How big of a sin am I committing when I don't speak up?

[Abdulah97]

Assalamu alaikum,

So ever since I got really close to the deen I started to learn more and more and from what I understand is that when you see something haram being committed or something that may lead to haram or really something that's questionable to say the least you are supposed to speak up and give advice.

For example I have family members who don't wear their hijab properly, who don't dress properly, who post pictures of themselves on social media for everyone to see...

This issue is becoming bigger, my other cousins wife also does questionable things too.

But I am not really close with those family members so i feel its not my place to say something, if their brother or father is okay with it or if they are not listening to their brother and father than what am I going to do? If they didn't have a man in the house sure I would see why its my obligation to speak up. but at the same time i am not really confrontational and more so towards the mentality of not backbiting or judging people what they do in their life but when religion comes into place then this is different and feel like its my wajib to do something...

The other thing is I am also not perfect, I commit sins too, maybe at the end Allah sees my sins bigger than theirs who knows, so I also feel like a hypocrite when i give advice because I am doing haram too...

Wallah I feel really guilty because if Allah asks me what I did when I saw my cousins doing haram things or causing fitans then I will have nothing to say.

So I come to this board to ask for advice,

1) How big of a sin am I committing by not speaking up

2) Is making dua for them for Allah to help them, put them on the straight path, showing them right from wrong is enough?

3) Any1 dealt with these types of things before got some advice for me?

Jazakallahkhair

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

There are ways to advise tactfully or even indirectly by sharing how you think or what you see. For example, I have cousins who do not wear the hijaab, so we will just have an open nonjudgemental discussion about what they're thinking, what they struggle with, etc. In that way you can be encouraging to them. Other times I might say something like, "I don't get how girls just expose themselves online.." and see what discussion that leads to. Of course this is coming from a female to female perspective.

If you attack right away coming from a male perspective, they're not going to respond well. Things about moral character are better discussed when a person's guard is down to some extent, and also you'd be questioned about why you're not lowering your gaze to begin with.
And to be honest, everyone is on their own journey, so it might take a lot of effort for someone to put the hijaab on at all, better yet to keep it on. Encouragement goes a long way, so just to reassure the person that they're doing well and can even do better can be really helpful. WE should also strive to lead by example. There's strength in numbers. To know and see how someone else is practicing better than us, and he is able to carry himself well through all the difficulties is a great way to show solidarity by merely being the best version of himself. Before I wore hijaab, I remember one particular bro who would always talk about the beauty of hijaab and modesty. The way he spoke about it was so enriching that it encouraged me to understand that there were people out there who don't prioritize physical beauty. Women are bombarded with how they should dress, look, feel etc. from all sides, so it's difficult to stand alone and reject conformity. Change can be incremental as well. So before a girl begins to wear hijaab properly, she has to stop a lot of other things first, such as sharing her pictures online, feeling guilt in her heart for accepting that sort of attention, etc.

In essence, there's nothing wrong with advising in a kind, tactful way or having some discussion in order to help them clarify their intentions, but at the same time, you also have to strive to be better yourself. You are not responsible for any nonmahrem woman though and no one expects you to be.

[IslamLife00]

wa'alaykumussalaam

Sharing this hadith with you

Abu sa’Id al-Khudri said:
I head the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: If any one you sees wrongdoing, he should change it with his hand if he can change it with his hand. But if he cannot (do so), he should do it with his tongue, and if he cannot (do so with) his tongue he should do it in his heart, that being the weakest form of faith. (An-Nasa'i, Abu Dawud)


None of us is sinless, we should still act or say something against a wrongdoing. This also means, when someone corrects us for our own shortcomings, then we accept and repent to Allah and make amends whenever possible, including to the people we have harmed by our wrongdoings. As you pointed out, what if Allah asks you on Judgement Day about it :


On the authority of Abu Sa'id (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear. (Hadith Qudsi)


A deed may be small to you, but it's big for Allah. So how big of a sin will it be if you don't speak up, Allah Most Knowing.

Making dua is one of the acts of worship. There is nothing wrong with that especially because indeed we are created to worship Allah (Adh-Dhariyat 56)
but acting or saying something against wrongdoing is also an act of worship when you do it for the sake of Allah and you are following the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam

As in your 3rd question, I absolutely have been in your situation, and still am.
By nature I am not one who can keep silent when I see a wrongdoing, sometimes this backfires (because well I had done the very same thing before)
but I keep on going, because the reason I speak up or act against it, is not because I think it's wrong, it's because I know it's wrong in Islam.

Also, sometimes it's not what you say or do, it's how you say or do it. If they point out your mistakes and sins, admit that you are not perfect and no human being is, but you are still obligated to speak up or do something about it.

