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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 05:25 AM
Is it a sin to break a heart? My grandfather and some scholars say no. Does that mean I can promise women marriage then change my find and keep breaking hearts until I find the "perfect girl"? How is this not considered a sin?
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xboxisdead
09-23-2018, 05:42 AM
I think one have to be careful not to turn such act and literally murder a person psychologically...because in Islam..psychological murder or heart murder is the same as I have a gun and shoot you in the head with a gun.
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 06:28 AM
Is this true? So it is considered a sin?

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Because of it is not a sin then what's to stop someone from breaking someone heart simply because they change their mind and keep breaking people's heart thinking okay.
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xboxisdead
09-23-2018, 06:59 AM
Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
Is this true? So it is considered a sin?

- - - Updated - - -

Because of it is not a sin then what's to stop someone from breaking someone heart simply because they change their mind and keep breaking people's heart thinking okay.
Psychological murder is the same as physical murder and in the afterlife that person who got murdered will have his or her head on his or her hand and ask Allah (Subhanahu Wa talaa) why such and such person murdered me?

There are three types of murders:

A) The person actually him or herself physically murdering the person either by stabbing, hitting the person on the head, etc.
B) Paying someone to do the murdering for you is the same as if you did the murder yourself (naturally the other person will also be punished too)
C) Psychological murder where through constant verbal abuse or nagging the person or always making the person feel they are wrong and wrong and never ones he or she is right...or putting the person in double standard mode...where whatever scenario happens to you is different had it been the exact same scenario happened to the other person to a point you feel dead inside and hopeless...well ...you just got murdered.

Warning to parents of their children who keeps pointing the faults of your children and never ones you appraise them or make them feel good about something and they always feel they are a failure...you have murdered big part of who they are...same applies to other relationships between human beings.

Be careful not to take the heart of people as toys regardless of gender....pushing someone's button in wrong place could bring in the worse of that person.
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 07:06 AM
If this is true then why do people these days who break hearts get away with it? In islam , the wronged one always gets his due but why do scholars say breaking a heart is no issue?
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HisServant
09-23-2018, 07:27 AM
Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
If this is true then why do people these days who break hearts get away with it? In islam , the wronged one always gets his due but why do scholars say breaking a heart is no issue?
:sl:

http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/2017/...-from-someone/
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 12:14 PM
I am over that person. But I want to know if Allah SWT punishes those promise people a marriage then change it based on whims and desires thinking they can find someone better when Person A did nothing wrong.
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HisServant
09-23-2018, 07:56 PM
Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
I am over that person. But I want to know if Allah SWT punishes those promise people a marriage then change it based on whims and desires thinking they can find someone better when Person A did nothing wrong.
There is some speculation whether someone changed his/her mind based upon whims and desires or valid reasons. The only way to know is through direct communication and being straightforward.
If someone deliberately and maliciously intends to hurt (emotionally, psychologically, physically) another will be punished.

About hurting others

"Deeds are but by intentions and every person shall have what he intended". (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
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xboxisdead
09-23-2018, 08:02 PM
Originally Posted by Nuri
There is some speculation whether someone changed his/her mind based upon whims and desires or valid reasons. The only way to know is through direct communication and being straightforward.
If someone deliberately and maliciously intends to hurt (emotionally, psychologically, physically) another will be punished.

About hurting others

"Deeds are but by intentions and every person shall have what he intended". (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Exactly sister. When I posted earlier that was for people who have evil intention and wished to cause harm to the other person by doing psychological warfare. This...this...is forbidden in Islam whether it is a man or woman who are doing the psychological warfare and if the victim died from the inside that person who killed that person in the inside is considered a murder. This also applies for children who are murdered by their parent's psychological warfare or guild manipulation. Pretty much it is for any human being.
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 08:22 PM
that is messed up. So i promise someone marriage and lead them on then change my mind because I think i can find someone better, i am not resposnible for that? That is good intention? What if the person gets hurt and tries to understand but you get annoyed and then just completly shun them. How is that not messed up?
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xboxisdead
09-23-2018, 08:25 PM
Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
that is messed up. So i promise someone marriage and lead them on then change my mind because I think i can find someone better, i am not resposnible for that? That is good intention? What if the person gets hurt and tries to understand but you get annoyed and then just completly shun them. How is that not messed up?
Islam is all about intention. You have full right to not want that person and change your mind and look for someone else that real meet your match. But if you are sadistically with evil intend wish to hurt or harm people's heart THAT AND THAT IS FORBIDDEN AND IT IS HARAAM and it is considered a sin and you will be questioned on that. changing your mind is ok and women do it all the time too...they like this man but later decide she is not interested on him anymore. Well..you too have that right to change and look for someone that really your match.
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 08:48 PM
https://www.islamicboard.com/general...en#post2998753
Read this post and tell me what she did was right?

