I Asked My Mom If It's Time I Get Married...

[Iceee]

:sl:

It took a lot of courage but I did it! I asked my Mom if it's time I get married. And what was her response? "Not yet."

It truly hurts that she said that. Yes, I may not have the best career job (Working at Tim Hortons) as a fast food worker. Or I may not have the best education. But I personally feel it's time to settle down, get married and focus on starting my own family.

I'm in my Early 20's. I am a Sunni Muslim born and raised in Canada. My parents background is South Asian. I have a full time job working 5-7 days a week and a second job working 1-2 days a week (cash job). I have no debt and have so much savings, already saving for retirement.

I'm unsure how long my Mom thinks I have to be single. When I turn 30, She will probably look to get me married to a woman in India, Pakistan or Bangladesh.

Anyways, I think I'm going to focus more on reading the Quran and praying namaaz with the local masjid's congregation as much as possible. I'm also going to begin travelling the world. I want to go to every country in the world and explore this Dunya as much as possible.

Should I get married right now, going against my Mother's wishes because I feel it's time (To help avoid Shaytaan and temptations)?
Or have patience and wait until I am at least 30 and marry who my Mom wishes, to make her happy?

[xboxisdead]

:sl:

It took a lot of courage but I did it! I asked my Mom if it's time I get married. And what was her response? "Not yet."

It truly hurts that she said that. Yes, I may not have the best career job (Working at Tim Hortons) as a fast food worker. Or I may not have the best education. But I personally feel it's time to settle down, get married and focus on starting my own family.

I'm in my Early 20's. I am a Sunni Muslim born and raised in Canada. My parents background is South Asian. I have a full time job working 5-7 days a week and a second job working 1-2 days a week (cash job). I have no debt and have so much savings, already saving for retirement.

I'm unsure how long my Mom thinks I have to be single. When I turn 30, She will probably look to get me married to a woman in India, Pakistan or Bangladesh.

Anyways, I think I'm going to focus more on reading the Quran and praying namaaz with the local masjid's congregation as much as possible. I'm also going to begin travelling the world. I want to go to every country in the world and explore this Dunya as much as possible.

Should I get married right now, going against my Mother's wishes because I feel it's time (To help avoid Shaytaan and temptations)?
Or have patience and wait until I am at least 30 and marry who my Mom wishes, to make her happy?

I am unsure if there is any consolidation on this, but should you do haraam your mom is going to take share on your sin because she prevented you from getting married. Sure she enjoyed this minimal power over you, but oooo weee, she miscalculated the responsibility and consequences of her action. But alas, I suggest you talk this with her and get from her why she said not yet. If she thinks your immature or still a child or do not hold responsibility know she is valuing her term of maturity from her gender point of view and that is an unfair! Men are not women. You are working, you are making money, if you are paying the bill and know between right and wrong and know the responsibility of money in Islam you are fit for marriage. You do not need to be born a female and get pregnant and breast feed in order to proof your mother you are a fit man. Otherwise, if the concept of maturity goes only women level then all males and females will have 100% the same body and brain so that marriage be established.


Men's maturity and female's maturity are completely in different scale and scope for their appropriate roles. So here comes the criteria to be legible for marriage. Please answer this survey with full honestly:

A) Are you working full time?
B) Do you come to work on time and are you responsible in your work and honest in your and hard earned worker?
C) Do you pay your bills?
D) Do you know between right and wrong?
E) Are you responsible with your money? Do you know about investing and saving and looking for the future? Do you know the value of money?
F) Do you pray all your five prayers correctly?
G) Do you read Qura'an and even attempt memorization of it?
H) Are you an honest person?
I) I am not much into details of this question, so simply answer yes or no. Do you do haraam things?


If you answered from A to H all Yes and for question I you answered No you are legible for marriage and your mother should say yes and push you for marriage. Not so that you get a degree job position and make millions of dollars to be legible for marriage.

[Iceee]

A) Are you working full time? Yes I am, 5-7 days a week.

B) Do you come to work on time and are you responsible in your work and honest in your and hard earned worker? Yes. I've been commended, gotten bonus + overtime for coming to work on time, everyday, never late and have never missed a shift or gotten sick in 4 years working FAST FOOD>. Inshallah my health continues to stay strong.

C) Do you pay your bills? Yes. Every month when I get my bank statement I go to the bank and pay off the full balance on my credit card ALWAYS. I don't want to pay interest or have debt.

D) Do you know between right and wrong? Yes I know what is right from wrong.

E) Are you responsible with your money? Do you know about investing and saving and looking for the future? Do you know the value of money? Absolutely. I am putting money away into my RRSP and TFSA as it speaks, Inshallah the money will grow overtime.

F) Do you pray all your five prayers correctly? Yes. With proper Wudu and Inshallah I try my best to pray congregation at the masjid.

G) Do you read Qura'an and even attempt memorization of it? Yes. Currently trying to memorise Surah Yaseen.

H) Are you an honest person? YES.

I) I am not much into details of this question, so simply answer yes or no. Do you do haraam things? Absolutely not. But working many hours/days causes me to miss prayers. Inshallah the prayers I do complete at a later time do count.

Maybe it's time for me to get married?

I love my parents so much... I would give all the money I have + my life for them. I don't want to upset them, especially my Mom who has given up so much for me. But she's denying me an opportunity to get married and start my own family when I am able. I'm unsure what happens next, Allah knows best I guess I should just be patient, continue working and saving for my eventual spouse?

[Ahmed.]

:wa:

If you fear falling into zina, then you should marry.

And since you have lots of money saved up, why not start up a business rather than waste it on holiday? You don't want to work hard all your life do you? And a business will allow you to take it easy :Emoji51:

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[xboxisdead]

A) Are you working full time? Yes I am, 5-7 days a week.

B) Do you come to work on time and are you responsible in your work and honest in your and hard earned worker? Yes. I've been commended, gotten bonus + overtime for coming to work on time, everyday, never late and have never missed a shift or gotten sick in 4 years working FAST FOOD>. Inshallah my health continues to stay strong.

C) Do you pay your bills? Yes. Every month when I get my bank statement I go to the bank and pay off the full balance on my credit card ALWAYS. I don't want to pay interest or have debt.

