The quest of a queer muslim

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Welcome to the board! A warm welcome to you, brother! I am sorry to hear of your struggles with your present desires. Like Brother Misbah-Abd has said, I'm sure you've heard already of the prohibition of acting on any type of same-sex attraction; therefore, I too do not wish to repeat much of what you might have already read or heard. I sympathize with your struggles. However, you have to realize that there are also heterosexual men and women who have not yet found marital partners and might never find marital partners, and yet they still have to exercise self-restraint and not act out on their heterosexual desires because the only relationship in which such is acceptable to Allah is matrimony. For example, I'm not married, and I'm much older than you, given the date you've written is your birth date; and I still have to ensure I'm chaste just as you have to ensure you are chaste because we are all equitably given the responsibility to ensure we are chaste for the sake of Allah.

As far as the rules of female-male interaction which you believe doesn't make quite the same sense given your attraction, I want to let you know that there are some self-identified homosexuals who have for years been with other girls living a healthy sexual life and even had children from these women. Not to mention, I once read an article in a college newspaper that the girl was raped by someone when she was fairly passed out whom she trusted as a friend and whom she knew as a homosexual and therefore trusted to not take advantage of her but woke up to find him on top of her. So, the truth is that while the gendered rules doesn't make sense to you given your attraction, you shouldn't rule out the truth that many other people in your own position have found themselves sexually aroused enough to perform penetration of the other gender. So, Allah's Rules are indeed based in Wisdom.

Finally, other men may not know your heart and mind, but you do. Therefore, while the rules of interaction such as observing modesty and protecting or loweing your gaze applies to you already, you should seek to, inasmuch as possible, avoid placing yourself in situations that increase your desire: After all, in a hadith (prophetic tradition), the following is said: “A believer is not bitten twice from the same hole” (Bukhari, Muslim).

I am gladdened to hear that you're engaging in a jihad (struggle) against your desires, because that results in Pleasure of Allah SWT. I'd say that you should pray 2-rakat prayer in which you ask Allah in sajda (prostration) for this desire to go away with all sincerity from your heart. InshaAllah (God-willing), Allah being Al-Karim (The Generous) will not turn away a sincere heart. I know you've already said you've made any efforts in this direction and so I hope doing this one more thing will not add to your burden. Also, you should recite istighfar (asking forgiveness of Allah) and salawaat (reciting blessings on Prophet :saws as much as possible, as I do too; I recite istighfar 100 times a day and salawaat a 100 times a day, sometimes more when I have time. Istighfar is a means for Allah taking away any and all trials and tribulations and giving an out to you from sources not expected and salwaat is the means to attaining closeness to Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) and attaining love of Allah.

Brother, as your sisters and brothers in Islam, we can only advise you; however, as you said, this quest is your own. We can support you in your struggle and quest. However, as sincere advisers, we will always InshaAllah (God-willing) strive to tell you what is beneficial for your deen, dunya, and aakhirah, not necessarily words that are sweet to the ear but will be counted as some of the most bitter evil in the afterlife to have been said in dunya. Brother, a bitter pill is hard to swallow, but it is the only recourse we have if we want what is best for us.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)

ENVI said:

