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lonelyplanet
10-02-2018, 02:45 PM
I want to ask what are various zina or illegal sex on a human . My husband used to be pious man ut then he suddenly changed his beliefs about Islam ,Allah and Yom e qyamah . I thought he went mad . He was taking no interest in our house and started living like a neighboour with us kind of not in mood of talking and discussing anything . He started hating children and started saying that they are a burden . He was unable to do his job saying he cannot cope. He used to get headache whenever I tried to talk to him . Later he was diagnosed with depression by GP as he was talking about suicide . God knows he was dodgy or was really depressed. he used to watch movies whole night In morning he used to talk about suicide and start such talks which can lead to fight . he gave me cold shoulder whenever i tried to discuss anything .He left house in this dilemma leaving us alone. Then afte a year i met a psychic or spirtual lady who told me that he was doing adultery and he was no good for me and kids thats why he is taken away from our lives and she was saying u should move on this is God s plan for u. Can anyone comment on this ...
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Zzz_
10-02-2018, 04:41 PM
He he was cheating or a more likely scenario is that someone had done sihr on him as he has the symptoms , one of his is sudden behavior change and out of character of what he became. psychic are fortune tellers, claiming to know the unseen. Going to them is haram and shirk.

whatever the case might be for your husband, you should recite the daily adkhars and protection suras/duas to safeguard yourself and your kids from hasad and sihr. This is not something to take lightly.
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فصيح الياسين
10-02-2018, 05:13 PM
Originally Posted by lonelyplanet
I want to ask what are various zina or illegal sex on a human . My husband used to be pious man ut then he suddenly changed his beliefs about Islam ,Allah and Yom e qyamah . I thought he went mad . He was taking no interest in our house and started living like a neighboour with us kind of not in mood of talking and discussing anything . He started hating children and started saying that they are a burden . He was unable to do his job saying he cannot cope. He used to get headache whenever I tried to talk to him . Later he was diagnosed with depression by GP as he was talking about suicide . God knows he was dodgy or was really depressed. he used to watch movies whole night In morning he used to talk about suicide and start such talks which can lead to fight . he gave me cold shoulder whenever i tried to discuss anything .He left house in this dilemma leaving us alone. Then afte a year i met a psychic or spirtual lady who told me that he was doing adultery and he was no good for me and kids thats why he is taken away from our lives and she was saying u should move on this is God s plan for u. Can anyone comment on this ...
Strange how she got he is doing an adultery
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فصيح الياسين
10-02-2018, 05:14 PM
Originally Posted by Zzz_
He he was cheating or a more likely scenario is that someone had done sihr on him as he has the symptoms , one of his is sudden behavior change and out of character of what he became. psychic are fortune tellers, claiming to know the unseen. Going to them is haram and shirk.

whatever the case might be for your husband, you should recite the daily adkhars and protection suras/duas to safeguard yourself and your kids from hasad and sihr. This is not something to take lightly.
I like your thoughts about this problem for her husband
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Futuwwa
10-02-2018, 05:24 PM
Any "spiritual lady" who tells you what God's plan is for you is either deluded or a scammer. Ignore everything she said and don't go back. She cannot help you.

Everything you say about your husband sounds to me like he's simply exhausted. Burned out by the stress and burden of prolonged pressure and expectations, of trying to be everything he's supposed to be as a Muslim husband and father. I know. I have been in that situation myself, I still largely am. Except that I did not do kufr, whatever happened to me at least I retained enough moral fortitude that none of it implies in any way that Islam isn't true. Anyways, zina had nothing to do with it, I've never done zina. I have, though, had some dark thoughts from time to time, getting the feeling that it'd be a relief to just leave it all, abandon my family and waste away my entire fortune on zina and khamr.

If you still have the ability to contact your husband, I advise you do so. Offer to welcome him back home, no questions asked. Be as unexpecting and non-judgmental as you can. He is a broken man who needs help, not condemnation. Try to be as appreciative as you can of everything good he has ever done, and remind yourself that he broke trying to be the man he was supposed to be.
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lonelyplanet
10-02-2018, 05:46 PM
bROTHER THANKS FOR REPLY.
But now I have divorced him islamically as when he came for patch up he was not behaving responsible towards kids and me. He was saying such things like go marry a guy ....go sleep with other man u might enjoy ....astaghfarallah ..But still i did not suspect him that he himself is not right I was just thinking that he has gone mad..that psychic lady came to me herself I did not go to see her ... She said its God s message for you which she wanted to deliver . Then she talked to my dad s dead spirit and told me things which no one else know...She also told me some good things about my incoming life ...wallahu alam...I was just looking for some effects which zina doers are carrying i was wondering some one can shed light ...Like that person will go forgetful will not behave nicely with kids etc..