D) Do you know between right and wrong? Yes I know what is right from wrong.

E) Are you responsible with your money? Do you know about investing and saving and looking for the future? Do you know the value of money? Absolutely. I am putting money away into my RRSP and TFSA as it speaks, Inshallah the money will grow overtime.

F) Do you pray all your five prayers correctly? Yes. With proper Wudu and Inshallah I try my best to pray congregation at the masjid.

G) Do you read Qura'an and even attempt memorization of it? Yes. Currently trying to memorise Surah Yaseen.

H) Are you an honest person? YES.

I) I am not much into details of this question, so simply answer yes or no. Do you do haraam things? Absolutely not. But working many hours/days causes me to miss prayers. Inshallah the prayers I do complete at a later time do count.

Maybe it's time for me to get married?

I love my parents so much... I would give all the money I have + my life for them. I don't want to upset them, especially my Mom who has given up so much for me. But she's denying me an opportunity to get married and start my own family when I am able. I'm unsure what happens next, Allah knows best I guess I should just be patient, continue working and saving for my eventual spouse?

If I had a daughter I would marry her to you right now.

GO

tell your mom that you are going to get married and you are out in a search for a wife. Tell her in Islam she cannot stop you from getting married and you are free to get married with her permission or without her permission. Tell her you are going to get married for the sake of Allah and his pleasure by avoiding doing hara'am. Tell her that you need to get married and raise a family and you are responsible for the job.

Of course this is what mom and women will do. I want you to be prepared for these responses from women/mother because they always have a come back in return.

Your mother will reply back and say something like this:

A) Oh, so you are threatening by doing haraam things if you don't get married?
B) What you cannot control yourself? You are an animal? You can hold yourself, you can control yourself, do fasting. You only think about your <censor>. Grow up!
C) Here is another famous one they say, "No is going to give their daughter to a person working in Tim Horton. Do you have a business? Do you have a company under your name? Do you know how to run a business? Are you responsible to opening your business? People expect the man to pay big money for their daughter. DO you have money to buy her a house, jewelry, expensive weddings (with music, dancing girls and big parties). Can you afford that? You are only 20 years old. You are too young to get married. You don't know what it is like to be a man. Grow up first!"
D) You are not yet ready son. You still need to get a proper education, degree, you need to be responsible for yourself. You are still a child. You have not grown up yet.


That is what mothers do. They baby their son and make them feel like a 10 year old. So you end up acting like a 10 year old. Then she come back at you and says, "I am tired of taking care of you guys. WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP? Act responsible. You have being a burden on my shoulder...I wanted to raise men but I have little boys who are immature."

That is usually the cycle you have to deal with. I am giving you an idea of what mothers do...I hope you take this and find ways to answer back where you are a winner. I don't want you to be surprised. So I am giving you a template of last year examination of questions..study what you may expect as a response from your mother...you need to have a convectional response back to your mother's dismissal of you getting married. Find a proper way to formulate a sentence where you can get your point across...expect however...that no matter how much you study for this exam and answer your mother...she will always find away...to dismiss your request with an ingenious reply where you end up defeated, wrong and she end up right and winning the battle. So for that reason alone do not rely on your mother's permission to get married...Allah (Subahanu Wa Talaa) have given you the green light to get married without her permission. Because if you have to wait for her permission you will always fail and she will always win and she will have you sitting beside her...at age 80 single not married while she is dying at her deathbed.

Remember though...if she forces you to not get married and you masturbate, do haraam and do pornography it is not threat..it is a fact...SHE IS JOINING YOU IN THIS EVIL sin in the afterlife......I hope mothers out there who read this reply understand...with power comes responsibility.

[Iceee]

:wa:

If you fear falling into zina, then you should marry.

And since you have lots of money saved up, why not start up a business rather than waste it on holiday? You don't want to work hard all your life do you? And a business will allow you to take it easy :Emoji51:

Salaam.

Being single does have it's perks. I personally feel it's time to settle down and not risk temptations of haraam. A lot of my childhood Muslim friends have fallen into drugs, smoking/e-cigarettes/shisha/marijuana as well as alcohol use. I don't want to go anywhere near that nor risk it. As well as girlfriends.

I love my current job/life. My motto has been, if it doesn't need changing, don't change it. I may look into business ideas but I'm fine right now. I love my job, family, and have lots of time to focus on Islam and family such as grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins. Going to the Gym has helped me tremendously as well staying active, strong and healthy.

I might ask my Dad what he thinks, if it's time I get married.

[xboxisdead]

Salaam.

Being single does have it's perks. I personally feel it's time to settle down and not risk temptations of haraam. A lot of my childhood Muslim friends have fallen into drugs, smoking/e-cigarettes/shisha/marijuana as well as alcohol use. I don't want to go anywhere near that nor risk it. As well as girlfriends.

I love my current job/life. My motto has been, if it doesn't need changing, don't change it. I may look into business ideas but I'm fine right now. I love my job, family, and have lots of time to focus on Islam and family such as grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins. Going to the Gym has helped me tremendously as well staying active, strong and healthy.

I might ask my Dad what he thinks, if it's time I get married.

Protect yourself while you still have the chance and get married ASAP! Look...be strong...if you believe you are ready...then you are ready! Start finding a wife. This in itself is a job in it's own. You think you will find a saleh wife right away...just dial 310-WIFE and they deliver here in 30 minutes or less? You may actually have to start now as it may take you five years to find one that is your actual partner in life in this world. You need to see if the family you are going to get married are good people with good history. You need to see the relationship between her mother and father as that what she will do to you. You need to know about and her background. They may need to know about you and your background. They may need to look at your family and their relationship with each other. You may need to see character and her families character.

It is a long process..this might not be the wife, check again with another person and keep going until you find the one. You may fall pray in a scam without knowing. There are families out there who use marriage as a form of business and scamming young men out of his wealth and properties. You may need to filter through that. All of this...is time consuming. It is not easy. Getting married in itself is an adventure in itself. If I was to put you into an RPG game in a console or PC you my friend is starting on Level 1. You need to fight monsters and build experience and get better equipment in order to level up and become strong and better and in this case...you have literally zero experience when it comes to relationship, opposite gender, family the ups and downs and all that stuff.