The quest of a queer muslimHello there,, I hope you are fine you who reads this.I am, I feel happy, blessed and at peace. I just turned twenty three years old in this life which is given to me.very gratefull for my life and all that Allah gave me.during all these years I have met incredibly inspirational people, and Travelled nearly daily lived in 3 different countries, learn to speak 5 languages, learned about different cultures and religions.Did you know Travelling is very good for your health? I would like the share my storyI am blessed to have a unique life. ofcourse! all our lives are unique and different from each other.I am sure of this.I am born at the very last moment of the year, 31 december 1994. The youngest brother of 3 siblings. I have one older brother, and one older sister. one mom and one dad. the rest of the family lives in Turkey as my parents moved way back to where we are now.enough about that, I want to share this to open a subject to find some answers together. I can't wait to see your reply.please do be open minded and really try to understand since this may be quest you will never face.and never forget just because my path is different then yours does not mean i am lost.I have a quest. and if you have it too, lets say we have a quest. we just cant say oh well, these are the answers and live with it. its too complicated to take such simple actions on itIf I look back in time I realise that I was queer way back since the beginning. I was a little boy ( talking about the ages under 10 ) who liked different things then the usual mainstream boy. I liked looking good, doing my hair, I secretly would take my moms jewelry, I was very very close with girls instead of with boys. I liked drawing nature, anime manga and wedding dresses. But I never felt like girl.I am a boy and always feel like this. please dont get confusedLater at age when I became a teen, just like you did I started expirementing, discovering everything. I started noticing that I felt attracted towards the same sex.to men.My mother would bring me to a islamic school every weekend and another private school every wednesday afternoon. sometimes I would just run away, but believe my I always had great grades and learned by living instead of just reading. I knew already how to make a great balance of this.A bird has two wings to fly with, only in balance it can come far, when out of balance dont be shocked to see the bird crashI've kept this secret untill I have seventeen years old. I started to become depressive because I had to lie All the time.and I am not a liar from nature. believe me, Allah blessed me with a pure heart. and this is why I also was going mental. I could not take the lies anymore.I had to lie because society does not accept I was so scared that my friends would leave me, I was so scared that my family would leave me,I was so scared that everyone would hate me and I would live a miserable life if I would share my feelings.at one moment I could not take it anymore and I shared everything what was in me. this was the moment I free myself! I free myself from this disgusting taboo, which was killing my mind.my friends and family reacted surprisingly very good!they tolled me they stood strong for me and would never leave me alone or what so ever.This gave me the freedom to really discover and find the answer. please understand, being muslim is a jihad on its own.but being queer and muslim is a jihad on next level.years past, finished school at very young age, and started working for a great company. I rented a room and tried to survive on my own. moved from a simple city to the Capital city Amsterdam. Life started for meHere I started to learn and discover only more and more.The very goods of life and the deeply bads of life.I remember I would cry when I would go to sleep because life would be so overwhelming, I felt alone and yet at the same time guided. one day I went towards the central station to take the train, and saw that my train was delayed for 30 min, I was just sitting there waiting and suddenly I realise my old class mate was sitting a few benches further with a friend next to her aswell.long story short, this woman felt like giving her Quran to me and ofcourse I accepted this. but sorry I never used it till 4 months later.till that one day I was completely broken and crying. not knowing what to do, thinking and thinking to save myself.but it was as if the devil hugged me SO tight! and would not let go anymore. at this moment I thought of the Quran, I took it, sat on bed. and said 3 times inside of me, Ya Al Wadud please , please give me an answer and you know whats in my heart.I let this quran fall open, and it opened up somewhere in the middle. Directly with an answer. believe me the answer was written in the first lines of the page.That day I realised. this is quest i need to accomplish. and oh yeah, 2 weeks after all biggest issues at the time were solved. I believe thanks to Allah ofcourse who guided me and took me out of the hell I was in.meanwhile my feelings for men never went away.I started doing my best and tried to pray, but it didnt really work out so wel.. but I didnt quit. sometimes I would only pray in the night, and just 4 rakah but I would do it. this when on for monthsuntill one special day that I felt ready for TaubahI did Taubah on a very special way. not just holding my hands up and saying not to do it, no it was a ritual which I did before sleeping.I felt literally being cleansed and purified. I felt this unhuman energy going in me, and it felt Incrediblethe next morning I was a different human, a different person. I prayed 5 times a day on time for months after this day without delay! but even after this try ,, Yes my feelings were still the same . my homosexual feelings stil did not vanish. yes I had my feelings under control during these times. but Allot of question started popping up.How come my feelings are still not gone or cured since I tried so many things ( I only wrote one practice, but I have done taubah at least 5 times, seriously, and went to imaams, did dua and imagine what so ever )Now it does not go away. I am sure that it will not go away,I am sure it is not an illness and its not something to be curedI am sure that it is not being possesed since I listening to Ruqyah day and night for at least 6 months to 1 year and have practised 5 times HIJAMA on my body in the past 3 years.Its also not a choice since some people think so. if so, at what age did you choose to be hetero? does it make sense? no. you just were,Now please before continiuing understand that this is just how it is. and instead of putting the focus on thatlet's put the focus on other questionsWhich might help a queer person to live a correct wayI wonder . How does a boy like me, who feels attracted to men act. since I am a boy it is not allowed to have interaction with woman to avoid sins such as Zina. but this counts for heterosexuals.I feel attracted to men. when I speakwith someone who has such a nice personality I feel this attraction towards him. if it was a woman I dont have this.what I am trying to say is, some rules does not make any sense for a human being like me I feel like there must be more research then just simply telling queer people the story of lut and leaving it on that.No I do not agree with this kind of action. It shows that people have no interest in helping us.This Quest may be mine, but it is ours. Allah created us equal but we are treated everything but equal.right now i feel a bit tired going to sleep soon, I hope to see your comments and talk with you. I can write more later on.Sometimes I have this feeling people misunderstood some things about this subject. please lets talk about it.lets go in discussion and see maybe we can find some beautifull answers which is in benefit for us.May Allah bless you,

Click to expand...

