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Farrah2017
01-09-2017, 04:49 AM
I reverted to Islam from christianity about 8 years ago and gradually became more religious. I recently started covering my hair as well. About 10 years ago my relative had a baby and I became the "godmother". I also remember signing papers in church. Every year I bought something/gave money to her and she did as well but the last few years she stopped and started hating me I believe (telling people i wasn't giving her money or spending time with her apparently) even though I was giving her lots of gifts I was not spending time with her because she is quite different than myself and also just using me for things. Anyways I was becoming more of a Muslim as well so now I feel like I should not be the "godparent" anymore and I don't know how to do this. I moved away and my mother keeps buying her things and writing on the cards "love godmother and then my name" and she also gives her money and things from herself. I told her not to do this and it really make me angry because we have always been poor and she grew up in a rich family as well and she doesn't even get us anything but we never wanted anything anyway. I also have a "godparent" who is my mom's sister and she always gets me gifts every year as I do to her but I want to become a better Muslim and I don't know what to do it makes me cry. Please help.
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*charisma*
01-09-2017, 05:15 AM
Assalamu Alaikum

Originally Posted by Farrah2017
I reverted to Islam from christianity about 8 years ago and gradually became more religious. I recently started covering my hair as well. About 10 years ago my relative had a baby and I became the "godmother". I also remember signing papers in church. Every year I bought something/gave money to her and she did as well but the last few years she stopped and started hating me I believe (telling people i wasn't giving her money or spending time with her apparently) even though I was giving her lots of gifts I was not spending time with her because she is quite different than myself and also just using me for things. Anyways I was becoming more of a Muslim as well so now I feel like I should not be the "godparent" anymore and I don't know how to do this. I moved away and my mother keeps buying her things and writing on the cards "love godmother and then my name" and she also gives her money and things from herself. I told her not to do this and it really make me angry because we have always been poor and she grew up in a rich family as well and she doesn't even get us anything but we never wanted anything anyway. I also have a "godparent" who is my mom's sister and she always gets me gifts every year as I do to her but I want to become a better Muslim and I don't know what to do it makes me cry. Please help.
You are under no obligation to be a godparent. You're a Muslim now, so it's actually not allowed to be a godparent to anyone.
Since you've already spoken to your mother and it's not you who is sending the gifts, there's no sin on you. Perhaps you can send a letter to the woman and let her know you no longer will be a godparent to her child, and then let your mother know that you've "resigned" from that position so she can stop sending them gifts on your behalf. I'm assuming your family already know you are a muslim right? So out of respect to you, they should stop and understand it's against your beliefs.
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Farrah2017
01-09-2017, 05:26 AM
I have already told my mother not to send anything so many times but she doesn't understand and I don't know what else to say to her or maybe I should just ignore what she is doing? Also I'm a little worried because I signed papers at the church so would I need to do anything about that? Thank you.
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Scimitar
01-09-2017, 02:23 PM
How to resign as a Godparent?

Simple... get a sick note from your GP

:D

Jokes aside.

Giving gifts to loved ones is a sunnah act, so don't feel bad for this.

The term godparent is just a label.

See, in many cultures around the world, a child has a surrogate parent in case of some difficulty in the biological parents bringing up the child.

In the case of western civilisation, the idea of godparent becomes kinda defunct when we realise that the state has already assumed the responsibility of "godparent" the day the biological parents signed their baby's birth certificate.

Traditionally, the godparent(s) [note: the term godparent is only used in English, and not any other languages] in many cultures across the world, were members of the family, whom the child would align with most.

In the west, we are made to believe anyone can be a godparent, but this pairing of adult and child via a bond which may never fruit successfully is something which bodes a modern revision of such an idea.

I honestly ask why a family member cannot be the chosen responsible adult if one is available.

The Arabs have a tradition where the babies are bought up by surrogate mothers (Bedouin usually) who can breast feed the children in the desert, it is believed that the children grow healthy in dry climates and so this tradition is still somewhat extant in Arabia. The surrogate mothers have the child for a time, until the child is weaned and then given back to its biological parents.

As different as this sounds to the idea of godmother you have to live with, the bond between surrogate mother and child vs godparent and child are as different as chalk and cheese. They cannot be compared.

I would ask you to discuss the idea of what a godmother really is, with the parents of said child, and redefine rules which factor in your involvement on a strictly Muslim basis. IE: if they want you to teach the child moral values and lessons from saints and prophets etc so the child can have a good moral grounding, then great... but if all being a godmother involves is being there for show, I'd get a sick note from my GP, coz that's iust taking the p-wizzle.

Scimi
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Serinity
01-09-2017, 02:33 PM
:salam:

Just say to them, I "resign" and don't want to be a "godparent" anymore.
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sister herb
01-09-2017, 02:35 PM
Originally Posted by Farrah2017
I have already told my mother not to send anything so many times but she doesn't understand and I don't know what else to say to her or maybe I should just ignore what she is doing? Also I'm a little worried because I signed papers at the church so would I need to do anything about that? Thank you.
Papers which you have signed at the church are null and void as you are not their member (as I assume) anymore. If you like, you can explain it to the family of your ex-godchild or just forget it. No need to worry about it.
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Serinity
01-09-2017, 02:38 PM
Remember, the moment you turned to Islam, and said the shahadah, you rid yourself of all the sins you have committed, and all falsehood. So don't worry, say that I am Muslim.
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*charisma*
01-09-2017, 02:50 PM
Originally Posted by Farrah2017
I have already told my mother not to send anything so many times but she doesn't understand and I don't know what else to say to her or maybe I should just ignore what she is doing? Also I'm a little worried because I signed papers at the church so would I need to do anything about that? Thank you.
The papers can't really be used legally since there's separation of church and state, and the basis of being a godparent is that you're there as a Christian supporter. You're not a christian anymore so I guess it becomes null. And if you're not really close with the woman, then you shouldn't feel obliged to be a part of her life. It's apparent you're not close with her or the child, so there's no reason for you to carry any title. Also islamically, this boy is considered a non-mahrem so you shouldn't have any relationship with him. As for your mother, you can just ignore her. Perhaps she feels she has to fill in and considers it an important job, so if there's nothing you can do, then just ignore it.
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Scimitar
01-09-2017, 03:18 PM
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Farrah2017
01-09-2017, 06:25 PM
Thanks everyone. Asalam Alaikum <3
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greenhill
01-09-2017, 10:24 PM
Welcome to the forum.

Wishing you a great stay.


:peace:
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