How do I stop self harming and becoming delusional?

[Mustafa16]

Often, when I argue with my mother and i get anxious, depressed, angry, or upset, and my brother talks smack about me right in front of me to my mother, calling me a "pig" a "freak" or an "animal"
I hit myself until I get marks on my body, or cut myself with a knife, although the blades are often dull and i fear bleeding, so i just hit myself with the blade and bruise myself with it, or it hit my head against a wall, or choke myself, often with a belt. My mother doesn't care. Later, I become delusional and feel very numb, and afraid, as if i'm going to be attacked.
Recently, my panic attacks returned, but this time in the form of a flash of heat in my body, and dizziness, and feeling nauseated and sick and having a headache and stomachache.
it was at the university, and my professor was understanding enough to let me get away from class for the day.
I was about to call the ambulance because my mother was at work, my brother (who now has a driver's license, despite being 2 years younger while I don't) was at school, etc.
But then I eventually calmed down.
I've grown increasingly irritable.
I take multiple medications, including luvox, risperdal, and klonopin, as well as seroquel, and until recently, often melatonin, though i started taking it again. My doctor said not to use it because i was getting anxious when upset and overdosing on the melatonin sleeping pills.

[Supernova]

Asalaamualaykum:
Mustafa - As far as your family complications, I cannot comment on that now.

Melatonin is not addictive so its fine - you cannot really "overdose" on it. All it will do is drive the Pineal gland into overdrive. The worst effect is it will off-set your sleep/wake cycle.

Having said that - Although it won't have a Neurological effect, it might have a psychological effect in the sense that it can disturb your personal method of Self Regulation.

What is your method of Self Regulation ?

[Mustafa16]

Asalaamualaykum:
Mustafa - As far as your family complications, I cannot comment on that now.

Melatonin is not addictive so its fine - you cannot really "overdose" on it. All it will do is drive the Pineal gland into overdrive. The worst effect is it will off-set your sleep/wake cycle.

Having said that - Although it won't have a Neurological effect, it might have a psychological effect in the sense that it can disturb your personal method of Self Regulation.

What is your method of Self Regulation ?

I make zikr, I sometimes make dua, I talk to imaginary friends.....

[RisingLight]

Mustafa why does your brother call you that? You tried talking to him when he is calm?
How about you get one of those stress balls? Then you can unleash all your anger on it,also I would recommend in case of a panic attack to seek refuge in Allah from shaytan,at least 10 times,but during this time stay calm dont do anything.Inhale with your nose and exhale with your mouth

If you can live independent,do it.I think something happened to you as a child and your subcouncious is experiencing that thing again everytime you argue or get called names.No need for medicines,they wont fix the root of the prob.But if they make you calm at least consult your doctor before taking them
That is what I think,though I may not be right about the second part

May Allah make everything easy for you

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[Mustafa16]

Mustafa why does your brother call you that? You tried talking to him when he is calm?
How about you get one of those stress balls? Then you can unleash all your anger on it,also I would recommend in case of a panic attack to seek refuge in Allah from shaytan,at least 10 times,but during this time stay calm dont do anything.Inhale with your nose and exhale with your mouth

If you can live independent,do it.I think something happened to you as a child and your subcouncious is experiencing that thing again everytime you argue or get called names.No need for medicines,they wont fix the root of the prob.But if they make you calm at least consult your doctor before taking them
That is what I think,though I may not be right about the second part

May Allah make everything easy for you

I tried talking to him, but him and I haven't talked in years. He just says.... " fat ____" when I try talking to him.

[OmAbdullah]

Often, when I argue with my mother and i get anxious, depressed, angry, or upset, and my brother talks smack about me right in front of me to my mother, calling me a "pig" a "freak" or an "animal"
I hit myself until I get marks on my body, or cut myself with a knife, although the blades are often dull and i fear bleeding, so i just hit myself with the blade and bruise myself with it, or it hit my head against a wall, or choke myself, often with a belt. My mother doesn't care. Later, I become delusional and feel very numb, and afraid, as if i'm going to be attacked.
Recently, my panic attacks returned, but this time in the form of a flash of heat in my body, and dizziness, and feeling nauseated and sick and having a headache and stomachache.
it was at the university, and my professor was understanding enough to let me get away from class for the day.
I was about to call the ambulance because my mother was at work, my brother (who now has a driver's license, despite being 2 years younger while I don't) was at school, etc.
But then I eventually calmed down.
I've grown increasingly irritable.
I take multiple medications, including luvox, risperdal, and klonopin, as well as seroquel, and until recently, often melatonin, though i started taking it again. My doctor said not to use it because i was getting anxious when upset and overdosing on the melatonin sleeping pills.