Before you jump into marriage...take one year course in mosque or Muslim school that teaches you everything you need to know about marriage. What are the husband's rights? What are the wife's right? How to be a good parent? Read about how the prophet peace be upon him dealt with problems with his wife and children. Practice. See your weakness in those areas and try to strengthen to mimic the way of the prophet peace be upon him. Then when you have achieved one year of theory and practice in lab so to speak...you have graduated with a diploma...start finding that wife of yours as if you are applying for job position.

You need to do lots of job interview until you find the job for you. That my friend is the marriage for you. Do not ignore the red flags. Learn about the red flags and study them. When you see red flags do not marry that person. As soon as you see the first red flag...take the wagon and drive away, you are not this prince who is going to save the princesses from her demons. That is not the role of a husband or a man.

[Ahmed.]

If I had a daughter I would marry her to you right now.

GO

tell your mom that you are going to get married and you are out in a search for a wife. Tell her in Islam she cannot stop you from getting married and you are free to get married with her permission or without her permission. Tell her you are going to get married for the sake of Allah and his pleasure by avoiding doing hara'am. Tell her that you need to get married and raise a family and you are responsible for the job.

Of course this is what mom and women will do. I want you to be prepared for these responses from women/mother because they always have a come back in return.

Your mother will reply back and say something like this:

A) Oh, so you are threatening by doing haraam things if you don't get married?
B) What you cannot control yourself? You are an animal? You can hold yourself, you can control yourself, do fasting. You only think about your <censor>. Grow up!
C) Here is another famous one they say, "No is going to give their daughter to a person working in Tim Horton. Do you have a business? Do you have a company under your name? Do you know how to run a business? Are you responsible to opening your business? People expect the man to pay big money for their daughter. DO you have money to buy her a house, jewelry, expensive weddings (with music, dancing girls and big parties). Can you afford that? You are only 20 years old. You are too young to get married. You don't know what it is like to be a man. Grow up first!"
D) You are not yet ready son. You still need to get a proper education, degree, you need to be responsible for yourself. You are still a child. You have not grown up yet.


That is what mothers do. They baby their son and make them feel like a 10 year old. So you end up acting like a 10 year old. Then she come back at you and says, "I am tired of taking care of you guys. WHY DON'T YOU GROW UP? Act responsible. You have being a burden on my shoulder...I wanted to raise men but I have little boys who are immature."

That is usually the cycle you have to deal with. I am giving you an idea of what mothers do...I hope you take this and find ways to answer back where you are a winner. I don't want you to be surprised. So I am giving you a template of last year examination of questions..study what you may expect as a response from your mother...you need to have a convectional response back to your mother's dismissal of you getting married. Find a proper way to formulate a sentence where you can get your point across...expect however...that no matter how much you study for this exam and answer your mother...she will always find away...to dismiss your request with an ingenious reply where you end up defeated, wrong and she end up right and winning the battle. So for that reason alone do not rely on your mother's permission to get married...Allah (Subahanu Wa Talaa) have given you the green light to get married without her permission. Because if you have to wait for her permission you will always fail and she will always win and she will have you sitting beside her...at age 80 single not married while she is dying at her deathbed.

Remember though...if she forces you to not get married and you masturbate, do haraam and do pornography it is not threat..it is a fact...SHE IS JOINING YOU IN THIS EVIL sin in the afterlife......I hope mothers out there who read this reply understand...with power comes responsibility.

LOL Icee is a good guy no doubt but you will give your daughter just based on a person having job and good money??? :mmokay:. The iman and amal should be the priority! :Emoji46:

[xboxisdead]

LOL Icee is a good guy no doubt but you will give your daughter just based on a person having job and good money??? :mmokay:. The iman and amal should be the priority! :Emoji46:

If it is about job and money I would never marry my daughter to Icee. He is working in Tim Horton. If I am looking at it in Dunaya terms and materialistic world then I will say my daughter deserves better than him. She deserves a rich man. See? Very bad thinking isn't it? But no...I was not looking to marry my daughter to him based on him making job and money. I was checking to see if he is responsible to take care of a family based on his work ethic, if he is working and how he works and if he is reliable and trusting person at his work. I was not looking for money, because working in fast food you are making minimum wage.

But if you check up I was asking for his character and his religion. Does he commit haraam things, is he trusting (based on his interaction at work) does he pray and does he read Qura'an. I asked those questions. So to me..his character and imaan of my highest priority and not him making or earning big money and having a job. Something nowadays we all seem to have missed the boat.

[Iceee]

Salaam. Thank you for your response.

D) You are not yet ready son. You still need to get a proper education, degree, you need to be responsible for yourself. You are still a child. You have not grown up yet.

I feel this is absolutely something my mother would say. And is she right? I don't have proper education, a proper job with great benefits. It hurts because I feel it's time for me to get married as soon as possible. But I know my mother wouldn't approve until things change in my life.

I've been taught to never talk back to my parents... ever! At work, I am one of the best employees because I do this with my guests/customers that walk in. If they complain, I do what they say to get them to leave and not complain.

What are the husband's rights? What are the wife's right? How to be a good parent? Read about how the prophet peace be upon him dealt with problems with his wife and children. Practice. See your weakness in those areas and try to strengthen to mimic the way of the prophet peace be upon him.

I've began to watch lectures of imams and scholars and how the marriage process works in Islam. I've learned so much in 24 hours about the right of Husband/Wife/Parents and InLaws. It's amazing. How Islam marriage differs from other religions and cultures. As well as how to pick a good spouse. Inshallah this knowledge will help me in the near future.

LOL Icee is a good guy no doubt but you will give your daughter just based on a person having job and good money??? . The iman and amal should be the priority!

You're right. I need to improve my knowledge of Islam. I want my wife to be comfortable to talk to me, not hide feelings or thoughts away from me. I want to improve my iman and amal, and Inshallah help my wife improve hers as well.

If I had a daughter I would marry her to you right now.

Thanks. I want a wife that will help me with my Iman and Yakeem. Someone that can wake me up for Fajr if I sleep in, read/memorize Quran with, pray namaaz together and help each other religiously in this Dunya. As for children, I want it to my our choice, not our parents choice and work 110% in our marriage.

