What can i do?

[Life1010]

I love a Muslim brother and we are very good friends. Often we marry the subject, but he does not want me because I'm three years older I'm 19 and he's 16 years old. Nevertheless, he always makes me signs that he likes me. I have a constant feeling that Allah has predestined me. We get along in all respects only because of the age he makes such problems can you maybe tell me why?

[Abz2000]

What should you do is the question you should be asking yourself.
Then weigh the options which are in obedience to Allah - and then make the correct decision.


7. Those who believe and work righteous deeds,- from them shall We blot out all evil (that may be) in them, and We shall reward them according to the best of their deeds.
8. We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.
9. And those who believe and work righteous deeds,- them shall We admit to the company of the Righteous.
10. Then there are among men such as say, “We believe in Allah.; but when they suffer affliction in (the cause of) Allah, they treat men’s oppression as if it were the Wrath of Allah. And if help comes (to thee) from thy Lord, they are sure to say, “We have (always) been with you!” Does not Allah know best all that is in the hearts of all creation?
11. And Allah most certainly knows those who believe, and as certainly those who are Hypocrites.
12. And the Unbelievers say to those who believe: “Follow our path, and we will bear (the consequences) of your faults.” Never in the least will they bear their faults: in fact they are liars!
13. They will bear their own burdens, and (other) burdens along with their own, and on the Day of Judgment they will be called to account for their falsehoods.

Quran, Chapter 29 - Al 'Ankaboot.

[ChosenTCO]

I love a Muslim brother and we are very good friends. Often we marry the subject, but he does not want me because I'm three years older I'm 19 and he's 16 years old. Nevertheless, he always makes me signs that he likes me. I have a constant feeling that Allah has predestined me. We get along in all respects only because of the age he makes such problems can you maybe tell me why?

Ok so there are 2 issues here. With regards to the age factor, you should know that this is a completely social and cultural construct that people have come up with over years of civilization. In other words, this has nothing to do with islam because islam didnt set any age limits for marriage (so long as both individuals are mature enough). And as proof, look up the age difference between the Prophet :saws: and Khadija (RA), his first wife. According to narrations, he was 25 and she was 40.
The reason why most people have this age barrier thing is because of cultural norms and expectations. The woman is usually attracted to men who are more financially stable, more mature, and more accomplished ... this usually comes with older men and thats why its much harder for the younger men to find women who would accept them. On the other hand, men often desire a woman to be younger than them because of the likelihood she would be more docile and agreeable when given commands to as well as beauty and youthfulness to bare children and what not. But again, those are all social and cultural norms ... no such commands in islam.

With regards to your relationship with him, Im sure a lot of people have told you already that its haram to have a bf-gf relationship with anyone. It would be much better and purer for you to drop the idea since he doesnt seem to be interested in marriage in the first place. Dont be deceived by his actions and the little signs he gives off cause trust me, more often the not our interpretation of what other people think is incorrect. I fell into the same situation your going through and i came out disappointed. I learned not to presume anything and to rather take a definitive yes/no answer to whether they're interested in me or not. That way you can save yourself from getting emotionally attached along the way and risking heartbreak. It also saves you time and all the energy you spend thinking about your situation with him. Trust me, i say this out of experience. I too loved a girl who i thought was interested in me but when the topic of marriage came up she brushed it off and makes it clear she is not interested in it at her age. i spent a couple of years with her hoping she would change her outlook but nothing ever changed. All this time i spent thinking and hoping ... gained nothing but experience. lol

[Life1010]

Thank you for the help but it is just a single problem stop that I'm older but I'll talk to him in a halal way

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[ardianto]

I love a Muslim brother and we are very good friends. Often we marry the subject, but he does not want me because I'm three years older I'm 19 and he's 16 years old. Nevertheless, he always makes me signs that he likes me. I have a constant feeling that Allah has predestined me. We get along in all respects only because of the age he makes such problems can you maybe tell me why?

Assalamualaikum.

There is difference between liking someone and wanting someone. I can like a woman if this woman has good character and behavior, be kind to me. But does it mean I also want her to become my life-partner?. Not always. There are other considerations. If I thought she was not the right type to be my partner, I would not try to get her although I would always treat her respectfuly.

Young sister, from your first post I see you already realize that he doesn't want to be your partner. So why you force yourself to try to get him?. He respect you because you always treat him well. But this respect can be lose if you force your feeling on him.

And are you sure Allah has presdestined that you will marry him in the future?. .... Don't think like that because we don't know what will happen in the future. If indeed Allah destines like this, then whatever happen you would marry him in the future. However, if Allah does not destine like this, then whatever you do, you would never marry him.

What you must do now is release him from your heart although you must still maintain your good relationship with him. Let him go if then in the future he choose another girl. And always believe, if Allah destines that he is not for you, then Allah will give you another man who will love you and make you happy.

:)