format_quote Originally Posted by
Sister HH
Assalaamualaikum
I am a second wife to my husband, his other wife doesn't know about our marriage. He promised initially to leave her in 3 months as for all the years that they are married there hasn't been any happiness. Because I know the couple and used to see the unpleasantness between them. We made nikaah and I am still a secret.
He says I should believe in Allah n mayb one-day we can be together. He says we never know what tomorrow holds. I love him so much but am so scared of loosing him.
Before we would spend so much time together and now we are hardly together. Also when he goes home switches his phone off n then we can only speak the next day. It hurts so much. He says he loves me, but now I'm not sure if he does.
He helps me financially and wants me to study, but I can't concentrate on my studies.
He also wants us yo have a child, but I'm scared that if he abandon us what will happen.
He sometimes says I should move on and then changes his mind. I really love him and don't want to loose him.
But I also don't want to loose myself.
He doesn't want his wife to find out about us n says he is waiting for her yo leave him.
Please advise me on what to do.
They always fighting. But these days we also argue alot. He says our personalities have exchanged, she is gone kind and I am gone ugly. There is a big age gap between us. I want the old him that had do much respect n care.
Please advise me.
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
This man is using you. He has no intention of living with you. He’s disrespecting you by keeping you a secret - nikah is not something which should be kept secret in Islam. His narcissistic traits are starting to show - read up on narcissistic behaviour and you’ll see that all the signs are there. The 'old him' was an act to lure you in. He no longer needs to play that part as he knows how you feel.
It takes two to create an argument. You’re not getting the full story here. I guarantee that if you spoke to his wife, she’d have a very different view of him than the one he’s portrayed to you.
Granted, you could have both made better choices but you’re in control of what you do next. Firstly, ask Allah for forgiveness for the wrong you may have committed before Nikah. And then get away from him while you can. There are major red flags here. Speak to an Imam in your locality and seek advice. I know you’re probably reading this and thinking that you can’t do it but please pray to Allah and ask for His help. This will only get worse. I’ve known and spoken to women in your position and not once did they attain happiness. The man never left his first wife for them. You’re not alone in this.
We’re blessed to be witnessing Ramadhan. Please make the most of this month and make sincere Dua after every Salah.
Talk to Allah as you would talk to your best friend. Allah knows how you feel. Ask Allah to grant you inner peace and contentment.
You deserve so much better than this. Your worth as a Muslim woman is so much more than how he’s treating you. Allah has honoured you and granted you many rights. This marriage isn’t a fulfilment of those rights. He’s simply using you.
As an aside, where did the Nikah take place? Was it at a Masjid? Were there witnesses?
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format_quote Originally Posted by
Sister HH
Assalaamualaikum
I am a second wife to my husband, his other wife doesn't know about our marriage. He promised initially to leave her in 3 months as for all the years that they are married there hasn't been any happiness. Because I know the couple and used to see the unpleasantness between them. We made nikaah and I am still a secret.
He says I should believe in Allah n mayb one-day we can be together. He says we never know what tomorrow holds. I love him so much but am so scared of loosing him.
Before we would spend so much time together and now we are hardly together. Also when he goes home switches his phone off n then we can only speak the next day. It hurts so much. He says he loves me, but now I'm not sure if he does.
He helps me financially and wants me to study, but I can't concentrate on my studies.
He also wants us yo have a child, but I'm scared that if he abandon us what will happen.
He sometimes says I should move on and then changes his mind. I really love him and don't want to loose him.
But I also don't want to loose myself.
He doesn't want his wife to find out about us n says he is waiting for her yo leave him.
Please advise me on what to do.
They always fighting. But these days we also argue alot. He says our personalities have exchanged, she is gone kind and I am gone ugly. There is a big age gap between us. I want the old him that had do much respect n care.
Please advise me.
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
This man is using you. He has no intention of living with you. He’s disrespecting you by keeping you a secret - nikah is not something which should be kept secret in Islam. His narcissistic traits are starting to show - read up on narcissistic behaviour and you’ll see that all the signs are there. The 'old him' was an act to lure you in. He no longer needs to play that part as he knows how you feel.
It takes two to create an argument. You’re not getting the full story here. I guarantee that if you spoke to his wife, she’d have a very different view of him than the one he’s portrayed to you.
Granted, you could have both made better choices but you’re in control of what you do next. Firstly, ask Allah for forgiveness for the wrong you may have committed before Nikah. And then get away from him while you can. There are major red flags here. Speak to an Imam in your locality and seek advice. I know you’re probably reading this and thinking that you can’t do it but please pray to Allah and ask for His help. This will only get worse. I’ve known and spoken to women in your position and not once did they attain happiness. The man never left his first wife for them. You’re not alone in this.
We’re blessed to be witnessing Ramadhan. Please make the most of this month and make sincere Dua after every Salah.
Talk to Allah as you would talk to your best friend. Allah knows how you feel. Ask Allah to grant you inner peace and contentment.
You deserve so much better than this. Your worth as a Muslim woman is so much more than how he’s treating you. Allah has honoured you and granted you many rights. This marriage isn’t a fulfilment of those rights. He’s simply using you.
As an aside, where did the Nikah take place? Was it at a Masjid? Were there witnesses?