Salam,
It is currently my first year attending college at Cambridge. Myself and a few friends came here, and thus I don't feel alone and tend to always be busy whether it be studying or conversing. A notable friend of these, a female, took my interest during high school, and as such we grew closer though nothing more occurred. Once we realized we were attending the same college, we became close again nearing the end of summer and now, during most of our non-class time, spend time studying together.
This is of course great, until I start putting her agenda and priorities and satisfactions ahead of my own. I tend to make time where there is none, afraid of saying no and unsatisfying her. To an extent, I feel obligated to her due to our history though on a different note, at times, perceive a future in which she is a part of. Currently though, I do not know what I want, due to this:
Last year, our last year of high school, I split from a long-time best friend. He was much closer to this female than I was, wanted much more, and saw me as a threat slowly as the year progressed, and thus began despising me, manipulating others to also despise me and think twice about their stance on me. I attempted to make amends, and did so temporarily during the summer, though I came to the realization that he only made amends with me to make amends with her, as she couldn't understand why he still despised me.
Now, this person is still very close and in touch with her, though long-distance as he attends a different university, and has again began to despise me and manipulate others into the same, and I am unsure as to why, whether it be jealousy, anger, or fear.
I feel as if her relationship with him affects that of mine with her, though I constantly have thoughts of putting her to the side to focus on my studies despite the fact that my studies are going well. Despite the fact that she is my closest friend here and I spend the most time with her, I feel sometimes as though that is only because of our history and because I am without choice and without others.
At times I feel exhausted of helping others, and at other times, in the moment, I couldn't imagine it being any other way (as in, to clarify, I enjoy helping her).
All in all, I am confused and need some guidance. I have been praying for answers and continue to do so.
Thank you in advance.
It is currently my first year attending college at Cambridge. Myself and a few friends came here, and thus I don't feel alone and tend to always be busy whether it be studying or conversing. A notable friend of these, a female, took my interest during high school, and as such we grew closer though nothing more occurred. Once we realized we were attending the same college, we became close again nearing the end of summer and now, during most of our non-class time, spend time studying together.
This is of course great, until I start putting her agenda and priorities and satisfactions ahead of my own. I tend to make time where there is none, afraid of saying no and unsatisfying her. To an extent, I feel obligated to her due to our history though on a different note, at times, perceive a future in which she is a part of. Currently though, I do not know what I want, due to this:
Last year, our last year of high school, I split from a long-time best friend. He was much closer to this female than I was, wanted much more, and saw me as a threat slowly as the year progressed, and thus began despising me, manipulating others to also despise me and think twice about their stance on me. I attempted to make amends, and did so temporarily during the summer, though I came to the realization that he only made amends with me to make amends with her, as she couldn't understand why he still despised me.
Now, this person is still very close and in touch with her, though long-distance as he attends a different university, and has again began to despise me and manipulate others into the same, and I am unsure as to why, whether it be jealousy, anger, or fear.
I feel as if her relationship with him affects that of mine with her, though I constantly have thoughts of putting her to the side to focus on my studies despite the fact that my studies are going well. Despite the fact that she is my closest friend here and I spend the most time with her, I feel sometimes as though that is only because of our history and because I am without choice and without others.
At times I feel exhausted of helping others, and at other times, in the moment, I couldn't imagine it being any other way (as in, to clarify, I enjoy helping her).
All in all, I am confused and need some guidance. I have been praying for answers and continue to do so.
Thank you in advance.
