Marriage

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xa_xa_ft

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Hi

I am new here so not so sure if there is already a thread on this topic.

I am hoping all you wonderful people can help me.

I really want to get married but i just don't seem to be liking any of the proposals. Please dont ask me why i am not liking them i dont know myself. All i know that is when i like someone my heart will want to be with that person if that makes
sense.

i am of age 29 now and its getting abit stressful. i always pray to Allah to help me get married but its not happening.

Im not sure what to do. sometimes i have thoughts like what if it never happens??

All my friends are married now and im still single.

I am going to start to pray tahujjud please advice me what else i could do /try.
 
Assalamualaikum

The important thing about love and marriage that I've learned since I was young is, getting spouse is different than buying t-shirt. If I want to buy t-shirt I could go to clothes shop, choose the t-shirt that I want, pay, and t-shirt then belong to me. But if I want to get married?. I might be interested to marry someone. But if this person was not interested to marry me, then how could I marry her?.

So,rather than thought I should get the woman that I want, I prepared myself to be able to accept a woman who interested to marry me. Yes, rather than I would never get married. Alhamdulillah, later I got married although now my beloved wife has passed away.

Sister, seem like you are waiting for a man who really matched with your expectation. I understand. But how if the man you really expect never come to you?. Will you let yourself stay single for the rest of your life?.

It's better if learn to be able to accept someone although this person does not really matched with your expectation.

:)
 
Assalamu Alaikum

xa_xa_ft said:
Please dont ask me why i am not liking them i dont know myself. All i know that is when i like someone my heart will want to be with that person if that makes
sense.
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Well that's your issue. IF you don't know why you don't like them, then how do you expect us to figure out how you will get married? You have to give them a chance at least. Love doesn't happen at first sight as you expect. Yes, there may be some individuals where you feel more comfortable being around, but that also doesn't mean that they are the right person for you either. You should be meeting with them, figuring out their character, and praying istikhara asking Allah for guidance. That's how it should go. It's not meant to be a fairytale where you magically get feelings for someone you don't know.
 
Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
Good for you for being able to discern when someone is not right for you and walk away from them.
I think you should take solace in the fact that you know what you want and will not settle for anyone.
When it is the right time then Allah subhana hu wa ta'ala will send your man in the most perfect way. So take care of yourself now and learn to enjoy your life as it is.
Life is not long and goes by fast especially after you marry, and start to develop a family and all that goes into that.
You will find someone I am sure and you are still young!! don't let negative talk affect your mood. Just stay happy and positive.
I recommend the good book about love and finding your soulmate
The book is called: Finding true love By daphne rose kingma
I have a copy that I finished and if you permit me to send it to you I will. I have been waiting to pass it along to someone who will appreciate the wisdom in it and use it right.
fi sabilillah
 
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xa_xa_ft said:
Hi I am new here so not so sure if there is already a thread on this topic.I am hoping all you wonderful people can help me.I really want to get married but i just don't seem to be liking any of the proposals. Please dont ask me why i am not liking them i dont know myself. All i know that is when i like someone my heart will want to be with that person if that makes sense.i am of age 29 now and its getting abit stressful. i always pray to Allah to help me get married but its not happening.Im not sure what to do. sometimes i have thoughts like what if it never happens??All my friends are married now and im still single.I am going to start to pray tahujjud please advice me what else i could do /try.
Click to expand...
Perform istikhara when you get any proposal now , and then do accordingly
 
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How does Isthikhara work ? If you perform it does that mean if its not good for you it will not happen?
 
xa_xa_ft said:
lol im not sure if thats a good thing or not i feel worse for saying no - i am not sure what my heart is looking for but i pray it comes soon.
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Just chill, women are getting married later on in life, we're becoming more financially independent.

Things come when Allah wants them to come. Even though someone said here that you keep rejecting guys because you don't like them, and that it's better to get married than to be single... I'd disagree, I'd rather be single, then badly accompanied.

Just have faith and enjoy life right now, do the things you want to do, learn a new language, get involved in a sport, learn how to make awesome dishes, read tons of books, walk in the beach and enjoy your time with your parents, your siblings, your friends. Don't just sit there worrying about marriage.
 
[MENTION=38772]Bhabha[/MENTION] - i guess your right me worrying isnt going to bring me a spouse. i guess it will happen when Allah wills for it.
 
You should think to yourself if you have unreasonably high expectations, you know from watching too many romantic movies/tv shows or love stories. They're simple dramatization and reality is quite different but of course we are made to think otherwise =) This thing about heart wanting to be with someone is movies crap, if you find a partner who you are attracted to and think you can live with and is a good Muslim, that's the best you can do. In fact, you should look for someone who is a good Muslim because he will know your rights and will treat you right if he fears Allah.

