Janna lies under my mothers...feet

[anisa16]

Salaam all, I really need an Islamic advice. I was separated from mother when I was a child, when I was around 6-7 some of my family members and I, along with my older siblings moved to Europe due to a civil war in our country. I haven't lived with my parents for over two decades I barely even know my parents but we used to talk on the phone most of the times but mostly we used talk to our dad. During those times I was separated from my parents My older siblings and I had it really hard, we weren't fed properly and the people we used to live with wouldn't allow us to do our homework, they used to treat us very badly they also used remind us all the time that we were unwanted and they couldn't wait to get rid of us. At one point I was even asked to leave their house at age 12, mind you they always used to remind me if I ever told anything to the social services or even school teachers that I would never see my parents ever again.

My family members tried several times to buy my mother a visa so she can come and live us (me and my older siblings) but she refused and gave the visa and passport to my older sister who lived with her at that time. When I was 15, Alhamdulilah I got the opportunity to travel back home where my parents lived, those times were the happiest moment of my life as I got to meet my beloved parents. My father was so loving and caring, he was so happy to see me and sad at the same time as I was very skinny, he didn't like that I was unhealthy skinny. My mother in the other hand was so cold to me, she would barely talk to me, she would sometimes make comments about that I should go back to where I came from, when she used overhear us talking about me staying with them for awhile but she wouldn't have it. Anyway at that time I didn't mind. A month later I came back to Europe for school.

Fast forward 4 years later my father passed away (my Allah grant him Janna) and my mother came to USA where my older sister lives. I was around 20 years old lived on my own and in my first year in nursing school. For the first time in my life I was happy, then my sister in USA called me one day and suggested that should move to the USA and live with mum, I was over the moon so happy packed my bags and left as soon as my school year finished. I went USA to finally reunite with my mother and I can honestly say those were the worst 3 months of my adult life. My mother and little sister lived together and my older sister was married with kids (lived different house.) My mother hated me from the moment she saw me, my mother would automatically side with my little sister whenever my little sister destroys my stuff she would say she didn't do it, and the she would make bad dua for me just because I had a little argument with my little sister. She would sometimes stare at me and say she hopes that I don't go far in life and that I would probably end up in prison anyway, she would scream and shout at me all the time, she continuously made bad dua for me during that period of time.

I came back and it's been 10 years since then I dropped out of nursing school as I was hospitalised got very sick and she called me on my mobile phone while I was in hospital just to say that I deserved to be in hospital bed, that evening she really broke my heart. Alhamdulilah I got better I never went back to school instead started working in retail and did other care jobs after that. Now I'm happily married to a wonderful man, been married for almost 2 years and I really would love to conceive but I have medical condition called pcos I can't conceive without medical intervention. I cry every night thinking about the bad duas my mother used make about me, and I can't help but wonder what my life would have been if my father was still alive. I have finally accepted the fact that I'm simply not as lucky as some of my friends who happened to have loving and caring mothers but instead Allah have blessed me with a father who was so loving and I'm so happy that I got know him before he passed.

So now I barely talk to her, only once in awhile just check if she's ok but it pains me to say that I really don't like her. What's the Islamic point of view of my situation? Am I going to be punished in akhriah for not liking her.

[greenhill]

Welcome to the forum.

From what I read, you don't hate your mum. You just wished it was better between the two of you. I am going to stick my neck out here and say that the saying that hannah is under my mother's feet is just that! …a saying on how important your mother is and that you should not do anything to hurt her and to remain patient with her despite the challenges she puts you through.

You also have to remember that a dua is just that, a dua. Allah determines what you get and what you don't. How Allah would view the intention behind your mother's dua is His domain and He will decide on the final result. Just pray for your mum to soften her heart and forgive her for her misgivings etc… after all, how can we expect Allah to be forgiving of us when we are not very forgiving ourselves (not to say that you are not).

In a nut shell, I view relation to this concept of hannah being under the mother's feet is to give perspective that your mum (in normal circumstances - yours being not normal) is priority, then your mum, then your mum, then your dad, your immediate family, your close relatives and immediate neighbors, the wayfarer etc etc.. I cannot remember exactly but it does list it down in the Quran several times (I remember reading). So, it is just to remind you the important relationships in your life.

Don't beat yourself up about it too much. Just dua the best for your mum and let Allah decide...


Wishing you a great stay.



:peace:

[azc]

A very sad story. If she is rude, let her be. She is accountable for her behaviour herself on judgement day. However, You never let her feel of disliking her