If a girl makes dua against me, will that dua be fulfilled? Please reply...

[Robin677]

Hi everyone,

I am a Sunni Muslim and 28 yrs old guy. I had a romantic relationship (long-distance) with a girl for some months. She truly loved me a lot. I found her in Facebook.
Though I told her always that I loved her, but in reality my love wasn't that strong (or I was confused). I lied to her. After having relation for some months, I suddenly said to her that my parents may cause a problem about our marriage (This was false excuse). She felt extremely sad and she cried. She told me --"Then why did you continue our relation on the first place?? Why did you always say you would be marry me??? " She understood that I am a liar.

After that, I ignored her, avoided her for many many months (more than 2 years). During this 2 years, she called me so many times, sent me text and voice messages many times. But I ignored these. (During this 2 years, I called her 3-4 times and had a small chat).
She cried many times. But I didn't care about her. She already has understand that I am a fraud , liar and just wasted her time. She has understand that all the things I said (I will marry you, I truly love you etc) were all lie.

Now I realize that I shouldn't leave her 2 years ago. She really loved me and wanted to marry me, but I didn't care for her. Because of me, she cried a lot and her life got affected very very badly. I realize that I wronged her. She hates me because I broke her heart after having a intimate relation with her for some months. She has understand that I used her and threw her away.
Everyday I regret about what I have done. I am very guilty.

If she makes any bad Dua against me, will it be accepted?
Please reply .....

(Sorry for my language)

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

If she makes any bad Dua against me, will it be accepted?
Please reply .....

Sure, why wouldn't it get accepted? What do you think you deserve to get playing with people's hearts?

[Hassy]

Hi everyone,

I am a Sunni Muslim and 28 yrs old guy. I had a romantic relationship (long-distance) with a girl for some months. She truly loved me a lot. I found her in Facebook.
Though I told her always that I loved her, but in reality my love wasn't that strong (or I was confused). I lied to her. After having relation for some months, I suddenly said to her that my parents may cause a problem about our marriage (This was false excuse). She felt extremely sad and she cried. She told me --"Then why did you continue our relation on the first place?? Why did you always say you would be marry me??? " She understood that I am a liar.

After that, I ignored her, avoided her for many many months (more than 2 years). During this 2 years, she called me so many times, sent me text and voice messages many times. But I ignored these. (During this 2 years, I called her 3-4 times and had a small chat).
She cried many times. But I didn't care about her. She already has understand that I am a fraud , liar and just wasted her time. She has understand that all the things I said (I will marry you, I truly love you etc) were all lie.

Now I realize that I shouldn't leave her 2 years ago. She really loved me and wanted to marry me, but I didn't care for her. Because of me, she cried a lot and her life got affected very very badly. I realize that I wronged her. She hates me because I broke her heart after having a intimate relation with her for some months. She has understand that I used her and threw her away.
Everyday I regret about what I have done. I am very guilty.

If she makes any bad Dua against me, will it be accepted?
Please reply .....

(Sorry for my language)

You have done really bad and you have to apologize to her truly by your heart and also accept her. Although these things are getting so common nowadays, I'm getting this problem too. I can really understand her feelings because there is one girl who has been playing with me too. Of course, her Dua will be accepted but on the other side, it's good that you have realized your mistake and now you should admit all these things in front of her and accept her. I respect you as a person but I hate this act. It's never too late.

[Robin677]

You have done really bad and you have to apologize to her truly by your heart and also accept her. Although these things are getting so common nowadays, I'm getting this problem too. I can really understand her feelings because there is one girl who has been playing with me too. Of course, her Dua will be accepted but on the other side, it's good that you have realized your mistake and now you should admit all these things in front of her and accept her. I respect you as a person but I hate this act. It's never too late.

Is it required to talk to her? And what do you mean by "accept her"?

(I know what I have done is wrong)

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[Robin677]

Hi everyone,

I am a Sunni Muslim and 28 yrs old guy. I had a romantic relationship (long-distance) with a girl for some months. She truly loved me a lot. I found her in Facebook.
Though I told her always that I loved her, but in reality my love wasn't that strong (or I was confused). I lied to her. After having relation for some months, I suddenly said to her that my parents may cause a problem about our marriage (This was false excuse). She felt extremely sad and she cried. She told me --"Then why did you continue our relation on the first place?? Why did you always say you would be marry me??? " She understood that I am a liar.

After that, I ignored her, avoided her for many many months (more than 2 years). During this 2 years, she called me so many times, sent me text and voice messages many times. But I ignored these. (During this 2 years, I called her 3-4 times and had a small chat).
She cried many times. But I didn't care about her. She already has understand that I am a fraud , liar and just wasted her time. She has understand that all the things I said (I will marry you, I truly love you etc) were all lie.

Now I realize that I shouldn't leave her 2 years ago. She really loved me and wanted to marry me, but I didn't care for her. Because of me, she cried a lot and her life got affected very very badly. I realize that I wronged her. She hates me because I broke her heart after having a intimate relation with her for some months. She has understand that I used her and threw her away.
Everyday I regret about what I have done. I am very guilty.

If she makes any bad Dua against me, will it be accepted?
Please reply .....

I never met her in real life.

(Sorry for my language)

[Robin677]

:(

I never met her in real life.

I know what I have done is wrong.

[Robin677]

Assalamu Alaikum



Sure, why wouldn't it get accepted? What do you think you deserve to get playing with people's hearts?

I forgot to tell one thing in the post. I never met her in real life.

[IslamLife00]

Maybe you didn't see it. There are replies in your earlier thread of the same title.

[Studentofdeed]

Brother if you are stuck feeling prideful and cannot humble yourself to apologize and repent...then the girls dua will come true. In Islam,.yes everyone can do bad but what you can do is change and fix things. Start taking responsibility and acting like a man. Tell this girl sorry and if you cannot marry her then tell her the truth that you are coward. By apologizing and making it easier for the girl, It may help make things easier.