Heartbroken- Are we accountable for hurting others?
Salaam everyone, There was a Muslim-sister I liked. She liked me back too. She was very friendly in the beginning. I asked her if I should visit her at...
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xboxisdead
09-23-2018, 08:58 PM
Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
https://www.islamicboard.com/general...en#post2998753
Read this post and tell me what she did was right?

Heartbroken- Are we accountable for hurting others?
Salaam everyone, There was a Muslim-sister I liked. She liked me back too. She was very friendly in the beginning. I asked her if I should visit her at...
OK. This sounds like a Western high school novel and everything you did there is wrong. Everything. Stop thinking about it..do istgfhar..ask Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) for forgiveness for all the mistakes you made..AND PLEASE FOCUS on your education, focus on your studies and most important..focus in improving your knowledge in this beautiful deen and then pray to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) to find you a good wife who is shy, who is qanit...and who knows how to treat her husband the way he should be treated and move on.

Remember...a man's heart is weak...you know it..you have it...stop playing with it like a fiddling Yo-Yo because in the end you will get the most burden of the hurt and you should NOT BE TALKING TO WOMEN like that period...find guy friends and focus on them. Socializing with women other than dealing in market for sale and purchase or business SHOULD BE OFF LIMIT...ONLY time you want to talk to any female who is not from your family member who is not your mahrim is for marriage proposal ONLY and nothing else.

I did it myself and I am 39 and I lived. I am sure YOU CAN LIVE too. Stop what you are doing....period. I could not read anymore...I slapped my forehead and shook my head and felt like I am dealing with two high school kids who are Western ....
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 09:04 PM
Look at the time I did not know it was haram. I have repented from that and stay away from women now. But i had good intention and was planning to marry her and told her to my mother. SO how is this right? I am here asking for advice, wanting to know those if those who hurt others and break hearts will be accountable. You dont have to put me down even and chastise me.
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'Abd-al Latif
09-23-2018, 09:29 PM
Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
Is it a sin to break a heart? My grandfather and some scholars say no. Does that mean I can promise women marriage then change my find and keep breaking hearts until I find the "perfect girl"? How is this not considered a sin?
Why the need to propose? You're telling women 'Yes, I want to marry you and commit my life to you' and then you're telling them you've changed your mind. This is quite immature and you don't sound as though you're ready to get into a relationship!

What's stopping you from simply just getting to know one first (in a halal way obviously!) and then going for it (or not) after praying istikhaara? Why propose when you're not serious in the first place?

You'll never find 'the perfect one' because no-one is perfect so throw this thought out of your mind and don't ever let it come back in.
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 09:42 PM
Yes, I know, but I am the person who follows on his word. I told her I wanted a life with her and told her to my mother but the girl made a fool out of me and humiliated me and left me in the most painful way. Why is it that I am the one who gets chastised when I was the one who was committed and actually care about the other person's wellbeing regardless of mine? And if I knew it was haram I would not have done it. I was not as religious back then as I was now. And before I was courting this girl, I asked my mother if it was okay and permissible. So how is any of this my fault? I always help people and am afraid to hurt others yet, in the end, everyone uses me. I just want to know if what that woman did to me was a sin so I can take consolation that Allah is watching and he punishes those who hurt others. I need to know there is justice otherwise why should I bother being a good person and caring about others if I can go around promising women marriage with "good intentions" but then leave them because I see a prettier girl.
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xboxisdead
09-23-2018, 09:52 PM
Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
Yes, I know, but I am the person who follows on his word. I told her I wanted a life with her and told her to my mother but the girl made a fool out of me and humiliated me and left me in the most painful way. Why is it that I am the one who gets chastised when I was the one who was committed and actually care about the other person's wellbeing regardless of mine? And if I knew it was haram I would not have done it. I was not as religious back then as I was now. And before I was courting this girl, I asked my mother if it was okay and permissible. So how is any of this my fault? I always help people and am afraid to hurt others yet, in the end, everyone uses me. I just want to know if what that woman did to me was a sin so I can take consolation that Allah is watching and he punishes those who hurt others. I need to know there is justice otherwise why should I bother being a good person and caring about others if I can go around promising women marriage with "good intentions" but then leave them because I see a prettier girl.
Apology brother...I seriously understand how hard it is to be a man and you feel like a double standard where you are chastised and she is not and you feel all emotional and humiliated and don't know how to express it and honestly I do not want to be that person who put men down and chastise men down that is truly not my intention. :facepalm::facepalm:

Brother my only advice is to forget her it is all in the past. Do not worry about it and do not keep thinking about it. Women are much stronger than you think..trust me. Their heart of steel...so I would not fret about it period. Even if she cries and weeps and goes boohoo, I will just shake my head and shrug it off. When women cry it is their mechanism to remove toxicity from their system and clean it out and they have a huge network system from family, friends and societies that will help her through it. Men on the other hand are on their own, so my suggestion is for you to form your own social network of friends (who you can cry on their shoulders and not make fun of you) and make sure you have your family to back you up as well. We all learn from our mistakes. Do not worry about it. All you have to do is ask Allah for forgiveness and move on.
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 10:02 PM
Thank you, but honestly, you think it is right to promise someone marriage but leave them not because they erred in any way but rather because you see someone better or you think you can do better. I honestly do not care about her. But I want to know does Allah take account for that? Because if not, why should I not go around promising women marriage but leave them as soon as I see someone more pretty? How is that by moral and religious standards alright?

