't go beyond the pictures and if they do then the mothers of the suitors who come to my place make me feel as if i am some sort of spot which should be erased altogether.

The problem is so deep rooted that even a dark complexioned guy wants a snow white as a partner and sadly the mothers encourage their behaviour.

I am disheartened coz I have to go through this humiliation each time someone comes with a proposal. It's like i am some dummy doll who has no feelings or emotions and somehow people have got the rights to judge or humiliate me.
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Hafiz Ikram
11-02-2016, 11:22 AM
It's something you should not worry about at all. If someone is jealous of you, it means you have some qualities. A person with no qualities has no critics. Once a person came to the prophet and asked about a person. The prophet asked does he have any critic? "Yes", replied the person. The prophet said, "then he must be a good human."
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kritikvernunft
11-02-2016, 12:32 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
I live in India where most of the people are brown complexioned but people still prefer white over brown, our community being the most discriminating.
You could look outside India? For example, in my case, my father is European/white and my mother is African/black, the reverse of Obama's ancestry. I am ok with any type of complexion. My brother and my sister are married to African/black. I am the only one who isn't. My siblings found them more suitable for the purpose of marriage. I married a Southeast Asian wife.

I am sure quite a few men outside India will think that you are attractive. I am quite convinced that if I saw your picture, I would also think that you are attractive. Why not?

Concerning "So I have done my masters and I earn more than ...", I must admit that I would also feel intimidated if you happened to make more than me. It would certainly be a show stopper. Furthermore, a master's degree is not a requirement. Making lots of money isn't either. A white skin isn't either. I would have no qualms at all with dark black skin, like for example in Tamil Nadu or so. In fact, I feel like I should start taking in second-wife applications from darker-skinned ladies having difficulties with silly male light-skin preferences! ;-)
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fhmn63
11-02-2016, 12:42 PM
May Allah give you a better spouse .
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kritikvernunft
11-02-2016, 12:52 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by fhmn63
May Allah give you a better spouse .
Allah surely will, inch' Allah. What nonsense is that stuff about darker skin anyway? It did not stop Obama from becoming president of the USA, did it? As you can imagine, you just need to tell people what they want to hear. Obama turned out to be top number one at that. Congratulations! I think that I should bring my friends and fly to India to collect darker-skinned second wives there, who the hell cares. It is probably also just a question of telling them what they want to hear! Well, along with a moderate mahar I would say! ;-)
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piXie
11-02-2016, 02:47 PM
:sl:

Say Alhamdulillah sis, and thank Allah for all those rejections. Carry on being generous, graceful and pleasant to your guests and most of all be very sincere and hospitable. We should be sincere to our guests n offer them the best, but if they prefer otherwise they should be allowed that choice without us feeling or taking any offence. Offer them pure brown sugar in their tea, but if they prefer the white bleached one, then just smile and serve the one they like. Offer to make them the wholemeal brown flour roti, but if they dont like the brown one, then again - smile and make them the white one. Offer them pure golden honey over their dessert, but if they prefer the white syrup, then smile and serve it. Be sincere to them and do not be offended by their choices and neither think that those items were rejected because they were not good or pure enough. Rather, we need to change our perspectives in life. What people choose or reject is not a criteria of what is valuable. People are ignorant about what's good for them and deprive themselves a lot by the choices they make in life.

Be confident and concentrate on purifying your heart, because this is what will determine our acceptance by Allah, and what will count in the end. Make du'a to Allaah and be patient until the right people who value this knock on your door. And may you and your family accept them when they do. Aameen
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altaf.786
11-02-2016, 03:38 PM
Salaam Sister Anam,

Please don't listen to others or feel bad about yourself. Allah swt has made you unique and I am sure your beautiful. Also, ignore these type of women who use fairness as a sign of beauty. This is a typical pakistani/indian culture. Ignore them focus on yourself. Also, please read the below dua to help you find a spouse insha allah am sure you will find one very soon and eventually you will forget all this. Couple of my cousins are also going through this so your not the only one. But eventually all good will happen to you insha allah so stay positive and be happy as we never know when our time will be up. Plus, tbh I don't want to put you off from marriage but trust me its a BIG change in your life and you will miss this time like we all do. So stay happy and blessed and don't let people take over your life due to colour/height. No one is perfect I remember when my mother was looking we used to just not respond if we were not interested due to whatever reason i.e not a suitable match this was to avoid breaking other persons heart. I pray to allah swt that you find the best spouse and you live happily. Insha allah Ameen

رَبِّ إِنِّى لِمَآ أَنزَلۡتَ إِلَىَّ مِنۡ خَيۡرٍ۬ فَقِيرٌ۬
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Anam Amrin
11-02-2016, 04:59 PM
I will surely try this dua. I believe Allah (SWT) does everything for a reason but I also wish that people start looking for proposals or matches the way our prophet (pbuh) mentioned .

I know I am not alone who is facing this. A lot of sisters are going through it. I am glad that I have a family that supports me but that's not the case with a lot of sisters. The discrimination starts in their homes and then continues outside.

I pray that Allah (SWT) gives us all sabr
Reply

mission2succeed
11-02-2016, 05:28 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
Asalamwalekum,

Today i wanted to share something thats been bothering me a lot lately.

I am constantly reminded by all the suitors that I am not good enough coz I have brown/golden complexion.

Although I am very similar to my elder sisters in terms of features but I am a little darker in complexion when compared to them. My sisters have never had any issue with proposals and have got married AlhamdulliAllah.

So I have done my masters and I earn more than what most of the proposals ( through some marriage consultants )
are sent. I am passionate about cooking and very particular cleanliness. Most important of all i offer namaz 5 times a day and read Quran (though my Arabic is not that great) .

So the point I am trying to make is though I have got some qualities in me why is it that I am still not preferred by anyone. It makes me feel unwanted and not being worthy of any happiness.

When i was in college a lot of other faith people walked up to me to compliment me . I was complimented for a pretty face and for looking a lot younger than my actual age.

Now that my mom and brother have started looking for matches I am rejected almost all the time. Sometimes someone rejects by saying she is not fair and some reject by saying she is not tall enough. Once a lady rolled up her sleeves to tell my mom that she is looking for someone who is as fair as her arm. I felt humiliated in front of everyone.

My question if Allah has chosen this body and complexion for me then why I am being insulted and humiliated . Nobody even tries to know the qualities that i have and rejects me just coz of my complexion.

Allah says in Quran that we were made different so that we could be recognised then why all the difference.

Sadly the only discrimination I see coming is from Muslims not people of other faith.

I feel that I am not worthy of happiness and should give up on the idea of marriage (live all alone).
:salam:

Sis first of all make sure your parents are looking for someone who is practicing the religion.
Secondly each time someone shows interest perform istikara (by praying two units of istikara)

By doing the above it will make it easier for you to except the outcome of the result insha'allah.

Remember sis Allah is always there for you so ignore any of the doubts that come your way from the shaitaan.
If it is written for you to marry then the right person will come along just remain on your deen and hopeful.
Reply

Scimitar
11-02-2016, 05:38 PM
Personally speaking, I've always found darker skin to be attractive - especially if it is lush and healthy with nur.

i can't be the only one, right... tell me I am not alone in this someone

Scimi
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Serinity
11-02-2016, 05:43 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Personally speaking, I've always found darker skin to be attractive - especially if it is lush and healthy with nur.

i can't be the only one, right... tell me I am not alone in this someone

Scimi
:salam:

I don't think you are the only one. you are definitely not the only one.

To the OP, I know it is hard, but stay happy and get closer to Allah. Keep reading Qur'aan, Do NOT stop!

Do Istikhara. And don't let people's negatives weight you down. Allah created you beautiful, and you are. Believe it! Looks aside, confidence is a good trait. (not to be confused with arrogance. Arrogance and confidence is not the same nor is shyness and insecurity. I think.)