[Hassy]

I forgot to tell one thing in the post. I never met her in real life.

Obviously you have to talk to her and ask for an apology from your heart and accept her. If you never met someone in real life then it doesn't mean that you have a license to play with someone's heart. I hope you got the answer now.

[Studentofdeed]

It doesn't matter if you did not meet her in person. Our words are more dangerous than physical wounds. The damage our words do is more than what our physical scars do. Go and apologize to That girl and tell her that I was not her fault. Do not ever do this behavior again otherwise your deeds will catch up with you. Let this serve as a lesson. Change your ways and Allah will make it easier.

[Avis]

Assalamu Alaikum



Sure, why wouldn't it get accepted? What do you think you deserve to get playing with people's hearts?

Can you really be sure of her dua'a being accepted? She is just as guilty as the OP for being a part of this haraam relationship. Also, if the OP is truly sorry and repents, wouldn't Allah forgive him? I'm not trying to absolve OP of his wrong doings, I'm just saying, we shouldn't be so certain since only Allah knows what He will do. Also, there are certain conditions for peoples Dua'as to be accepted, who are we to say she met them? : https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1350...pted-by-allaah

[xboxisdead]

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/9782...-for-judgement

.....
This article annuls the role of the woman’s guardian (wali) which is to protect the woman’s rights in marriage, and to help his daughter or sister to make a good choice, and to ask about the religious commitment and character of the suitor. It is by His wisdom that Allaah has prescribed this. If marriage was left up to the woman without her guardian’s consent, you would see most girls marrying those who enchant them of the wolves of men, who are eager to rob them of their chastity then throw them aside. '
....

I just read this 3 minutes ago..came to this page and lo-behold exhibit A an example of what that above sentence talks about you. It talks about the OP...yes YOU.......it talks 100% about you. It takes only a FATHER to play this role. The role of protecting the daughter is only on the shoulder of the fathers! I love to see more appreciation to dads, good dads, Allah fearing dads, dads who sacrifice for his children. Dads who can smell people like OP right away and put a stop to coming to this end where the girl's heart is broken.

[*charisma*]

Can you really be sure of her dua'a being accepted? She is just as guilty as the OP for being a part of this haraam relationship. Also, if the OP is truly sorry and repents, wouldn't Allah forgive him? I'm not trying to absolve OP of his wrong doings, I'm just saying, we shouldn't be so certain since only Allah knows what He will do. Also, there are certain conditions for peoples Dua'as to be accepted, who are we to say she met them? : https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1350...pted-by-allaah

Of course she is also in the wrong, but playing with people's hearts and being deceitful is worse. Secondly, even the du'a of the kaffir is answered, so it's not on us to say that someone's dua will be not be answered. Allah accepts the du'as of whom He wishes whether they meet the conditions or not.

I forgot to tell one thing in the post. I never met her in real life.

Even if you haven't met her in real life, she is a real person. Anyways, you've already made your mistake, you should repent to Allah about it and move on. DO NOT contact her again. I know some are saying you should apologize and talk to her. NO you should not. Just leave it alone and move on with your life and let her move on with hers, especially since it's been 2 years already. It's a lesson learned for the both of you.

[Studentofdeed]

I agree with charisma. If you feel like it will make things worse than don't contact her but never stop making dua and doing good deeds for her.

[Avis]

Of course she is also in the wrong, but playing with people's hearts and being deceitful is worse. Secondly, even the du'a of the kaffir is answered, so it's not on us to say that someone's dua will be not be answered. Allah accepts the du'as of whom He wishes whether they meet the conditions or not.

I'm sorry if I sound like I am nitpicking, it's just that I don't think we should ever assume that we know what Allah will do. We don't know the future, therefore we don't know whether or not if the dua'a will be accepted. You shouldn't have affirmed OP's fears by saying sure because it is entirely possible that Allah will not answer the womans dua'a. The best response anyone should have given would be to say we don't know if Allah will answer, but that it is entirely possible that He will and the best course of action would be to seek forgiveness and repent from his past misdeeds.

[Robin677]

I'm sorry if I sound like I am nitpicking, it's just that I don't think we should ever assume that we know what Allah will do. We don't know the future, therefore we don't know whether or not if the dua'a will be accepted. You shouldn't have affirmed OP's fears by saying sure because it is entirely possible that Allah will not answer the womans dua'a. The best response anyone should have given would be to say we don't know if Allah will answer, but that it is entirely possible that He will and the best course of action would be to seek forgiveness and repent from his past misdeeds.

Do I have to talk to the girl for forgiveness?

[Ümit]

Do I have to talk to the girl for forgiveness?

you do not HAVE to do anything...but should you talk to the girl for forgiveness?
i think, yes you should.

[Avis]

Do I have to talk to the girl for forgiveness?

If you must, send her a letter of apology, explaining how it was wrong of you to do the things you are. But you need to also be blunt and tell her as Muslims, the both of you should never have gotten to know each other the way you did and that it is for the best that you cease communication.

If you think there is a chance that this letter/email will lead to more communication, then you should just not contact her at all.

[Studentofdeed]

Same here. But don't play with her feelings again or mislead her in any way of future or hopes. Apologize and repent to Allah. Make dues for her and do good deeds.

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Stop advising him to talk to her. Why should he go and put himself in a state of fitnah again? She may have moved on with her life, why reopen the case?
Furthermore, they should not even be talking to each other regardless considering that is what got them in trouble in the first place. What is apologizing going to do anyway? It will just complicate things.

[Studentofdeed]

I guess your right in ur argument. But apologies shows one is sincere and helps the other party move one. It brings peace to the other. We only had good intentions

[*charisma*]

I guess your right in ur argument. But apologies shows one is sincere and helps the other party move one. It brings peace to the other. We only had good intentions

But since this is between a girl and a boy who had a haram relationship, it should not be considered. Shaytan can easily manipulate their feelings. With Allah's mercy and time, we move on regardless of apologies and closures. The damage has already been done and dusted.