Should I tell my parents to help me get married? They may send me to another country to find a wife...

Or should I start looking for a spouse in this country? And tell my parents later?

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum

I have briefly read this thread but just want to stress whatever you do always involve your parents. They have raised you and made endless sacrifices for you. The status of your parents is very high and even pharaohs life was extended because he was very kind and merciful to his mother. Do not underestimate or belittle or even hurt your parents by going behind they back. If one does this, this is clearly a sign that this man is not ready to get married because a muslim man is always honest. A muslim man has the courage to speak politely and respectfully to his parents. Even if you yourself are not able to speak appoint someone they know and trust to speak on your behalf. I plea to you please do not hurt your parents. Be merciful to them and be kind and patient especially if they are old.

[xboxisdead]

Salaam. Thank you for your response.



I feel this is absolutely something my mother would say. And is she right? I don't have proper education, a proper job with great benefits. It hurts because I feel it's time for me to get married as soon as possible. But I know my mother wouldn't approve until things change in my life.

I've been taught to never talk back to my parents... ever! At work, I am one of the best employees because I do this with my guests/customers that walk in. If they complain, I do what they say to get them to leave and not complain.




I've began to watch lectures of imams and scholars and how the marriage process works in Islam. I've learned so much in 24 hours about the right of Husband/Wife/Parents and InLaws. It's amazing. How Islam marriage differs from other religions and cultures. As well as how to pick a good spouse. Inshallah this knowledge will help me in the near future.




You're right. I need to improve my knowledge of Islam. I want my wife to be comfortable to talk to me, not hide feelings or thoughts away from me. I want to improve my iman and amal, and Inshallah help my wife improve hers as well.





Thanks. I want a wife that will help me with my Iman and Yakeem. Someone that can wake me up for Fajr if I sleep in, read/memorize Quran with, pray namaaz together and help each other religiously in this Dunya. As for children, I want it to my our choice, not our parents choice and work 110% in our marriage.

Should I tell my parents to help me get married? They may send me to another country to find a wife...

Or should I start looking for a spouse in this country? And tell my parents later?

Let us get more research to have a better understanding of the situation. But first I want to answer this question.

Salaam. Thank you for your response.



[B]I feel this is absolutely something my mother would say. And is she right? I don't have proper education, a proper job with great benefits. It hurts because I feel it's time for me to get married as soon as possible. But I know my mother wouldn't approve until things change in my life.

Again...your mother is looking at it from her point of view, female point of view and it is a biased one and she always see you as a little boy and never EVER will she see you as a grown up man. Female growth and maturity differ from male growth and maturity so she is basing it on her gender and that means you will never match bar with what she defines maturity is unless you are born female. Since lesbian relationship and marriage is harraam, this will not work out. And if Islam was to decree that male maturity must match up with female maturity and responsibility in order for marriage to commence...from the time of Adam and Eve they would never gotten married and have children and humanity would have died there and then.

I already defined to you what Allah HAVE DECREED for a man's maturity. Are you aware of your surrounding? Do you know between right and wrong? Do you know the value of money? Is your body ready to make babies? Since those have been answered yes you are mature and an adult since the angels already storing your bad and good deeds and boys mature already at age 14 and not 500 years old. OK? So you are mature and fit for marriage and your mother is wrong. Islam also doesn't tell you not to have a mind of your own and Allah have given you the green light to marry without your mother's approval or father's approval and they can scream and shout and make your world a living hell...in Islam you have the right to marry without their approval even if they disown you and kick you out of your home. You have done no wrong and they have done wrong. Simple.

Do not let your mother manipulate you or control you...you have a choice to be her slave for life or to be free.

Now that I have gotten that out of the way let me ask about your environment.

Where do you live? Do you live in Canada, Australia, USA or any other country that follow Western world or democracy or secularism and where the law puts equality and enforced? If you live in this world, do not get married. DO not get married. Do not get married,even if there may be a good wife out there, do not get married.

Have you not seen from previous posts of horror stories of brothers who have their wife destroy them and cut ties between father and child? Do you want this to happen to you. If the country where you live worship women instead of worshiping Allah, leave that country and marry somewhere else. Any country that have feminist law implemented, do not get married. Any country that do not apply shariah law and is open for man-made law...be careful...you are opening your door for potential trouble and headache. If you marry there...know your playing a major risk and you need to protect yourself in advance before jumping to marriage which means five years before finding a wife need to be multiplied by 2.

I say you should tell your parents that you are looking for a wife, show initiative and strength and start searching for a wife but don't fall in the concept of love. That have no merit in Islam. Use your knowledge for what a good wife is in Islam and put that in your card. If the wife you are looking for or meet only holds 10% of that card..skip her until you at least reach 70% of that card. You can never find women like that where they are 100% what the prophet peace be upon him told us to look for in a wife. Those are rarer than the rarest mineral on Earth. If you think you found 70% of what the prophet peace be upon him told us to look for a wife you have found the jackpot. But then look at the family and see if you can deal with them.

If it means leaving your country and going to some rural farm in nowhere land then this is where you have to go. WHEN YOU DO GO THERE...know..NEVER BRING YOUR WIFE AND YOUR CHILDREN TO MODERN SOCIETY.

For if you do...you lost them all in blink of an eye! You may have to say bye, bye for internet, computers, iphone, mobile phones, tv, cars and any modern technology and life-style if it comes down to it and you may even be far from your mother or father. But sometimes that is a sacrifice you may need to make. Are you willing to do such dramatic move?

[xboxisdead]

What I said is not wrong but also what BeTheChange said is also not wrong. I have given you my perspective and she have given you her perspective ...the saleh good character Muslim brother would take what BeTheChange said and implement it and in the same time find means and ways to implement my advice by achieving ways of showing you are grown up, assertive and hunting for a wife.

If you could do this, Icee, if you could take BeTheChange advise and my advise and use your common sense and formulate a means of achieving your goal and still being good to your parents....if I have four daughters I would give them all to you like that! - flicks finger -

If you could achieve this..will make you one of the rare men that need to be protected. If you could achieve this, then we would love for you to have sons so you can raise them to be men like you so we can remove the bad men with the good ones. I like to see that.