May Allah help you in good and solve your problems, aameen.


I write the following points for your consideration:


1. If you are a college student, then you should talk to the Guidance and counselor, you must give him all details about your situation in the family.

2. Again you must try to become self-dependent and must start some work to earn. For working you need both of the body strength and mental power. While eating the psychiatry drugs, you cannot obtain these two powers. So you should stop eating drugs. Stop them by tailing off, it means that you shouldn't stop them all at once. Rather try to decrease the dose of each medicine and slowly increase time interval between them. For example: If you are eating a tablet twice a-day then make it half tablet three times a-day, for 2 days, then half tablet twice a day for three days, then half table a-day for a few days and then stop it completely. Increase the zikar of Allah and get rid of all psychiatry drugs.


3. For work, If you cannot get a good job soon, don't worry. Start a very small work, even like car-wash. Just start earning some halaal money, you will, insha-Allah, enjoy its taste and pleasure. But try to go out of the cage which encompassed you badly. Please try to break that psychological cage as soon as possible and get to a natural freedom.


4. Along with all the above, do ibaadah, and du'aa to Allah and zikar of Allah like "Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa billah". By this zikar, a boy who was kidnapped by the mushrikeen and was made slave, got free and came back to his parents along with many goats /camels etc.

[Desert]

I take risperidal too

can you perform salah while taking it because I cant

my problem is mania

you should place your full trust in Allaah

[JustTime]

Often, when I argue with my mother and i get anxious, depressed, angry, or upset, and my brother talks smack about me right in front of me to my mother, calling me a "pig" a "freak" or an "animal"
I hit myself until I get marks on my body, or cut myself with a knife, although the blades are often dull and i fear bleeding, so i just hit myself with the blade and bruise myself with it, or it hit my head against a wall, or choke myself, often with a belt. My mother doesn't care. Later, I become delusional and feel very numb, and afraid, as if i'm going to be attacked.
Recently, my panic attacks returned, but this time in the form of a flash of heat in my body, and dizziness, and feeling nauseated and sick and having a headache and stomachache.
it was at the university, and my professor was understanding enough to let me get away from class for the day.
I was about to call the ambulance because my mother was at work, my brother (who now has a driver's license, despite being 2 years younger while I don't) was at school, etc.
But then I eventually calmed down.
I've grown increasingly irritable.
I take multiple medications, including luvox, risperdal, and klonopin, as well as seroquel, and until recently, often melatonin, though i started taking it again. My doctor said not to use it because i was getting anxious when upset and overdosing on the melatonin sleeping pills.

Hurting yourself achieves nothing, it won't stop your brother from insulting you or stop you from being anxious.

Be patient and do more acts of worship to build Iman

[azc]

Often, when I argue with my mother and i get anxious, depressed, angry, or upset, and my brother talks smack about me right in front of me to my mother, calling me a "pig" a "freak" or an "animal"
I hit myself until I get marks on my body, or cut myself with a knife, although the blades are often dull and i fear bleeding, so i just hit myself with the blade and bruise myself with it, or it hit my head against a wall, or choke myself, often with a belt. My mother doesn't care. Later, I become delusional and feel very numb, and afraid, as if i'm going to be attacked.
Recently, my panic attacks returned, but this time in the form of a flash of heat in my body, and dizziness, and feeling nauseated and sick and having a headache and stomachache.
it was at the university, and my professor was understanding enough to let me get away from class for the day.
I was about to call the ambulance because my mother was at work, my brother (who now has a driver's license, despite being 2 years younger while I don't) was at school, etc.
But then I eventually calmed down.
I've grown increasingly irritable.
I take multiple medications, including luvox, risperdal, and klonopin, as well as seroquel, and until recently, often melatonin, though i started taking it again. My doctor said not to use it because i was getting anxious when upset and overdosing on the melatonin sleeping pills.

First, stop arguing with your mother and brother.

Have consulted any psychologist or psychatrist...?

[Mustafa16]

Thank you all for your responses, I am doing much better now alhamdulillah, after much time working on my imaan.....Islamic channels on Youtube, listening to the Qur'an with english translation, reading Islamic articles on fatwa websites such as questionsonislam.com seekershub and islamqa and reading risale i nur have really helped........i am no longer the superficial person I used to be alhamdulillah allahu alem, and Allah knows best what is in my heart. like this post, if you see a post from long ago that seems urgent, i do appreciate your responses, at first i was annoyed but then i realized mashaallah you guys care......but please bear in mind i am doing much better now.....and i will post new posts if i am having new troubles........but i would still appreciate if you use your discretion, if you feel something is wrong, and i have erred @azc yes i see a psychiatrist and i see a social worker regularly.