Almost three months since I managed to control myself from any contents that related to adult videos, but I now I relapsed again and I at the moment I feel like all those struggles that I went through so far was simply destroyed in just a few minutes of self-destruction. But first I have to tell you guys I'm a male, 21 year old, Po*n has been both my nightmare and my temporary self-pleasure for nearly years ever since the first time my friend introduced me to it when we were in an internet cafe and that's when I was 12. Since I graduated from University, I told myself it is now the time for me to actually make a better life for myself, I wrote a few reminders on my whiteboard all of the things that I should do in 2019, it worked though, well some of it, one of them is maintaining my relationship with Allah by obeying Allah's commands such as establishing prayers, self-restraint etc. Surprisingly, it went just as I expected, Allah directly answered my prayer when I asked for a Job (I'm a teacher now), and more than that Allah SWT showed me the path or more like a vision to success. Of course, Satan wouldn't let those who have gone astray return back to the right path, I felt a lot whispers, bad thoughts often crossed in my mind (I remember I posted my problem with was was here about a week ago)
Nearly three months I felt a lot significant changes within me, and I felt like I've received Allah mercy and blessings because I turned back and repented, however, Satan dislikes this, then one time, one of my friends in a social group unexpectedly chat sent a bunch of "nudes" I didn't expect that because I was curious the group has been unusually very active for the last two hours and it had more than 210 messages, I opened the group chat and then I saw the disgusting pictures that I should not have seen. It was too late and that was out of my expectation, as I saw the erotic pictures, my stomach felt burning and to the point it went up to my chest, I tried very hard to resist it but it was too late when Shaytaan strikes me at the right moment, then I quickly turned on my laptop, downloaded vpn and opened a lot of "websites"
It took me only 10 minutes to screwed up what I've went through so far, because of some stupid unexpected mistakes. And oh it didn't stop there, I repented and then every time I opened my laptop something always told me it's already "too late" why not try to do it again, besides what you do isn't that of a big sin compared to those who murder and do actual Zina and shirk..I relapsed, I repented, I relapsed again then I repented.... I feel like this month is the worse month ever, and I'm now trapped in a web of unavoidable sins...
They say that intentional sins is worse and could invoke God's wrath, I pray to Allah that one day I will escape this problem and start myself from beginning again...
I apologize for the long paragraphs , and I hope those who read this can take a little bit of wisdom from it..
I hope Allah will bestow his mercy to me again and again...
Nearly three months I felt a lot significant changes within me, and I felt like I've received Allah mercy and blessings because I turned back and repented, however, Satan dislikes this, then one time, one of my friends in a social group unexpectedly chat sent a bunch of "nudes" I didn't expect that because I was curious the group has been unusually very active for the last two hours and it had more than 210 messages, I opened the group chat and then I saw the disgusting pictures that I should not have seen. It was too late and that was out of my expectation, as I saw the erotic pictures, my stomach felt burning and to the point it went up to my chest, I tried very hard to resist it but it was too late when Shaytaan strikes me at the right moment, then I quickly turned on my laptop, downloaded vpn and opened a lot of "websites"
It took me only 10 minutes to screwed up what I've went through so far, because of some stupid unexpected mistakes. And oh it didn't stop there, I repented and then every time I opened my laptop something always told me it's already "too late" why not try to do it again, besides what you do isn't that of a big sin compared to those who murder and do actual Zina and shirk..I relapsed, I repented, I relapsed again then I repented.... I feel like this month is the worse month ever, and I'm now trapped in a web of unavoidable sins...
They say that intentional sins is worse and could invoke God's wrath, I pray to Allah that one day I will escape this problem and start myself from beginning again...
I apologize for the long paragraphs , and I hope those who read this can take a little bit of wisdom from it..
I hope Allah will bestow his mercy to me again and again...