And as a guy i can tell you no man wants to marry an older woman unless he is old himself even then he doesn't want to =) . So know this too, i don't know where you're from but the culture everywhere is same for men and women.
 
STN said:
You should think to yourself if you have unreasonably high expectations, you know from watching too many romantic movies/tv shows or love stories. They're simple dramatization and reality is quite different but of course we are made to think otherwise =) This thing about heart wanting to be with someone is movies crap, if you find a partner who you are attracted to and think you can live with and is a good Muslim, that's the best you can do. In fact, you should look for someone who is a good Muslim because he will know your rights and will treat you right if he fears Allah.

And as a guy i can tell you no man wants to marry an older woman unless he is old himself even then he doesn't want to =) . So know this too, i don't know where you're from but the culture everywhere is same for men and women.
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Lol.

Really, so I guess our Prophet and Khadija isn't really something to be aspiring for?
[MENTION=41586]xa_xa_ft[/MENTION] don't listen to STN. Allah will send you someone, doesn't matter the age who will cherish you. I've seen plenty of older women with younger guys, who love and cherish them. It's not all about the "older" guy and the "younger" girl, that narrative is also something continually played in Hollywood films. ;) Real life is different.
 
lol - look im not saying i want to fallin love and violins to be playing i just want to be with someonethat i am attracted to and when i see him feel happy!

not someone that i think ok he ticks all the boxes and crap im 29 so let me marry him.


i think girls are lucky who marry their childhood friends etc - wish i had a friend whom i could marry with lol


@SNT in life we never get what ALLAH hasnt willed for us and im sure my lord has written my spouse.
 
xa_xa_ft said:
lol - look im not saying i want to fallin love and violins to be playing i just want to be with someonethat i am attracted to and when i see him feel happy!

not someone that i think ok he ticks all the boxes and crap im 29 so let me marry him.


i think girls are lucky who marry their childhood friends etc - wish i had a friend whom i could marry with lol


@SNT in life we never get what ALLAH hasnt willed for us and im sure my lord has written my spouse.
Click to expand...

Exactly sister. You will get the person Allah has willed for you, at the time it was written. :)
 
No, i didn't mean it like that. Of course what is your fate and Allah has willed, will happen.

I was just saying to be realistic because that's something we don't do when it comes to marriage and have these huge expectations.

I am sorry you thought of my message in a wrong way and were offended. I am 28 and am marrying a girl inshaAllah who is as old as me or maybe a year older ( i don't know yet, you know women, not keen on telling age =) ) so that's not what i meant. I was speaking more generally about men wanting younger girls.
 
I understand STN. I was offended by your previous post or anything. I agree about being realistic but i also believe in fate.

I loved this man when i was 24 sooooooo much (words fall short to explain how much) i tried everything to make him happy and be mine he was my friend my world my everything. He left me and married another woman and when askd why he didnt want to marry me he never gave a reason - my point of teelling you this is no matter how hard i try and wish etc to be witn someone or marrried its not gona happen till allah hasnt willed it.

For example that guy whom i so badly wanted was meant for another woman and was part of her journey not mine.

Life - sigh - just gota have faith
 
xa_xa_ft said:
I understand STN. I was offended by your previous post or anything. I agree about being realistic but i also believe in fate.

I loved this man when i was 24 sooooooo much (words fall short to explain how much) i tried everything to make him happy and be mine he was my friend my world my everything. He left me and married another woman and when askd why he didnt want to marry me he never gave a reason - my point of teelling you this is no matter how hard i try and wish etc to be witn someone or marrried its not gona happen till allah hasnt willed it.

For example that guy whom i so badly wanted was meant for another woman and was part of her journey not mine.

Life - sigh - just gota have faith
Click to expand...

So true!.

When i was in my teens in high school, there was this girl who liked me, really liked me and i could tell this from a lot of things that happened in the years that we studied together and even after that but i was kind of indifferent to her feelings as she wasn't the most beautiful in our class and i thought i could do better in life (i also liked another girl who was much better looking).

Well now that i've gotten smart a little and have actually experienced the world, i realize that beauty isn't the only thing that matters. Had i been married to her and reciprocated in the same way, surely i would have been saved from a lot of the fitnah (May Allah forgive me).

But then no doubt we get what is written in our fate. InshaAllah, my wife to be will be better for me.

May Allah give us what our heart desires and give us guidance!.
 
Yes, i have grown up to realise alot of things - one which is life!

In life when you make mistakes Allah shows you them in this life if your lucky.

When you find someone that loves you you shouldnt let them pass you by...

None the less Im sure my friend whom i loved so much also realised this... or maybe he didnt. Who knws. Who cares.

And yes may allah give us better than what our hearts desire. Ameen.
 

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