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yas11
08-04-2017, 10:55 AM
Salam alaykum guys
I amstucked in a situation where I like this guy and he likes me but my parents doesn’twant me to marry an Pakistani, and I am Afghan myself.
Also helives in the U.K and I am from DK- that’s another problem for my parents.
( even though he said we don’t have to live there)
We haveonly been talking for 4 days - and we kept it all halal, only necessary questionsto each other and all that. We agreed that we tell our parents from the beginning.
I talked tomy mum and she said no you will find someone better.
I couldn’ttell her this guy is good etc. since obviously I don’t know him, like we haveonly been talking for a few days and I don’t want to disappoint my parents ifwe fly out to meet him and his family and its not what they expected it to be.
He is a good guy from what he been telling about him, pray 5 times a day andthat.
Also I toldmy mum it doesn’t mean that I HAVE to marry him, it’s just a suggestion and ifhe is a good guy then we can talk about marriage, but she thinks its waste oftime to go and meet him and then reject..
I don’tknow what to do? I know it’s a really short time to for two people to like eachother but I am attached to him now and so is he to me, I don’t want to doanything the haram way, we want blessings from Allah and parents.
I have beenmaking istikhara and the signs were positive, so what exactly am I supposed todo now?
Hopesomeone can help
Btw. We both20
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cinnamonrolls1
08-04-2017, 11:22 AM
Salam alaikum sis,
with all due respect prayer alone is not what makes someone a religious muslim,however if like you said he's religious thats great. I think 4 days is a very short time to decide you want to marry that person, i would talk to him a bit more, find about more about him and stuff.
Does your mum not want yall to get married because of the fact yall are different cultures etc or because its a short time to have known each other?
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cinnamonrolls1
08-04-2017, 11:23 AM
If its due to culture and ethnicity i would bring up deen and say that nothing matters in term of race or ethnicity apart from the fact that your spouse is a muslim
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yas11
08-04-2017, 12:02 PM
If we continue texting to get to know eachother I am afraid that we will get so emotionally attached that it will hurt us at the end, if it's not going to work out. So my suggestion to my mum was i could meet him directly and ofc with my sister or my dad by my side and in that way get to know eachother.
And about the religiuos part, I don't want to sound rude to him.. He told me from the beginning that he wants someone that will keep him close to his religion and that, and i don't really know how to ask more about his Iman, I mean I don't want to sound like I am all perfect but I have told him that for me and my parents the deen is important and he said ' I am not pefect I will let you know but I do try to be a good muslim and do pray and that's also the reason why I want a wife that can take me to the right path'

- - - Updated - - -

My parents always said they don't care about culture and that but I don't get why it's a problem now.
She said rather an arab than a pakistani. We know some pakistanis and they're all about culture so maybe she thinks all pakistanis are like that.
And i don't know how to convice her since I can't tell how this guys family is :hmm:


Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1
Salam alaikum sis,
with all due respect prayer alone is not what makes someone a religious muslim,however if like you said he's religious thats great. I think 4 days is a very short time to decide you want to marry that person, i would talk to him a bit more, find about more about him and stuff.
Does your mum not want yall to get married because of the fact yall are different cultures etc or because its a short time to have known each other?
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cinnamonrolls1
08-04-2017, 12:04 PM
the meeting thing sounds fine in my opinion as long as you have someone with u obvs, if he said he wants a wife that will help make him a better muslim then sounds pretty good tbh deen wise
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cinnamonrolls1
08-04-2017, 12:18 PM
ahhh so they worried about culture, ask him,ask him how his family are and what are they like
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yas11
08-04-2017, 12:28 PM
Yh I think it's the culture, also they prob want someone much older ( 3-5 years) than me since they think guys my own age are all about wasting time and having fun. I don't mind waiting till we get older and he said the same but I'll try to ask him about how his family are like
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cinnamonrolls1
08-04-2017, 12:31 PM
Originally Posted by yas11
Yh I think it's the culture, also they prob want someone much older ( 3-5 years) than me since they think guys my own age are all about wasting time and having fun. I don't mind waiting till we get older and he said the same but I'll try to ask him about how his family are like
maybe get him to speak to your parents on the phone or via video call or something so he can tell them his intentions are completely halal and he's not wasting time or anything
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yas11
08-04-2017, 12:39 PM
He even said it himself "let me talk to your mum" and " if you want me i can talk to your parents?" - he really seem like a very nice guy to me :hmm:
But I will try to ask him about the culture thing and see what he says
Reply

