Is Allah mocking me?

I feel like my life is going completely opposite the way I want. The mosque is no longer a place of safety. I feel like an outsider. Whenever I try to help others I'm made a fool out of. When people say your honest...it literally means your an idiot. I'm doing all that I can to make Allah happy and gave so much up. I changed so much for the sake of him and went so many times out of the way. I'm not trying to be ungrateful for that Allah has done for me...but I seriously feel like Allah mocks me. I now know that any hope of marriage, children, and good life is impossible. Otherwise it would have been easy for me. Allah doesnt want me to get those things. Probably because i dont deserve them. My life has become extremely unbareable ever since I became more religious. I just wish that if Allah hated me he would just kill me and not drag this pain out.

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Funny thing is everytime someone dies I always wish and ask why not me...how lucky is that guy? He doesnt have to suffer anymore. Islam is the only thing preventing me from removing my pathetic existence from the world

Studentofdeed said:

I feel like my life is going completely opposite the way I want. The mosque is no longer a place of safety. I feel like an outsider. Whenever I try to help others I'm made a fool out of. When people say your honest...it literally means your an idiot. I'm doing all that I can to make Allah happy and gave so much up. I changed so much for the sake of him and went so many times out of the way. I'm not trying to be ungrateful for that Allah has done for me...but I seriously feel like Allah mocks me. I now know that any hope of marriage, children, and good life is impossible. Otherwise it would have been easy for me. Allah doesnt want me to get those things. Probably because i dont deserve them. My life has become extremely unbareable ever since I became more religious. I just wish that if Allah hated me he would just kill me and not drag this pain out.

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Funny thing is everytime someone dies I always wish and ask why not me...how lucky is that guy? He doesnt have to suffer anymore. Islam is the only thing preventing me from removing my pathetic existence from the world

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The thing is you have to understasnd how Allah (swt) deals with us.

Many times we blame Allah (swt) for not granting us x, y and z but reality and harsh truth is we didnt put in the work.

When i didnt do too well in my exams, i blamed Allah, thinking Allah let me down, or Allah didnt want that for me.

Actually there was a flipside to that coin, I didnt put in the work, i relied on Allah without doing enough homework and ground-work.

Allah has systems in place.

Allah will help you but you have to do the ground work.

Now to your problems (highlighted in red from your post)...

1. Why do you care what other people think so much ?

2. Why is it impossible for your to get a wife ?


Also why do you think wife, kids, and good life should come easy ? It doesnt come easy for anyone.

Even people who dont believe in Allah have to work day and night to get a family and maintain it.

It takes work, it takes effort.

Thats what this life is about. Work and effort. More work and more effort.

Everyone complains about their lot in life, but Allah already told you in this life you cant have anything unless...
you strive for it.

Pick yourself back up, dust yourself off and re-build whatever part of your life (financial, emotional, spiritual etc) is broken.

We are not sat in Heaven that Allah should give us whatever we wish, or give us a easy life.

We are in Dunya, we are still in the Arena.

What matters is that when "practicing muslims" look down on you and look for every opportunity to mock you, it really chips on your faith. I try not to think what others think but then these people come and religious blackmail me into doing things for them. My only purpose has been trying to please Allah, and these people know that. Sad reality is that if I EVER were to ask the same or help from them, they would say no out of selfishness. I was so naive to think that muslims were good people. Now as a muslim who resent other muslims because I do not feel safe from them.
From my father who only talks about religion when it suits his purpose. I become the disobedient child who Allah is angry just for standing up for myself because the verbal and emotional abuse makes me angry. I honestly do what I can to not get angry but there are limits. When I had my surgery and was sick for long time he was very indifferent. He didnt even seem to care and it seemed like a burden for him to visit me in the hospital. My father is the reason why I was disturbed by islam from a young age and wasnt religous.

Is suicide really end with hell forever? Because the more I think about it, I keep hearing two thinks. Some say its hell forever other say its only for a while. Frankly part of me doesnt even want to get married, even if I had the opportunity I just lost all hope. Maybe Allah doesnt think I deserve it. I know that not all women are bad...but to be honest I hate them now. I respect them and keep my distance but after hearing so many horror stories and been treated in such a horrible way I lost faith in them. How can I be a good muslim when I dont even trust others and suspicions of everyone especially when everyone is EVIL.