Can you do it Icee?

[Iceee]

I plea to you please do not hurt your parents. Be merciful to them and be kind and patient especially if they are old.

Salaam.

You are absolutely right! As we age, so do our parents and the people we love the most.

But what happens when my parents expect me to stay single, probably until my 30's or 40's when I'm capable of marriage right now?

[BeTheChange]

Walaikumasalaam







Sit down with your parents and speak to them honestly about thier concerns. Listen to what they have to say. Ask them what the reasons are why they wish to delay marriage? Don't interrupt they speech and just listen. Then walk away respectfully think deeply and reflect upon what they have said. Make isthikharah prayer as well. Spend some time thinking. When you are ready and depending on how you feel and think after this if you still feel you are ready then speak to your parents once again. Let them know you have taken on board they concerns but you still think and feel differently. Put your case forward again in a respectful and loving manner. Remember the way you deal with a situation defines you as a person. Show patience and intellect in your conduct.

May you all reach an understanding pleasing to Allah swt and pleasing to you all Ameen.

[xboxisdead]

Thank you BeTheChange those are great videos. But also you have backed me up completely and confirmed everything I said 100% to be correct and true. OK Iceee, you are not going to get any better help than this...if you go to any mosque right now they will say similar things or maybe worse than the advice we have given. Now be a man and put effort. Remember, wives are not ordered by phone and they deliver her to your doorstep and pay them tips for delivering your wife to you. You have an adventure, a job, work to do. Saying I want to get married is one thing...FINDING ONE TO GET MARRIED is an entire ball game together.

PLEASE TAKE ALL MY ADVICE ABOUT LIBERAL THINKING, FEMINIST AND WESTERN IDEOLOGY and RED FLAGS SERIOUSLY!

I....do not want you.....to be another statistic...where your wife becomes an ex, throws you out of your home, take your children, prevent you from raising them, demand child support, alimony, or put you in prison for false accusation. I BEG YOU TO SERIOUSLY LOOK FOR THE RED FLAGS ......if you find one SINGLE RED FLAG...RUN the other direction.

if she is taking drugs that alter her brain...run....

if she is bipolar....run

if she hear noises or see things....run

if she does not have a father either dead, divorced or comes from single mother.....run


if she is single mother herself....run....

[Ahmed.]

Salaam. Thank you for your response.



I feel this is absolutely something my mother would say. And is she right? I don't have proper education, a proper job with great benefits. It hurts because I feel it's time for me to get married as soon as possible. But I know my mother wouldn't approve until things change in my life.

I've been taught to never talk back to my parents... ever! At work, I am one of the best employees because I do this with my guests/customers that walk in. If they complain, I do what they say to get them to leave and not complain.




I've began to watch lectures of imams and scholars and how the marriage process works in Islam. I've learned so much in 24 hours about the right of Husband/Wife/Parents and InLaws. It's amazing. How Islam marriage differs from other religions and cultures. As well as how to pick a good spouse. Inshallah this knowledge will help me in the near future.




You're right. I need to improve my knowledge of Islam. I want my wife to be comfortable to talk to me, not hide feelings or thoughts away from me. I want to improve my iman and amal, and Inshallah help my wife improve hers as well.





Thanks. I want a wife that will help me with my Iman and Yakeem. Someone that can wake me up for Fajr if I sleep in, read/memorize Quran with, pray namaaz together and help each other religiously in this Dunya. As for children, I want it to my our choice, not our parents choice and work 110% in our marriage.

Should I tell my parents to help me get married? They may send me to another country to find a wife...

Or should I start looking for a spouse in this country? And tell my parents later?

I thought you might misunderstand a bit :Emoji48:

That wasn't suggesting you don't have proper iman and amal at all, I was referring to xbox highlighting just the work and money bit and saying he's going to give his daughter for that :Emoji48:

[xboxisdead]

LOL I thought you might misunderstand a bit :Emoji48:

That wasn't suggesting you don't have proper iman and amal at all, I was referring to xbox highlighting just the work and money bit and saying he's going to give his daughter for that :Emoji48:

I also hope your misunderstanding of my intention was cleared too! :)

[Iceee]

Salaam.

Ask them what the reasons are why they wish to delay marriage?

A coincidence that I've already viewed the videos you've linked, sister. I've watched many videos from Imams and Sheikhs regarding marriage. I've gone to local public libraries and have read many books on Islam; focusing on reading the books about Nikkah and marriage but reading and gathering knowledge on Islam as well.

In so many Middle Eastern countries, it seems so many Muslim woman are abused in their marriage by their husband; emotionally and physically. The knowledge I've gained from reading books in the Muslim Sister's perspective is amazing! The authors who are Muslim woman show great insight in their marriage, I've come to learn a lot. I've learned what type of man a Muslim sister wants to settle with, to have children with, to spend time and the rest of their lives with. Inshallah I can become a great Muslim husband desired by my spouse and follow Islamic teachings on Hadiths based from the Prophet (Peace and Blessings be Upon him).

The second video is important. I don't go near fornication, haraam, girlfriend lifestyle, temptations. I have no problem with desires like that. I'm too busy visiting grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and helping them, as well as working many hours... to worry about that sort of haraam life. But I want to stay halal and pure for Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Right now, I am young, have energy, have money and want to settle down. If I cannot reach an agreement with my family to get me married, how long do I have to wait? Maybe getting married in my 30's or 40's doesn't seem like a bad idea.

PLEASE TAKE ALL MY ADVICE ABOUT LIBERAL THINKING, FEMINIST AND WESTERN IDEOLOGY and RED FLAGS SERIOUSLY!

Yes brother. I'm reading everything you're saying. In fact, I'm reading everything twice. You seem to have great knowledge about this issue. You seem to be from the same culture as me, maybe you're around my age as well. I will watch out for red flags and won't let it get in my way. But why not marry a single mother or someone without a father?

I will be going to Zuhr prayers at the masjid today Inshallah and see what the Imam/mosque can do. Inshallah they may be able to help me.

That wasn't suggesting you don't have proper iman and amal at all, I was referring to xbox highlighting just the work and money bit and saying he's going to give his daughter for that

Oh okay that's fine brother.