Zzz_
08-04-2017, 09:01 PM
:wsalam:


Four days is not enough to get to know someone to that level of "liking" them. It seems like you met a matrimonial site of some sort considering you decied ask only necessary questions but I fail to see how you agreed to tell your parents from the begining when you already like each other and then decided to tell our parents about it. A wiser and more halal thing to do would've been to have your parents involved from day one or at least know what their views are before moving forward.

I would advise against the advice of cinnamon there. If you already like this brother and your parents are against this, you don't want to fall into haram and talking him will make you only more attached to him then talking thim more to get know him more is the last thing you want to do. I suggest stop texting each other and any other communications till you sort out what is acceptable in your family and what is not. You do not want big fights in the family nor your reputation/honor questioned over a guy you just met four days ago.

Your parents may not like Pakistanis because 1. most are very cultural people, even after claiming to be religious. 2. pakistan has been at the front lines with US in the war in Afghanistan so they probably don't want to marry their daughter among the people helping the west in bombing and occupying their nation. You need to talk to your pareents about this before engaging in any more communications with the guy.

While your parents don't want a pakistani and want someone who is a few years older than you. If you still feel that he is a good candidate for you, despite the distance gap. Then the best thing would be for him to visit your family and talk to them personaly about this. Only he can change their mind, otherwise you are only setting yourself up for trouble and fights in your house. In the mean time, you should limit your texting and other communications with him. Last thing you want is falling in love and having emotional attachment but a no go from the family. That's not a very halal way to go.
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cinnamonrolls1
08-04-2017, 09:11 PM
Originally Posted by Zzz_
:wsalam:


Four days is not enough to get to know someone to that level of "liking" them. It seems like you met a matrimonial site of some sort considering you decied ask only necessary questions but I fail to see how you agreed to tell your parents from the begining when you already like each other and then decided to tell our parents about it. A wiser and more halal thing to do would've been to have your parents involved from day one or at least know what their views are before moving forward.

I would advise against the advice of cinnamon there. If you already like this brother and your parents are against this, you don't want to fall into haram and talking him will make you only more attached to him then talking thim more to get know him more is the last thing you want to do. I suggest stop texting each other and any other communications till you sort out what is acceptable in your family and what is not. You do not want big fights in the family nor your reputation/honor questioned over a guy you just met four days ago.

Your parents may not like Pakistanis because 1. most are very cultural people, even after claiming to be religious. 2. pakistan has been at the front lines with US in the war in Afghanistan so they probably don't want to marry their daughter among the people helping the west in bombing and occupying their nation. You need to talk to your pareents about this before engaging in any more communications with the guy.

While your parents don't want a pakistani and want someone who is a few years older than you. If you still feel that he is a good candidate for you, despite the distance gap. Then the best thing would be for him to visit your family and talk to them personaly about this. Only he can change their mind, otherwise you are only setting yourself up for trouble and fights in your house. In the mean time, you should limit your texting and other communications with him. Last thing you want is falling in love and having emotional attachment but a no go from the family. That's not a very halal way to go.
Yeah i thought 4 days was very quick as well
Reply

yas11
08-05-2017, 03:19 PM
Alright. I see the point now. I didn't realize it was haram actually, but clearly it is, like i will obv catch feelings and it will end up in a bigger problem, not only Allah will be disspointed but also my relationship with my parents.
Thank you for the advice, i need to clear things out with my parents first and then after my parents can talk to his, in Shaa Allah.

thanks once again
Originally Posted by Zzz_
:wsalam:


Four days is not enough to get to know someone to that level of "liking" them. It seems like you met a matrimonial site of some sort considering you decied ask only necessary questions but I fail to see how you agreed to tell your parents from the begining when you already like each other and then decided to tell our parents about it. A wiser and more halal thing to do would've been to have your parents involved from day one or at least know what their views are before moving forward.