[CuriousonTruth]

But since this is between a girl and a boy who had a haram relationship, it should not be considered. Shaytan can easily manipulate their feelings. With Allah's mercy and time, we move on regardless of apologies and closures. The damage has already been done and dusted.

While I agree.....some form of closure is necessary. And he can just text, as he said he hasn't even met the girl in person.Let him end this.

[Studentofdeed]

in essence even if between girl and guy, one should still apologize. Charisma is right there can be temptation but at the same time if people stopped apologizing and rely on Allah alone because they are scared matters will be worse then that is not them repenting. They need to face the consequences. Its not like backbiting where it can damage relations. But when someone knows you wronged him or her, and you owe them rights. You need to go back. Deal with consequences. Cannot destroy peoples lives and be afraid to apologize and rely on Allah alone to fix things. Oppression is oppression. Even between girl and guy. Otherwise guys and girls will use this as an excuse not to deal with their consequences and say "oh its fine" I repented. While the person who is left behind is still picking up the pieces, their mind torn, and out of place. Just apologize and then from there don't ever contact her again. Make duas for her and do charity. Even if someone killed someone. They have to go back and fix things. Its high time we teach people to deal with consequences rather than hide behind and "move on". End it with grace but leave her alone. Even if it distresses her, atleazt she will know that you regretted your actions and you wish well for her

[Studentofdeed]

Please close this thread. I'm sick of these types of conversations. It brings bad taste to the mouth. There is a lack of sympathy and everyone want point figures and blame victim and the person who harmed her. We all make mistakes, but best of those are those who fix them or try to. I may hate what the guy did but what I appreciate is that he recognized his own evil and wants to fix it. He has got his advice. Now let's leave at that and close this thread.

[Robin677]

But since this is between a girl and a boy who had a haram relationship, it should not be considered. Shaytan can easily manipulate their feelings. With Allah's mercy and time, we move on regardless of apologies and closures. The damage has already been done and dusted.

I really miss her a lot. She really wanted to marry me, but that time I didn't care for her. The memories of romantic moments I passed with her in everyday video chats are now making me extremely sad and depressed. I made a very big mistake by losing her. If I continued the relationship, I could've married her , I could have a happy married life.
I lost everything..

[taha_]

I really miss her a lot. She really wanted to marry me, but that time I didn't care for her. The memories of romantic moments I passed with her in everyday video chats are now making me extremely sad and depressed. I made a very big mistake by losing her. If I continued the relationship, I could've married her , I could have a happy married life.
I lost everything..

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

For now. It's best to leave her alone. There are better women out there. Ask your family or imam to find you a righteous spouse who will be coolness in your eyes.

[Robin677]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

For now. It's best to leave her alone. There are better women out there. Ask your family or imam to find you a righteous spouse who will be coolness in your eyes.

I can't accept that I lost her. I want to go back to that time and fix everything, and it is impossible. I am mentally and emotionally stuck in those moments. I cannot go ahead.

[taha_]

I can't accept that I lost her. I want to go back to that time and fix everything, and it is impossible. I am mentally and emotionally stuck in those moments. I cannot go ahead.

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

You can never go back to that time again. Perhaps you learnt lessons. Our knowledge and wisdom are limited.

He will give you [something] better than what was taken from you, and He will forgive you; and Allah is Forgiving and Merciful." An Anfal 70

If you leave something for sake of Allah. In sha Allah He will give you something better

[Al-Ansariyah]

I can't accept that I lost her. I want to go back to that time and fix everything, and it is impossible. I am mentally and emotionally stuck in those moments. I cannot go ahead.

That is bcoz u urself don't want to forget her.
Either get her in a halal way or just don't contact her. Try to engage urself in worshipping Allah. Nd make lots of dua. Nd pray in the last third of the night, dua made at that time always gets fulfilled.
Whenever she comes to ur mind, just think that these are whispers of shaitan , and he is an enemy to u , so seek refuge in Allah from that.
Seems like due to this lockdown, u r thinking more about her. Keep urself busy brother. Leave everything that reminds u of her. There's so much u can do in ur free time.Seek Islamic knowledge, that will be beneficial for u in this world nd hereafter. While thinking about her will just make things worse.
Allah will make a way out. Trust the Almighty. Have patience.
Nd this life is temporary.

Jazakallah khair

[Robin677]

That is bcoz u urself don't want to forget her.
Either get her in a halal way or just don't contact her. Try to engage urself in worshipping Allah. Nd make lots of dua. Nd pray in the last third of the night, dua made at that time always gets fulfilled.
Whenever she comes to ur mind, just think that these are whispers of shaitan , and he is an enemy to u , so seek refuge in Allah from that.
Seems like due to this lockdown, u r thinking more about her. Keep urself busy brother. Leave everything that reminds u of her. There's so much u can do in ur free time.Seek Islamic knowledge, that will be beneficial for u in this world nd hereafter. While thinking about her will just make things worse.
Allah will make a way out. Trust the Almighty. Have patience.
Nd this life is temporary.

Jazakallah khair

I can't forget the memories I had with her. The memories were very very intimate, very deep. I lost "true love". I was extremely lucky to have her. But I was so much foolish that I couldn't understand that. I am hating myself everyday for losing her. I cannot get past all these feelings.

[taha_]

I can't forget the memories I had with her. The memories were very very intimate, very deep. I lost "true love". I was extremely lucky to have her. But I was so much foolish that I couldn't understand that. I am hating myself everyday for losing her. I cannot get past all these feelings.

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

These are shaitan trap.

Tell yourself. Who is dearer to you? Your Creator who cares, provides and protect you? Or some woman?