Originally Posted by Zzz_
He he was cheating or a more likely scenario is that someone had done sihr on him as he has the symptoms , one of his is sudden behavior change and out of character of what he became. psychic are fortune tellers, claiming to know the unseen. Going to them is haram and shirk.

whatever the case might be for your husband, you should recite the daily adkhars and protection suras/duas to safeguard yourself and your kids from hasad and sihr. This is not something to take lightly.
- - - Updated - - -

I gave him plenty of time one year but he was being egoistic as in the end when he refused to come back i asked for divorce as he was moving to another country without sorting out marriage and kids. He blocked our numbers and kept no contact then all pf a sudden he started saying that i want to come to see u but first apologies my mother as she is hurt . i did appologies her though i did nothing haram things . Then after i talke his mother he started saying oh i need to do istikhaara to come back and reconnect with u and kids . I said who on earth do istikhaara to patch up with family . Then he said ok i have a girl friend and i dont want to come back ... I said then why you asked me to appologies ur mother . I insisted that whatever he should come . I was thinking once he will be here i will light up my love in his heart ... he came then he denied that he has no girl friend....he was looking different ..he spent no money not a single penny on earth... Then he started saying ok u keep islamic marriage but take british divorce as you were already filing divorce so go ahead with it as have it as u desired.... I asked him i dont want divorce we have three kids please think ...but he kept insisted....He was carrying negative eneregy this much that after an argument i started feeling i will die with his strange negatuve energy and i asked hm to leave ... he was looking crook so i consulted my lawyer and sent him divorce ... He was tangled in his phone all the time in his stay..
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anatolian
10-02-2018, 05:49 PM
Yes I think he suffers from depression and it seems a major one. I know because I suffered from it too. Be more merciful towards him. Mercy heals several problems. But just be more carefull at the same time. He might do things other than zina(dont know if he ever done since you cannot trust a stranger on that) you would never expect. Encourage him to take professional help. He will reject this at first but be insistent about it. You can do this if you still love him.
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lonelyplanet
10-02-2018, 05:56 PM
On getting divorce he said ok if this is your happiness then i cannot do anything . His whole behaviour was abusive like he is trying to play with my helplessness and do wahtever he wants as he is a male with good job.

- - - Updated - - -

Sister yes he was prescribed anti depressants but he stopped and refused taking them when he was living with us one year ago ... He attacked me when i was talking to his mum and telling her bout his condition ...we called ambulance as he was off medicine but police came and then he left house after that event.. Living outside he started cycling probably after one or two months of taking rest ...but still he was saying weird things like this dunya has jannat and jhanam there is no jaanah afterwards.
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Mandy
10-02-2018, 06:00 PM
Originally Posted by anatolian
Yes I think he suffers from depression and it seems a major one. I know because I suffered from it too. Be more merciful towards him. Mercy heals several problems. But just be more carefull at the same time. He might do things other than zina(dont know if he ever done since you cannot trust a stranger on that) you would never expect. Encourage him to take professional help. He will reject this at first but be insistent about it. You can do this if you still love him.
I agree that this man seems to have depression. He needs professional help.

I also doubt any sort of fortuneteller is of any help here. She was probably just trying to say anything you might believe to get your money.
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lonelyplanet
10-02-2018, 06:03 PM
no that lady did not demand any money
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azc
10-02-2018, 06:39 PM
@Bushwackk :

Bro, Does her husband need a Raqi or a doctor..?
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Mandy
10-02-2018, 06:43 PM
Originally Posted by lonelyplanet
no that lady did not demand any money
You still should talk to a professional. Just the fact that your husband readily said he agreed to a divorce to please you, it indicates something is wrong. Don't give up on him.
Go with him and talk to the Iman at your mosque, go see a doctor, but do not simply abandon him when he needs support.
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lonelyplanet
10-02-2018, 07:29 PM
He is already living in another country doing job there as we can see from his jobs website. But yes he is not working full time . His behaviour was dodgy as I asked him to pay maintenance for kidshe said he will stop working if he has to pay any money to kids . Wallahu alam

