Please help me out! I have ruined smns life.I feel TERRIBLE!!!

Salam Alaikum


ok a girl fell in love with me,(i know it shouldnt have happened,but i had weak eman,cuz i am also a secretive muslim,so i stay with non muslims the whole time) and since i dont want to make people feel bad and since i had weak eman too i continued with it,i didnt want to hurt her....so she "tied" her life to mine,she planned mostly everything in her future and life,she arranged her life so it would benefit us......not the thing is i have been growing in eman lately and deen and i want to do as little haram as possible.I have stopped doing most of the harams and i sneak occasionaly in the masjid too,plus i pray 5 times a day for months,even though i hve to do it in secret...so finally today i took courage and ended it with the girl....now i feel extremely terrible for ruining her dreams,she said i am a killer i killer everything for her,her uni,her plans for the future,cuz they were all as i said arranged to benefit us...so ofc now she cant continue to do those things,there is no reason to...... i feel extremely extremely terrible for Ruining someones life......i feel a very big chest pain like i have a rock instead of a heart and i have no idea how can i get rid this feeling of guilt.... it will hunt me forever.....i mean everywhere i will be i will think of her and know how i ruined a persons life,,,,how her life is upside down now cuz of me...... how i prevented an exellent student from university....all of these things...and she is soooo young,just 18,her first looove,i am 23...i ruined everything for her

How can i stop feeling guilty?? (dont tell me it is not my fault,this was my fault because if i didnt continue she wouldnt have fell more in love or plan dreams about us)


i did it cuz i didnt want to do haram and also cuz in the future i want to marry a muslim wife in shaa Allah,so she can help me grow,a non muslim would leave me in this state,i have decided to change..... but with this feeling its like i wont enjoy any of them..i rather be whipped than feel like this




Edit: i loved her too...i am realising now that i do,but there is no turning back....being with her would mean being a worst muslim than i am now,and tbh now,i really suck...so i have to continue,just please help me out how to remove this feeling of guilt?

i Will never do this sin again in shaa Allah

DyingLight said:

Salam Alaikum


ok a girl fell in love with me,(i know it shouldnt have happened,but i had weak eman,cuz i am also a secretive muslim,so i stay with non muslims the whole time) and since i dont want to make people feel bad and since i had weak eman too i continued with it,i didnt want to hurt her....so she "tied" her life to mine,she planned mostly everything in her future and life,she arranged her life so it would benefit us......not the thing is i have been growing in eman lately and deen and i want to do as little haram as possible.I have stopped doing most of the harams and i sneak occasionaly in the masjid too,plus i pray 5 times a day for months,even though i hve to do it in secret...so finally today i took courage and ended it with the girl....now i feel extremely terrible for ruining her dreams,she said i am a killer i killer everything for her,her uni,her plans for the future,cuz they were all as i said arranged to benefit us...so ofc now she cant continue to do those things,there is no reason to...... i feel extremely extremely terrible for Ruining someones life......i feel a very big chest pain like i have a rock instead of a heart and i have no idea how can i get rid this feeling of guilt.... it will hunt me forever.....i mean everywhere i will be i will think of her and know how i ruined a persons life,,,,how her life is upside down now cuz of me...... how i prevented an exellent student from university....all of these things...and she is soooo young,just 18,her first looove,i am 23...i ruined everything for her

How can i stop feeling guilty?? (dont tell me it is not my fault,this was my fault because if i didnt continue she wouldnt have fell more in love or plan dreams about us)


i did it cuz i didnt want to do haram and also cuz in the future i want to marry a muslim wife in shaa Allah,so she can help me grow,a non muslim would leave me in this state,i have decided to change..... but with this feeling its like i wont enjoy any of them..i rather be whipped than feel like this




Edit: i loved her too...i am realising now that i do,but there is no turning back....being with her would mean being a worst muslim than i am now,and tbh now,i really suck...so i have to continue,just please help me out how to remove this feeling of guilt?

i Will never do this sin again in shaa Allah

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Asalamu Alaikum

Grow a spine and stop feeling guilty, you did nothing wrong. It's her fault if she decided to make such idiotic decisions by revolving her life around some guy she wasn't even married to.