And Allah :swt: knows best.
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Scimitar
11-02-2016, 10:40 PM
Golden Brown texture like sun
Lays me down with my mind she runs
Throughout the night
No need to fight
Never a frown with Golden Brown

Every time just like the last
On her ship tied to the mast
To distant lands
Takes both my hands
Never a frown with Golden Brown

Golden Brown, finer temptress
Through the ages she's heading west
From far away
Stays for a day
Never a frown with Golden Brown

(La la la la la la la la leeeah)

Never a frown
With Golden Brown
Never a frown
With Golden Brown

-the stranglers

Scimi
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noraina
11-03-2016, 11:51 AM
Wa alaykum assalam,

Ukhti, I understand how upsetting this can be at first, but the fault is not at all with you, it is with those people who fail to see your true beauty. As others have said, you haven't lost out on much. If there are some people so narrow-minded and unknowledgeable about the deen as to reject someone purely because they don't fit into their definition of 'beauty'., you definitely don't want to spend too much time around them. They didn't deserve you and it's a blessing in disguise they're gone.

InshaAllah, you'll find someone who will value you for everything that makes you unique as a person.

Unfortunately there's this whole obsession in the subcontinent with fair features and pale skin....some sort of inferiority complex. Once I saw a mother saying her fairer daughter was more beautiful than her other daughter who was more olive-coloured - a lot of girls are made to live with those kind of comments, sometimes it drives me insane.

You'll be in my duas...
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فصيح الياسين
11-03-2016, 01:45 PM
Our mother ume saoda r.a wife of nabi a.s was also of extreme dark skin.. but most politest than other wives.. also she was tall too..
So dont worry.. marriage is rizq .. and u will eat it.. all is to do patience and u get virtues on it.. also ticket to heaven with it
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Delete.
11-03-2016, 06:35 PM
Wa alaykum a'salam, beautiful sister.
Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala has given us the Mercy of Islam and with it eliminated all of the Jahilliyah practices of judging someone based on their tribe, caste, fame, colour of their skin, or wealth. The most honourable of men and women are the most pious, the ones with good character, and it is not correct to defame a believer based on their skin colour, any man worth marrying will know this. So if they reject you based on your complexion, it is best for you. Allah knows best. May Allah grant you a righteous husband.
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aaj
11-03-2016, 07:06 PM
A person may marry a woman for 4 reasons.

1. her wealth
2. her status in society
3. her beauty
3. her deen

While deen is the best one, it doesn't necessarily mean it has to be only that and not a combination of the above. The hadith just emphasizes that deen should be the larger deciding factor. But anyways, beauty is relative and vary person to person, culture to culture, society to society. If someone wants another for a more fair complexion than that is perfectly fine and within his right and preference to do so. Islam allows us choices based on our preferences. What isn't allowed in Islam is mistreating someone and being prejudice about it based on their looks. They should fear Allah do not put them on the receiving end.

It's good to know your family is supportive of you. Would be nice if they defended you a bit as well from the visitors mouthing off about how 'white' they want you to be. You should be happy with the way Allah created you and not care what these people think or say. Take this as a blessing in disguise because Allah is filtering them out from your life before you even get married so the one you do marry inshallah will accept you for you and not cause trouble about this later on. Be patient and keep making dua for the best inshallah
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anatolian
11-03-2016, 07:19 PM
Actually the main reason of this is the white supremacy. Indian sub-continent was ruled by the British Empire for a very long time and they established the understanding that white is fair and superior therefore to be obeyed. Today unfortunately your fellow Indians still couldn't get rid off this understanding.

My simple advice to you find your husband yourself. Get rid off the mothers :)
Reply

Anam Amrin
11-03-2016, 07:54 PM
I am thinking of trying matrimonial websites .
Reply

Kiro
11-03-2016, 08:20 PM
I am like the color of sand. It's cool to be that colour, makes me kinda unique and also, I'm more tolerable to heat than others (though more so than other Asians) which is a plus.

Though don't change so people like you, be yourself and the right people will love you

everything is a test and what we do with that test, learn to appreciate and we begin to see a light, not only in ourselves but also in others. Allah created us differently so we can get to know each other right? People are different, there are surely a hundred that love darker skin opposed to the other. Keep your high high and your chin strong. And have some sugar.
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Huzzy_786
11-03-2016, 08:27 PM
I pray this finds you well. Jazakillah khayr, dear sister, for raising a very important issue.
Physical attraction
Physical attraction is important in choosing a marriage partner, but not the most important quality.
As a new mother, I can attest to you the importance of good character in a husband. When you have a screaming newborn who wakes you up in the middle of the night, a husband with fair skin will not help you if he is inconsiderate. On the other hand, a husband with dark skin and good character will sacrifice his sleep and help you tend to your baby.
What about both? A husband with fair skin and good character? That would be pleasing to both you and the naysayers around you. However, this is the dunya, and there is no perfection here.
“….It could be that you dislike something, when it is good for you; and it could be that you like something when it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know.” [Qur’an, 2:216]
When we are overly attached to certain ideas (e.g. wanting to marry someone with only x y z qualities), if Allah wants good for us, He will test us in it until we let go of that concept, and hold onto Him. Allah knows better than we do, and it is up to us to trust in His Wisdom.
Marriage for the sake of Allah
It is wise to marry for the sake of Allah, but unwise to marry someone out of feelings of pity, obligation, or guilt. I strongly recommend that you complete the Islamic Marriage course to deepen your understanding of marriage. Investigate your intentions before committing to something as life-changing as marriage. Physical attraction can grow, the more you get to know someone – within the boundaries of permissibility. But if you truly do not feel attracted to him, then it would be unfair to commit to marriage.
Fair Skin Fixation
It is unfortunate that in many parts of the world, the post-colonial mindset still obsesses over and priorities fair skin. Reflect on why this could be the case, and choose to either reject or accept this line of thought. The wound of colonisation runs deep in many families, and there is a mistaken assumption that ‘fairer’ immediately means ‘better’, and that ‘darker’ means ‘worse’. This is a deeply problematic belief. The goodness of someone’s heart is not reflected in the pigmentation of their skin.
“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women. Those are free from what they (the accusers) say. For them there is forgiveness, and a graceful provision.” [Qur’an, 27:26]
A suitable match for you is a good man, inshaAllah, and not necessarily one with fair skin.
Tahajjud
Whenever in doubt, turn to your Creator. Stand up in prayer, or at the minimum, earnest supplication, in that precious time before the entry of Fajr. Ask Allah to grant you clarity and the strength to make the right decision.
Istikhara
Perform the Prayer of Guidance until you reach a point of clarity about what to do, or up to 7 times. I cannot give you an answer, but Allah will, inshaAllah. There is no need to look for a dream. The answer will come to you in the manner events unfold, and in the certainty that will settle in your heart.
The key is for you to remain open to either possibility, and not automatically reject him based on the darkness of his skin, or out of fear of what people will say. People will always talk, especially amongst circles which thrive on gossip. Your job is not to please them, but to please Allah. Ultimately, it is you who will be in that marriage, and not them. If you do choose to marry him and receive criticism from others, respond with goodness and compassion. Smile and say, “Alhamdulilah.” It is not up to you to change people’s minds, but it is your responsibility to live a life pleasing to Allah.
I pray that Allah guides you to the best husband for you, who will be a loving father to your children and your devoted helpmate towards Jannah.
Relevant links:
10 Ways to Avoid Marrying The Wrong Person
When Love Is Not Enough
Is there a concept of soulmates in Islam?
Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/2015/...n-in-marriage/
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islamirama
11-04-2016, 02:01 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
I am thinking of trying matrimonial websites .
You can but it's not that easy there as well. You have to pay for membership in order to contact others, and it is not cheap. It takes a while to find someone on there. Many on there are either just playing around and not serious, many are just window shopping, and many will not be honest about themselves. You'd have a better chance asking one of the sisters here if they know anyone in their area who is looking and they can or know someone who can vouch for them. Westerners (reverts or not) love marrying "exotic" and "Foreign" women. Maybe a revert would be a good option. That too has its pros and cons.

