How my son said about that figure is shocking me

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum.

About two hours ago, I, my brother, and my sister, were talking in the dining room. My children were there too. When conversation turned into political situation in Indonesia my sister mentioned the name of a controversial figure. Suddenly my 13 years old son said loudly about that figure ... "(name) is racist !!".

That figure indeed racist. But the way my son said about him was shocking me. And suddenly I am worry. I am afraid my son will become like that figure in the future, who often talking bad and insult other people in public.

I want to teach my son to have better manner in criticizing someone. But currently I don't know how.

[anatolian]

Salam. If he just said (name) is racist and if he is really racist? I have no idea who s/he is and what were you all talking about of course. What I mean the truth must be spoken even more sharply when it comes to politics and politicians.

[ardianto]

Salam. If he just said (name) is racist and if he is really racist? I have no idea who s/he is and what were you all talking about of course. What I mean the truth must be spoken even more sharply when it comes to politics and politicians.

Many people call that figure as racist, and from what I have noticed he indeed has racist attitude. But I felt uncomfortable when my son call that figure as racist. Maybe because I feel my son is too young to make a comment about people in political world.

Another factor is, since I was kid I have been taught to not criticizing someone in the way that labeling someone as ........ but must focus on what he does. In example, if someone often lie I should not call him liar, but I must call him as "often say something that not true".

[Huzaifah ibn Adam]

Assalamualaikum.

About two hours ago, I, my brother, and my sister, were talking in the dining room. My children were there too. When conversation turned into political situation in Indonesia my sister mentioned the name of a controversial figure. Suddenly my 13 years old son said loudly about that figure ... "(name) is racist !!".

That figure indeed racist. But the way my son said about him was shocking me. And suddenly I am worry. I am afraid my son will become like that figure in the future, who often talking bad and insult other people in public.

I want to teach my son to have better manner in criticizing someone. But currently I don't know how.

وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

The boy was correct in saying so. Islaam does not teach people to "beat around the bush", but rather, to speak the Haqq (Truth) clearly, without fear. That is how the Ambiyaa spoke and how Sahaabah spoke.

والله تعالى أعلم

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[greenhill]

The boy was correct in saying so. Islaam does not teach people to "beat around the bush", but rather, to speak the Haqq (Truth) clearly, without fear. That is how the Ambiyaa spoke and how Sahaabah spoke.

Is that true? Then what about the saying if we cannot say something good then refrain from saying anything. I reckon words of truth or Haqq as you have mention should be spoken directly to the person in question, not beat about the bush when confronted with him. But to speak bad of people in conversation when he is not around is like back biting already, no?

:peace:

[azc]

Assalamualaikum.

About two hours ago, I, my brother, and my sister, were talking in the dining room. My children were there too. When conversation turned into political situation in Indonesia my sister mentioned the name of a controversial figure. Suddenly my 13 years old son said loudly about that figure ... "(name) is racist !!".

That figure indeed racist. But the way my son said about him was shocking me. And suddenly I am worry. I am afraid my son will become like that figure in the future, who often talking bad and insult other people in public.

I want to teach my son to have better manner in criticizing someone. But currently I don't know how.

:wa:

Not to worry.

Keep on teaching him good manners.

[sister herb]

Young people might be very strict with their opinions as their personality is still finding its the final shape. You can show to him a good example how to talk about other people as children learn from the examples and behavior of adults.

[ardianto]

If we were talking about someone, and then my son participate through making a comment about this person, maybe I would not shocked. In that time we didn't talk about anyone. My sister indeed, mentioned name of a person, but without saying anything about him. However, my son spontaneously made negative comment about this person.

I have ever met few people who often make negative comments about other people, ... unnecessarily, and out of context. What make me worry is, the way my son said about that person remind me to the the way those people make negative comments about the others. I am worry my son will get trouble if this is become his habit.

Making negative comment about someone is not something wrong, actually. But it's better if we make comment like this only if necessary, like when someone ask our view about this person. And of course we should make a comment in good manner.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamualaikum.

About two hours ago, I, my brother, and my sister, were talking in the dining room. My children were there too. When conversation turned into political situation in Indonesia my sister mentioned the name of a controversial figure. Suddenly my 13 years old son said loudly about that figure ... "(name) is racist !!".

