I'm in a haram relationship but I can't get out

[Hayy90]

Assalamualaikum.

Please don't judge me. I have been in a haram relatiomship for 5 years.

My boyfriend and I are born and raised Muslims but neither of us practice.

I have always wanted to practice but only recently took my first step.

I'm at an age were I should be getting married but my partner has almost no Deen what so ever.

I have realised what a big mistake I made by being with him. But when I try to leave, he begins to get very angry and verbally abusive. And threatens to hurt me and hurt himself. He has never physically hurt me but he is very depressed and is very likely to hurt himself if I cut him off.

I have thought about it and my options are:

1) stay with him but in a halal way so I won't see him without a mahram while supporting him through his depression and helping him find Islam too.

2) Leave him and focus of my relationship with Allah. But if he kills himself, I will always have that guilt and I don't know if Allah will forgive me for leading this man on for so long only to leave him and cause him to do this.

Please help.

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Option 2.

Yes, Allah will forgive you. Simply because what you are doing atm is haram and you will have actively taken a step to removing yourself from doing haram. If this man hurts himself, that is not on you and you shouldn't feel guilty in the court of Allah. From a human perspective, since you have been with him so long, it will be natural that you feel some element of guilt but that should not consume you since deep down, you know you are doing the right thing by leaving him. This is a less obvious and devious tactic by the shaytan to make you continue in haram, making you feel guilty as though Allah will not forgive you for leaving him when in fact, Allah wants you to definitely leave him.

Also, he is emotionally keeping you captive by threatening to harm himself. The sooner you leave out of his grasp, the better it will be for you.

['Abdullah]

Asslam O Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh Sister,

Mr. right would not distract & distance you from Allah, if he distances you from Allah then he's Mr. Wrong.

On Paper option-2 makes most sense. But none of us know the future and your boy friend. An alternate is to give him 6-12 months time frame. If he can change himself and be a practicing Muslim then he should contact your Wali to ask for your hand. During this time frame, you guys should not meet or talk to each other. It is just a suggestion, and only Allah knows if he will change or not.

Ma'aSalam

[Alpha Dude]

An alternate is to give him 6-12 months time frame. If he can change himself and be a practicing Muslim then he should contact your Wali to ask for your hand. During this time frame, you guys should not meet or talk to each other.

I disagree. Sitting around hoping for change is not going to work and will embed her in needlessly. Allah has given her clarity of thought at this precise moment in time. Perhaps, if she stays with him in 'hope' that he will change, she will end up losing this clarity and shaytan will misguide her.

Just end it and move on.

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['Abdullah]

I disagree. Sitting around hoping for change is not going to work and will embed her in needlessly. Allah has given her clarity of thought at this precise moment in time. Perhaps, if she stays with him in 'hope' that he will change, she will end up losing this clarity and shaytan will misguide her.

Just end it and move on.

I was just giving another option which was middle path of the two options she put forth. She knows the guy better than I do and may be she already knows that he is not going to change and hence the reason she did not even consider this as a viable option. Anyways, I don't disagree with you. Thanks for a good advice, I am sure it is easy said than done.
May Allah give her strength to forget her past and move on. Ameen!

Ma'aSalam

[Studentofdeed]

Give the brother a chance...if he doesn't change then ur conscience can rest easy. Tell him if he is sincere he will ask ur hand in marriage and make it halal. He also need to change his attitude. If he doesn't then leave and you need not worry. I only say this because everyone deserves a chance and just because you realize what you are doing is haram, you should not leave someone and assume the person themselve is haram as an excuse to marry someone else. If it does not work out then do as you will.

[lildurkotf]

If you really care about him and want to live ur whole life with him, then tell him your on the verge of practising him and you want him to practise too as your looking to marry someone who’s on their deen and help u towards Allah. However, if he says yeah okay then stay with him, but if he says no then tell him for the sake of Allah ur leaving, in this way uve given him an option and if u do leave then ur doing it for Allah. Trust me I know how u feel so don’t think your alone and if you ever wanna talk or need advice or anything, then you can always message me