Personal thoughts when remembering tough times.

[Imraan]

Assalam walaikum

On a number of occasions now on recalling tough times I counter them thoughts with the remembrance of what I did personally to overcome the calamity and I also apply it to the current situation.

So whenever I remember or have these negative thoughts I counter it with a "but":

"I have prayed everyday for years"
"I have cried to Allah swt many times"
"I have increased my knowledge in my religion and I am still learning"
"I have done x y z charitable acts for as long as I have had the means and resources to do so (at least two decades) knowing that I will be rewarded for it.
"I have completed pilgrimages and alhamdulluh, two female family members benefited by coming along too."
Basically I remember all good and sincere stuff I done but coming to terms with the rationale just seems difficult for me sometimes. I believe in qadr and everything so no issues there. Was I destined for so many downfalls throughout life? Makes me wonder what other pitfalls await me, this makes me even more cautious when a change in circumstances is afflicted on me with or without choice.

I know I sound ungrateful or I sound unsatisfied that I have done x y z yet there is no indication of how I will get out of my mess.

I am trying to get into the habit of countering it with 'Alhamdulillah' but I just know it isnt sincere enough.

Am I wrong to say I did this and that, yet question why I am where I am now?

After every Salah, I put my hands up and supplicate for as long as or even longer than the time it took to read my salaah whole. After salaah I go into the sujood position and do istigfar and also supplicate. After reading quran I feel some contentment however I say to myself I'm no qari or famous reciter, how good is my Tajweed?.

The remembrance of my current situation makes me feel I'm not doing enough when actually I am and have been trying to help myself at all levels spiritually emotionally mentally and physically.

Is shaytan trying to bring doubt in my mind and weaken my imaan and it is a case of shayataan not wanting to give up? Why doesnt he get lost?

These negative thoughts are remembered everyday and I do try to engage in other activities just to distract me, but it visits me everyday.

What I seek is closure and you know, I do pray for it with a hope Allah swt will take care of my affairs....

[Al-Ansariyah]

Walekumassalam wr wb

Makes me wonder what other pitfalls await me

May i first change this statement to Makes me wonder what rewards await me..
You know, Philosopher epictetus said " People are not disturbed by things,but by the views they take of them".This means that the way we interpret and evaluate things,has an impact on our experience,emotions and behaviour. Albert Ellis introduced an ABC model in 1955 which represents the basis of numerous cognitive therapies. In it, A represents Activating event which means the hard situation we might have to face. B represents Belief which means how we take it in,our attitude towards it, we can take the either side-positive or negative. C represents Consequences which means our behavioural and emotional responses towards it(sadness,worry,anxiety). Most of the C part does not directly depends on the Activating event but on the Belief. If we take it in positive way, we won't feel down but if we choose otherwise, we'll eventually fall prey to anxiety and negative thoughts.
That being said, you are actually doing great by trying to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones, Alhamdulillah. But if you ever get overwhelmed so much, then sometimes writing the negative thoughts and questioning them may help. For example, if it comes to your mind "Why always me" or "Allah isn't answering." ,you may write it down and question "Is this 'always' really true?" " Is Allah really not answering or is it just me hurrying?" " Doesn't Allah tests those whom He loves?" Like this you may question and find the positive side of it, InshaAllah. And sometimes writing the journal about the event also helps.
When we are in tough situations,satan tries to make us focus on the hard time we're facing and eventually makes us forget the already present blessings. And satan won't stop whispering until the hour, he will try all his moves to lead us astray. But Alhamdulillah, you seem to be grateful for the blessings and you try to remember them during tough times,very well. And of course, never stop the religious duties. If you find contentment in reading quran, that's great, you should do more of it then. After all, the hour is indeed near and you will get justice, InshaAllah. May Allah make it easier for you. Ameen.

[Imraan]

Walekumassalam wr wb May i first change this statement to Makes me wonder what rewards await me..
You know, Philosopher epictetus said " People are not disturbed by things,but by the views they take of them".This means that the way we interpret and evaluate things,has an impact on our experience,emotions and behaviour. Albert Ellis introduced an ABC model in 1955 which represents the basis of numerous cognitive therapies. In it, A represents Activating event which means the hard situation we might have to face. B represents Belief which means how we take it in,our attitude towards it, we can take the either side-positive or negative. C represents Consequences which means our behavioural and emotional responses towards it(sadness,worry,anxiety). Most of the C part does not directly depends on the Activating event but on the Belief. If we take it in positive way, we won't feel down but if we choose otherwise, we'll eventually fall prey to anxiety and negative thoughts.
That being said, you are actually doing great by trying to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones, Alhamdulillah. But if you ever get overwhelmed so much, then sometimes writing the negative thoughts and questioning them may help. For example, if it comes to your mind "Why always me" or "Allah isn't answering." ,you may write it down and question "Is this 'always' really true?" " Is Allah really not answering or is it just me hurrying?" " Doesn't Allah tests those whom He loves?" Like this you may question and find the positive side of it, InshaAllah. And sometimes writing the journal about the event also helps.
When we are in tough situations,satan tries to make us focus on the hard time we're facing and eventually makes us forget the already present blessings. And satan won't stop whispering until the hour, he will try all his moves to lead us astray. But Alhamdulillah, you seem to be grateful for the blessings and you try to remember them during tough times,very well. And of course, never stop the religious duties. If you find contentment in reading quran, that's great, you should do more of it then. After all, the hour is indeed near and you will get justice, InshaAllah. May Allah make it easier for you. Ameen.

Good response. Helps a lot. Jazak Allah.