[MazharShafiq]

wa'alaykumussalaam

Sharing this hadith with you

Abu sa’Id al-Khudri said:
I head the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say: If any one you sees wrongdoing, he should change it with his hand if he can change it with his hand. But if he cannot (do so), he should do it with his tongue, and if he cannot (do so with) his tongue he should do it in his heart, that being the weakest form of faith. (An-Nasa'i, Abu Dawud)


None of us is sinless, we should still act or say something against a wrongdoing. This also means, when someone corrects us for our own shortcomings, then we accept and repent to Allah and make amends whenever possible, including to the people we have harmed by our wrongdoings. As you pointed out, what if Allah asks you on Judgement Day about it :


On the authority of Abu Sa'id (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
Let not any one of you belittle himself. They said: O Messenger of Allah, how can any one of us belittle himself? He said: He finds a matter concerning Allah about which he should say something, and he does not say [it], so Allah (mighty and sublime be He) says to him on the Day of Resurrection: What prevented you from saying something about such-and-such and such-and-such? He say: [It was] out of fear of people. Then He says: Rather it is I whom you should more properly fear. (Hadith Qudsi)


A deed may be small to you, but it's big for Allah. So how big of a sin will it be if you don't speak up, Allah Most Knowing.

Making dua is one of the acts of worship. There is nothing wrong with that especially because indeed we are created to worship Allah (Adh-Dhariyat 56)
but acting or saying something against wrongdoing is also an act of worship when you do it for the sake of Allah and you are following the sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam

As in your 3rd question, I absolutely have been in your situation, and still am.
By nature I am not one who can keep silent when I see a wrongdoing, sometimes this backfires (because well I had done the very same thing before)
but I keep on going, because the reason I speak up or act against it, is not because I think it's wrong, it's because I know it's wrong in Islam.

Also, sometimes it's not what you say or do, it's how you say or do it. If they point out your mistakes and sins, admit that you are not perfect and no human being is, but you are still obligated to speak up or do something about it.

Exactly i agree.

Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, you can participate in the discussions and share your thoughts. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and make new friends.
Sign Up

[Abdulah97]

I will keep these responses in the back of my mind, I am not sure if its appropriate for me to speak directly to my cousin wife if shes wearing something wrong but I am thinking of directly reaching out to my cousin to advise him about this.

For my other female cousins I only see them a few times a year so next time i see them I will try to bring it up in a non-confrontational way but its very hard to do so without directly confronting them about it.

I appreciate these responses!

[IslamLife00]

Is it because you are male, so that it's inappropriate to tell your cousin's wife when she does something wrong?

I am asking because I genuinely want to know, not pushing your button or anything. If she is your cousin's wife then she is your mahram too, am I right?

[Al-Ansariyah]

Is it because you are male, so that it's inappropriate to tell your cousin's wife when she does something wrong?

I am asking because I genuinely want to know, not pushing your button or anything. If she is your cousin's wife then she is your mahram too, am I right?

السلام عليكم ورحمةالله وبركاته
No, she wont be mehram to him and its not obligatory on him to give dawah to non mehram.

[IslamLife00]

السلام عليكم ورحمةالله وبركاته
No, she wont be mehram to him and its not obligatory on him to give dawah to non mehram.

I see. jazakallah khayr

[Abdulah97]

السلام عليكم ورحمةالله وبركاته
No, she wont be mehram to him and its not obligatory on him to give dawah to non mehram.

So just to clarify, on the day of judgement Allah will hold me accountable if I didn't give advice to mehram women like my mom, sister, grandma if they doing something haram?

But I am not obligated to give advice to my cousins, friends wife, cousin's wife because they are non mehram?

Of course I will try my best to give dawah and advice whenever the situation arises in a nonconfrontational nonjudgemental way to my non mehrams as well but just want to be sure because I am in a conflicted point that I should be saying something but also feel really guilty that its my duty to say something.

Of course for my mother and my close kin mehrams I am always giving dawah, but distant family and cousins I don't have close relations with them and so I am not sure if its my obligation to give them dawah too

Also can you please give me source where its not obligatory to give dawah to non mehram?


Jazakallahkhair

[Al-Ansariyah]

Q. Some sisters want to make an Islamic magazine and send it to the brothers that are behind bars and communicate with them, is this allowed?

A. No, this is not permitted. Communication is for male to male and female to female communication, otherwise, it still falls under free-mixing, there are enough people to communicate with the same gender. The sisters should send it to the sisters and the brothers should send it to the brothers.

The rule is, there isn’t any communication or any mingling between non-mahram until it ends with evil consequences. You cannot do something that’s Haraam in whatever form it is, even if you have good intentions! If the intention was truly sincere, it would follow the guidelines and boundaries set by the Quran and Sunnah.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم no man and a woman is alone except that the Shaytaan is the third.

Those riff-Raff scholars who allowed mingling are short-sighted and have a defective mind sitting in their ignorance. They contradict the sayings of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم.

One time I dealt with the case of a girl wherein a man used to call her, there was no prior relationship and communication between the two. She used to scold him and tell him to stop calling her. She didn’t think much of it however the man was patient, eventually luring her in with his sweet talk. The case concluded in it evolving into a relationship, eventually leading her to sneak out and meet with him. Shaytan trapped them and it led to evil consequences. The Shaytan works gradually to deceive you not
precipitously.

- Shaykh Musa Jibril حفظه الله