Would you pray for someone to get him as a spouse if you haven't met him??

Assalamu Alaikum

I am in a dilemma. I need your advice. I have an affection towards a man whom I haven't ever met and haven't ever seen. I am so much attracted towards him. I found him on one of the apps just like this. I read his posts and since then I am feeling so much attraction towards him.
At first, I thought this is all wrong and it would affect my relationship with Allah, so I tried to control my feelings. But when I couldn't, I prayed to Allah to either make this love pure or remove this attraction.
I began to think that I am committing shirk by loving him so much and that I am listening to my nafs. I then prayed to Allah and remained patient, and few days ago, that man posted something which made me so humble in front of Allah. I began to feel humbleness in my prayers and I felt so close to Allah. And I thought that Allah has given me humbleness through this man. Of course, the man was just medium, it was Allah who has gifted this humbleness. And I was very grateful to Allah for that.
But in the morning,I watched a video in which a lady (I don't know if she was really a scholar or no) said that there is no love before nikah.
And from then I began to think that Allah is not happy with. And now I feel so far away from Allah. When I accepted that man as a gift from Allah, I felt so close to Allah. But when I think that this is wrong and Allah is not happy, I feel so far away from Him.
I even prayed that Allah unite us in this dunya or if not here, then in Jannah, InshaAllah.
So please tell me , is this kind of love true. Love for the sake of Allah and for being closer to Him. ?
Or are these my desires?
Note that there isn't any physical desire.
I desparately need help..

immuslimah said:

Assalamu Alaikum

I am in a dilemma. I need your advice. I have an affection towards a man whom I haven't ever met and haven't ever seen. I am so much attracted towards him. I found him on one of the apps just like this. I read his posts and since then I am feeling so much attraction towards him.
At first, I thought this is all wrong and it would affect my relationship with Allah, so I tried to control my feelings. But when I couldn't, I prayed to Allah to either make this love pure or remove this attraction.
I began to think that I am committing shirk by loving him so much and that I am listening to my nafs. I then prayed to Allah and remained patient, and few days ago, that man posted something which made me so humble in front of Allah. I began to feel humbleness in my prayers and I felt so close to Allah. And I thought that Allah has given me humbleness through this man. Of course, the man was just medium, it was Allah who has gifted this humbleness. And I was very grateful to Allah for that.
But in the morning,I watched a video in which a lady (I don't know if she was really a scholar or no) said that there is no love before nikah.
And from then I began to think that Allah is not happy with. And now I feel so far away from Allah. When I accepted that man as a gift from Allah, I felt so close to Allah. But when I think that this is wrong and Allah is not happy, I feel so far away from Him.
I even prayed that Allah unite us in this dunya or if not here, then in Jannah, InshaAllah.
So please tell me , is this kind of love true. Love for the sake of Allah and for being closer to Him. ?
Or are these my desires?
Note that there isn't any physical desire.
I desparately need help..

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Sister, there is no such thing as love because love holds hand to hand with it's opposite partner and that is hate. Much like humans have opposites: male and female so do love have it's opposite partner and that is hate. You cannot base your relationship on love. It is the most shakiest of foundation and would cause you to do hara'am things. If you are single, unmarried and desire a partner why not do it the correct way? The proper islamic way? Get a walli and have him find you a spouse...and that walli is your dad. If he is not alive then your brother(s) if you do not have brothers, then your uncle and so forth. And if for some reason you are born in a family with no male at all...pure Amazonian jungle of nothing but women...that is your family line..female to female...to female..to female...then get a walli from the community, mosque, sheikh, etc. But what you are doing now? This? Nu hu! Wrong! Unacceptable. It is hara'am and stop this before the shaitaan gets hold of you and wouldn't let go.

Please. I NEED HELP. please.please. :'(

Well from the post it seems like you're very young, probably a teenager if I had to guess.

Obsessing over someone who you've never met and never seen is not how you go about things, nor is it healthy. I mean you don't even know if he'll return the interest and yet you're digging a deep emotional hole for yourself.