format_quote Originally Posted by anatolian
Actually the main reason of this is the white supremacy. Indian sub-continent was ruled by the British Empire for a very long time and they established the understanding that white is fair and superior therefore to be obeyed. Today unfortunately your fellow Indians still couldn't get rid off this understanding.
India was subjugated by the Anglo British for 200 years. In that time they committed a Genocide of 2 billion people there. They Anglo British ruled most of the world and wherever they went they forced their ethnocentric superiority onto the public. Those who were of fair complexion were treated better than those of darker complexion and were given better jobs and status in society. Naturally with Anglo imperialists superiority complex, rest of the races under their subjugation developed inferiority complex. What we see here and among majority if not all minority races is this self-prejudice against their own race and preference for those with more fair complexion. Skin whitening creams are a big big business over in those lands. Also a product the British make and ship over there. Unless these people rid their inferiority complex (unlikely), we will continue to see this racism of fairer complexion over darker one.
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kritikvernunft
11-04-2016, 02:13 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Scimitar
Personally speaking, I've always found darker skin to be attractive - especially if it is lush and healthy with nur. i can't be the only one, right... tell me I am not alone in this someone
Hey, joining in here and agreeing! The locals in this country also prefer lighter skin. I've picked my local wife a bit darker than average here. I always tell the locals here that they have much more urgent problems than skin tone. For most of them, what about re-programming their brains? Wouldn't that do more to prop up their lousy incomes? People like me make exponentially more money than them -- several orders of magnitude actually -- and I am in fact just a simple guy, while they are the ones picking on other people for silly reasons like their skin colour. Seriously, beggars can't be choosers.
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kritikvernunft
11-04-2016, 02:46 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by islamirama
Westerners (reverts or not) love marrying "exotic" and "Foreign" women.
In my ancestry, it actually started a generation ago already. My father is European, but he likes way too much being an arch-patriarch, so he never wanted to marry a European wife. He married two African wives and has seven children. Five of his children are doing really well, but I also have two brothers who aren't, but we have decided not to do anything about that until they have finally come to their senses. My father is in his seventies now, and he actually regrets not having married more wives, and not having made more children. So, the next generation must make good on his mistake. I should probably marry at least three wives and make something like fifteen children. I am not even half-way. So, I still have quite a recruitment and reproduction job ahead of me! But ok, inch'Allah, I should still have time to hit my target! ;-)
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Anam Amrin
11-04-2016, 04:16 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by islamirama
You can but it's not that easy there as well. You have to pay for membership in order to contact others, and it is not cheap. It takes a while to find someone on there. Many on there are either just playing around and not serious, many are just window shopping, and many will not be honest about themselves. You'd have a better chance asking one of the sisters here if they know anyone in their area who is looking and they can or know someone who can vouch for them. Westerners (reverts or not) love marrying "exotic" and "Foreign" women. Maybe a revert would be a good option. That too has its pros and cons.



India was subjugated by the Anglo British for 200 years. In that time they committed a Genocide of 2 billion people there. They Anglo British ruled most of the world and wherever they went they forced their ethnocentric superiority onto the public. Those who were of fair complexion were treated better than those of darker complexion and were given better jobs and status in society. Naturally with Anglo imperialists superiority complex, rest of the races under their subjugation developed inferiority complex. What we see here and among majority if not all minority races is this self-prejudice against their own race and preference for those with more fair complexion. Skin whitening creams are a big big business over in those lands. Also a product the British make and ship over there. Unless these people rid their inferiority complex (unlikely), we will continue to see this racism of fairer complexion over darker one.
I am not really sure If there is any such forum here where I can reach out to other sisters for this matter.
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Delete.
11-04-2016, 05:11 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
I am not really sure If there is any such forum here where I can reach out to other sisters for this matter.
There is a section on the Forum for only sisters, Alhamdulilah.
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Anam Amrin
11-05-2016, 03:22 AM
I tried looking up for such forum but no luck. Can someone please help.
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ardianto
11-05-2016, 03:56 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
I tried looking up for such forum but no luck. Can someone please help.
Previously there was an "open sister's section" which female full member could join without submit application. But today I don't see that section.

Maybe admin can explain?.
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Aisha
11-05-2016, 05:28 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by ardianto
Previously there was an "open sister's section" which female full member could join without submit application. But today I don't see that section.

Maybe admin can explain?.
It's still there, only viewable by female members.

To the OP.. please realise that this is THEIR problem, not yours. I don't think it's about physical attraction either. There seems to be a deep-rooted issue within many communities that fair skin is the ultimate ticket to success. This attitude is disgusting.
I've known of certain parents and grandparents who favour their fair-skinned offspring over the darker skinned ones. It's horrible and a sign of ignorance.

You're probably dodging quite a few bullets there, can you imagine living with such a mother in law, who's always talking about your skin or someone who refuses to see past their prejudice and can't see your inner and outer beauty? There's nothing wrong with your skin.

Perhaps Allah is saving you for a righteous spouse who will treat you well. Please constantly make Dua and talk to Allah. As someone else said, focus on the Deen of any potential spouses. Can you or your brother contact any local Masjids or scholars? I'm not quite sure how it works there but they may be able to help.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.
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*charisma*
11-05-2016, 12:17 PM
Assalamu Alaikum

format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
I tried looking up for such forum but no luck. Can someone please help.
You have to activate your account. I noticed it's not yet activated which limits your accessibility to certain features on this forum..check your emails/ junk mail for an activation link from Islamicboard. If it's not resolved, create a thread in the helpdesk and we will try to help you inshallah.
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Sol
11-05-2016, 06:06 PM
Midst the heat of battle the stones and trees alike shall speak to testify against the Jews to the believers.

The means through which the stones and trees will achieve recognition isn't something as shallow as skin colour or place of birth. No, what is accounted for is much more dignified.

Iman.

I don't want to give you advice but I want you to remember that. Also take comfort in the fact that, should you be fortunate enough to enter Jannah, your husband will spend years contemplating your beauty.
Reply

Sol
11-05-2016, 06:29 PM
I feel it necessary to add that the current state of our world is a product of colonialism.

Dark skin is not inferior to light skin, notice I do not use the term "fair" as one of the definitions of "fair" is "a beautiful women".

The fact of the matter is a long time ago (1800s) Europeans perpetuated the idea that white is on top and black is on the bottom. Now we have white people who feel superior and other ethnicities who feel inferior.

As you can see this idea has been adopted by the world and now you have light skinned people feeling superior and dark skinned people inferior.

It's just sad really.
Reply

Sol
11-05-2016, 06:35 PM
I don't know if this needs to be said or not but I'll say it anyway:

Whether or not your skin colour is light or dark isn't of much importance. It is the ignorant/arrogant who think in the way you describe and neither the ignorant or the arrogant are very attractive in anyway that matters anyway.
Reply

Umm Abed
11-07-2016, 09:01 AM
:sl:

While it is understandable that different people have different choices of what they feel as beauty, the way those families described skin tone was an extreme case of jahiliyyah. So Im glad you never went or married into that family. You got saved.

You should look for people who have sound Islamic knowledge even if its basic, and not go to those who have a distorted outlook, backward in culture and steeped in ignorance.

May Allah make it easy for you, keep making dua and effort on your part.
Reply

Anam Amrin
11-07-2016, 11:01 AM
Thank you so much for all the support. I am making dua everyday let's see what Allah (SWT) has in store for me.
Reply

Born_Believer
11-07-2016, 04:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
Thank you for your kind words it really helps me to feel good about myself. I do understand that there are preferences when it comes to selecting a partner but the problem is that the preference starts and ends with complexion. I live in India where most of the people are brown complexioned but people still prefer white over brown, our community being the most discriminating.

The proposals don't go beyond the pictures and if they do then the mothers of the suitors who come to my place make me feel as if i am some sort of spot which should be erased altogether.

The problem is so deep rooted that even a dark complexioned guy wants a snow white as a partner and sadly the mothers encourage their behaviour.