I would advise against the advice of cinnamon there. If you already like this brother and your parents are against this, you don't want to fall into haram and talking him will make you only more attached to him then talking thim more to get know him more is the last thing you want to do. I suggest stop texting each other and any other communications till you sort out what is acceptable in your family and what is not. You do not want big fights in the family nor your reputation/honor questioned over a guy you just met four days ago.

Your parents may not like Pakistanis because 1. most are very cultural people, even after claiming to be religious. 2. pakistan has been at the front lines with US in the war in Afghanistan so they probably don't want to marry their daughter among the people helping the west in bombing and occupying their nation. You need to talk to your pareents about this before engaging in any more communications with the guy.

While your parents don't want a pakistani and want someone who is a few years older than you. If you still feel that he is a good candidate for you, despite the distance gap. Then the best thing would be for him to visit your family and talk to them personaly about this. Only he can change their mind, otherwise you are only setting yourself up for trouble and fights in your house. In the mean time, you should limit your texting and other communications with him. Last thing you want is falling in love and having emotional attachment but a no go from the family. That's not a very halal way to go.
Reply

azc
08-06-2017, 02:33 AM
Originally Posted by yas11
Salam alaykum guysI amstucked in a situation where I like this guy and he likes me but my parents doesn’twant me to marry an Pakistani, and I am Afghan myself.Also helives in the U.K and I am from DK- that’s another problem for my parents.( even though he said we don’t have to live there) We haveonly been talking for 4 days - and we kept it all halal, only necessary questionsto each other and all that. We agreed that we tell our parents from the beginning.I talked tomy mum and she said no you will find someone better. I couldn’ttell her this guy is good etc. since obviously I don’t know him, like we haveonly been talking for a few days and I don’t want to disappoint my parents ifwe fly out to meet him and his family and its not what they expected it to be. He is a good guy from what he been telling about him, pray 5 times a day andthat. Also I toldmy mum it doesn’t mean that I HAVE to marry him, it’s just a suggestion and ifhe is a good guy then we can talk about marriage, but she thinks its waste oftime to go and meet him and then reject.. I don’tknow what to do? I know it’s a really short time to for two people to like eachother but I am attached to him now and so is he to me, I don’t want to doanything the haram way, we want blessings from Allah and parents. I have beenmaking istikhara and the signs were positive, so what exactly am I supposed todo now? Hopesomeone can help Btw. We both20
You've been talking for ONLY 4 days and your heart isn't in control ...? You're emotionally weak, so let your parents decide who is the right Person for you.
Reply

yas11
08-06-2017, 12:51 PM
My plan wasn't marrige right away, I just wanted to get to know him and do it the right way with our parents involved. I mean my parents can't judge him without even know him and I can't tell how he is when we have only been talking for a few days. So I get the point like 4 days is too short to like someone but in the other hand we will never get to know eachother fully unless we live together. He will just show me the good side of him to impress me, that's something natural to do and obv i will do the same. Other stuff like where he lives, Works, age, deen, study etc is something my decision will be based on and so should my parents also be... :hmm:
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cinnamonrolls1
08-16-2017, 11:20 AM
Salam sister, hows everything going, i hope everything works out for you inshallah
Reply

Shahi
08-17-2017, 03:19 PM
Salam sister,
I like to say something about this. Imam Maliq said"if you are questioned,you imagine as you are standing between the hell and the paradise" so,I dont try tell what is right or wrong but I am telling about experiences.

