Walaikum asalaam
format_quote Originally Posted by
Serinity
And shaking hands with the opposite gender, I know this is haram. We have this tradition where we shake the hands of our guests (the bad thing about this is we also shake the hands of the oppo gender)
How can I refuse to shake hands?
please provide me with some Islamic guidance, In shaa' Allah.
Allahu alam.
I went through this when I was a teen. Just simply let people in your household know that you don't shake hands with the opposite gender. Eventually everyone will know and make excuses for you ;D
Moms friend: Assalamu Alaikum! *sticks hand out*
You: Wailaikum asalaam *puts your hand on your chest apologetically and lowers gaze ;D*
Mom: Oh he doesn't shake hands with woman anymore.
Mom's friend: ohhh.. but I'm like your auntie!
You: My auntie comes bearing gifts..where's yours?
Mom's friend: well..I didn't--
Mom: oh ignore him
You: *glares at mom's friend, in a raspy voice: You're not my real aunt*
Mom's friend: :O
Over exaggerated scenario but you get the idea ;D Usually they get it and move on..it's not as big of a deal as we make it seem in our heads. When I was starting out, I was selective in the males I shook hands with until I eventually just stopped completely. Actually I stopped completely when I had a very awkward thing happen to me. An "auntie's" family came over, and out of "respect" I thought to just shake everyone's hands equally since they were all sitting next to each other anyways. What happened when I tried to shake one of the male's hands was that he stuck out his hand but it was bent inwards like a deformity. So, I grabbed his entire hand weirdly and shook it. My real aunt was there so I comment to her that poor guy's hand is abnormal...and she laughs and says oh no he just doesn't shake hands with females. -__- SO WHY STICK OUT YOUR HAND AT ALL? AND THEN BEND IT AND MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR YOU? ..so yeah just don't do that. Gives mixed signals.
But ideally women should be sitting separate from the men. Like they move into the kitchen and chitchat over a cup of coffee (if there aren't two separate living rooms in your house), and men talk about..whatever men talk about in a separate living room. Maybe it's a discussion to be had with your family.