I am disheartened coz I have to go through this humiliation each time someone comes with a proposal. It's like i am some dummy doll who has no feelings or emotions and somehow people have got the rights to judge or humiliate me.
Just reading that, I'm offended on your behalf. Just remember, you will find a match, if not then Allah has something even better planned for you.
Reply

Serinity
11-07-2016, 04:30 PM
Whether you get married or not (always go with positive energy - try your best - but do not overburden yourself - leave it to Allah)

Back to the point, whether you get married or not, while trying your best, know that the greatest gift from Allah is Imaan. That is something priceless, that is worth more than this whole world all that is in it.

So find relief in that Allah will protect you, and rely on Allah. :)

I testify to the fact that none has the right to be worshipped except for Allah, and the Prophet Muhammad :saws1: is His :saw: final Messenger.

I swear to Allah, seeking happiness in this world is futile. As it is temporary. Never exchange Imaan for temporary fading happiness. Keep chin high, and be happy that you are Muslim! Really!

Be the best you. Find confidence in yourself - believe in yourself!

Allahu alam.
Reply

Huzaifah ibn Adam
11-07-2016, 07:05 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Whether you get married or not (always go with positive energy - try your best - but do not overburden yourself - leave it to Allah)

Back to the point, whether you get married or not, while trying your best, know that the greatest gift from Allah is Imaan. That is something priceless, that is worth more than this whole world all that is in it.

So find relief in that Allah will protect you, and rely on Allah. :)

I testify to the fact that none has the right to be worshipped except for Allah, and the Prophet Muhammad :saws1: is His :saw: final Messenger.

I swear to Allah, seeking happiness in this world is futile. As it is temporary. Never exchange Imaan for temporary fading happiness. Keep chin high, and be happy that you are Muslim! Really!

Be the best you. Find confidence in yourself - believe in yourself!

Allahu alam.

You've been gone for a while. How have you been?
Reply

Serinity
11-08-2016, 07:55 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
You've been gone for a while. How have you been?

Tbh, I don’t know what to say about that. Physically, my skin hurts (it is very dry, gets cracks, hard to do wudhu - starting to just do Wudhu quick cuz water hurts my dry skin…. Maybe because of the cold weather, Allahu alam)

It is time I seek cure with the Quran. Cuz I’ve been fighting the waswass for almost 6 months. Lol. Pathetic of me lol.
I keep telling myself Islam is pure monotheism, worship only Allah, etc. Seems like I haven’t been cured yet.

All that waswass has gotten to me.

Anyways, I know what to do, In shaa' Allah, what about you?
Reply

Huzaifah ibn Adam
11-09-2016, 06:30 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Tbh, I don’t know what to say about that. Physically, my skin hurts (it is very dry, gets cracks, hard to do wudhu - starting to just do Wudhu quick cuz water hurts my dry skin…. Maybe because of the cold weather, Allahu alam)

It is time I seek cure with the Quran. Cuz I’ve been fighting the waswass for almost 6 months. Lol. Pathetic of me lol.
I keep telling myself Islam is pure monotheism, worship only Allah, etc. Seems like I haven’t been cured yet.

All that waswass has gotten to me.

Anyways, I know what to do, In shaa' Allah, what about you?

May Allaah Ta`aala cure you completely from those Wasaawis and rid you of all problems and difficulties, Aameen.

I'm always well, Alhamdulillaah.

With regards to the Wasaawis issue, I was just reading an article of Maulana A.S. Desai (Musjlisul Ulama of South Africa) earlier wherein he mentions it.

Here:

----------------

Q. Many people coming to the Musjid have the bad habit of leaving their shoes scattered at the entrance although shoe racks are provided. This inconveniences other musallis who have to sometimes tramp on the shoes when entering. Please comment.

A. Whilst this bad and Makrooh habit may appear insignificant, it in reality displays the anarchy within the hearts of Muslims. They have no care for others. It is haraam to unnecessary cause inconvenience to others. Kicking off their shoes and scattering it at the entrance, reveal that they were not taught Islamic morals at home by their parents. Thus, they are just too lazy and inconsiderate of others.

It is NOT permissible to kick off one’s shoes at the entrance of the Musjid, especially when shoe racks are available. If the careless person who kicks off his shoes at the entrance is wearing expensive shoes, he will not act so carelessly and callously. He will place his shoes in the racks. The love of money constrains him to show consideration to his shoes. The shoes which are kicked off are cheap ones, cheap sandals, tongs and the like which no one will steal.

They also show scant or no appreciation for the ni’mat of shoes provided by Allah Ta’ala.

No matter how cheap the item may be, it is a ni’mat provided by Allah Ta’ala and has to be appreciated and treated with respect. These people have the same evil habit of scattering their clothes at home thereby pleasing shaitaan. Shaitaan loves dirty and lazy people. They are his fertile ground for his wasaawis and snares. A Muslim is required to be alert, tidy and clean at all times. Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:

“Verily, Allah is clean, and He loves cleanliness. Therefore, keep clean (even) that section outside your home (despite it not being your property).”

----------

So, some remedies of Wasaawis are:


  • Du`aa.
  • Being with Wudhoo at all times.
  • Avoiding dirtiness/untidiness of any kind, as far as possible. Being clean at all times.
  • Performing Salaah on time, with concentration.
  • Ignoring the Wasaawis


So there are certain things which can actually cause Wasaawis, and so it is necessary to avoid those things. One thing mentioned in this article is that of dirtiness of any kind. Allaah Ta`aalaa loves cleanliness, Shaytaan loves dirtiness. Hence, you will find that satanists rub excreta on themselves and carry out filthy actions and rituals. No Saahir (magician/sorcerer) is able to carry out Sihr (magic/sorcery) without debasing himself and engaging in filthy actions such as that mentioned earlier (rubbing excreta on themselves), nudity, etc. Those are things beloved to Shaytaan. Apparently, the Kuffaar actors and actresses are said to be very filthy themselves. This is an extract from one article online:

---------------------------

"Guess what? Celebrities are just as normal as everyone else and their reported hygiene habits prove it. Everyone has skipped a day or three of showering, has forgotten to brush their teeth or apply deodorant and has had less than stellar cleanliness routines. Well, celebrities are no different. While, some of their hygiene habits are downright nasty and not at all relatable, other hygiene habits are actually quite understandable. Although stars are associated with glitz and glamour, some of them do in fact suffer from bad hygiene. Here are ten dirty Hollywood stars that need to take a bath.

10. Jessica Simpson has been very vocal about her hygiene habits. She’s admitted on The Ellen DeGeneres Show to not brushing her teeth very often because she doesn’t like the slippery feeling that they have after brushing. The pop star confessed she only scrubs her pearly whites three times a week. Instead, she uses Listerine and rubs them clean with her shirt – 0 out of 5 dentists recommend this hygiene habit. Reportedly, a housekeeper informed Star magazine that Simpson is also very messy and will leave her clothes and hair extensions all around the house.

9. Robert Pattinson maintains his signature hair with his very own beauty secret – not washing it. In an interview with Extra, Pattinson admitted to not washing his hair for six weeks, because he really didn’t see the point in doing that. It appears Robert doesn’t care about his apartment’s hygiene either. Pattison noted, “It’s like, I don’t clean my apartment ’cause I don’t care. I have my apartment for sleeping in and I have my hair for just, you know, hanging out on my head. I don’t care if it’s clean or not.” Crew members on the set of the Twilight films reported that Robert Pattinson drove cast members crazy because he smelled so terrible. It looks like they were not Team Edward.

8. Mattew McConaughey admitted to People magazine that he does not wear deodorant because he doesn’t want to smell like someone or something else. The forty-four year old actor hasn’t worn deodorant in more than 20 years. Co-star, Kate Hudson while filming, Fool’s Gold with Matthew back in 2008, reportedly begged him to wear deodorant and even offered her’s up because she couldn’t stand the smell. Free spirit, McConaughey declined Kate’s offer and informed her, “Women love my natural scent. I smell like a man. I smell like me.”

7. Like Matthew McConaughey, Cameron Diaz has also admitted to not wearing deodorant for almost twenty years. According to Splash News, Cameron wears the same outfit for four days and then never wears it again. Diaz has also taken a clear stance on pubic hair recently, declaring that a woman’s lady parts should not be groomed, because it’s natural. The forty-one year old actress is also constantly photographed with stained clothes and sweaty pit stains. There just something about Cameron Diaz.