You have to leave her alone. Train your nafs. Do more dikhr, read Quran and reflect on it. Follow more sunnah

[Robin677]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

These are shaitan trap.

Tell yourself. Who is dearer to you? Your Creator who cares, provides and protect you? Or some woman?

You have to leave her alone. Train your nafs. Do more dikhr, read Quran and reflect on it. Follow more sunnah

[Robin677]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

These are shaitan trap.

Tell yourself. Who is dearer to you? Your Creator who cares, provides and protect you? Or some woman?

You have to leave her alone. Train your nafs. Do more dikhr, read Quran and reflect on it. Follow more sunnah

[Robin677]

That is bcoz u urself don't want to forget her.
Either get her in a halal way or just don't contact her. Try to engage urself in worshipping Allah. Nd make lots of dua. Nd pray in the last third of the night, dua made at that time always gets fulfilled.
Whenever she comes to ur mind, just think that these are whispers of shaitan , and he is an enemy to u , so seek refuge in Allah from that.
Seems like due to this lockdown, u r thinking more about her. Keep urself busy brother. Leave everything that reminds u of her. There's so much u can do in ur free time.Seek Islamic knowledge, that will be beneficial for u in this world nd hereafter. While thinking about her will just make things worse.
Allah will make a way out. Trust the Almighty. Have patience.
Nd this life is temporary.

Jazakallah khair

[Robin677]

That is bcoz u urself don't want to forget her.
Either get her in a halal way or just don't contact her. Try to engage urself in worshipping Allah. Nd make lots of dua. Nd pray in the last third of the night, dua made at that time always gets fulfilled.
Whenever she comes to ur mind, just think that these are whispers of shaitan , and he is an enemy to u , so seek refuge in Allah from that.
Seems like due to this lockdown, u r thinking more about her. Keep urself busy brother. Leave everything that reminds u of her. There's so much u can do in ur free time.Seek Islamic knowledge, that will be beneficial for u in this world nd hereafter. While thinking about her will just make things worse.
Allah will make a way out. Trust the Almighty. Have patience.
Nd this life is temporary.

Jazakallah khair

I feel very depressed whenever I think that I lost the precious love of her.... :'(

[Hassy]

I feel very depressed whenever I think that I lost the precious love of her.... :'(

I have already answered your thread, you should accept her and somehow if you can't accept her for any kind of reason then don't contact her and don't waste anyone's time and don't give wrong and fake hopes to anyone. You can't clear yourself to say that it was online or something like that. It doesn't matter the person is online or your neighbor, no one has the right to play with someone's heart. Be a man and be a genuine person.

[Robin677]

I have already answered your thread, you should accept her and somehow if you can't accept her for any kind of reason then don't contact her and don't waste anyone's time and don't give wrong and fake hopes to anyone. You can't clear yourself to say that it was online or something like that. It doesn't matter the person is online or your neighbor, no one has the right to play with someone's heart. Be a man and be a genuine person.

I admit that I don't have any right to play with amounts anyone's heart (online or real life).
I became very weak in every way, after losing her. :'(

- - - Updated - - -

Correction:
I admit that I don't have any right to play with anyone's heart (online or real life).
I became very weak in every way, after losing her. :'(

[taha_]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.


Yet again, shaitan is toying with you.

Please reflect on this Quranic verse about desire.

Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, (Surah 45:23)

You have learnt the lessons. Be indepedent and don't make yourself slave to woman. Be slave of your Creator.

Also think about two people as reported in hadith.

Narrated Ibn `Abbas:

Barira's husband was a slave called Mughith, as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet (ﷺ) said to `Abbas, "O `Abbas ! are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?" The Prophet (ﷺ) then said to Barira, "Why don't you return to him?" She said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Do you order me to do so?" He said, "No, I only intercede for him." She said, "I am not in need of him."





حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدٌ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ الْوَهَّابِ، حَدَّثَنَا خَالِدٌ، عَنْ عِكْرِمَةَ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، أَنَّ زَوْجَ، بَرِيرَةَ كَانَ عَبْدًا يُقَالُ لَهُ مُغِيثٌ كَأَنِّي أَنْظُرُ إِلَيْهِ يَطُوفُ خَلْفَهَا يَبْكِي، وَدُمُوعُهُ تَسِيلُ عَلَى لِحْيَتِهِ، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم لِعَبَّاسٍ ‏"‏ يَا عَبَّاسُ أَلاَ تَعْجَبُ مِنْ حُبِّ مُغِيثٍ بَرِيرَةَ، وَمِنْ بُغْضِ بَرِيرَةَ مُغِيثًا ‏"‏‏.‏ فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ لَوْ رَاجَعْتِهِ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ تَأْمُرُنِي قَالَ ‏"‏ إِنَّمَا أَنَا أَشْفَعُ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَتْ لاَ حَاجَةَ لِي فِيهِ‏.‏

Reference

: Sahih al-Bukhari 5283

Allah knows best, the hadith above meant that feeling obessesed and extremely loved with each other is very dangerous that it can even lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental problems, which affects our worship..

We should love Allah more than anything. Allah cares, provides, and looks after His slaves. Think about whatever you had, and that they are from Allah, the Most Gracious and Genrous.


JazakAllah khair

[Robin677]

Assalam o Alaikum rahamutullahi wa barakuthu.


Yet again, shaitan is toying with you.

Please reflect on this Quranic verse about desire.

Have you seen he who has taken as his god his [own] desire, (Surah 45:23)

You have learnt the lessons. Be indepedent and don't make yourself slave to woman. Be slave of your Creator.

Also think about two people as reported in hadith.

Narrated Ibn `Abbas:

Barira's husband was a slave called Mughith, as if I am seeing him now, going behind Barira and weeping with his tears flowing down his beard. The Prophet (ﷺ) said to `Abbas, "O `Abbas ! are you not astonished at the love of Mughith for Barira and the hatred of Barira for Mughith?" The Prophet (ﷺ) then said to Barira, "Why don't you return to him?" She said, "O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! Do you order me to do so?" He said, "No, I only intercede for him." She said, "I am not in need of him."





حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدٌ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ الْوَهَّابِ، حَدَّثَنَا خَالِدٌ، عَنْ عِكْرِمَةَ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، أَنَّ زَوْجَ، بَرِيرَةَ كَانَ عَبْدًا يُقَالُ لَهُ مُغِيثٌ كَأَنِّي أَنْظُرُ إِلَيْهِ يَطُوفُ خَلْفَهَا يَبْكِي، وَدُمُوعُهُ تَسِيلُ عَلَى لِحْيَتِهِ، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم لِعَبَّاسٍ ‏"‏ يَا عَبَّاسُ أَلاَ تَعْجَبُ مِنْ حُبِّ مُغِيثٍ بَرِيرَةَ، وَمِنْ بُغْضِ بَرِيرَةَ مُغِيثًا ‏"‏‏.‏ فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏"‏ لَوْ رَاجَعْتِهِ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ تَأْمُرُنِي قَالَ ‏"‏ إِنَّمَا أَنَا أَشْفَعُ ‏"‏‏.‏ قَالَتْ لاَ حَاجَةَ لِي فِيهِ‏.‏

Reference

: Sahih al-Bukhari 5283

Allah knows best, the hadith above meant that feeling obessesed and extremely loved with each other is very dangerous that it can even lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental problems, which affects our worship..

We should love Allah more than anything. Allah cares, provides, and looks after His slaves. Think about whatever you had, and that they are from Allah, the Most Gracious and Genrous.


JazakAllah khair

Walaikumas salam.

I am 28 and because of my mental and physical needs, it's getting extremely harder and harder everyday to function properly without a life partner (wife). I have become extremely depressed because I don't have a life partner. I told my parents thousands of times to get me married. But they never helped me. Never. I told them about my mental hardship, but they didn't care about it.

(That girl really wanted to marry me. She wanted to make a future with me. But lost her and became a failure. If I would continue with her, I could introduce her in front of my parents in the future, in the right time. But I ruined everything

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Update--

I forgot to tell that that girl ( who loved me truly) is also Sunni Muslim.

[PS: my English is not very good]

[taha_]

Walaikumas salam.

I am 28 and because of my mental and physical needs, it's getting extremely harder and harder everyday to function properly without a life partner (wife). I have become extremely depressed because I don't have a life partner. I told my parents thousands of times to get me married. But they never helped me. Never. I told them about my mental hardship, but they didn't care about it.

(That girl really wanted to marry me. She wanted to make a future with me. But lost her and became a failure. If I would continue with her, I could introduce her in front of my parents in the future, in the right time. But I ruined everything

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Update--

I forgot to tell that that girl ( who loved me truly) is also Sunni Muslim.

[PS: my English is not very good]

Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barkauthu.

Your marriage is decreed by Allah. Try to put trust in Allah, ask your imam or any relatives or rightoeus friends who can help you. Perform istikhara.

One thing, marriage is difficult test. so you need to prepare yourself mentally and physically. Try your best to be good husband and father. Recite this Quranic dua.

"Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous." 25:74 Quran.

[Robin677]

Assalam o alaikum rahamutullahi wa barkauthu.

Your marriage is decreed by Allah. Try to put trust in Allah, ask your imam or any relatives or rightoeus friends who can help you. Perform istikhara.

One thing, marriage is difficult test. so you need to prepare yourself mentally and physically. Try your best to be good husband and father. Recite this Quranic dua.

"Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous." 25:74 Quran.

Walaikumas salam...
I ruined my potential future marriage by breaking her heart. If I wouldn't break her heart, she hopefully would be my future wife. Is Allah responsible for this outcome? The outcome happened by foolishness of mine. (ps: Obviously Allah has control over everything)

I couldn't take right decision at the right time. This kind of dangerous mistakes/stupidity happened many times in my life. I strongly feel like I have congnitive problems/disability, because my mistakes are huge in numbers. I have done many weird and childish mistakes throughout my entire life. I have never seen a stupid person like me in my entire life. My numerous stupidities made me severely depressed and lost.

[Robin677]

That is bcoz u urself don't want to forget her.
Either get her in a halal way or just don't contact her. Try to engage urself in worshipping Allah. Nd make lots of dua. Nd pray in the last third of the night, dua made at that time always gets fulfilled.
Whenever she comes to ur mind, just think that these are whispers of shaitan , and he is an enemy to u , so seek refuge in Allah from that.
Seems like due to this lockdown, u r thinking more about her. Keep urself busy brother. Leave everything that reminds u of her. There's so much u can do in ur free time.Seek Islamic knowledge, that will be beneficial for u in this world nd hereafter. While thinking about her will just make things worse.
Allah will make a way out. Trust the Almighty. Have patience.
Nd this life is temporary.

Jazakallah khair

I can't get over her. I miss everything about her. I am stuck. All memories of her are making me regret everyday. I am extremely helpless

[Imraan]

I can't get over her. I miss everything about her. I am stuck. All memories of her are making me regret everyday. I am extremely helpless

Brother Robin...... Assalam Walaikum, hope you and your family are in good health and imaan insh Allah.

Let me be your big brother Batman (or @Imraan if you prefer)... I know how you feel. Trust me I do. I wish I was in your situation and someone like myself came to the rescue and shared their wisdom before I was going to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

I'll simplify it. Whatever is good or bad and is meant for you won't miss you no matter what (depends on what path you are on and what you do to help yourself in this dunya, those on a better guided path are more likely to be protected from the pitfalls and evils in this dunya, insh Allah).