what was his issue
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Mandy
10-02-2018, 09:18 PM
Originally Posted by lonelyplanet
He is already living in another country doing job there as we can see from his jobs website. But yes he is not working full time . His behaviour was dodgy as I asked him to pay maintenance for kidshe said he will stop working if he has to pay any money to kids . Wallahu alam

what was his issue
He is not home with you??? Now that changes things a lot. How long has he been away??
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lonelyplanet
10-02-2018, 09:29 PM
Originally Posted by Mandy
He is not home with you??? Now that changes things a lot. How long has he been away??
He is away from house for a year . He moved to another country few months ago . Just last month he came after my efforts to reconnect with us but he again started talking about divorce after 2 days of stay . Then I asked him why you are here then he said he is here to meet kids only.
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Scimitar
10-02-2018, 09:45 PM
Originally Posted by azc
@Bushwackk:

Bro, Does her husband need a Raqi or a doctor..?
how would I know? We only have one side of the story.
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lonelyplanet
10-02-2018, 10:07 PM
Probably this is dilemma of modern world. We all need mini jannah here in this world. In heart we are longing for it but in contrary to this we are showing that we are happy in our marriages and dealings . Whoever see grass is green on other side gets a chance and flee away . From where I see he was an opportunistic guy with lots of confusion about himself in this process of self discovery and search for worldly desires he ran away leaving us . He was all time saying what about my dreams when I will fulfil them . But yes sad how Satan trap people.
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xboxisdead
10-02-2018, 11:19 PM
Originally Posted by lonelyplanet
I want to ask what are various zina or illegal sex on a human . My husband used to be pious man ut then he suddenly changed his beliefs about Islam ,Allah and Yom e qyamah . I thought he went mad . He was taking no interest in our house and started living like a neighboour with us kind of not in mood of talking and discussing anything . He started hating children and started saying that they are a burden . He was unable to do his job saying he cannot cope. He used to get headache whenever I tried to talk to him . Later he was diagnosed with depression by GP as he was talking about suicide . God knows he was dodgy or was really depressed. he used to watch movies whole night In morning he used to talk about suicide and start such talks which can lead to fight . he gave me cold shoulder whenever i tried to discuss anything .He left house in this dilemma leaving us alone. Then afte a year i met a psychic or spirtual lady who told me that he was doing adultery and he was no good for me and kids thats why he is taken away from our lives and she was saying u should move on this is God s plan for u. Can anyone comment on this ...
Sister... I am just curious. Before he switched this way, during his time of his marriage with you....did you give him his rights as a husband and how as Islam commanded the woman to treat her husband? I am just wondering.

A) Where you the qanit obedient wife who when he comes home you are pleasing to his eyes?

B) Where you the wife when he comes home he feels he is entering paradise after all the abuse he dealt in the outside so that you recharged him? Did you blow his ego like an inflated balloon by using your words and actions?

C) I am wondering, where you the wife that made him feel like he is the man of the house and his special and he feels the special role of a husband and made him feel like a man and that is the advantage of been a man for men alone and that a man is important and necessary and and....?

D) Did you always look at your best for him and made love to him when he needs it?

I am just checking to see the sudden switch. You see....men are humans. We seem to have forgotten this and expect men to be heartless working drone that can be replaced by the next metal robot and he have to take all the abuse possible and he have to give give give and there is nothing special about him and this is his duty and his job and and..and the wife comes at him with her finger wagging at him pointing out all his faults and she is doing him a favor and and...so what end up happening is that the man eventually breaks. He goes to pieces. He chatters and when he breaks..he break. He just...breaks. He cannot be fixed ones he is broken. Nope. Sorry. He is broken. So how was your relation with him? Did you do things to him that when you die and meet Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and been asked how you treated your husband you can smile and say I have done everything to please Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and Allah will be pleased by your action? Ooooorrr.....
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lonelyplanet
10-03-2018, 04:09 AM
Sister honestly I did everything to please him I am very gentle lady and I always cooked for him and cleaned for him no nagging . But only issue which might took toll on him was of my son who cannot talk and has a condition I was always in need of help from him taking care of this disabled kid plus two other kids . Only couple of times there happened an argument and problem was I was drained by my special need son . Moreover he was also carrying this thing in his heart that my son is disabled because of his genes as suck things are present in his family. I went fat because of all stress I was taking . But in all such things you cannot say I was not fulfilling his needs . My conscience is clear . But yes some distance started coming between us as he was neither ready to discuss any home issues nor he was ready to work . One or two fights doesn’t mean u fell out of love.Men should also do sabr. Yes but there was an ongoing tension in our house because of that kid only.
Originally Posted by xboxisdead
Sister... I am just curious. Before he switchedi feel my conscience is clear. this way, during his time of his marriage with you....did you give him his rights as a husband and how as Islam commanded the woman to treat her husband? I am just wondering.