6. Christina Aguilera seems to be taking her lyrics, ‘Wanna get dirty?’ a little too literally. In fact, the famous pop singer reportedly stinks. She’s been said to smell like hot dogs and dollar store perfume – weird. A bathroom attendant at LA Bar Belly allegedly witnessed Christina Aguilera using the restroom and then not washing her hands. She returned back to her table eating fried calamari with her filthy paws and shaking hands with unsuspecting fans that approached her table. That was so nice and so gross of her.

5. America’s sweetheart, Julia Roberts is apparently not so sweet smelling. A former bodyguard revealed that Julia Roberts goes days without showering because she likes to save water, which is very green and very honorable of her. The bodyguard also added that Roberts smells like a total hippie – whatever that is. Julia has admitted to not wearing deodorant, rarely showering and being lazy when it comes to shaving. What happened to our Pretty Woman?

4. The foxy, Megan Fox is apparently not so foxy. The twenty-seven year old actress confessed that she’s horrible to live with, mainly because she doesn’t clean, she forgets to flush the toilet and she leaves her clothes everywhere. Megan stated, “Friends will tell me, Megan you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.” That too much information, Megan.

3. While chatting with Stacy London of TLC’s show, What Not To Wear on Anderson Live in 2012, Cooper revealed that he wasn’t into fashion at all. He actually confessed to the fashionista that he wears the same pair of jeans every day and doesn’t wash them for months on end. London tried offering up some hygiene advice, by telling Cooper he should wash his jeans more than once every six months and that he should wash it in cold water with no soap. Anderson Cooper didn’t quite understand that logic and informed Stacy that when he does wash his jeans, he wears them into the shower and soaps them up. Does that really sound crazy?

2. Britney Spears reportedly removes her clothes and flings them on the floor when she arrives home – which many of us can definitely relate to. According to a housekeeper, half eaten burgers, cookies and fries have been found under the pop star’s bed – which is not as understandable. An ex-bodyguard reported that Spears picked her nose, broke wind, refused to shower for days, did not brush her teeth or hair and did not wear deodorant, while he was working for her – which is completely unjustifiable.

1. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Star magazine got the inside scoop from a housekeeper who revealed that the couple lives like a couple of hobos. Pizza boxes are scattered across the floors, spoiled food is left out and crayon marks covers the walls from their children – sounds like a college house. Allegedly, the famous couple doesn’t bathe very often with a week or two separating shower times. It’s been reported, while on the set of Inglorious *******s, Brad Pitt’s smell was so bad, that costar Eli Roth taught him how to wash up with baby wipes. After all, what are coworkers for?"

--------------------------

Filthy Kuffaar. Yet, you find so many Muslims still being infatuated with these Kuffaar and their satanic lifestyles.

The only life worth living is the life of Islaam. The only way of life is the Islaamic way of life. We have been given the Sunnah, the greatest way of life, and yet so many choose to throw it away and instead follow the ways of the Ahl-un-Naar.

...فإلى الله المشتكى
Reply

Kiro
11-09-2016, 06:33 PM
fight fight fight

you will find someone so long as you don't stop fighting
Reply

Huzaifah ibn Adam
11-09-2016, 06:51 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Kiro
fight fight fight

you will find someone so long as you don't stop fighting

No need to fight in order to get someone. Just make Du`aa.

An `Aalim one day was explaining the Aayah:

الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ

"Evil women are for evil men and evil men are for evil women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women..." [Soorah an-Noor, 26:16]

He said that if a person inculcates Taqwaa, then they will not even have to make an effort to find a spouse. Allaah Ta`aalaa will grant that person a good spouse, without much effort on his/her part. The requirement is that you become a good person. If you become a person who has Taqwaa, good Akhlaaq, etc. then you will find yourself getting proposals from people who are also good. This applies whether you are a man or a woman.

والله تعالى أعلم
والسلام
Reply

Kiro
11-09-2016, 06:54 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
No need to fight in order to get someone. Just make Du`aa.

An `Aalim one day was explaining the Aayah:

الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ

"Evil women are for evil men and evil men are for evil women. Good women are for good men and good men are for good women..." [Soorah an-Noor, 26:16]

He said that if a person inculcates Taqwaa, then they will not even have to make an effort to find a spouse. Allaah Ta`aalaa will grant that person a good spouse, without much effort on his/her part. The requirement is that you become a good person. If you become a person who has Taqwaa, good Akhlaaq, etc. then you will find yourself getting proposals from people who are also good. This applies whether you are a man or a woman.

والله تعالى أعلم
والسلام
it's a figure of speech...

like fighting yourself internally, not to give up ya know
Reply

Serinity
11-09-2016, 10:12 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Huzaifah ibn Adam
May Allaah Ta`aala cure you completely from those Wasaawis and rid you of all problems and difficulties, Aameen.

I'm always well, Alhamdulillaah.

With regards to the Wasaawis issue, I was just reading an article of Maulana A.S. Desai (Musjlisul Ulama of South Africa) earlier wherein he mentions it.

Here:

----------------

Q. Many people coming to the Musjid have the bad habit of leaving their shoes scattered at the entrance although shoe racks are provided. This inconveniences other musallis who have to sometimes tramp on the shoes when entering. Please comment.

A. Whilst this bad and Makrooh habit may appear insignificant, it in reality displays the anarchy within the hearts of Muslims. They have no care for others. It is haraam to unnecessary cause inconvenience to others. Kicking off their shoes and scattering it at the entrance, reveal that they were not taught Islamic morals at home by their parents. Thus, they are just too lazy and inconsiderate of others.

It is NOT permissible to kick off one’s shoes at the entrance of the Musjid, especially when shoe racks are available. If the careless person who kicks off his shoes at the entrance is wearing expensive shoes, he will not act so carelessly and callously. He will place his shoes in the racks. The love of money constrains him to show consideration to his shoes. The shoes which are kicked off are cheap ones, cheap sandals, tongs and the like which no one will steal.

They also show scant or no appreciation for the ni’mat of shoes provided by Allah Ta’ala.

No matter how cheap the item may be, it is a ni’mat provided by Allah Ta’ala and has to be appreciated and treated with respect. These people have the same evil habit of scattering their clothes at home thereby pleasing shaitaan. Shaitaan loves dirty and lazy people. They are his fertile ground for his wasaawis and snares. A Muslim is required to be alert, tidy and clean at all times. Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:

“Verily, Allah is clean, and He loves cleanliness. Therefore, keep clean (even) that section outside your home (despite it not being your property).”

----------

So, some remedies of Wasaawis are:


  • Du`aa.
  • Being with Wudhoo at all times.
  • Avoiding dirtiness/untidiness of any kind, as far as possible. Being clean at all times.
  • Performing Salaah on time, with concentration.
  • Ignoring the Wasaawis


So there are certain things which can actually cause Wasaawis, and so it is necessary to avoid those things. One thing mentioned in this article is that of dirtiness of any kind. Allaah Ta`aalaa loves cleanliness, Shaytaan loves dirtiness. Hence, you will find that satanists rub excreta on themselves and carry out filthy actions and rituals. No Saahir (magician/sorcerer) is able to carry out Sihr (magic/sorcery) without debasing himself and engaging in filthy actions such as that mentioned earlier (rubbing excreta on themselves), nudity, etc. Those are things beloved to Shaytaan. Apparently, the Kuffaar actors and actresses are said to be very filthy themselves. This is an extract from one article online:

---------------------------

"Guess what? Celebrities are just as normal as everyone else and their reported hygiene habits prove it. Everyone has skipped a day or three of showering, has forgotten to brush their teeth or apply deodorant and has had less than stellar cleanliness routines. Well, celebrities are no different. While, some of their hygiene habits are downright nasty and not at all relatable, other hygiene habits are actually quite understandable. Although stars are associated with glitz and glamour, some of them do in fact suffer from bad hygiene. Here are ten dirty Hollywood stars that need to take a bath.