[taha_]

Salaam brother,


I think 30 years old is bit late, the ideal marriage age is 22 to 25 years. Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) was 25 years old when he married hazrat khadjia (may Allah be pleased with her).

Narrated `Abdullah:

We were with the Prophet (ﷺ) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

Sahih bukhari 5065

Islam encourages young people to get married as possible as they can to avoid more corruption , but since your mother dont want you to get married , perhaps you could fast then.

JazakAllah

[xboxisdead]

Salaam.



A coincidence that I've already viewed the videos you've linked, sister. I've watched many videos from Imams and Sheikhs regarding marriage. I've gone to local public libraries and have read many books on Islam; focusing on reading the books about Nikkah and marriage but reading and gathering knowledge on Islam as well.

In so many Middle Eastern countries, it seems so many Muslim woman are abused in their marriage by their husband; emotionally and physically. The knowledge I've gained from reading books in the Muslim Sister's perspective is amazing! The authors who are Muslim woman show great insight in their marriage, I've come to learn a lot. I've learned what type of man a Muslim sister wants to settle with, to have children with, to spend time and the rest of their lives with. Inshallah I can become a great Muslim husband desired by my spouse and follow Islamic teachings on Hadiths based from the Prophet (Peace and Blessings be Upon him).

The second video is important. I don't go near fornication, haraam, girlfriend lifestyle, temptations. I have no problem with desires like that. I'm too busy visiting grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and helping them, as well as working many hours... to worry about that sort of haraam life. But I want to stay halal and pure for Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Right now, I am young, have energy, have money and want to settle down. If I cannot reach an agreement with my family to get me married, how long do I have to wait? Maybe getting married in my 30's or 40's doesn't seem like a bad idea.





Yes brother. I'm reading everything you're saying. In fact, I'm reading everything twice. You seem to have great knowledge about this issue. You seem to be from the same culture as me, maybe you're around my age as well. I will watch out for red flags and won't let it get in my way. But why not marry a single mother or someone without a father?

I will be going to Zuhr prayers at the masjid today Inshallah and see what the Imam/mosque can do. Inshallah they may be able to help me.





Oh okay that's fine brother.

A woman without a father lives a family energy only. She have not grown up and saw what it is like interaction between a male and a female and the first class lesson she learns that is from her father and mother. If she says harmony between the two parents and sees how the mother treats the fathers and how the father treats the mother it will be imprinted on her that as a woman this is how she treats a man and in return expect this is how a man should treat a woman. If such treatment is harmonic and following the ways of the prophet peace be upon him you will have a saleh woman, if however such treatment is vile, evil, abusive, controlling, physically and emotionally abusive and manipulative this is how she expects to be treated and this is how she will treat her man. If she only have a mother with no father around and surrounded only by women and have only female energy, she have zero interest in the male energy, she will fight him all the time, she will not listen to him and she will mistreat him. How can she treat him well when she never experienced the male perspective. She will end up to learn how to treat men from either TVs, magazines, radio or even friends she meet who themselves have no idea how to treat a man or let alone went one day and prostrated to Allah (Subhanau Wa Talaa) or even know the rights of a husband and a wife and not to cross such boundaries. You will be opening yourself to a door of huge headache and if you live in Canada that is ever more reason to avoid women who have no fathers in their lives.

This is not like back before in the time of the prophet where a man will protect the woman who have no father by marrying her and protecting her name, honor and dignity. Those days are way long gone my brother. You are no longer the hero with the cape to rescue the princess in distress. This is your chance to build your family, better started correctly while you still have the chance. I am saving you headache and misery in the end it is up to you.

Women who have children whose either their father are dead, divorced or born through IVF where there are no father to begin with. Those are one of the major red flags that you need to know about immediately. Horror stories of men raising other men's children where there are violence between the new man and the child, especially if that child is a boy, or sexual abuse where the child is a girl. Don't open yourself to such problem. Why? Why even risk it? Boys who grow up will eventually not listen to you, will say you are not my father you do not tell me what to do and 99% the mother will back up the boy against you and you have no say, no power and even not the same respect had that child being yours. Huge scientific studies have shown that this does not work.

In the end, you will be used and abused and you are just a bank machine with no rights and power. Why open such door? Why open such headache and drama? Do you want to be in Jerry Springer Show or want to raise a family? You live in Canada, so my advice is designed to protect you. Nowadays as a man you need to think of YOURSELF first, your happiness first before your wife and children. The days where a man sacrifice for his family and is appreciated now is long gone. The days where husbands and fathers are respected are long gone. Turn on a TV and watch and see how they talk about fathers and husbands, so weak, so stupid, so buffoon, so redundant we might as well have a strong,smart, single mother to raise the family alone. She comes out the super hero, the superwoman. If the woman you pick does not inflate your ego, does not put you on top of her head and does not teach the children to respect you and listen to your authorities to and to look up at you...you failed.

The second you find a woman and she says we should work 50/50, we should work as a partner 50/50 no one is better than the other, the idea of husband rights to her is alien and outmoded or mention anything that have similarities to modern Western yap-chat, know if you decide to go through this marriage you have decided to put the husband right into a shredder and you are that man in TV who is an idiot, moron and a buffoon and just unnecessary and know the children will not respect you and you will be questioned in the day of judgment for such picking. She is not going to be blamed! YOU ARE! So you lose the dunaya and akhira.

[Iceee]

I think 30 years old is bit late, the ideal marriage age is 22 to 25 years. Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) was 25 years old when he married hazrat khadjia (may Allah be pleased with her).

Where do you live? Do you live in Canada, Australia, USA or any other country that follow Western world or democracy or secularism and where the law puts equality and enforced? If you live in this world, do not get married. DO not get married. Do not get married,even if there may be a good wife out there, do not get married.

waalaikumsalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

Yes, most Imams have gave Friday Khutbah about marriage in Islam. That we should get married young to avoid haraam. Usually woman tend to get married at a younger age than men. I believe Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) was 9 years old when the marriage was consummated.

With that said, I do live in Canada. The youngest you can marry here is 16 with parents approval and 18 legally. And yes, I've seen so many horror stories online about men losing everything after marriage to their wives and inlaws. I have also seen this with my eyes: in person. It's sad when this happens and may Allah protect us all, Ameen.

