brother rushing me

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noor grant

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Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullahi,
I am just wondering how many people would marry someone before they can speak and communicate in the language of the intendeds' family??
I am seriously about to reject this brother because i can't even communicate with his parents in their language so how can we have difficult conversations regarding marriage life and why they should accept me. Also, I feel that I can't marry this brother because english is not his first language and he should be able to communicate in my language and me in his clearly in order to express ourselves fully after marriage. It is so hard to connect with someone who only knows the 'basics' and never has a difficult/deep conversation with you.
He may be nice on paper but in all practicalities I don't think it would work at all.
I don't think a marriage with that brother is sustainable and I have doubts about his seriousness since he is rushing.
Noor.
 
Sorry but that simply means you dont love him :) If you truely loved him you wouldnt make language a problem. If he cant learn english you can learn his language what ever it is.
 
anatolian said:
Sorry but that simply means you dont love him :) If you truely loved him you wouldnt make language a problem. If he cant learn english you can learn his language what ever it is.
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I don't "love" him??
excuse me. we are muslims. we know that love comes after marriage...
there are certain practicalities that must be adhered to in any marriage and if he is rushing then maybe he doesn't have the patience to learn to love me when the time comes.
 
You are confused. I cant help. If you loved him marry him. If you didnt love him, tell him.
 
Sister Noor,

If you cannot communicate with him, why are you considering him for marriage? I'm only asking in case there is a special reason/circumstance.

It is difficult enough to communicate when both parties speak the same language fluently, let alone when there are language barriers. Based on your description, I highly doubt you can reach a very understanding and loving relationship and connection after marriage. It will boil down to your priorities and what you feel is fit for you in a marriage :)
 
Umm♥Layth said:
Sister Noor,

If you cannot communicate with him, why are you considering him for marriage? I'm only asking in case there is a special reason/circumstance.

It is difficult enough to communicate when both parties speak the same language fluently, let alone when there are language barriers. Based on your description, I highly doubt you can reach a very understanding and loving relationship and connection after marriage. It will boil down to your priorities and what you feel is fit for you in a marriage :)
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Exactly sis.
I communicate okay with him. But it would be not sufficient enough to withstand the difficulties of marriage.
I am in agreement with you completely.
 
There are examples in which people learn their spouse's language after marriage. Yes language is a barrier before many things but not love ;)
 
anatolian said:
There are examples in which people learn their spouse's language after marriage. Yes language is a barrier before many things but not love ;)
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This is very over romanticized and not quite true. There are exceptions, but to enter a marriage with a fantasy like that will result in disaster. There are couples who make it never learning how to speak to each other, but that isn't the norm. Love doesn't conquer all in marriage because love fluctuates. People have this misconception that you have to love your spouse every day of the marriage and that just isn't the case at least not in the way we are told in fairytales ;) There's a reason why Muslims are always encouraged to do things for the sake of Allah, not for the sake of love or the sake of another person. What keeps a marriage alive is communication, mutual understanding and commitment.

I'm unsure why you keep bringing up love, bro anatolian, when it is clear this sister isn't in a love relationship. Love should never ever be the foundation of a marriage. Emotions are not stable!
 
Tarzan and Jane managed somehow, so I think there's more to it than language....
If there are more important reasons to make it work, then language takes a back seat.
If there are less important reasons to make it work, language goes ahead.
Ya get me?
 
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Umm♥Layth said:
I'm unsure why you keep bringing up love, bro anatolian, when it is clear this sister isn't in a love relationship.
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I think you misunderstand what brother anatolian mean with "love". He doesn't say about love relationship. But about a feeling which sister noor grant see that man as can be ideal husband, and it make her interested to marry that man. From what sister noor grant wrote, indeed, I can feel that she is actually not really interested to marry that man.
 
noor grant said:
Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullahi,I am just wondering how many people would marry someone before they can speak and communicate in the language of the intendeds' family??I am seriously about to reject this brother because i can't even communicate with his parents in their language so how can we have difficult conversations regarding marriage life and why they should accept me. Also, I feel that I can't marry this brother because english is not his first language and he should be able to communicate in my language and me in his clearly in order to express ourselves fully after marriage. It is so hard to connect with someone who only knows the 'basics' and never has a difficult/deep conversation with you.He may be nice on paper but in all practicalities I don't think it would work at all.I don't think a marriage with that brother is sustainable and I have doubts about his seriousness since he is rushing.Noor.
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:wa: If language, a trivial thing, is a big issue in your eyes then he isn't a suitable person for you even he's best qualities of a good husband though.This is your life. Decide what's best for you.
 
is he a seems a good Muslim ... does his morals seems good ??
beside this ... language is so easy to learn for both of you
but sister ... if in your heart feel like language is hard thing ... than this is a sign that you can't be with him ...
but the first thing to do ... is to make istikharah
then see if he will be a good Muslim husband for you ... and if you can be to him a good wife ... if you still feel this barriers
then this will be a sign that you have no feeling towards him
 
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How do you even talk to him if communication is an issue now, before marriage? If you don't feel he is the right one and feel rushed, just cut it off and move on.
 
Bhabha said:
How do you even talk to him if communication is an issue now, before marriage? If you don't feel he is the right one and feel rushed, just cut it off and move on.
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I said, already, that I can talk okay to HIM but I m not just marrying him.
Marriage is about the bringing two families together in my opinion, not just two people.
But I prayed istikharah and now I have a lot of doubts about the person.
This is a red flag/sign for me so I'm cutting it off.

He will find someone else and so will I.
 
Also, my parents don't accept to let me travel to a foreign country where the culture and customs are so dramatically foreign to me.
They refused to give me permission to meet him as he asked in his country. I must respect them, because they are not asking anything haram (ie for me to respect their wish to know about a country before going there and to make them comfortable with it, or wait until he comes to my country)/
I respect my parents number one wishes second to none but Allah. Alhamdulillah.
I will not marry someone who doesn't respect them either.

Maybe in the future this will change and they will see i have learned about other countries sufficiently enough to travel there and be independantly managed there but that time is not now. And i trust my parents ideas even if they are non muslim because they know me better then any other person.
 
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