10. Jessica Simpson has been very vocal about her hygiene habits. She’s admitted on The Ellen DeGeneres Show to not brushing her teeth very often because she doesn’t like the slippery feeling that they have after brushing. The pop star confessed she only scrubs her pearly whites three times a week. Instead, she uses Listerine and rubs them clean with her shirt – 0 out of 5 dentists recommend this hygiene habit. Reportedly, a housekeeper informed Star magazine that Simpson is also very messy and will leave her clothes and hair extensions all around the house.

9. Robert Pattinson maintains his signature hair with his very own beauty secret – not washing it. In an interview with Extra, Pattinson admitted to not washing his hair for six weeks, because he really didn’t see the point in doing that. It appears Robert doesn’t care about his apartment’s hygiene either. Pattison noted, “It’s like, I don’t clean my apartment ’cause I don’t care. I have my apartment for sleeping in and I have my hair for just, you know, hanging out on my head. I don’t care if it’s clean or not.” Crew members on the set of the Twilight films reported that Robert Pattinson drove cast members crazy because he smelled so terrible. It looks like they were not Team Edward.

8. Mattew McConaughey admitted to People magazine that he does not wear deodorant because he doesn’t want to smell like someone or something else. The forty-four year old actor hasn’t worn deodorant in more than 20 years. Co-star, Kate Hudson while filming, Fool’s Gold with Matthew back in 2008, reportedly begged him to wear deodorant and even offered her’s up because she couldn’t stand the smell. Free spirit, McConaughey declined Kate’s offer and informed her, “Women love my natural scent. I smell like a man. I smell like me.”

7. Like Matthew McConaughey, Cameron Diaz has also admitted to not wearing deodorant for almost twenty years. According to Splash News, Cameron wears the same outfit for four days and then never wears it again. Diaz has also taken a clear stance on pubic hair recently, declaring that a woman’s lady parts should not be groomed, because it’s natural. The forty-one year old actress is also constantly photographed with stained clothes and sweaty pit stains. There just something about Cameron Diaz.

6. Christina Aguilera seems to be taking her lyrics, ‘Wanna get dirty?’ a little too literally. In fact, the famous pop singer reportedly stinks. She’s been said to smell like hot dogs and dollar store perfume – weird. A bathroom attendant at LA Bar Belly allegedly witnessed Christina Aguilera using the restroom and then not washing her hands. She returned back to her table eating fried calamari with her filthy paws and shaking hands with unsuspecting fans that approached her table. That was so nice and so gross of her.

5. America’s sweetheart, Julia Roberts is apparently not so sweet smelling. A former bodyguard revealed that Julia Roberts goes days without showering because she likes to save water, which is very green and very honorable of her. The bodyguard also added that Roberts smells like a total hippie – whatever that is. Julia has admitted to not wearing deodorant, rarely showering and being lazy when it comes to shaving. What happened to our Pretty Woman?

4. The foxy, Megan Fox is apparently not so foxy. The twenty-seven year old actress confessed that she’s horrible to live with, mainly because she doesn’t clean, she forgets to flush the toilet and she leaves her clothes everywhere. Megan stated, “Friends will tell me, Megan you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn’t flush.” That too much information, Megan.

3. While chatting with Stacy London of TLC’s show, What Not To Wear on Anderson Live in 2012, Cooper revealed that he wasn’t into fashion at all. He actually confessed to the fashionista that he wears the same pair of jeans every day and doesn’t wash them for months on end. London tried offering up some hygiene advice, by telling Cooper he should wash his jeans more than once every six months and that he should wash it in cold water with no soap. Anderson Cooper didn’t quite understand that logic and informed Stacy that when he does wash his jeans, he wears them into the shower and soaps them up. Does that really sound crazy?

2. Britney Spears reportedly removes her clothes and flings them on the floor when she arrives home – which many of us can definitely relate to. According to a housekeeper, half eaten burgers, cookies and fries have been found under the pop star’s bed – which is not as understandable. An ex-bodyguard reported that Spears picked her nose, broke wind, refused to shower for days, did not brush her teeth or hair and did not wear deodorant, while he was working for her – which is completely unjustifiable.

1. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Star magazine got the inside scoop from a housekeeper who revealed that the couple lives like a couple of hobos. Pizza boxes are scattered across the floors, spoiled food is left out and crayon marks covers the walls from their children – sounds like a college house. Allegedly, the famous couple doesn’t bathe very often with a week or two separating shower times. It’s been reported, while on the set of Inglorious *******s, Brad Pitt’s smell was so bad, that costar Eli Roth taught him how to wash up with baby wipes. After all, what are coworkers for?"

--------------------------

Filthy Kuffaar. Yet, you find so many Muslims still being infatuated with these Kuffaar and their satanic lifestyles.

The only life worth living is the life of Islaam. The only way of life is the Islaamic way of life. We have been given the Sunnah, the greatest way of life, and yet so many choose to throw it away and instead follow the ways of the Ahl-un-Naar.

...فإلى الله المشتكى
In order to be a Muslim, one has to believe and accept Islam in its entirety, no 40%, or 90%, or even 99,9%, one has to believe and accept it 100%. The Sunnah and the Qur'aan.

Correct?

As for cleanliness- my body is clean, but I admit, my room is not always top notch clean.

I always have waswass about worship. The Islamic way is Pure tawheed, and that can be none other than submitting and worshipping Allah alone, in everything we do. Be it reading Qur'aan - make it an ibadah - school, college, work. etc.

I don't find anything worthy of devoting one's life to in this world. Complete devotion is only for Allah.

As for those stars, they sound like complete nutcases. Not anyone I'd ever look up to. I don't like music, or trends. They all sound boring to me. I'd rather be in Jannah with the King of Kings - Allah.

And Allah :swt: knows best.
Reply

Huzaifah ibn Adam
11-09-2016, 10:31 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
In order to be a Muslim, one has to believe and accept Islam in its entirety, no 40%, or 90%, or even 99,9%, one has to believe and accept it 100%. The Sunnah and the Qur'aan.

Correct?

As for cleanliness- my body is clean, but I admit, my room is not always top notch clean.

I always have waswass about worship. The Islamic way is Pure tawheed, and that can be none other than submitting and worshipping Allah alone, in everything we do. Be it reading Qur'aan - make it an ibadah - school, college, work. etc.

I don't find anything worthy of devoting one's life to in this world. Complete devotion is only for Allah.

As for those stars, they sound like complete nutcases. Not anyone I'd ever look up to. I don't like music, or trends. They all sound boring to me. I'd rather be in Jannah with the King of Kings - Allah.

And Allah :swt: knows best.
http://www.ka.org.za/content/wasaawis-thoughts

http://www.thejamiat.co.za/index.php...eous&Itemid=37

Maulana Yunus Patel رحمة الله عليه wrote a Kitaab which deals with the issue of Wasaawis. You can download it here:

http://yunuspatel.co.za/downloads/Wh...Shaytaan_2.pdf
Reply

kritikvernunft
11-10-2016, 03:18 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
In order to be a Muslim, one has to believe and accept Islam in its entirety, no 40%, or 90%, or even 99,9%, one has to believe and accept it 100%. The Sunnah and the Qur'aan.
I have been asked the greatest sacrifice possible. I have now even accepted that Jesus was allowed to perform miracles. People said that I would never believe this. Isn't this impossibly large sacrifice, full proof of my faith?
Reply

Ali12344
11-27-2019, 09:20 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Born_Believer
People have different views on beauty, it's all very subjective. However, if a potential suitor of his relatives do not like you or they way you look, it's exceptionally rude for them to broadcast that view so openly. I doubt you would ever want to marry into a family like that.

At the end of the day, keep doing what you're doing and Allah will give you a match better than you can imagine even now, inshallah.