But don't worry you'll get over it, we all do. You need to stop this obsession, it's not good for your mental health, or your faith coming to think of it.

Assalamu Alaykum
What you are feeling is natural. It is understandable and whenever we see the opposite gender posting and they appear pious and good, we feel wishful and hope we can get someone like that. That is natural sister....BUT do not let it get beyond that as I SWEAR these relationships will only bring you more misery and pain and destroy your live and possibly those around you. If you truly like this person, tell a trusted male mahram and do it the halal way: marriage. If you are confused and not sure if this brother is marriage suitable: do Istikhara. However, if things do not work out. This is what Allah decress because he knows it was not good for you. Allah is the creator, the creator of everything and even that man. He is testing you. So do not give in and make him proud. That is your test. If it truly is good for you. Allah will gift wrap the man and bring him to you, but you have to TRUST Alllah and do istikharah and tell a male mahram. If you do not want to involve any family and rather have a secret relationship, that will displease Allah and could distance you from him. May Allah make it easy for you. Ponder and reflect on this.

No.no... I haven't ever thought of doing anything haram. I just pray to Allah to unite us, even if it's not in this world, then in hereafter.
And I don't know but due to this obsession or love, I found myself very humble to Allah. I don't want that humbleness to go away, I don't care that much about the affection. I just want that humbleness, And right now, I am being humble only due to that infatuation, I am feeling closer to Allah only due to that. I have always thought of marriage, not anything haram.
Love is given by Allah, how can He be against it? and especially the love which is done for His sake, that brings a servant closer to Him.
I am very much aware of the difference between love and desire.
And that man is as unaware of me as an asleep person of the world around. So there's no way, I can contact with him. I do not want any haram relationship. I am not at the age of marriage, so I can't tell this to anyone.

Keeping away from haram will Allah happy with you. Regards to love and all that, every kind of love will hurt and betray you except the love of Allah. Allah will never betray you. Never obsess over someone because they are not perfect. Trust in Allah and inshallah he will give you the RIGHT man for you. And regards to you saying love is given by Allah, that sister is nothing but the shaitan. True love is only after marriage when you are happy with each other KNOWING THEIR FLAWS. Ervyone looks perfect outside but when you find out their dark secrets you will not like them any longer. Focus on Allah and he will give you right man. This is not love but desire and nafs. True love is sincere and does not cause one pain. Please take my advice and hope it helps

I think you all are right. Last night, I prayed to Allah to tell me what He wants from me through these advices. So I think I got it what Allah wants.
I am on the urge of crying but I'll try my best to let it go.
Now, can I get some tips on how can I control my feelings??

immuslimah said:

I think you all are right. Last night, I prayed to Allah to tell me what He wants from me through these advices. So I think I got it what Allah wants.
I am on the urge of crying but I'll try my best to let it go.
Now, can I get some tips on how can I control my feelings??

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Yes stop simulating these thought about him in your mind. I mean you already want to be in paradise with this guy who doesn't know you. That's SO far ahead.

If you were male, I'd tell you to go play football or video games. Just distract yourself with something else.

Yes sister. Do not overthink too hard. Just focus on Allah and find a nice hobby. It will keep your mind busy and inshallah things will look bright. I think this quarantine is driving everyone frustrated

Okay.I had this one question.
Everyone here talked about my infatuation.
But nobody talked about its effect on my relationship with Allah. Now that I am thinking it's wrong, I feel so far away from Allah.
Give me advice on that too..

If you do stop the feelings and rather channel it towards Allah it will not effect but rather enhance it with Allah. Having thoughts and desires are natural but our relationship decreases if we act on it

P.s.

It's not true love. It's her first crush lol. And her religiosity is influenced because that's what is important to her life (I assume). Ofcourse a non-religious person wouldn't get "close to Allah", they would have been influenced differently, maybe being more self-aware about how they talk, eat, dress, etc.