A) Where you the qanit obedient wife who when he comes home you are pleasing to his eyes?

B) Where you the wife when he comes home he feels he is entering paradise after all the abuse he dealt in the outside so that you recharged him? Did you blow his ego like an inflated balloon by using your words and actions?

C) I am wondering, where you the wife that made him feel like he is the man of the house and his special and he feels the special role of a husband and made him feel like a man and that is the advantage of been a man for men alone and that a man is important and necessary and and....?

D) Did you always look at your best for him and made love to him when he needs it?

I am just checking to see the sudden switch. You see....men are humans. We seem to have forgotten this and expect men to be heartless working drone that can be replaced by the next metal robot and he have to take all the abuse possible and he have to give give give and there is nothing special about him and this is his duty and his job and and..and the wife comes at him with her finger wagging at him pointing out all his faults and she is doing him a favor and and...so what end up happening is that the man eventually breaks. He goes to pieces. He chatters and when he breaks..he break. He just...breaks. He cannot be fixed ones he is broken. Nope. Sorry. He is broken. So how was your relation with him? Did you do things to him that when you die and meet Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and been asked how you treated your husband you can smile and say I have done everything to please Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and Allah will be pleased by your action? Ooooorrr.....
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xboxisdead
10-03-2018, 04:17 AM
Originally Posted by lonelyplanet
Sister honestly I did everything to please him I am very gentle lady and I always cooked for him and cleaned for him no nagging . But only issue which might took toll on him was of my son who cannot talk and has a condition I was always in need of help from him taking care of this disabled kid plus two other kids . Only couple of times there happened an argument and problem was I was drained by my special need son . Moreover he was also carrying this thing in his heart that my son is disabled because of his genes as suck things are present in his family. I went fat because of all stress I was taking . But in all such things you cannot say I was not fulfilling his needs . My conscience is clear . But yes some distance started coming between us as he was neither ready to discuss any home issues nor he was ready to work . One or two fights doesn’t mean u fell out of love.Men should also do sabr. Yes but there was an ongoing tension in our house because of that kid only.

I agree sister. Sabr is also part of the requirement for marriage. Hmmm...it is odd that a sudden switch occurs like that out of the blues O_O. I am scared that a magic have been cast on your household that is designed to separate the husband and the wife. Sister, do you have enemies who wish to see your marriage broken up? I really do believe in magic and I do believe magic is used to separate husband and wife it is even mentioned in Qura'an so I believe it and it is as real as my hands is used now to type these words.

This sudden switch is amazing and shocking.
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lonelyplanet
10-03-2018, 04:30 AM
Yes sister maybe. But probably it’s magic of these European ladies .... I am indian I cannot look beautiful and active like the English ladies who live here and work with our partners . Bearing kids made me fat plus my busy life also made me a bit serious and practical. Men probably who are not mature enough they think that wife will b like a heroine all the life and if she doesn’t look like one they adopt a secret life and start living in it . My husband was bad in fixing problems if something happened he used to say it can never b fixed. Enemies are everywhere. But I see he was full of desires and he was feeling himself trapped with disabled kid. As he was the one who was all time in need of attention. Forexampl the disabled son took away our master bed then one of us has to move out and sleep in another room.
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AabiruSabeel
10-03-2018, 05:31 AM
Thread closed to avoid further derailment. Marital issues are better not discussed here as we all see only one side of the story.

Is it also not appropriate to assume zina based on anyone's word. Allah :swt: says,

Why, when you heard it, did not the believing men and believing women think good of one another and say, "This is an obvious falsehood"?
Why did they [who slandered] not produce for it four witnesses? And when they do not produce the witnesses, then it is they, in the sight of Allah , who are the liars.
And if it had not been for the favor of Allah upon you and His mercy in this world and the Hereafter, you would have been touched for that [lie] in which you were involved by a great punishment
When you received it with your tongues and said with your mouths that of which you had no knowledge and thought it was insignificant while it was, in the sight of Allah , tremendous.
And why, when you heard it, did you not say, "It is not for us to speak of this. Exalted are You, [O Allah ]; this is a great slander"?
Allah warns you against returning to the likes of this [conduct], ever, if you should be believers. [Surah An-Noor: 12-17]
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