In terms of the whole complexion issue, you have to understand that the vast majority of the muslim world, from Africa through the middle east to Asia was ruled by Europeans. Mainly the British, the French and the Dutch. They perpetuated this idea that white is beautiful and dark/brown/black is not. it's an idea that was so embedded into the minds of the colonial subjects that it still endures to this day and not just in the Muslim community. It's stupid imo but hey, that's the way it is and as Muslims, we should all be optimistic about where our life will take us.
I don't think so

Pashtuns werent ruled by Europeans and even beat them at all wars yet Pashtuns like white skin also
Reply

Ali12344
11-27-2019, 09:25 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
Thank you for your kind words it really helps me to feel good about myself. I do understand that there are preferences when it comes to selecting a partner but the problem is that the preference starts and ends with complexion. I live in India where most of the people are brown complexioned but people still prefer white over brown, our community being the most discriminating.

The proposals don't go beyond the pictures and if they do then the mothers of the suitors who come to my place make me feel as if i am some sort of spot which should be erased altogether.

The problem is so deep rooted that even a dark complexioned guy wants a snow white as a partner and sadly the mothers encourage their behaviour.

I am disheartened coz I have to go through this humiliation each time someone comes with a proposal. It's like i am some dummy doll who has no feelings or emotions and somehow people have got the rights to judge or humiliate me.
In india most marriage ads say wheat skin not white skin. Fair as in Indian type of fair skin not pale European girl. I know most Indian guys just want a girl lighter than they arw but not pale white at all. Like bollywood types which show women as mostly light olive and men as dark olive but still lighter than most Indian people and good features too. However skin tone bias exist in many parts of the world. Even in arab lands its common but in the past it wasnt, in the past, the southern Arabs were a proud people who said white skin was for the slaves and same way they did to rh3 black skins also.

After European rise they started to see white as superior but in the past the bedouin arabs look down on the white skin slav races and the turks/persians too
Reply

Ali12344
11-27-2019, 09:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by kritikvernunft
You could look outside India? For example, in my case, my father is European/white and my mother is African/black, the reverse of Obama's ancestry. I am ok with any type of complexion. My brother and my sister are married to African/black. I am the only one who isn't. My siblings found them more suitable for the purpose of marriage. I married a Southeast Asian wife.

I am sure quite a few men outside India will think that you are attractive. I am quite convinced that if I saw your picture, I would also think that you are attractive. Why not?

Concerning "So I have done my masters and I earn more than ...", I must admit that I would also feel intimidated if you happened to make more than me. It would certainly be a show stopper. Furthermore, a master's degree is not a requirement. Making lots of money isn't either. A white skin isn't either. I would have no qualms at all with dark black skin, like for example in Tamil Nadu or so. In fact, I feel like I should start taking in second-wife applications from darker-skinned ladies having difficulties with silly male light-skin preferences! ;-)
most men are not as color obsessed as people make out go be. They just want decent looking women who are in shape. However almost most guys I know want women they can tell to work in the house all day
Reply

M.I.A.
11-28-2019, 04:08 PM
Go marry a white muslim and never bring your kids around when you have them.

The negativity is always reaching for its fingertips to grasp onto our lives..

Dont deceive yourself by letting it come from your own tongue.

..the others? Sincere actors, but dont ask them if they live in an eastenders side plot or they might get offended.


Dont take my post at face value or your doing your education a disservice..

A loose analogy of marriage.. you would rather end up with twice as much of something than half.. not talking bout money necessarily.

Plan as well as you can, I dont know in which of our actions god plans against us.
Reply

Ahmed.
11-28-2019, 04:29 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
Asalamwalekum,

Today i wanted to share something thats been bothering me a lot lately.

I am constantly reminded by all the suitors that I am not good enough coz I have brown/golden complexion.

Although I am very similar to my elder sisters in terms of features but I am a little darker in complexion when compared to them. My sisters have never had any issue with proposals and have got married AlhamdulliAllah.

So I have done my masters and I earn more than what most of the proposals ( through some marriage consultants )
are sent. I am passionate about cooking and very particular cleanliness. Most important of all i offer namaz 5 times a day and read Quran (though my Arabic is not that great) .

So the point I am trying to make is though I have got some qualities in me why is it that I am still not preferred by anyone. It makes me feel unwanted and not being worthy of any happiness.

When i was in college a lot of other faith people walked up to me to compliment me . I was complimented for a pretty face and for looking a lot younger than my actual age.

Now that my mom and brother have started looking for matches I am rejected almost all the time. Sometimes someone rejects by saying she is not fair and some reject by saying she is not tall enough. Once a lady rolled up her sleeves to tell my mom that she is looking for someone who is as fair as her arm. I felt humiliated in front of everyone.

My question if Allah has chosen this body and complexion for me then why I am being insulted and humiliated . Nobody even tries to know the qualities that i have and rejects me just coz of my complexion.

Allah says in Quran that we were made different so that we could be recognised then why all the difference.

Sadly the only discrimination I see coming is from Muslims not people of other faith.

I feel that I am not worthy of happiness and should give up on the idea of marriage (live all alone).
This my dear sister is a result of two things. 1. the general uneducated ignorant nature of our South Asian elder generation and 2, light brown does happen to be the colour most people like (blacks use bleach to make themselves lighter and whites tan their skin), but it's the ignorance that leads to rude behaviour such as that woman pulling up her sleeve and saying 'I want this colour' :(
Reply

Ali12344
11-28-2019, 09:54 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by M.I.A.
Go marry a white muslim and never bring your kids around when you have them.

The negativity is always reaching for its fingertips to grasp onto our lives..

Dont deceive yourself by letting it come from your own tongue.

..the others? Sincere actors, but dont ask them if they live in an eastenders side plot or they might get offended.


Dont take my post at face value or your doing your education a disservice..

A loose analogy of marriage.. you would rather end up with twice as much of something than half.. not talking bout money necessarily.

Plan as well as you can, I dont know in which of our actions god plans against us.
Whites are 98% nonMuslims and also marrying converts is illegal because just going for the opposite gender outside of marriage is haram. Also most men just want decent skin tones not pale girls anyways.
Reply

eesa the kiwi
11-29-2019, 01:43 AM
Marrying converts is illegal that's a new one. Guess no one told the sahabah radiallaho anhum that
Reply

M.I.A.
11-29-2019, 08:23 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by eesa the kiwi
Marrying converts is illegal that's a new one. Guess no one told the sahabah radiallaho anhum that
in a world like this, even the trolls are nice apparently.. if only it was always this easy.

but he has a point, better to lie to ourselves than to have to actually make socially unacceptable choices..

but who wants to find the line between getting out of hand or finding out whos been holding you back all this time?

..id settle for a fast car, no doubt someones already talking about it.


i cant be doing with this first thing in the morning.. command me to be well, why dont you.


its a joke because the future is written on good company and good conversation.. you really dont want to marry an unbeliever..

beware of the one that threatens you with poverty and beckons you towards abomination, he is the evil one..

not necessarily talking bout money here.
Reply

Ahmed.
11-29-2019, 01:50 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ali12344
Whites are 98% nonMuslims and also marrying converts is illegal because just going for the opposite gender outside of marriage is haram. Also most men just want decent skin tones not pale girls anyways.
Brother Allah hasn't made it illegal to marry converts so we shouldn't either
Reply

Ali12344
12-05-2019, 01:10 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ahmed.
Brother Allah hasn't made it illegal to marry converts so we shouldn't either
Allah(SWT) has made premarital relationships behind your parents back illegal which is the only way any of these relationships take place. Many people convert for the benefit of the doubt. This is why Muslims can marry nonMuslim women but not the other way around. This age with media today, to marry a convert with illicit relationships online without arrange parent approval was very different from bedouin arab ways.
Reply

'Abdullah
12-05-2019, 03:40 PM
I understand what you are saying. You are right is so many ways but it is probably not the right way to say it. I wrote a post on this topic few weeks ago, link is below and hope that will help to explain Islamic narrative on marrying Ahal al Kitab.
On Marriage between Muslims and non Muslims.