I guess the search begins finally for me to find a spouse. But I won't make this 100% my priority. Again, I have to talk to my parents and relatives. If I find someone, I know it was Allah's will. If not, I will have to be patient Inshallah.

[Iceee]

You will be opening yourself to a door of huge headache and if you live in Canada that is ever more reason to avoid women who have no fathers in their lives.

In the end, you will be used and abused and you are just a bank machine with no rights and power. Why open such door? Why open such headache and drama? Do you want to be in Jerry Springer Show or want to raise a family?

Brother,

You give me a lot to think about! So what country should I go to and find a spouse? Should I wait until my 30's?

I think for now, I will stay single and be patient. Single life is much less stressful and easier, I realize. I don't need to rush things to be completely honest.

I will continue to work hard to earn money for my retirement. I will continue to exercise daily. I will continue to drink ONLY milk and water, no sugar. I will continue to read Quran, pray namaaz and work hard to keep Islam in my heart. I will continue to sleep 8-9 hours daily. My life is simple, I should keep it that way.

I will place my trust in my parents and the Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Even if it means staying single, travelling the world, enjoying life until my 40's, it's better for me. Allah knows best. If the time comes to get married, I will. But for now, it's time to head to the Gym, then namaaz at Masjid :D

[xboxisdead]

Brother,

You give me a lot to think about! So what country should I go to and find a spouse? Should I wait until my 30's?

I think for now, I will stay single and be patient. Single life is much less stressful and easier, I realize. I don't need to rush things to be completely honest.

I will continue to work hard to earn money for my retirement. I will continue to exercise daily. I will continue to drink ONLY milk and water, no sugar. I will continue to read Quran, pray namaaz and work hard to keep Islam in my heart. I will continue to sleep 8-9 hours daily. My life is simple, I should keep it that way.

I will place my trust in my parents and the Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Even if it means staying single, travelling the world, enjoying life until my 40's, it's better for me. Allah knows best. If the time comes to get married, I will. But for now, it's time to head to the Gym, then namaaz at Masjid :D

I am proud of you. I am 43, single and enjoying my simple life too. I have toys to play with, hobbies to do and the best part I work full time soon going to get a diploma and make 120k to 200k a year Insha'Allah. If my mother still alive and healthy...I will gladly give all that money to her :D That is the only WOMAN ON EARTH I will ever obey happily and will give my wealth too!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D : :D Not some strange woman who I call my wife one day and my ex next.

To answer your question, seek a country that is not secular, that is not westernized and a country that does not have these headings on:

A) Feminist rights or gender equality
B) Women liberation and empowerment
C) Democracy
D) Liberalism
E) Westernize
F) MODERN ISLAM
G) https://islamqa.info/en/answers/9782...-for-judgement


-- Quote start --

Praise be to Allaah.
The Muslim should not be deceived by the so called western and European “human rights” organizations, because although they outwardly appear to support the oppressed and to take a stance against torture and undermining of human dignity in prisons and detention centres – which in general terms are good ideas – they also play other roles, and support other principles which are aimed at destroying the family, and opening the door to slander against Islam and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and all his fellow-Prophets. They are opposed to the rule of sharee’ah which enjoins hadd punishments such as stoning for the adulterer, execution for the apostate and cutting off the hand for the thief, becoming part of legislation and being implemented, which is in fact very rare. These organizations are also opposed to the shar’i rulings that have to do with women, such as the necessity of her wali’s consent for marriage, the command to observe hijab, and the prohibition on her mixing, in addition to other principles where they claim that they want to liberate man from religious obligations and to make man free in the way he conducts his affairs, not restricted by good morals or sublime shar’i rulings.

To sum up what these organizations promote: it is that man should be able to do whatever he wants, no matter how perverse. They support lesbians, homosexuals and bisexuals, and religious deviance. They regard it as a human right to disbelieve in whatever religions one wants and to express one’s opinion – even about the Prophets – without any fear or shame, and they also support the liberation of woman from the control of her father, husband or religion.

Secondly:

There follow some of the articles of the Universal Declaration on Human Rights, which was approved by the United Nations on 10/12/1948 CE, which we are quoting from their website:

Article 2.

Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status.

Article 18.

Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.

Article 19.

Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.

These so called rights and freedoms which they call for all people to enjoy regardless of religion make the monotheist and the polytheist equally entitled to these rights and freedoms, so the slave of Allaah and the slave of the Shaytaan are placed on the same level, and every worshipper of rocks, idols or people is given the complete right and freedom to enjoy his kufr and heresy. This is contrary to the laws of Allaah in this world and the Hereafter.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Shall We then treat the Muslims (believers of Islamic Monotheism, doers of righteous deeds) like the Mujrimoon (criminals, polytheists and disbelievers)?

36. What is the matter with you? How judge you?”

[al-Qalam 68:35, 36]

“Shall We treat those who believe (in the Oneness of Allaah Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds as Mufsidoon (those who associate partners in worship with Allaah and commit crimes) on earth? Or shall We treat the Muttaqoon (the pious) as the Fujjaar (criminals, disbelievers, the wicked)?”

[Saad 38:28]

“Is then he who is a believer like him who is a Faasiq (disbeliever and disobedient to Allaah)? Not equal are they”

[al-Sajdah 32:18].

It is a call to abolish the ruling on apostasy, and to openly flaunt the principles of kufr and heresy. It is a call to open the door to everyone who wants to criticize Islam or the Prophet of Islam Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and to have the freedom to criticize and express oneself with no restrictions.

These are corrupt principles. Even if they suit their lives, values and religion, they do not suit us and they are contrary to our pure sharee’ah, which brought rulings that are suited to individuals and societies, and establish noble morals, and protect minds, honour, physical well being and wealth, and show people the religion which Allaah loves and is pleased with.

Article 3.

Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.

It is from this Article that the calls of these organizations come to protect criminals against execution, and started to give bad publicity to the nations which carry out the hadd punishments of Allaah by stoning married adulterers and executing bandits and those who spread mischief in the land. Now these organizations proudly claim that they have convinced many nations to abolish the death penalty for killers, rapists and criminals. This is contrary to sound human nature, reason and sharee’ah, and it is a message that gives peace of mind to those criminals that their lives will never be lost because of their deeds, which is a way of spreading mischief on earth.