Search said:

:bism: (In the Name of God, the Most Beneficent, the most Merciful)

(Peace be upon you)

Welcome to the board! A warm welcome to you, brother! I am sorry to hear of your struggles with your present desires. Like Brother Misbah-Abd has said, I'm sure you've heard already of the prohibition of acting on any type of same-sex attraction; therefore, I too do not wish to repeat much of what you might have already read or heard. I sympathize with your struggles. However, you have to realize that there are also heterosexual men and women who have not yet found marital partners and might never find marital partners, and yet they still have to exercise self-restraint and not act out on their heterosexual desires because the only relationship in which such is acceptable to Allah is matrimony. For example, I'm not married, and I'm much older than you, given the date you've written is your birth date; and I still have to ensure I'm chaste just as you have to ensure you are chaste because we are all equitably given the responsibility to ensure we are chaste for the sake of Allah.

[FONT=wf_segoe-ui_light]“But as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires and lust[/FONT][FONT=wf_segoe-ui_light]s. Verily, Paradise will be his abode[/FONT][FONT=wf_segoe-ui_light]” (Qur'an 79:40-41)[/FONT][FONT=wf_segoe-ui_light].[/FONT]As far as the rules of female-male interaction which you believe doesn't make quite the same sense given your attraction, I want to let you know that there are some self-identified homosexuals who have for years been with other girls living a healthy sexual life and even had children from these women. Not to mention, I once read an article in a college newspaper that the girl was raped by someone when she was fairly passed out whom she trusted as a friend and whom she knew as a homosexual and therefore trusted to not take advantage of her but woke up to find him on top of her. So, the truth is that while the gendered rules doesn't make sense to you given your attraction, you shouldn't rule out the truth that many other people in your own position have found themselves sexually aroused enough to perform penetration of the other gender. So, Allah's Rules are indeed based in Wisdom.

Finally, other men may not know your heart and mind, but you do. Therefore, while the rules of interaction such as observing modesty and protecting or loweing your gaze applies to you already, you should seek to, inasmuch as possible, avoid placing yourself in situations that increase your desire: After all, in a hadith (prophetic tradition), the following is said: “A believer is not bitten twice from the same hole” (Bukhari, Muslim).

I am gladdened to hear that you're engaging in a jihad (struggle) against your desires, because that results in Pleasure of Allah SWT. I'd say that you should pray 2-rakat prayer in which you ask Allah in sajda (prostration) for this desire to go away with all sincerity from your heart. InshaAllah (God-willing), Allah being Al-Karim (The Generous) will not turn away a sincere heart. I know you've already said you've made any efforts in this direction and so I hope doing this one more thing will not add to your burden. Also, you should recite istighfar (asking forgiveness of Allah) and salawaat (reciting blessings on Prophet :saws as much as possible, as I do too; I recite istighfar 100 times a day and salawaat a 100 times a day, sometimes more when I have time. Istighfar is a means for Allah taking away any and all trials and tribulations and giving an out to you from sources not expected and salwaat is the means to attaining closeness to Prophet :saws: (peace and blessings be upon him) and attaining love of Allah.

Brother, as your sisters and brothers in Islam, we can only advise you; however, as you said, this quest is your own. We can support you in your struggle and quest. However, as sincere advisers, we will always InshaAllah (God-willing) strive to tell you what is beneficial for your deen, dunya, and aakhirah, not necessarily words that are sweet to the ear but will be counted as some of the most bitter evil in the afterlife to have been said in dunya. Brother, a bitter pill is hard to swallow, but it is the only recourse we have if we want what is best for us.

:wa: (And peace be upon you)

Click to expand...

ENVI said:

