know your rights. forced marriage is absolutely forbidden in islam. the prophet saws declared a woman's marriage null and void on the spot due to her complaining it was forced. he saws also said marriage is not valid without the woman's consent. (i dont remember the wording, but the wording was different for a virgin woman and a widow or divorcee but it's still the same)If it were a Turkish guy I would accept readily. Its not you.
I will answer this so all sides get their right.
A) The parents have no right to threaten their children if they don't marry such and such person.
B) The parents have no right to kick their children out of the house, especially a daughter, if he or she refuses or want nothing to do with that person.
C) If your main focus on this men is financial, while have other great attributes, including religious commitments, but is poor and that put you off, then you have right not to marry. For the other guy whom you refuse to marry, if he holds great qualities, including religious commitment it is better that he doesn't marry you. He deserves a woman who loves him and take him for his attributes outside the scope of materialistic and worldly gain. In that regard, you re doing that poor man a great favor by not marrying and your parents even more so should not force you to marry him. Not only will they oppress you but they will oppress this man who deserve better treatment and a good wife and that is not fair for him to be married to you. I pray that you find a man who is working and have good money (as that is your main focus or first thing you look for in a man), and if that man is of good character and good religious commitment, I pray for him that he find a good religious, saleh wife that gives him his right to the full that in old age he have nothing to complain about his wife and vice versa to the wife that marries him.
In the end, your parents approach is wrong and hara'am and is not acceptable, and no parent have A RIGHT TO FORCE his or her child to marriage.
did your father explain why this man would be a good choice?
Stand your ground if you really don't like this man. No one, not your father or mother, have a right to force you to marry someone you don't want. Your father is most likely trying to scare you into the marriage, even if he isn't, you can always find a job and provide for yourself until you find someone you like. Yes, its difficult, but if you rely on Allah, He will open a path for you. I'd go so far as to invite your local Imam/Sheikh to your home so he can talk some sense into your parents.
If you were to marry this man, you'd probably have to end up working anyways just because he isn't employed. And think of the long term consequences, you'll end up resenting your father and this man for the rest of your life. My mother was forced to marry and she was miserable for 30+ years. She took her frustrations out on her children, abusing us physically and mentally while she went out to do lots of haram things. The shaytaan can manipulate you like he did her just by using your anger and suffering against you.
If you have to, go to your masjid and see if they can connect you with a different man that you may like. What country are you in, if you don't mind me asking?
Btw,if he's goodlooking & practicing muslim then say yes no matter what
Aoa. I am from South Asia . We dont have the system of girls going to mosques etc And women really dont have any rights here either. I already resent my dad for a lot of things. I don't wanto bethankless to Allah. What if this is the last guy. What if no more proposals come.
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Aoa. I think i am overthinking it. The thought of being with someone for the rest of my life. and then eternity as well just baffles me. We hardly know eachother. What if i am unhappy. or he is unhappy with me. What if he falls in love with someone else afterwards, or i do? Then what?
I can't pretend to know the struggles that come with being from South Asia, but I hope Allah makes it easy for you. Do you still live there or did you move to a western country?
It is not being thankless to Allah when you refuse to marry someone you don't like. As a woman, you have a right to marry a man that is good in character and able to financially support you. If he can't, there is zero wrong in you not wanting him. You have a right to stability. If he was just poor, but working and trying, I would suggest you maybe get to know him better and then decide.
You don't know what the future entails. He may be the last guy or he may not be, you just need to trust in Allah and pray to Him that He guides you. Make salat al istikhara and beg Allah to guide you to make the right choice.
Personally, I don't believe in love at first sight, I believe that it's actually lust at first sight and then we learn to love one another over time. So it is possible that if you marry this man you may come to love him, it's just that no one should ever force someone to marry. The choice should be entirely up to you, not your parents. I don't think you're over thinking it, I think you're just scared, which is natural, especially when it comes to arranged marriages. Arranged marriages aren't a bad thing if both parties agree to it and do their best to support one another, but the fact that this man isn't even working and is looking to marry is raising some red flags.
Have you spoken to him? Did you ask him what he plans to do for finances? Is he in school or is he just a lazy bum? If he is a lazy bum, I recommend you tell him you will only marry him in a year or two, only if he gets his act together. You're not outright rejecting him, but you are giving yourself more time to find another match.
He is not religious either. I found him rather stubborn, but all are men like that? Finances is not an issue with me. I am just worried whether he will make me work. Because that's how it is with his mother. She works,while the father stays at home and do nothing.
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No, all he said was i have had enough. want to be fre.
I live in South Asia, trying hard to leave,but invain. And i cant say no. I am afraid my dad will throw me out, he has done multiple times before.
I'm praying for you. Don't lose hope. We never know what tomorrow will bring.
Everything else is irrelevant once you told me he is not religious. Your father is not fulfilling is duty as been your walli by forcing marrying to any Joe just so he can be "free". What is this about "free" with your children? You are a parent and as such there is no such thing as been free. If you don't want the responsibility of been a parent, do not get married and do not have children. Then you are free. Your father is 100% wrong on this and you have 100% not to get married.
That being said, lots of new modern men are taught when they where little boys that there is no real gender difference or gender role. Lots of boys see in movies, cartoons and video games that women dominate with iron fist and they are strong, powerful, capable to handle roles that was once considered male roles and man of these boys have being taught that women HATE playing traditional gender role. That a woman want a man to be sensitive, to cry, to be emotional, to stay home and raise the children while she goes out to work. As days and years pass by, with enforcement of transsexuals' at school, homosexuality's and boys getting molested at a high rate in additional to feminism, liberalism and democrats you will find it as passing days, harder and harder to find the traditional gender role that you seek. I am saying this, so that once you find a good man, who is decent, religious, committed, who believes that a man should go out and earn his keep while the woman stays home, take care of the house and raise children, and he puts you above his needs, and he is very religious, that you jump the wagon and take him even if he is not so handsome and rich. You take him, even if he is poor, but hard working because in the end, sustenance comes from Allah alone and Allah is the one who will make a person rich or poor. You don't know, next year after marrying such a man he could be the richest man in the world due to the proper intention you both married each other for.
Now, if you are the type who wants to bark orders around the house and get the whip at your husband, I suggest you be just when you do that. If you want to lead, lead in one condition that you agree to these terms:\
A) The husband does not pay for mahir or wedding. You pay for wedding instead.
B) The husband stays home and take care of the children, while you go outside and work. Sometimes, you may need to work Saturday and Sunday to provide for the house and family. Expect to wake up as early as 5:00 AM to go to work and not come back until 7:00 PM or 10:00 PM if the situation arises.
C) The husband will be playing the kids, taking them to school, interacting with them, cooking a good meal for you, making sure the house is clean for you and rubbing your feet when you come home. You will be the boss and leading the house. If you like this gender reversal role, the husband will be submissive to you, will obey you and do his best to please you. You will be the qayama of the house and not him. However, you will also need to lift heavy objects and be ready to defend the family with your life in case a criminal comes into the home
D) Your money is the families money and his money belongs to him. In case a divorce happens, he have full custodial right to the children. They go to him immediately and if they need a female energy at a young age, they will be taken care of his mother and female family line. You can come and visit the children by setting a schedule and time setting. He can take the children and travel any place in the world, it is your responsibility to make sure to visit them where ever he takes them and you have to financially support the children.
However, here you get power and authority and right for divorce. You can do this role or the role that Allah assigned for the sexes. It is up to you in future relationship.
I think you didn't get my point..
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