Just focus on becoming a better Muslim, and inshallah you'll succeed. You should also make du'a for Allah Azza Wa Jal to relieve you of any distress you may be feeling, and for him to grant you a new spouse who will (inshallah) be far superior to the previous woman you were involved with.

Al Khorasani said:

Asalamu Alaikum

Grow a spine and stop feeling guilty, you did nothing wrong. It's her fault if she decided to make such idiotic decisions by revolving her life around some guy she wasn't even married to.

Just focus on becoming a better Muslim, and inshallah you'll succeed. You should also make du'a for Allah Azza Wa Jal to relieve you of any distress you may be feeling, and for him to grant you a new spouse who will (inshallah) be far superior to the previous woman you were involved with.

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That proofs my case already about men's heart been weak -_-. A woman can make a man feel so bad and make him wish he was dead and make the entire world be over for him by just her tongue and guilt trip and emotional manipulation.....through her tongue and sharp look she can make a man cower under the table. Relationship should be exclusive to marriage alone where the husband and wife knows their boundaries and limits and play their role. This ....whatever this is.....:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:

Actually...what IS THIS?

DyingLight said:

Salam Alaikum


ok a girl fell in love with me,(i know it shouldnt have happened,but i had weak eman,cuz i am also a secretive muslim,so i stay with non muslims the whole time) and since i dont want to make people feel bad and since i had weak eman too i continued with it,i didnt want to hurt her....so she "tied" her life to mine,she planned mostly everything in her future and life,she arranged her life so it would benefit us......not the thing is i have been growing in eman lately and deen and i want to do as little haram as possible.I have stopped doing most of the harams and i sneak occasionaly in the masjid too,plus i pray 5 times a day for months,even though i hve to do it in secret...so finally today i took courage and ended it with the girl....now i feel extremely terrible for ruining her dreams,she said i am a killer i killer everything for her,her uni,her plans for the future,cuz they were all as i said arranged to benefit us...so ofc now she cant continue to do those things,there is no reason to...... i feel extremely extremely terrible for Ruining someones life......i feel a very big chest pain like i have a rock instead of a heart and i have no idea how can i get rid this feeling of guilt.... it will hunt me forever.....i mean everywhere i will be i will think of her and know how i ruined a persons life,,,,how her life is upside down now cuz of me...... how i prevented an exellent student from university....all of these things...and she is soooo young,just 18,her first looove,i am 23...i ruined everything for her

How can i stop feeling guilty?? (dont tell me it is not my fault,this was my fault because if i didnt continue she wouldnt have fell more in love or plan dreams about us)


i did it cuz i didnt want to do haram and also cuz in the future i want to marry a muslim wife in shaa Allah,so she can help me grow,a non muslim would leave me in this state,i have decided to change..... but with this feeling its like i wont enjoy any of them..i rather be whipped than feel like this




Edit: i loved her too...i am realising now that i do,but there is no turning back....being with her would mean being a worst muslim than i am now,and tbh now,i really suck...so i have to continue,just please help me out how to remove this feeling of guilt?

i Will never do this sin again in shaa Allah

Click to expand...

I have been there couple of times and I exactly know the feeling hence I feel as the right person to advice you on this subject.

As weird as it may sound don't leave this girl to dry just like that and go back to her and make dawah to her little by little and also remember to make dua for her in the same time and stay with her for another couple of months up to 6-9 months and remember to constantly give her dawah silently and in good manner.

Insha-allah you can save her from hell-fire and keep her as yours. Don't let your woman go that easily and this is something that I have learned from.

Don't take Islam as your own but share it with her because this is a blessing from Allah and saving the ones you love is one of the best deeds you can do. SAVE YOUR GIRL and when you have given her enough time of dua and she dosen't want to accept then you can leave her

urkahnkhan said:

I have been there couple of times and I exactly know the feeling hence I feel as the right person to advice you on this subject.