Let the Quran be your instruction manual and let it guide your wellbeing insh Allah:

Surah An-Nahl

"Whoever does righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision); and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter). (16:97)"

What is NOT meant for you, you wont get anyway, well not in the long run anyway (accept it as the qadr of Allah swt). Why are you beating yourself up over something that doesn't seem like it is meant for you, especially if the signs are there, consider them a blessing, man up and swiftly move on!.

Read my story about what happened with me (you might need a couple of hours for this). https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...ight=nightmare. Then we will see if you complain. Right now we know you are upset, but have you really thought about all the elements in the equation???, that should be your main predicament...

Think you need to develop your Emotional Intelligence. This is a attribute or skill our younger or emotionally vulnerable group of people lack unfortunately and in the current climate of contact between men and women it is needed more than ever to help guide our singletons to make better decisions related to marriage.
You can't stay heart broken forever. Think of it as a blessing, (I WOULD!). Be grateful for everything you have as of this very 'Everyone is at risk of coronavirus pandemic' apocalyptic moment! Or just be grateful to continue to have all thowfiq and capabilities you have right now...!

You have to remember women are more emotionally vulnerable, she might be going through a difficult time too so her decision making thought process may have been all over the place too, did she ever make you feel guilty for abandoning her? Approach something the righteous way, both of you, or not at all, you don't owe each other anything, as in it may be better that you two stay apart vs (you two stay together because you made each other feel guilty over whats happened). Follow the sunnah in whatever you do and then leave the rest to Allah swt.

Please do take your time in reading my journey in regards to completing half my deen, I thought i'd won the lottery when i got married (given I had a challenging journey in searching for someone in the first place!)....... far from it.

To this day i beat myself up over the situation i'm in (its like a daily reminder, its one of the first things I remember when i wake up!, like you i blame my misguided naive stupidity that I used to have, i pray everyday for a way out, once i have a way out i can then move on and get on with my life.. my worry is that my circumstances is here to stay for a long long long time and that it continues to drag me down and drain me, i just can't envisage a way out of this, i'm at losses in whatever path I take, only Allah swt can help me now.

@Robin677 , make plenty of dua, read quran, increase your knowledge in our religion, I pray it instills peace and better guidance in your life insh Allah. At the same time remember me and my family in your prayers too. Jazak Allah.

[UMAR FAARUQ]

Please Allah can only help, please give everything to and seek refuge from him. In shaa Allah Attachment 6888

[MazharShafiq]

But since this is between a girl and a boy who had a haram relationship, it should not be considered. Shaytan can easily manipulate their feelings. With Allah's mercy and time, we move on regardless of apologies and closures. The damage has already been done and dusted.

I think it is right.

[xboxisdead]

Brother Robin...... Assalam Walaikum, hope you and your family are in good health and imaan insh Allah.

Let me be your big brother Batman (or @Imraan if you prefer)... I know how you feel. Trust me I do. I wish I was in your situation and someone like myself came to the rescue and shared their wisdom before I was going to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

I'll simplify it. Whatever is good or bad and is meant for you won't miss you no matter what (depends on what path you are on and what you do to help yourself in this dunya, those on a better guided path are more likely to be protected from the pitfalls and evils in this dunya, insh Allah).

Let the Quran be your instruction manual and let it guide your wellbeing insh Allah:

Surah An-Nahl

"Whoever does righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision); and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter). (16:97)"

What is NOT meant for you, you wont get anyway, well not in the long run anyway (accept it as the qadr of Allah swt). Why are you beating yourself up over something that doesn't seem like it is meant for you, especially if the signs are there, consider them a blessing, man up and swiftly move on!.

Read my story about what happened with me (you might need a couple of hours for this). https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...ight=nightmare. Then we will see if you complain. Right now we know you are upset, but have you really thought about all the elements in the equation???, that should be your main predicament...

Think you need to develop your Emotional Intelligence. This is a attribute or skill our younger or emotionally vulnerable group of people lack unfortunately and in the current climate of contact between men and women it is needed more than ever to help guide our singletons to make better decisions related to marriage.
You can't stay heart broken forever. Think of it as a blessing, (I WOULD!). Be grateful for everything you have as of this very 'Everyone is at risk of coronavirus pandemic' apocalyptic moment! Or just be grateful to continue to have all thowfiq and capabilities you have right now...!

You have to remember women are more emotionally vulnerable, she might be going through a difficult time too so her decision making thought process may have been all over the place too, did she ever make you feel guilty for abandoning her? Approach something the righteous way, both of you, or not at all, you don't owe each other anything, as in it may be better that you two stay apart vs (you two stay together because you made each other feel guilty over whats happened). Follow the sunnah in whatever you do and then leave the rest to Allah swt.

Please do take your time in reading my journey in regards to completing half my deen, I thought i'd won the lottery when i got married (given I had a challenging journey in searching for someone in the first place!)....... far from it.

To this day i beat myself up over the situation i'm in (its like a daily reminder, its one of the first things I remember when i wake up!, like you i blame my misguided naive stupidity that I used to have, i pray everyday for a way out, once i have a way out i can then move on and get on with my life.. my worry is that my circumstances is here to stay for a long long long time and that it continues to drag me down and drain me, i just can't envisage a way out of this, i'm at losses in whatever path I take, only Allah swt can help me now.

@Robin677 , make plenty of dua, read quran, increase your knowledge in our religion, I pray it instills peace and better guidance in your life insh Allah. At the same time remember me and my family in your prayers too. Jazak Allah.

The reason why we lack in emotional intelligence is because we tell boys at young age to stop crying. What happened is he lacks emotional intelligence and that brings disaster in adulthood.

[xboxisdead]

@OP

You do not need relationship! You do not need a wife! Maybe you should focus on seeing your heart with defects and diseases and focus on fixing that, instead. Get the microscope and look deep into your heart and see if there is any atom of arrogance in your heart and destroy that. Look in your heart and see if there is an atom of hypocrisy and destroy that. See if your heart is strong in imaan or fluttering like the wing of butterfly when it comes to imaan. If it is strong great, see what other defects in your heart and fix that if not...focus on fixing this issue first...instead of going into relationship.