Love can't be one sided. Here she is thinking of going to Jannah with him, but there's a significant chance this man would reject her. Even I rejected a girl in real life without thinking for a second, guys can be very straight forward and insensitive. Then what? What happens to her faith then? Faith and "closeness" to Allah based on her relationship with someone else is fake closeness and will collapse easily.

All we are saying is she stops thinking so much about someone else, it will hurt her future prospects and even religion. Obsession doesn't need to be physical, it can very well be emotional. She will have to get over it and mature.

P.s.

P.S.

immuslimah said:

Okay.I had this one question.
Everyone here talked about my infatuation.
But nobody talked about its effect on my relationship with Allah. Now that I am thinking it's wrong, I feel so far away from Allah.
Give me advice on that too..

Click to expand...

Assalamu Alaikum,

My dear sister it is something normal and innocent for you at this stage being of young age as you are still emotionally developing. It is also normal to feel attraction towards the opposite gender. However know that this is not true love in the sense of the love between two spouses but it is a kind of infatuation/obsession similar to how a fan who begins to become infatuated and obsessed with the actions, sayings and works of a celebrity or soneone famous. The only danger is that they may eventually become blinded by the celebrities every action so that even if they do something bad and detestable then such a person will not be able to see itvdue to infatuation.

So at the moment it's not something that can be considered as bad as it is quite normal and you are young and still emotionally developing. However it can be a trick of shaythan to eventually make you fall for a person eventually whether it's them or someone else because he has found your weak points and shaythan always works on a person's weaknesses. Especially if you dwell on it too much.

However this is not a reason for you to ever go away from Allah as this is what your enemy shaythan wants. He wants for you to become disillusioned and go astray. Whereas Allah wants you to be closer to him. So just change your perspective and instead just take the good from people and leave the rest. Know that you do not know anything about them nor the way they really are in person. Nor does anyone know what they do in secret nor if they are even worthy of any praise. Only Allah knows the secrets of what lies in people's hearts and in their secret and open actions.

If Allah brings you closer to him through any medium whatsoever then Alhamdulillah you should thank him much for guiding you towards him. He is choosing you over so many other people. Whereas shaythan wants to twist this so that you instead fall for the owrsona of the medium. Put your trust in Allah. He will eventually find you the right person inshaAllah when the time is right for you. In the meantime work on yourself and your character and develop a strong closeness to Allah through worship, prayer, Dua and learn knowledge so that you may distinguish between right and wrong easier.

Grab this valuable opportunity during the last two weeks of Ramadan to get closer to Allah and read the Qur'an with its meanings and ponder over it. We must noo not fall for the tricks of our enemy shaythan who only wants to destroy us and take us away from Allah.

So you have nothing to feel bad about nor have concern or worry over. In fact thank Allah for him wanting to guide you and bring you towards him. Always bare in mind that we do not know anything about the person who we are taking knowledge from except the Prophet (Sallalahu Alaihi Wasallam) , Sahaba, Salaf and the great Ulama of the past.

May Allah enable us to make the best use of these valuable days and nights to get closer to him and may he give us the best of this world and the next. Ameen

Salaam everyone
I really appreciate your advices and I am trying my best to act upon them. But till now, I am not getting any good result. I am even trying to build a strong connection with Allah. Alhamdulillah, I am getting closer to Him day by day. But between all this, I am still obsessed with the thoughts of that man. I am very young(as you have already guessed) but I want to ask if this obsession doesn't stop when I grow old, will it become love, like permanent one?

I have even stopped praying for him and am trusting Allah. But if I think of him, is it a sin on me?
I can't control my thoughts. I haven't ever thought of doing anything haram. I sometimes feel like he likes me back but can't be sure.

I forgot to mention something. My love for him is very pure(as far as I know). He has so many hardships in his life, I want to comfort him, I want to be near him, and love him for the sake of Allah. I have this belief that if I pray to Allah to unite us, He will unite us even if we are from different parts of the world.

Please help :'(