The quest of a queer muslimHello there,, I hope you are fine you who reads this.I am, I feel happy, blessed and at peace. I just turned twenty three years old in this life which is given to me.very gratefull for my life and all that Allah gave me.during all these years I have met incredibly inspirational people, and Travelled nearly daily lived in 3 different countries, learn to speak 5 languages, learned about different cultures and religions.Did you know Travelling is very good for your health? I would like the share my storyI am blessed to have a unique life. ofcourse! all our lives are unique and different from each other.I am sure of this.I am born at the very last moment of the year, 31 december 1994. The youngest brother of 3 siblings. I have one older brother, and one older sister. one mom and one dad. the rest of the family lives in Turkey as my parents moved way back to where we are now.enough about that, I want to share this to open a subject to find some answers together. I can't wait to see your reply.please do be open minded and really try to understand since this may be quest you will never face.and never forget just because my path is different then yours does not mean i am lost.I have a quest. and if you have it too, lets say we have a quest. we just cant say oh well, these are the answers and live with it. its too complicated to take such simple actions on itIf I look back in time I realise that I was queer way back since the beginning. I was a little boy ( talking about the ages under 10 ) who liked different things then the usual mainstream boy. I liked looking good, doing my hair, I secretly would take my moms jewelry, I was very very close with girls instead of with boys. I liked drawing nature, anime manga and wedding dresses. But I never felt like girl.I am a boy and always feel like this. please dont get confusedLater at age when I became a teen, just like you did I started expirementing, discovering everything. I started noticing that I felt attracted towards the same sex.to men.My mother would bring me to a islamic school every weekend and another private school every wednesday afternoon. sometimes I would just run away, but believe my I always had great grades and learned by living instead of just reading. I knew already how to make a great balance of this.A bird has two wings to fly with, only in balance it can come far, when out of balance dont be shocked to see the bird crashI've kept this secret untill I have seventeen years old. I started to become depressive because I had to lie All the time.and I am not a liar from nature. believe me, Allah blessed me with a pure heart. and this is why I also was going mental. I could not take the lies anymore.I had to lie because society does not accept I was so scared that my friends would leave me, I was so scared that my family would leave me,I was so scared that everyone would hate me and I would live a miserable life if I would share my feelings.at one moment I could not take it anymore and I shared everything what was in me. this was the moment I free myself! I free myself from this disgusting taboo, which was killing my mind.my friends and family reacted surprisingly very good!they tolled me they stood strong for me and would never leave me alone or what so ever.This gave me the freedom to really discover and find the answer. please understand, being muslim is a jihad on its own.but being queer and muslim is a jihad on next level.years past, finished school at very young age, and started working for a great company. I rented a room and tried to survive on my own. moved from a simple city to the Capital city Amsterdam. Life started for meHere I started to learn and discover only more and more.The very goods of life and the deeply bads of life.I remember I would cry when I would go to sleep because life would be so overwhelming, I felt alone and yet at the same time guided. one day I went towards the central station to take the train, and saw that my train was delayed for 30 min, I was just sitting there waiting and suddenly I realise my old class mate was sitting a few benches further with a friend next to her aswell.long story short, this woman felt like giving her Quran to me and ofcourse I accepted this. but sorry I never used it till 4 months later.till that one day I was completely broken and crying. not knowing what to do, thinking and thinking to save myself.but it was as if the devil hugged me SO tight! and would not let go anymore. at this moment I thought of the Quran, I took it, sat on bed. and said 3 times inside of me, Ya Al Wadud please , please give me an answer and you know whats in my heart.I let this quran fall open, and it opened up somewhere in the middle. Directly with an answer. believe me the answer was written in the first lines of the page.That day I realised. this is quest i need to accomplish. and oh yeah, 2 weeks after all biggest issues at the time were solved. I believe thanks to Allah ofcourse who guided me and took me out of the hell I was in.meanwhile my feelings for men never went away.I started doing my best and tried to pray, but it didnt really work out so wel.. but I didnt quit. sometimes I would only pray in the night, and just 4 rakah but I would do it. this when on for monthsuntill one special day that I felt ready for TaubahI did Taubah on a very special way. not just holding my hands up and saying not to do it, no it was a ritual which I did before sleeping.I felt literally being cleansed and purified. I felt this unhuman energy going in me, and it felt Incrediblethe next morning I was a different human, a different person. I prayed 5 times a day on time for months after this day without delay! but even after this try ,, Yes my feelings were still the same . my homosexual feelings stil did not vanish. yes I had my feelings under control during these times. but Allot of question started popping up.How come my feelings are still not gone or cured since I tried so many things ( I only wrote one practice, but I have done taubah at least 5 times, seriously, and went to imaams, did dua and imagine what so ever )Now it does not go away. I am sure that it will not go away,I am sure it is not an illness and its not something to be curedI am sure that it is not being possesed since I listening to Ruqyah day and night for at least 6 months to 1 year and have practised 5 times HIJAMA on my body in the past 3 years.Its also not a choice since some people think so. if so, at what age did you choose to be hetero? does it make sense? no. you just were,Now please before continiuing understand that this is just how it is. and instead of putting the focus on thatlet's put the focus on other questionsWhich might help a queer person to live a correct wayI wonder . How does a boy like me, who feels attracted to men act. since I am a boy it is not allowed to have interaction with woman to avoid sins such as Zina. but this counts for heterosexuals.I feel attracted to men. when I speakwith someone who has such a nice personality I feel this attraction towards him. if it was a woman I dont have this.what I am trying to say is, some rules does not make any sense for a human being like me I feel like there must be more research then just simply telling queer people the story of lut and leaving it on that.No I do not agree with this kind of action. It shows that people have no interest in helping us.This Quest may be mine, but it is ours. Allah created us equal but we are treated everything but equal.right now i feel a bit tired going to sleep soon, I hope to see your comments and talk with you. I can write more later on.Sometimes I have this feeling people misunderstood some things about this subject. please lets talk about it.lets go in discussion and see maybe we can find some beautifull answers which is in benefit for us.May Allah bless you,

Click to expand...