[Robin677]

Brother Robin...... Assalam Walaikum, hope you and your family are in good health and imaan insh Allah.

Let me be your big brother Batman (or @Imraan if you prefer)... I know how you feel. Trust me I do. I wish I was in your situation and someone like myself came to the rescue and shared their wisdom before I was going to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

I'll simplify it. Whatever is good or bad and is meant for you won't miss you no matter what (depends on what path you are on and what you do to help yourself in this dunya, those on a better guided path are more likely to be protected from the pitfalls and evils in this dunya, insh Allah).

Let the Quran be your instruction manual and let it guide your wellbeing insh Allah:

Surah An-Nahl

"Whoever does righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision); and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter). (16:97)"

What is NOT meant for you, you wont get anyway, well not in the long run anyway (accept it as the qadr of Allah swt). Why are you beating yourself up over something that doesn't seem like it is meant for you, especially if the signs are there, consider them a blessing, man up and swiftly move on!.

Read my story about what happened with me (you might need a couple of hours for this). https://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...ight=nightmare. Then we will see if you complain. Right now we know you are upset, but have you really thought about all the elements in the equation???, that should be your main predicament...

Think you need to develop your Emotional Intelligence. This is a attribute or skill our younger or emotionally vulnerable group of people lack unfortunately and in the current climate of contact between men and women it is needed more than ever to help guide our singletons to make better decisions related to marriage.
You can't stay heart broken forever. Think of it as a blessing, (I WOULD!). Be grateful for everything you have as of this very 'Everyone is at risk of coronavirus pandemic' apocalyptic moment! Or just be grateful to continue to have all thowfiq and capabilities you have right now...!

You have to remember women are more emotionally vulnerable, she might be going through a difficult time too so her decision making thought process may have been all over the place too, did she ever make you feel guilty for abandoning her? Approach something the righteous way, both of you, or not at all, you don't owe each other anything, as in it may be better that you two stay apart vs (you two stay together because you made each other feel guilty over whats happened). Follow the sunnah in whatever you do and then leave the rest to Allah swt.

Please do take your time in reading my journey in regards to completing half my deen, I thought i'd won the lottery when i got married (given I had a challenging journey in searching for someone in the first place!)....... far from it.

To this day i beat myself up over the situation i'm in (its like a daily reminder, its one of the first things I remember when i wake up!, like you i blame my misguided naive stupidity that I used to have, i pray everyday for a way out, once i have a way out i can then move on and get on with my life.. my worry is that my circumstances is here to stay for a long long long time and that it continues to drag me down and drain me, i just can't envisage a way out of this, i'm at losses in whatever path I take, only Allah swt can help me now.

@Robin677 , make plenty of dua, read quran, increase your knowledge in our religion, I pray it instills peace and better guidance in your life insh Allah. At the same time remember me and my family in your prayers too. Jazak Allah.

Walaikumas salam brother Imran. Thank you so much for replying me. I have read most of your post related to your marriage, (you gave the link). Let me tell you first that English is not my native language, so I am not sure how much intensity (my inner feelings) I will be able to show in my writing, sorry for that. You really went through a very sad situation regarding your wife and daughter, still you are into it unfortunately. When you had a relation (almost long-distance) before marriage, did she say she loved you "truly" ? (Sorry for asking)

Brother, I know you are in such a situation (regarding your daughter and wife) which is hurting you a lot. I am very sorry to hear that. You are facing a lot of trouble in seeing your daughter in regular basis. That's very painful. May Allah solve all the issues in your life. May Allah make you happy again.

[Robin677]

(my message didn't publish fully because of technical reasons of this website

[Imraan]

Walaikumas salam brother Imran. Thank you so much for replying me. I have read most of your post related to your marriage, (you gave the link). Let me tell you first that English is not my native language, so I am not sure how much intensity (my inner feelings) I will be able to show in my writing, sorry for that. You really went through a very sad situation regarding your wife and daughter, still you are into it unfortunately. When you had a relation (almost long-distance) before marriage, did she say she loved you "truly" ? (Sorry for asking)

Brother, I know you are in such a situation (regarding your daughter and wife) which is hurting you a lot. I am very sorry to hear that. You are facing a lot of trouble in seeing your daughter in regular basis. That's very painful. May Allah solve all the issues in your life. May Allah make you happy again.

Bro, true love Is only true love if certain moments require it to be 'true love'. If true love was eternal we wouldn't have half the problems in society we do now. It all comes down to character and expectations, do they mean well and can you trust them amongst other attributes we should look for. If the character is suited for marriage then link between two people is likely to prosper more.

I hope some of the wisdom you got from all of us helps you in your current situation, it can be tough to deal with unless you seek help and guidance. I hope what you got from all of us is enough. I know overcoming the feeling of love (with the wrong circumstances) can be a big obstacle.

"Love the one you marry, dont marry the one you love"

[Robin677]

Bro, true love Is only true love if certain moments require it to be 'true love'. If true love was eternal we wouldn't have half the problems in society we do now. It all comes down to character and expectations, do they mean well and can you trust them amongst other attributes we should look for. If the character is suited for marriage then link between two people is likely to prosper more.

I hope some of the wisdom you got from all of us helps you in your current situation, it can be tough to deal with unless you seek help and guidance. I hope what you got from all of us is enough. I know overcoming the feeling of love (with the wrong circumstances) can be a big obstacle.

"Love the one you marry, dont marry the one you love"

[Brother Imran, my message didn't get publish fully last time due to unknown reasons,, The following is the rest of the message ]

You got someone, but you had problems with her from the beginning. You are mentally very very very stronger than me, and also much more brave than me. I can see that strength in your writing (and in your life events). I am mentally veryyyyy weak, since my childhood. My mind is like cotton, very soft. My age is 28, but my mental age is like 20. Many people told me this in various ways. I am very ashamed of it. A girl is more brave than me.

