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AishaLLL
02-26-2017, 01:45 PM
my english may be bad but i hope you guys do understand what i write.
My name is xx and I am 20 years old. I live in xx with my family. I write to you of several reason. I grew up with my mom and dad but for 10 years I had the worst childhood ever. I have a bad relationship with my father. He doesn’t respect me at all even though I never in my life said anything there could be disrespectful. When I say the worst childhood I mean I have been psychical abused but he has also beaten me several times. I have been through so must that I can’t write anything down. Its hard. Lately he destroyed 3 years of my education. I finished high school which is 3 years in xx. I came out with bad result that prevents me to read or be what I want it to be. Even though it is heartbreaking I try to say it is past and say Alhamdulillah for everything.
As a 20 years old I can’t have friends. I speak with my self because I don’t have the possibility to visit anyone. Simply I can’t get out of my door. He tells me it destroys his reputation or what he calls for honour. I cannot explain it good. But he does all of this to me because he tries to keep his name fine or clear. I never heard about it before that this is how fathers should treat their daughters in Islam. I may not have friends who isn’t muslim. I never heard about that before. Someone told me once that our prophet Muhammed also was friends with all kind of people.
my mother use to be my side and believe in me. The case is that she does not stand by my side anymore. The past one year she has told me many things which have destroyed my totally inside. This bad relationship began for a year ago. When i for the first time told her i want it to do everything to move out of this house. I feel my mother protection of me and relationship was fake. She never actually felt sorry for me, cause if she did, she would do everything for me and say “Move out, I stand by your side no matter what”
furthermore, both my parents treats me differently than my other siblings. In fact, i also have a sister who is 18, but she has never been through the same things as me. She live the life i want to life. Her school is going fine, she has a job, friends, yes even non muslim friends, has a social life. Simply she is the obersite of me. It brooks my heart to see how my life is. I have tried to get help everywhere, but the only thing they tells me is to move out. Everywhere i go, that is the answer.
I never had the chance to take care of my life by myself. They have always take the decisions for me no matter what. I am not strong enough to do anything for myself. I though talk to our imam would be the last chance to solve this problem, but i dont know better.
what I am trying to say is, I am lost. I want to get out of this and live the life I want to live where my soul can get time to pray with my heart and read the quran. I cannot do any of these things because I have destroyed from the inside. I can’t do anything. Its hard to pray eventhough I some time misses a prayer or two because of my unhappy mind. I feel I am in prison. I feel I have killed someone and FBI are holding me from the outside. Mufti I am not a bad person. I never done anything there can be categorized as very haram. Sometimes I do listen to music. That’s it, I just honest. I have prayed to came out of this for so many years and I have lost my hope.
What should I do. ?
Pray for me.
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greenhill
02-26-2017, 03:23 PM
Salaams.

Welcome to the forum.

Sorry to read about the state of your affairs at home. It is a family thing and really, it is impossible to give any advice on the matter as it will just be words and you are the person living it out. There shouldn't be any difference between what you get and your younger sister. How you are treated is not fair even if it was a result of doing badly in your exams. You should be allowed to retake it to at least redeem yourself.

Again, that does not help the matter for now. Perhaps, you should spend your time at home reading more about the deen and look at building knowledge about it. That way, you knowledge becomes richer as opposed to regressing and perhaps give you a different sense of confidence. If formal education is no longer an option, why not go the informal?

Wishing you a great stay.


:peace:
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azc
02-26-2017, 03:34 PM
Nobody can help you but you. So complete your study and stand on your feet. May Allah swt make your life happy. Ameen
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AishaLLL
02-26-2017, 03:42 PM
What do you mean by stand on your feet ? Do mean that I should do something for myself. I would like to do it, but there is something deeper inside of me that keeps me in this trouble and depressed life. I dont know how i should get a strong soul to move out of this house.
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Zeal
02-26-2017, 04:30 PM
Originally Posted by AishaLLL
What do you mean by stand on your feet ? Do mean that I should do something for myself. I would like to do it, but there is something deeper inside of me that keeps me in this trouble and depressed life. I dont know how i should get a strong soul to move out of this house.
What is this "something"
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AishaLLL
02-26-2017, 04:41 PM
move out, run away from all of this. That is what i meant by "Something"
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ardianto
02-26-2017, 04:54 PM
Originally Posted by AishaLLL
move out, run away from all of this. That is what i meant by "Something"
I think brother Zeal ask about what is something deeper inside of you that keeps you in this trouble and depressed life.
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azc
02-26-2017, 05:40 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
I think brother Zeal ask about what is something deeper inside of you that keeps you in this trouble and depressed life.
plz read her opening post....
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ardianto
02-26-2017, 05:50 PM
Originally Posted by azc
plz read her opening post....
I have read her opening post before I wrote my post. To be honest I didn't really understand what she mean with "something deeper" inside her, and I thought bro Zeal was asking about that too.
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AishaLLL
02-26-2017, 06:17 PM
What i mean by "Something deeper inside of me" is I can do anything. I can take a decision for myself. I am scared of doing anything. I always listened to my parents even though they treated me badly. I can not stand up for myself. I hope that was an answer
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ardianto
02-27-2017, 06:23 AM
Is understandable if you are afraid to take decision for your own life. If a child grew up under pressure like situation that you have described, later he/she would become someone who afraid to stand for his/herself.

The only way out from this condition is courage. Courage to make decision and take the risk. You can start from making small decision before stepped into bigger decision. Indeed, it will cause conflict with your parents. But you must dare. If you never try to make your own decision and take the risk, then your situation will never changed.

If you can get help from someone who can convince your parent to let you make your own decision, it will be better.
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AishaLLL
02-27-2017, 04:42 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
Is understandable if you are afraid to take decision for your own life. If a child grew up under pressure like situation that you have described, later he/she would become someone who afraid to stand for his/herself.

The only way out from this condition is courage. Courage to make decision and take the risk. You can start from making small decision before stepped into bigger decision. Indeed, it will cause conflict with your parents. But you must dare. If you never try to make your own decision and take the risk, then your situation will never changed.

If you can get help from someone who can convince your parent to let you make your own decision, it will be better.



How can i get courage ? And when you say someone who should convince my parents, do you mean an imam ? Cause we have a imam in my town. But i am scared of he would take their side instead of me. And would a imam think this is wrong?
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ardianto
02-27-2017, 04:47 PM
Originally Posted by AishaLLL
How can i get courage ? And when you say someone who should convince my parents, do you mean an imam ? Cause we have a imam in my town. But i am scared of he would take their side instead of me. And would a imam think this is wrong?
I know is very hard for you to get courage. But this is what you must try.

About someone who may convince your parent. Is better if he/she is your parent relative.
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AishaLLL
02-27-2017, 06:28 PM
Originally Posted by ardianto
I know is very hard for you to get courage. But this is what you must try.

About someone who may convince your parent. Is better if he/she is your parent relative.

What if my closest family already know everthing and they doesn't give a ---- about it. Also they know how bad my depression is going and my life in general. They do not have any feelings. That is the truth. Nobody cares in my family circle.
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sister herb
02-27-2017, 09:47 PM
Salam alaykum

You came right place dear sister. You need a change of your life and yourself and in here you can discuss with wise sisters (and brothers too of course) what may helps you to change and you will learn to know yourself better. Changing isn´t easy or fast, specially if you have let others to make decisions of your life before but it is possible. It may takes time but I am sure that at one day you can feel yourself free and live a life you like.

Ooops, did I remember to say welcome to you? No I forgot, sorry. So: warm welcome dear sister.
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