They claim that the individual has the right to life and liberty, even if it is a bestial life, and even if that freedom leads to corruption, sicknesses and loss of security for the family and society.

Article 16.

Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.

This article annuls the role of the woman’s guardian (wali) which is to protect the woman’s rights in marriage, and to help his daughter or sister to make a good choice, and to ask about the religious commitment and character of the suitor. It is by His wisdom that Allaah has prescribed this. If marriage was left up to the woman without her guardian’s consent, you would see most girls marrying those who enchant them of the wolves of men, who are eager to rob them of their chastity then throw them aside.

They also give the wife the same rights of divorce as the husband has. This is something that causes women to turn against their husbands and leads to the break up of their families. The one who knows the nature of men and women will not be able to agree to such nonsense. Western families are not so intact that we can say: Look at how they were destroyed. The call for homosexual rights and the rights of women to form any relationship she wants and women’s rights in marriage and divorce – what families can be built on such shaky foundations?

It is worth noting that these organizations are used for political purposes to put pressure on the Muslim states that care about virtue, modesty and morals, or that apply all or some of the rulings of sharee’ah. Some Muslim nations have abolished the death penalty, and they have introduced strict laws about marriage at an early age for both genders, but they pay attention to woman’s rights to khula’ and maintenance, etc, which causes widespread mischief and evil in many areas of life.

-- Quote end --

Go to any country that enforces Islamic Shariah correctly and put emphasis on husband's right as much as they put emphasis on mother's right. If you go to any Islamic lecture and they talk about everything else except husband's right and put long hour lecture in making a husband happy as they do about pleasing your mother, taking care of your wife and everything else...know this is a formula for disaster.

If you find a country that is open for laws that give women right to destroy you, your wealth and children then don't get married even if you die single. I am 43 years old and I realized...the simple life is so easy for my mind and health and I still look like I am 25 years old. I do not look like I am 43. It is like I drank the fountain of youth. As long as I live in Canada I will not get married and if I move to Australia I will not get married. I prefer to have this wealth for myself and do zakaah over getting married here and have to jump over mountains of mines to find the wife that will not stab me at night.

Don't forget also..in this country the more you love the children the more she have found your weak point and the more she will use your children as a biological weapon against you. She no longer will be your partner but your open enemy like the Shaitaan. In order to avoid this happening to you...you must live in Sharia enforced country. Where the wife obeying her husband is taking serious as children obeying their mother over their father.

[Iceee]

If my mother still alive and healthy...I will gladly give all that money to her

Salaam brother.

We have a similar opinion. I mentioned in a previous post that I will give my parents all my money. If they need blood, I will give. If they need a kidney, I will give. I will sacrifice for them no matter what!

I am 43 years old and I realized...the simple life is so easy for my mind and health and I still look like I am 25 years old.

I work at Tim Hortons? Have you heard of that? Anyways, a lot of guests say I look like I'm a teenager still. Having less stress, no kids, and not smoking/drinking makes you look younger and act younger as well.

In order to avoid this happening to you...you must live in Sharia enforced country.

You're Canadian also? HELLO BROTHER! Anyways, I was born in this land. I breath the air from this land. I work in this land. My family loves this land.
I'm going to continue living in this land. If this is the case, I will stay single forever. But I'm going to begin travelling the world now! My first journey will be Hajj Inshallah as soon as possible.

[xboxisdead]

Salaam brother.

We have a similar opinion. I mentioned in a previous post that I will give my parents all my money. If they need blood, I will give. If they need a kidney, I will give. I will sacrifice for them no matter what!



I work at Tim Hortons? Have you heard of that? Anyways, a lot of guests say I look like I'm a teenager still. Having less stress, no kids, and not smoking/drinking makes you look younger and act younger as well.



You're Canadian also? HELLO BROTHER! Anyways, I was born in this land. I breath the air from this land. I work in this land. My family loves this land.
I'm going to continue living in this land. If this is the case, I will stay single forever. But I'm going to begin travelling the world now! My first journey will be Hajj Inshallah as soon as possible.

That is the smartest move ever!!

Do you know what is happening in Egypt? The women in Egypt are demanding to be paid for services. If you want anything from her other than sex, like help in raising the children, taking care of the home, etc she have the right to demand salary or wage of payment upfront in order for her to service you. That is the wife we are talking about. Very mechanical...very commercial. Very business. Marriage now is nothing more than a business transaction. So my advise to you if you do want to get married to sit down with the woman you want to get married and ask her upfront how much she wants to get paid to be your wife? Ask her if she demands any sick leave or vacation?

See how romantic marriage is in 2019? AHAHAH! :D

Stay single. Just stay single. Those kids you get out of her from your own seed, they will follow the mother over you anyways. Stay single! Have a simple life! Enjoy your life! If you need to have children badly, consider sponsoring the children/child (adoption). Either way as a father or a guardian taking care of the children in both scenarios you will be treated like crap and you have no guarantee that either your offspring or the adopted child will pray for you when you die or even take care of you on old age.

However, there are more positive in sponsoring a child than from your own seed. When you sponsor a child, every single hair that you stroke with passion and love you get huge reward from. There is a better chance that the sponsored child whom you saved from life of torment will appreciate you and love you and take care of you, over your own children. Don't also forget the prophet peace be upon him have put his fingers together indicating the huge reward for taking care of a sponsored child, while the father is just a door to paradise. Well, actually a good door to paradise but if the child destroy that door he can still enter from other doors...just not the good door.

However when it comes sponsoring the child make sure it is not screwed up or damaged beyond repair. You don't want that child to end up stabbing you at night or bring the police on you! Take care of that child until he is strong to stand up and able to take care of himself and have him out of your house ASAP. Don't have a grown man of age 20 living in the same home as you are. This way you would have gotten the parenting out of your way and you would not have missed out on it. The reward for sponsoring a child is enormous. Nowadays, if you want a companion of a woman it is going to be business transaction and mechanical and your employee will quit anytime and take your heart and everything else you own with her.