What's past is past so you should try to forget the past; forget and forgive

Every person needs to be 'positive' minded to succeed in and have a happy life, and even more so when a person suffers from depression so try to look upon all the past afflictions you've had, whether people mocked you or done terrible injustice to you, as justice, therefore mercy from Allah as Allah's punishments gets sins forgiven and saves us from the higher afterlife punishment

I don't see why people should mock you or 'opress' you in masjid so you might be just imagining these things as depression can lead to paranoia. But just incase some people do give you mocking funny looks, try to ignore people in mosque and just do your fard salah and come home and do sunnah salah in home

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And bro, you've said sometimes that in the past you've been a terrible sinner; this is the humble way to think of oneself; even now you should think of yourself as a terrible sinner, so try not to think along the lines of 'all my life I've just tried to do good for people and be the best Muslim I can...' as this way of thinking smacks of pride and is likely to increase on your woes. Allah loves the humble; those who think very low of themselves and never say that they are or have been good.

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Also wanting to commit suicide and just refraining out of fear of hell indicates you are very ungrateful for the bounty Allah has drowned you in; this adds to depression too

Try to look on the bright side of life, think of all of Allah's blessings on you and how any affliction you've suffered could have been far worse if not for the grace of Allah, and be grateful! Say lots of Alhamdulillah's daily!

Right now I just feel crippled by my depression. Does commiting suicide really end one in hell forever? Why are there different opinions on it??

Salaams.

To keep it short, I’m just going to say to look at our holy prophet and his strife. He was labelled a madman, he suffered greatly as a result of pushing out Allah’s message.

Any normal person would have given up ...


eace:

Studentofdeed said:

Right now I just feel crippled by my depression. Does commiting suicide really end one in hell forever? Why are there different opinions on it??

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Have you considered seeking medical attention. Not everytime a Muslim has depression its because of weak Iman. Sometimes it could be a chemical imbalance in the brain. The fact you are considering ending your life when from what I've seen from your posts you dont have it as bad as many others who dont even entertain something like suicide makes me wonder if something is up

As for suicide being forever even if it isn't you cant handle jahanam for twenty seconds let alone thousands of years. Go turn your stove element on full and keep your hand there for five minutes. You cant none of us can. What about the fire of hellfire. This is shaitaan talking snap out of it

Yes things are tough for you currently but theres probably millions in the grave wishing to be in the situation you are in

Less attitude more gratitude is what you should be striving for. Trust me you will feel heaps better inshaAllah

If I seek medical attention it will decrease my chances of going into health care. How will be able to do health when I'm unhealthy myself? I'm only saying since Islam is the true religion, why am I the only one trying to be good? Why am I the only who cares about being honest or having good character. It shocks me still when people know islam is the truth yet they dont act on it. It's what undermines my faith also...it just disgusts me that these people can lie, kill, slander, and rape their way and still believe them selves to be good muslims. I'm only saying and was thinking that allah sometimes drowns them in bounties, and me in pressure and pain. If in the end we all go to heaven then what's the difference between trying and giving up? If in the end all the bad are equal as the good

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Again I apologize...I'm not trying to cause fitnah. I'm only trying to seek advice and reassurances. I really am trying to be good muslim that's why I am here. I really am sorry if i get on anyone nerves. This days the pain gets too much that I get really bad thoughts

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And I sincerely do love Allah and I am grateful for the things he has done for me. But I just wish the pain would stop and he would tell me that he loved me or showed some sign. Even the prophet saw was loved but I dont feel loved

Studentofdeed said:

If I seek medical attention it will decrease my chances of going into health care. How will be able to do health when I'm unhealthy myself? I'm only saying since Islam is the true religion, why am I the only one trying to be good? Why am I the only who cares about being honest or having good character. It shocks me still when people know islam is the truth yet they dont act on it. It's what undermines my faith also...it just disgusts me that these people can lie, kill, slander, and rape their way and still believe them selves to be good muslims. I'm only saying and was thinking that allah sometimes drowns them in bounties, and me in pressure and pain. If in the end we all go to heaven then what's the difference between trying and giving up? If in the end all the bad are equal as the good

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Again I apologize...I'm not trying to cause fitnah. I'm only trying to seek advice and reassurances. I really am trying to be good muslim that's why I am here. I really am sorry if i get on anyone nerves. This days the pain gets too much that I get really bad thoughts

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And I sincerely do love Allah and I am grateful for the things he has done for me. But I just wish the pain would stop and he would tell me that he loved me or showed some sign. Even the prophet saw was loved but I dont feel loved