That figure indeed racist. But the way my son said about him was shocking me. And suddenly I am worry. I am afraid my son will become like that figure in the future, who often talking bad and insult other people in public.

I want to teach my son to have better manner in criticizing someone. But currently I don't know how.

:wa:

Many of us under estimate how easily and quickly children pick up what is going on around them. Especially with the advent of social media and the ability to access news (whether fake or true) on our phones, tablets, schools/colleges where it is freely available. So our children are exposed to the benefits and dangers of the internet. It is well known that the main stream media use fear and other manipulative methods to shape and change thinking and perception of the masses to align with their own agenda. They are aware that children are particularly vulnerable due to their lack of knowledge and general naivety of life. So they target social media with all kinds of fear mongering and fake news.

Also politics and other general issues on current affairs are commonly spoken about amongst friends and peers and obviously children are particularly influenced by peers. So this is a wake up call to all of us. Therefore we should always take time out to regularly speak to our children about current affairs and what is going on our country and around the world. If we do not speak and discuss such matters with them then they will get influence from the internet, media and friends and peers.

We should also take regular allocated time out with our children, even if it is a few minutes a day, reading and learning a page from a book like Riyad Us Saahileen, Seal of Nectar (Life of the Prophet), good easy to understand Tafseer of the Qur'an and listening to a good Islamic lectures online or on Islamic channels etc. We should concentrate on teaching our children about the life and behavior of the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) life and that of his companions.

If we do not make them look up to the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and his companions then they will end up looking up to the worst of people like celebrities, musicians and even Politicians. So from this regular sitting with them to read, learn and listen to lectures then this will eventually have a positive impact upon them inshaAllah and create a good atmosphere in the house.

We should also encourage them more to do their own research and learning into Islam and give them the necessary books, suggest online lectures etc. This will give them the passion to read and learn. The best way to learn is via books but unfortunately that is slowly disappearing now especially with the newer generations growing up with mobile phones and tablets. If we can then it is very beneficial to enroll our children onto Islamic courses in the local area/Masjids/Islamic centers. This way they can learn and benefit from face to face teaching and also meet like minded children who they can befriend.

It is paramount to teach our children to have good company because our children will be who their company is. They will get influenced from their behavior and even thinking.

May Allah give your son and and all of our children the best of characters and to be of the greatest benefit to the Ummah. Ameen

[ardianto]

وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

The boy was correct in saying so. Islaam does not teach people to "beat around the bush", but rather, to speak the Haqq (Truth) clearly, without fear. That is how the Ambiyaa spoke and how Sahaabah spoke.

والله تعالى أعلم

:salam:

I agree that we must teach our children to dare to speak the truth. But it's better if we also tech them the good manner in speaking the truth.

[Eien]

Salam ardianto, How did you address the situation when or after it occurred?

[Scimitar]

Many people call that figure as racist, and from what I have noticed he indeed has racist attitude. But I felt uncomfortable when my son call that figure as racist. Maybe because I feel my son is too young to make a comment about people in political world.

So, you're basically saying you don't want your son to grow up. Yet. Interesting.

Another factor is, since I was kid I have been taught to not criticizing someone in the way that labeling someone as ........ but must focus on what he does. In example, if someone often lie I should not call him liar, but I must call him as "often say something that not true".

I call a spade a spade, and and a trowl a trowl. No use in splitting hairs over the issue. Be straight forward, blunt to the point of making people sensitive. So they can feel the impending seriousness of reality. Too many of us prefer to sleep and not see what is really happening around us - then we like to complain that the ummah is sufferring... while ignoring the elephant in the room.

Maybe you should ask your son - "why is he racist?" and see if he can justify it. Or if he is just parroting another's opinion without knowing why, like a sheep. If he justifies his opinion with his own observation, then tell him he is smart and encourage him to always think before he speaks. Commend him. He may be a politician in the making. He may be greater than that. But for God's sake man, don't curb his intellect!

[syphax]

The true point is how your childe see racism is it positive or negative . if it's positive you need to be worry .if it's negative then it's OK salam