I need your advice please.

I have been married for 8 years. Didn't live with my Husband for the first 2 years due to us living in different countries. I eventually do everything I could and get him to live with me in Europe. During the first 2 years he committed Adultry and have a Son, when I found out it hurts me but I forgive him. 3 years after we got married I got pregnant and after 4 months I miscarriage, then fall pregnant again after 3 months then again miscarriage after 4 months for the second time. I was so broken and in so much pain, I have so much pain and anger in me so I constantly get in to an argument with my husband and I'll shout and I accidentally insulted her Mother (I have never met her she past away long before we got married) all I said was her mum got married few times to different husbands out of anger. He got angry he called my Mother over and beat me in front of her, I lost my hearing for few days. I got pregnant prior to him beating me and Allah blessed us with a beautiful baby girl. As soon as I deliver I notice a change in him
He would go out and text me to say (I'll not be coming home tonight good night) I'll keep calling him and he'll never answer. I was left with no help, o had to look after our child all by myself whilst he continue enjoying life. I spoke with my Mum about it and he refused to talk to her, he said the marriage is over. I asked him why he waited until we had a child. I think he found someone else. Now I cry everyday I have no support to look after my child, but I'm trying my best. He come se3 him once or twice a month, he call everyday to ask after her.
My question is for what he put me through, I have decided to not let him see her again. He does not want responsibilities, he don't want to wake up in the middle of the night to feed her or change her diper, he only wants to be a Father when it suits him, he could have devorce me before giving me a child put he choose this and now he kept telling me I warn you. Would it be bad if I stopped him seeing her. I want when she grown inshallah to choose if she want to see him. Please guide me. Thank you

Hi, before I start, forgive me if I say anything wrong.

The way he treated you was impermissible, and unfair. One thing I can say is that if he comes back to you and wants to be with you again, don't give him a second chance. The way he treated you wasn't good and the fact that he cheated on you and you forgave him, yet he still continued being rubbish towards you, shows the type of person he is.

Furthermore, in regards to your question, a bad husband doesn't necessarily mean a bad father. Yes he isn't with your child all the time, but he still does make effort to see her once/twice a month, and asks about her everyday. Due to this, I think that you shouldn't stop him from seeing her. I'm sorry that he isn't supportive as he should be, and isn't with you all the time nor does he see your daughter all the time. For now, let him see her as he pleases, however, make sure that you're always there when he's with her. He should see her, but don't let her stay with him. Allow him to see her whenever he wants, and when your daughter is older, let her know about the whole situation and how he treated you, and let her decide for herself whether she still wants to see him or not. However, the downfall with that is she may have developed a bond with her father and would still want to see him, which would hurt you, but, if it makes her happy to still see him when she's grown, then just allow it.

From what I can tell, you seem like a strong woman who cares about herself and her daughter. Please don't cry everyday, just make Dua and in sha Allah Allah swt will help you. Don't give up. Don't shed tears because of that man, you deserve better. My mother is a single parent also, with no support from any of her family. I saw the pain she went through, but it just made me love her even more. Your daughter will feel the same about you, trust me. All you need in life is Allah swt really, so please, don't be upset because of this man. I know it's hard and you're going through a tough time, but trust Allah swt, keep making Dua and praying, and In Sha Allah, Allah swt will make this road easy for you.

Remember, everything you're going through now, is because you are able to deal with it. Allah swt does not burden a soul greater than it can bear.

I believe that you also have a mother. Stay close to her, look after her, spend time with her. You don't need this man in your life, especially if he treats you like you're crap. You will honestly get something better in your life sister, trust me.

As stated before, just go with the flow and allow him to see her when he pleases, and when she's older, make her aware of the situation and then it is up to her whether she wants to still see him or not. Respect her decision either way.

For now, forget about that. Focus on your self too and bettering yourself, you don't deserve to be upset.

Thank you very much for your advice. It pains me that a Man I love so much would treat me this way. I never thought in my life I would be a single mother left to raise a child on my own. I suffer mentally when I lost the 2 pregnancies I only needed his support. He constantly cheats on me and one day he upset me so I went to my Sister just to clear so when I return I found a woman naked with him in our house and I still forgive him. He treats me like I'm a nobody. I never ask him money for our daughter I buy everything for her. When he wants to buy me expensive things I always tell him to save the money for his future plans. He complains that we always argue which is the reason he can't stay with me, but how can we not argue when he always disrespect me by cheating non stop. He prays 5 times a day and still do whatever he pleases the things Allah forbid. He said that is left to him and Allah and it got nothing to do with me. I do everything for our child anyway he comes and take pictures with her post on social media like he's the best father of the world and go home. That's is the main reason why I don't want him to see her, he has never one day said to me that I'm looking after her well instead he'll look at something negative to say. His Family do not even know that he is no longer with me. I fought so hard to bring him over to Europe. He even said to me that I'm the reason he's not rich, like I'm bad luck to him and that one day he will be rich since he's not with me and he will show me, it pains me when he said that Allah gives. I have been a faithful and very supportive wife to him. The only wrong I commuted is to argue with him always due to the way he treats me. I have to bed him for 15 years and it saddens me that it will just end like this but Allah knows best. I'll try and let him see her.

Ramatoula29 said:

Thank you very much for your advice. It pains me that a Man I love so much would treat me this way. I never thought in my life I would be a single mother left to raise a child on my own. I suffer mentally when I lost the 2 pregnancies I only needed his support. He constantly cheats on me and one day he upset me so I went to my Sister just to clear so when I return I found a woman naked with him in our house and I still forgive him. He treats me like I'm a nobody. I never ask him money for our daughter I buy everything for her. When he wants to buy me expensive things I always tell him to save the money for his future plans. He complains that we always argue which is the reason he can't stay with me, but how can we not argue when he always disrespect me by cheating non stop. He prays 5 times a day and still do whatever he pleases the things Allah forbid. He said that is left to him and Allah and it got nothing to do with me. I do everything for our child anyway he comes and take pictures with her post on social media like he's the best father of the world and go home. That's is the main reason why I don't want him to see her, he has never one day said to me that I'm looking after her well instead he'll look at something negative to say. His Family do not even know that he is no longer with me. I fought so hard to bring him over to Europe. He even said to me that I'm the reason he's not rich, like I'm bad luck to him and that one day he will be rich since he's not with me and he will show me, it pains me when he said that Allah gives. I have been a faithful and very supportive wife to him. The only wrong I commuted is to argue with him always due to the way he treats me. I have to bed him for 15 years and it saddens me that it will just end like this but Allah knows best. I'll try and let him see her.

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God bless you always and forever help us.