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This is a misunderstanding on your part

Firstly those muslims who get up to all kinds of haram have no guarantee they will die on Iman subhanAllah none of us do that's why we need to strive constantly

Secondly let's say they did manage to die upon Iman. Is one who is punished in a blazing fire for what could be millions of years Allahu alim like one who enters paradise without punishment

Thirdly let's say they escape punishment but are on the bottom level of jannah and you are in firdaws. The rewards and bliss you will be experiencing inshaAllah compared to them cant be described
So no the two aren't equal

Then theres something even better than these things. Is one who is loved by Allah the lord of all that exists like one who is hated by him

Keep striving brother and dont give up. We all slip from time to time but picking oneself back up that counts

Also watch some Islamic lectures about jannah inshaAllah this will be the pick me up you need

Jazakallah khayran I feel definitely follow your advice. May allah bless you all for helping me. I apologize again

I am not sure if people are intentionally trying to be dense in their responses, or just lack empathy or understanding. Of course its the latter. From what I get from the OP is that he is feeling overwhelmed with what life is throwing at him, and doesn't understand why this is happening especially since making a bigger effort to be a better Muslim. Studentofdeed, this happens. Being tested is a part of life. I know it can be stressful and exhausting, but it is what it is, and it will only be for a time, granted you don't give up.

Some of us are tested in the way you are being challenged, others in more challenging ways. Don't ever look at someone else's life and be jealous of their position because you have no idea what kind of struggles they are secretly going through, or have been through. (I am not saying you are jealous, but I'm just making a point)

I can suggest that you just hold on to what you are striving for, stick to your dreams and ambitions, and most importantly, always be grateful that your situation isn't worse. Gratitude can change everything. Even none Muslims will attest to this. A change of mindset and a sense of gratitude will open doors for you where you least expect it. You just have to hold on.

Studentofdeed said:

.when I dont even trust others and suspicions of everyone especially when everyone is EVIL.

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Brother sorry I missed a crucial comment...

That comment you wrote there about everyone being evil is a symptom of schizophrenia. So I'm afraid your depression has turned into something far worse and you need to seek professional medical help

Thank you again Yahaya. Inshallah I'm trying my best please keep me in ur duas. And sadly no it's TRUE everyone is evil. There are no more good people. They are all gone. It's what the prophet saw also said

Now, with that comment of yours, the pieces are all fitting into place and a picture is emerging. How can everyone just be bad and evil towards you bruv? And even in the masjid?

There might have been 1 or 2 incidents where someone might have been rude but it's apperant now that you have a level of paranoid schizophrenia bruv and you are imagining most of it.

I've studied mental illness and thinking everyone is evil is a classic hall mark of this illness

So try to remain engaged in zikr and do lots of Quran tilawat, InshAllah this will cure you

Studentofdeed said:

Thank you again Yahaya. Inshallah I'm trying my best please keep me in ur duas. And sadly no it's TRUE everyone is evil. There are no more good people. They are all gone. It's what the prophet saw also said

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Dont you think that you are exagerating a little bit? There is no such thing "no more good people". Of course, there are many good and bad peoppe, you just have to find them. Also, maybe you are a teenager and maybe thats why you think everyone is mean to you? Because, I've been in same situation and years later my mind is completely changed and I have meet good people, also these bad people which I thought about them are turned into good.

Please, try to think positive instead of negative.

No. I'm not a teenager. And sadly the community I live in is very corrupt. If you had to see these people and met them, you would belive me. So many people lie and break promises. People hear have no fear of Allah. They are very selfish and truly in all my life I have never met such evil people. Some of the worst people from experience I have met here. This is again why people dislike islam despite not realizing that the religion is perfect not the people.

May Allah make it easier for you.

AssalaamuAlaikum WaRahmatullahi WaBarakattu!

My dearest brother,

Please read this question, and my answer to it. It may be a bit irrelevant, but please read every bit of it. Also, is there a way we could perhaps communicate more efficiently?
I also suffer from some of the symptoms that you do, but now I am doing a lot better thanks to Allah subhanwatallah! Please do not ever opt for medication unless your really losing it and/or hurting yourself/someone. Something is wrong with your faith, it lacks substance, therefore your relation with Allah is disintegrating and your entire belief system, attitude is crumbling with it.

Message me and il let you know