As weird as it may sound don't leave this girl to dry just like that and go back to her and make dawah to her little by little and also remember to make dua for her in the same time and stay with her for another couple of months up to 6-9 months and remember to constantly give her dawah silently and in good manner.
Don't let your woman go that easily and this is something that I have learned from

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I need a vacation....+o(

xboxisdead said:

I need a vacation....+o(

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Come on mann. The brother opened up his heart for us and we should give him the best advice as possible and btw that girl is also human being and she is also worthy of dawah and in this situation he can be her true saviour. Perhaps she could convert and become better then all of us

urkahnkhan said:

Come on mann. The brother opened up his heart for us and we should give him the best advice as possible and btw that girl is also human being and she is also worthy of dawah and in this situation he can be her true saviour. Perhaps she could convert and become better then all of us

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You know...I need to take break...seriously.

What about the already excellent Muslim sisters out there who is looking for such a man. Before you go ahead and be the white knight in a horse with a long spear to save a woman (which you can never do...guidance is from Allah alone)...why not focus on making sure ALL the Muslim sisters (already muslim) who are not married and she is looking for a man to have her married and have her have children of her own. The other sisters who do not want to get married that s her choice..she doe not have too.

urkahnkhan said:

I have been there couple of times and I exactly know the feeling hence I feel as the right person to advice you on this subject.

As weird as it may sound don't leave this girl to dry just like that and go back to her and make dawah to her little by little and also remember to make dua for her in the same time and stay with her for another couple of months up to 6-9 months and remember to constantly give her dawah silently and in good manner.

Insha-allah you can save her from hell-fire and keep her as yours. Don't let your woman go that easily and this is something that I have learned from.

Don't take Islam as your own but share it with her because this is a blessing from Allah and saving the ones you love is one of the best deeds you can do. SAVE YOUR GIRL and when you have given her enough time of dua and she dosen't want to accept then you can leave her

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Jazakhallahu Khair brother... I understand what you are saying and i tried that too.I have tried to make dawah for her,i wouldnt leave like that cuz then that would be extremely selfish from my side.From the big love she had for me there is no problem for me being a practising muslim.She would be ok with that.But thats not enough.For how long? Who assures me that she wont wake up one day and dumb me,because i wouldnt want music in the house,animals,pictures etc.She says covering the hair is stupid,and while she agrees to cover the body she would never cover her hair.Its been 7 years i am struggling to leave the country and be independent so i can practise Islam in peace.After all i have been through i dont want to end up with this.What if one day she thinks hajj is stupid,or sadaqa is stupid,or not taking loan is stupid.How can i live like that. You understand what i mean?

I know what you may be thinking now,maybe i should have been more patient in giving her dawah.But there are reasons why i didnt:

1. i am not knowledgeable to give proper dawah
2. if i gave dawah for 9 more months and by that time she isnt muslim but more in love with me it would be way worst to leave her
3. i am afraid i would love her too. Nobody has ever loved me the way she did,not even my kafir family,so i would love her just cuz she was always puting me before her.And then I would do one haram here one haram there,whatever she wanted.I want to put Allah before everything else,cuz i dont know how much time i may left and my good deeds can be counted with fingers


JazakhAllahu Khair for the support and your reply brother.It is enough for me to know that you understand me and know what i feel.

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xboxisdead said:

You know...I need to take break...seriously.

What about the already excellent Muslim sisters out there who is looking for such a man. Before you go ahead and be the white knight in a horse with a long spear to save a woman (which you can never do...guidance is from Allah alone)...why not focus on making sure ALL the Muslim sisters (already muslim) who are not married and she is looking for a man to have her married and have her have children of her own. The other sisters who do not want to get married that s her choice..she doe not have too.