On Marriage between Muslims and non Muslims.
Salaam I thought this was a settled question, some would like to change it. Embedded Tweet...
Reply

lailathemuslim
01-21-2020, 11:11 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Tbh, I don’t know what to say about that. Physically, my skin hurts (it is very dry, gets cracks, hard to do wudhu - starting to just do Wudhu quick cuz water hurts my dry skin…. Maybe because of the cold weather, Allahu alam)

It is time I seek cure with the Quran. Cuz I’ve been fighting the waswass for almost 6 months. Lol. Pathetic of me lol.
I keep telling myself Islam is pure monotheism, worship only Allah, etc. Seems like I haven’t been cured yet.

All that waswass has gotten to me.

Anyways, I know what to do, In shaa' Allah, what about you?
Assalaamu alaikum,

Brother, Manuka Honey soap gets rid of skin problems like the one you are mentioning, well for eczema but isn't that dryness?

https://www.avivahealth.com/products...artisanal-soap

This is the specific company that was recommended for manuka honey soap on another forum, but other companies may make it too.
Reply

lailathemuslim
01-21-2020, 11:13 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Serinity
Tbh, I don’t know what to say about that. Physically, my skin hurts (it is very dry, gets cracks, hard to do wudhu - starting to just do Wudhu quick cuz water hurts my dry skin…. Maybe because of the cold weather, Allahu alam)

It is time I seek cure with the Quran. Cuz I’ve been fighting the waswass for almost 6 months. Lol. Pathetic of me lol.
I keep telling myself Islam is pure monotheism, worship only Allah, etc. Seems like I haven’t been cured yet.

All that waswass has gotten to me.

Anyways, I know what to do, In shaa' Allah, what about you?
Actually that soap works with rough dry skin too, it says in the description in that link
Reply

bint e aisha
01-22-2020, 09:07 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Ahmed.
Brother Allah hasn't made it illegal to marry converts so we shouldn't either
Assalaamu alaikum

Why this brother's account got disabled? @Mods
Reply

taha_
01-22-2020, 09:18 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by bint e aisha
Assalaamu alaikum

Why this brother's account got disabled? @Mods
Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

I do not think this is good to speak about. Let's not go into backbiting about anyone.

JazakAllah khair
Reply

bint e aisha
01-22-2020, 10:16 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by taha_
Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

I do not think this is good to speak about. Let's not go into backbiting about anyone.

JazakAllah khair
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

It's not about backbiting, I just want to know the reason genuinely. He was a very sincere person and I would really like reading his advices and posts.
Reply

bint e aisha
01-22-2020, 10:28 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by bint e aisha
Assalaamu alaikum

Why this brother's account got disabled? @Mods
Brother @Muhammad
Reply

Muhammad
01-22-2020, 05:34 PM
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته sister,

We don’t usually like to mention reasons for people’s bans in public. The brother may have certainly been sincere and if he wants to, he can contact us through email or Helpdesk to discuss the reason for his ban.
Reply

bint e aisha
01-22-2020, 06:56 PM
That's very unfortunate :(
Reply

RisingLight
01-23-2020, 01:18 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by lailathemuslim
Assalaamu alaikum,

Brother, Manuka Honey soap gets rid of skin problems like the one you are mentioning, well for eczema but isn't that dryness?

https://www.avivahealth.com/products...artisanal-soap

This is the specific company that was recommended for manuka honey soap on another forum, but other companies may make it too.
ma shaa Allah you know so much about everything in both forums
Reply

RisingLight
01-23-2020, 01:30 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Anam Amrin
Asalamwalekum,

Today i wanted to share something thats been bothering me a lot lately.

I am constantly reminded by all the suitors that I am not good enough coz I have brown/golden complexion.

Although I am very similar to my elder sisters in terms of features but I am a little darker in complexion when compared to them. My sisters have never had any issue with proposals and have got married AlhamdulliAllah.

So I have done my masters and I earn more than what most of the proposals ( through some marriage consultants )
are sent. I am passionate about cooking and very particular cleanliness. Most important of all i offer namaz 5 times a day and read Quran (though my Arabic is not that great) .

So the point I am trying to make is though I have got some qualities in me why is it that I am still not preferred by anyone. It makes me feel unwanted and not being worthy of any happiness.

When i was in college a lot of other faith people walked up to me to compliment me . I was complimented for a pretty face and for looking a lot younger than my actual age.

Now that my mom and brother have started looking for matches I am rejected almost all the time. Sometimes someone rejects by saying she is not fair and some reject by saying she is not tall enough. Once a lady rolled up her sleeves to tell my mom that she is looking for someone who is as fair as her arm. I felt humiliated in front of everyone.

My question if Allah has chosen this body and complexion for me then why I am being insulted and humiliated . Nobody even tries to know the qualities that i have and rejects me just coz of my complexion.

Allah says in Quran that we were made different so that we could be recognised then why all the difference.

Sadly the only discrimination I see coming is from Muslims not people of other faith.

I feel that I am not worthy of happiness and should give up on the idea of marriage (live all alone).
these people are stupid...i feel a big urge to curse them but i wont...that lady especially deserves a big slap for being so offensive...
sorry but im angry how these people who have so many chances ruin all of them and decent people dont even get chances...you are a smart and educated girl,loves to cook,you are clean,you are religious,what the hell do they want more?....it makes no sense....im very white with green eyes and i have been ''humiliated'' in terms of religion and knowledge from brown people..skin makes no difference at all!!...its the beauty outside that matters...

dont loose hope...and dont give up the idea of marriage...i make duaa the whooole time to get married to a nice girl one day....loneliness kills you everyday slowly...trust me..keep making duaa and try
Reply

taha_
01-23-2020, 01:36 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by RisingLight
these people are stupid...i feel a big urge to curse them but i wont...that lady especially deserves a big slap for being so offensive...
sorry but im angry how these people who have so many chances ruin all of them and decent people dont even get chances...you are a smart and educated girl,loves to cook,you are clean,you are religious,what the hell do they want more?....it makes no sense....im very white with green eyes and i have been ''humiliated'' in terms of religion and knowledge from brown people..skin makes no difference at all!!...its the beauty outside that matters...

dont loose hope...and dont give up the idea of marriage...i make duaa the whooole time to get married to a nice girl one day....loneliness kills you everyday slowly...trust me..keep making duaa and try
Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

May Allah grant the sister pious husband.

And may He also grant you pious wife aswell. Try be patient. Allah knows what is best for you. Marriage is only decreed by Allah the Wise. No black is equal to white no white is equal to black and no Arab is equal to non arab and no non arab is equal to arab. Except who has most Taqwa . Allah knows best.

Try to work hard on your Deen and good deeds may Allah grant u strength.


JazakAllah khair
Reply

RisingLight
01-23-2020, 01:48 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by taha_
And may He also grant you pious wife aswell. Try be patient. Allah knows what is best for you. Marriage is only decreed by Allah the Wise.
Ameen may Allah grant you a pious wife too that will be coolness and the most beautiful person in your eyes,who will grant you comfort and peace in heart make things easier for you
Reply

lailathemuslim
01-23-2020, 01:50 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by RisingLight
ma shaa Allah you know so much about everything in both forums
Hey assalaamu alaikum bro are u from ummah forum and if so which member? Jazakallah khair for ur kind comments, I ask Allah to bless u ameen
Reply

Studentofdeed
01-26-2020, 05:35 AM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muhammad
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته sister,

We don’t usually like to mention reasons for people’s bans in public. The brother may have certainly been sincere and if he wants to, he can contact us through email or Helpdesk to discuss the reason for his ban.
I do believe Ahmed is a good brother and should be a given another chance. He did have good intentions and was nice. He should not be banned. Please so give him another chance
Reply

Muhammad
01-26-2020, 06:06 PM
جزاكم الله خيرا. He is no longer banned.
Reply

taha_
01-26-2020, 06:08 PM
Alhamdulillah.. may Allah bless you alot
Reply

bint e aisha
01-26-2020, 08:00 PM
format_quote Originally Posted by Muhammad
جزاكم الله خيرا. He is no longer banned.
جزاك الله خيرا

- - - Updated - - -

I hope he will start posting again.
Reply

BayAreaWhiteMan
02-06-2020, 04:15 AM
Confidence is key
Reply

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