[Robin677]

[message is not being posted fully

[Robin677]

Brother Imran, please see the rest of the message

[Robin677]

I tried several times to post my full message,,,, still failure .... Can someone please tell what is happening....

[Imraan]

[Brother Imran, my message didn't get publish fully last time due to unknown reasons,, The following is the rest of the message ]

You got someone, but you had problems with her from the beginning. You are mentally very very very stronger than me, and also much more brave than me. I can see that strength in your writing (and in your life events). I am mentally veryyyyy weak, since my childhood. My mind is like cotton, very soft. My age is 28, but my mental age is like 20. Many people told me this in various ways. I am very ashamed of it. A girl is more brave than me.

Why do you put yourself down so much. You are intelligent enough to know what is going on now. Youve acknowledged your weaknesses. Anyway it is clear you are someone who is emotionally vulnerable. You need to find someone the same or similar or you work on your emotions. Some people learn the hard way by going through one or many relationships, they suffer and learn. For you I would say one way of doing that is by learning about our religion more, gaining insight into the journey of our prophets alaymussalaam. We all have impediments as such, no one is perfect, some of us have to admit it just so we can get help!

You say you got a mind of a 20 year old. What does that mean you ain't matured? You are joyful and youthful in your approach to life?

I still feel like I don't know where I am with life at times. All I do is pray and be patient.

[Robin677]

@Imraan .
You are my big brother, I am almost 10 years younger than you (assuming you are 38/39, by reading your post about marriage). I am 28 and at this stage, I feel extremely lonely without a life partner. Without a life partner, I cannot focus on anything. I feel like I am Not even a husband-material. So, my best opportunity was to marry that girl. (Arrange marriage is extremely difficult for me, because in arrange marriage, girl's family strictly assess boy's credibility as a husband material). I somehow "miraculously" was able to make that girl fall in true love with me. This was a life-changing opportunity for me, and I lost it. I rejected her heart

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@Imraan . I rejected her heart

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Even a 15 year old guy wouldn't make such a mistake like me. I try to Not regret. But somehow the REGRET FEELINGS come back everyday. She truly wanted to be with me. She chose me, but I rejected her!!!! How could I do that?? (How can an 'undesirable' guy like me got the guts to reject a lovely girl like her?!) As my English is not good, I am Not finding appropriate words to express my pain...... I ruined our future like shattered glass. It feels like a sea of regret and depression, I am in the sea with nobody around me. Moreover, my parents don't value my emotional sufferings. My mental thought processing is extremely weird, may be that's why I made such a dangerous mistake.

[Robin677]

[Imraan]

@Imraan .
You are my big brother, I am almost 10 years younger than you (assuming you are 38/39, by reading your post about marriage). I am 28 and at this stage, I feel extremely lonely without a life partner. Without a life partner, I cannot focus on anything. I feel like I am Not even a husband-material. So, my best opportunity was to marry that girl. (Arrange marriage is extremely difficult for me, because in arrange marriage, girl's family strictly assess boy's credibility as a husband material). I somehow "miraculously" was able to make that girl fall in true love with me. This was a life-changing opportunity for me, and I lost it. I rejected her heart

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@Imraan . I rejected her heart

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Even a 15 year old guy wouldn't make such a mistake like me. I try to Not regret. But somehow the REGRET FEELINGS come back everyday. She truly wanted to be with me. She chose me, but I rejected her!!!! How could I do that?? (How can an 'undesirable' guy like me got the guts to reject a lovely girl like her?!) As my English is not good, I am Not finding appropriate words to express my pain...... I ruined our future like shattered glass. It feels like a sea of regret and depression, I am in the sea with nobody around me. Moreover, my parents don't value my emotional sufferings. My mental thought processing is extremely weird, may be that's why I made such a dangerous mistake.

I have to agree with you, finding a life partner is hard, I'm in the same situation myself so i know. But dont drop your guard whatever you do. I see what you are saying. From your point of view it's like you are pursuing something that is too good to be true and you beat yourself up over it. The reality of it might be that it truly is something too good to be true, she was never yours to have in the long term anyway. It's just the way it is brother.

You didnt reject her heart, you didnt owe her anything and neither did she owe you anything. You talk about heart like it's a fictional romantic movie or something. Our religion doesnt instruct us on giving our hearts to people like it's a deposit or guarantee to secure someones affection or loyalty. Sorry that's the truth.

Brother increase your ibadah, increase your imaan, take up other activities which will take your mind off the girl. Just to keep my mind from my situation that's what I do.

In regards to marriage. Sorry but it's not easy for some of us. We just have to accept it. You could put more effort and compromise in your search for a suitor. You may not get everything you want but I'm sure theres someone out there for you insh Allah.... seek a god fearing practicing spouse that will honour you here in this life and elevate your status in the next life..... that should be your goal.

[Robin677]

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[Robin677]

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The message posting function is showing problems :(

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Brother Imran..

[Imraan]

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The message posting function is showing problems :(

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Brother Imran..

Hope you feel better brother @Robin677 .

[xboxisdead]

Hope you feel better brother @Robin677 .

Hehe funny, you advised him in the end exactly what I advised him - grin -

[Robin677]

Hehe funny, you advised him in the end exactly what I advised him - grin -

I am trying to function normally.. but I failed every time.....I am feeling like emotionally paralyzed....

[xboxisdead]

I am trying to function normally.. but I failed every time.....I am feeling like emotionally paralyzed....

Focus on prayer, dua, worshiping Allah, know the ways of the prophets and how they lived, focus on helping boys who are in crisis who need strong male role models to take them away from darkness to light. That emotional paralyze will be cured, Insha'allah, and you will move on to been a better productive man to society.