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I dont know where and how to find these excellent muslims.I dont have muslim parents or relatives to help me.And the muslims that are here,are way more pious than me,dont have wives themselves,firstly because there are not enough muslimah here,and second because this is a poor country and we dont have enough money to support them.And since I always wanted to leave (and i will soon finally in shaa Allah) for the sake of Allah,then my only choice is internet.But most of the muslims ive met on internet,want very knowledgeable guys who have money,and even those who have agreed that i go meet their father as soon as i am able to,accepted a proposal before i even met their father.Am not complaining,i kept it halal and elhamdulillah it happened,but really i dont know where to find these excellent

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Al Khorasani said:

Asalamu Alaikum

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Alaikum Salam...Ameen,you too my dear brother ..

Honestly....any sister whose priority first is a degree is out for me. She have full right to ask whatever she wants and I have full right to accept or refuse it. My excellent wife I am going to see is Insha'Allah going to Turkey with my brother next year and going to a village or rural area and find her there. Insha'Allah!

Try to convert her to islam. If she refuses then just apologize and leave. But make sure ur apology is sincere and genuine. You can not simply walk away after sabotaging someone's life. Yes it is for the sake of allah. But allah would be more pleased if you mended what you broke.

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Obviously do not see her anymore. But if she accepts islam then repent and marry her. I agree with urkhankhan, do not be rude and cold to that person and leave them to dry and claim it is for the "sake of allah". That person is someone daughter, someone's sister, could be someone's mother one day. We all mistakes but at least have the deceny of owning up to them. Especially when wronging others. Women are not objects but human beings too.

Studentofdeed said:

Try to convert her to islam. If she refuses then just apologize and leave. But make sure ur apology is sincere and genuine. You can not simply walk away after sabotaging someone's life. Yes it is for the sake of allah. But allah would be more pleased if you mended what you broke.

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Obviously do not see her anymore. But if she accepts islam then repent and marry her. I agree with urkhankhan, do not be rude and cold to that person and leave them to dry and claim it is for the "sake of allah". That person is someone daughter, someone's sister, could be someone's mother one day. We all mistakes but at least have the deceny of owning up to them. Especially when wronging others. Women are not objects but human beings too.

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I look at it more than just because she is a woman. I agree women are not objects and they are human beings to be treated the way Prophet peace be upon him...himself taught us to treat them, I agree 100%. But I also look at it what sort of woman I am marrying too. If she refuses to believe in Allah and become a Muslim then that will be the mother of my children. Do you want that for your children? Men and women are human beings and Islam taught us how to treat each other regardless of religion...however in day of judgement...Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) is not going to look at your gender...he is going to look at your believe. In the day of judgement women and men will be judged equally according to their action...concept of gender goes out the window faster than the blink of an eye. For me...is she going hold my children's hand and take them to hellfire? NO THANKS! Do not want it. Do not need it. Can do without it. So for the OP for his own self conscious to apologize to her...if that fails and she further guilt you into feeling you are a monster and she says things, "All men are evil. Men should die. Why can't men be mature? Blah blah blah.." THEN MOVE on. You have done your intention and you did IT ONLY FOR ALLAH alone and not for anything. Not even to make yourself better...you DID IT just for Allah and if she accepts great and she refuses to become Muslim then leave. She refuses ...you did your part...dust the dirt from your body...be STRONG and move on and do not repeat it again.

One of the greatest reasons why I push brothers to seek out Muslima's first...good believing Muslim's is because they will never allow the men to fall in the game as the OP mentioned. A good believing Muslima would want her walli to find her a suitor and there will father and potential husband working things out and doing it the correct Islamic way. BARAKAH AND GOOD THINGS COME OUT when you do it for sake of Allah...THAT ^ if you do it any other way!

By the way, in the day of judgement when the sun is above your head and she comes in to the court of Allah and she died a disbeliever she will not have anything to say against you or anything else...she will be dragged face on the floor by the angels and thrown into the hellfire to the bottom pit to burn eternity. If you died Muslim, ameen, eventually you will go to paradise and you will live your life happily ever after.

You still have to apologize. If she doesnt accept islan then you can move on. Let this serve as lesson not to mess around with someone's life. Also keep in mind not all muslims women are perfect. She has to pious and righteous and god fearing.