I find it difficult to deal with my family

[Pinky]

I continue to get along with my mum and seem that I'm ok in front of my family but deep down I already feel dead inside. I want to just be able to go out the house, on the bus, arrange to meet old friends. My older sister and my mom are the reasons I can't have this life, of a normal woman, 33. I'm not married. Fine. That's my choice but no one in my family are bothered about having me married anyway. I just can never get out of my head is that my mum thinks me going to meet a white friend will ruin me. Reason for that my older sister ruining her own life doing things against Islam. My mom thinks I will do that too. I am nothing at all like my sister. My mom knows I've never done anything bad but whenever I bring it up she tells me I want to do what my sister did. I'm too embarrassed about my life to meet my muslim friends and if I invited to home they'd find out how I have to live. Why do I have to live this way. I've accepted having to be this way long enough. But, you know what, it's my life and I don't know why I let my mother do this. If I try to say something, she makes things up about me which I know for fact are not true. My other sister who I do get on with is not helping me. I earn my own money so I never ask my parents for any. I'm not sure what I need to prove. I would love it if they decided one day to help me look for place of my own to live.