I don't know how old are you? But if you are a teenager. It is not the right age to take a decition. Teenagers always get mental problems by their phisycal changes and the society. So,if you are a teenager your hormones playing a game with you.

But ,there is another reason even if you are a teenager or not. You are a woman. Between women and men Allah created a key of attraction. When a lady likes a guy appearing good before her she will start to create a good character in her mind about him. Building up a good intention on someone is not a bad idea. But if shaithan uses it as a good chance. He will tell you that you are loving him and you should marry him. So you will start to think about the matter. Even he is for you or neither. So, it is not a good idea for a woman and a man to stay alone or speak along but about islam or important topics (medical or judjment etc). So,you are attracted .

So you have to do is , from today start to follow islam.(islam is not only about praying five times) create yourself to think about Allah every time. Do zikr,recite quran and do sadaqa.

If you are asking what to do for him? You should tell yourself to calm down. First love Allah,second rasool and third mother and fourth father. It is Islam.

You should wait till the day Allah written for you.and tell him too to wait till the day. If your both minds changes with the time ,it is Allah's willing.

So as a muslim girl be modest.follow mothers muhmins. I am not seeing any benefits from a marriage with a person who met just now. Everyone will act good infront of us when we are strange with them. But we should see them when they get angry to see their iman. And poets will die with time. I know I am not perfect to tell this but I like if you follow it and if it makes Allah happy.

I like to know what was the result of your prayer about him?
Reply

piXie
08-17-2017, 05:01 PM
Originally Posted by yas11
I have beenmaking istikhara and the signs were positive, so what exactly am I supposed todo now?
Hopesomeone can help
Btw. We both20
:sl:

What do you mean by the signs were positive? The parents are not agreeing & the daughter shouldn't be conversing with non mahram men and asking him any questions without her parents consent and involvement in the matter.
Reply

yas11
08-26-2017, 05:39 PM
Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1
Salam sister, hows everything going, i hope everything works out for you inshallah

Alaykum salam, I just ended the contact with him since my parents wont accept it anyway :/

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by Shahi
Salam sister,
I like to say something about this. Imam Maliq said"if you are questioned,you imagine as you are standing between the hell and the paradise" so,I dont try tell what is right or wrong but I am telling about experiences.

I don't know how old are you? But if you are a teenager. It is not the right age to take a decition. Teenagers always get mental problems by their phisycal changes and the society. So,if you are a teenager your hormones playing a game with you.

But ,there is another reason even if you are a teenager or not. You are a woman. Between women and men Allah created a key of attraction. When a lady likes a guy appearing good before her she will start to create a good character in her mind about him. Building up a good intention on someone is not a bad idea. But if shaithan uses it as a good chance. He will tell you that you are loving him and you should marry him. So you will start to think about the matter. Even he is for you or neither. So, it is not a good idea for a woman and a man to stay alone or speak along but about islam or important topics (medical or judjment etc). So,you are attracted .

So you have to do is , from today start to follow islam.(islam is not only about praying five times) create yourself to think about Allah every time. Do zikr,recite quran and do sadaqa.

If you are asking what to do for him? You should tell yourself to calm down. First love Allah,second rasool and third mother and fourth father. It is Islam.

You should wait till the day Allah written for you.and tell him too to wait till the day. If your both minds changes with the time ,it is Allah's willing.

So as a muslim girl be modest.follow mothers muhmins. I am not seeing any benefits from a marriage with a person who met just now. Everyone will act good infront of us when we are strange with them. But we should see them when they get angry to see their iman. And poets will die with time. I know I am not perfect to tell this but I like if you follow it and if it makes Allah happy.

I like to know what was the result of your prayer about him?

Thank you so much for this
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cinnamonrolls1
08-26-2017, 05:43 PM
i hope you meet someone even better and amazing inshallah!
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yas11
08-26-2017, 05:54 PM
Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1
i hope you meet someone even better and amazing inshallah!
in Shaa Allah, thank you
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