- - - Updated - - -

And She is not even sorry. Its not like there was a barrier. She left me simply because she thought she could do better. I treated her like a queen, and respectful, never was rude to her. I was always honest and put her feelings before mine. Yet when she left she said it only a little while, and me to move on and get over it. She was so cold and rude and rather then do it over in person and be genuine , she left me over phone on snapchat. Her friends bullied me so much i had to quit my job.
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Abz2000
09-23-2018, 10:07 PM
Oooo, last christmas, i gave you my heart, but the very next day...
Da na na na na naaa, da nananananananana...... once bitten, and twiiice shyyyyy, i'm hiiiding from you - and your soul of iiiiice....


No ill will intended.
Only trying to make you feel less of a softy.


Btw, do you watch bollywood movies? If so, maybe think about how they affect you, they can turn kids turn into little romeo and juliets and go suicidal.
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 10:15 PM
Unbelievable. So much of the help from the Muslim community.
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'Abd-al Latif
09-23-2018, 10:31 PM
Originally Posted by Studentofdeed
Yes, I know, but I am the person who follows on his word. I told her I wanted a life with her and told her to my mother but the girl made a fool out of me and humiliated me and left me in the most painful way. Why is it that I am the one who gets chastised when I was the one who was committed and actually care about the other person's wellbeing regardless of mine? And if I knew it was haram I would not have done it. I was not as religious back then as I was now. And before I was courting this girl, I asked my mother if it was okay and permissible. So how is any of this my fault? I always help people and am afraid to hurt others yet, in the end, everyone uses me. I just want to know if what that woman did to me was a sin so I can take consolation that Allah is watching and he punishes those who hurt others. I need to know there is justice otherwise why should I bother being a good person and caring about others if I can go around promising women marriage with "good intentions" but then leave them because I see a prettier girl.
You are not accountable for anybody else's actions. You are responsible for your own behaviour. However, everyone is accountable to Allah and if their actions weren't done according to the sunnah to please Him, then they will be used against them. If anything, you should be grateful that such a shallow individual has been taken away from your life because, from sounds of it, you could have been a lot more miserable with life having her as your life partner.

You should bother to good deeds to others because your reward is with Allah alone and not with His creation. Good deeds done for the sake of Allah are never lost or forgotten.

وَمَا كَانَ رَبُّكَ نَسِيًّا
"And your lord never forgets"
(Surah Maryum)
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Studentofdeed
09-23-2018, 10:35 PM
Jazakallah brother, i feel better
may Allah give you al firdaous.
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xboxisdead
09-24-2018, 12:29 AM
Originally Posted by Abz2000
Oooo, last christmas, i gave you my heart, but the very next day...
Da na na na na naaa, da nananananananana...... once bitten, and twiiice shyyyyy, i'm hiiiding from you - and your soul of iiiiice....


No ill will intended.
Only trying to make you feel less of a softy.


Btw, do you watch bollywood movies? If so, maybe think about how they affect you, they can turn kids turn into little romeo and juliets and go suicidal.

And men's heart by nature is soooo weaker than women's heart by nature and no one can deny that....these videos are destroying the young men in ways you cannot fathom.

@Studentofdeed

Brother...what did I tell you about a man's heart been weaker than a woman's heart. I no longer look at men and women the way I used too. Now I reverse my outlook in how I look at men and women and my reverse outlook is 100% correct. I feel for a man much more than I do for a woman, because a woman is way stronger than a man in ways you and I cannot comprehend. Her heart is stronger than a steel and when she get cold it can turn the entire ocean into an ice in a blink of an eye. Woman can be vindictive and destructive and in your own eyes you saw how heartless she can be if she wants to be. Remember: No matter what a man does to a woman she have an endless network of support to back her up...that evil man can easily be in the media and his life is ruined forever. You don't see that the other way around, do you?

A woman giving a chance will destroy a man in a blink of an eye and not even care. Look at you..all weeping and full of love and compassion...but like the brother abz2000 said...these movies are destructive to the psychic of young men and boys and 98% of the time they are the one who committee suicide over love, women and relationship by being romeo and love.

This love should be done only for a Muslima wife who is qanit, who understands her boundaries, who respect men, who understand gender role and in additional to that she fears Allah and will be obedient to her husband...THAT SCENARIO is when a man should become the romeo for that wife. For in his eyes that wife she may become wrinkle, old, white hair..even fat in some cases...but his eyes see her more beautiful than the most beautiful model..for she is his companion and he wants her in he afterlife...brother....forget her. Please forget her.


==== update ====

I am so happy your heart is at ease :D:D:D:D ;D;D;D;D It makes me happy to hear that! ;D
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