I am engaged but I don't love that person

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Halima1960

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Assalamualaikum I am engaged 2 months to our wedding but I just realized I don't love that person I agreed to it because my parents loves him, my biggest mistake was bringing him myself! They asked me if I want the marriage and I said yes. After him meeting with my parents before the engagement I told them I don't love him. But they were so upset and sad and I was scared for there anger and I said yes. Now remain 2 months to our wedding I still think am making the biggest mistake of my life because I don't love him at all I can't even imagine myself with him it's starting to become hate. I am so helpless and scared, I asked for advice from my sister but she's saying Allah will curse me because I promised that man marriage and now am going to break his heart Allah will not forgive me. I am so helpless.
 
It doesn't sound like you hated him originally if you introduced him to your parents. Maybe it's waswas? How does he treat you? Is he practicing? What is it you don't love about him? Is it a matter of looks? Personality? Lack of deen? Etc.

It's hard to say one thing or the other without any of us knowing the situation.
 
True. If you brought him yourself,I really dont get it.
I dont get it how your sister can say that Allah will curse you. You are not joking around if you really feel this bad and cant continue then its better to break up now than later when the damage will be way bigger.
Make istikhara and think about it with a clear mind.
 
Aoa.same here..instead i didnt introduce him to my parents and i cant call off the engagement fearing Allah's wrath. I even told my parents i don't like the guy but they insisted every one sort of coerced me and scared me into saying yes. I know my marriage is going to be horrible. And iam.going to resent my parents for the rest of my life. Infaxt i know i am doing the guy wrong.he tries to talk but i pretend to be busy.
God help me
 
iammuslim98 said:
Aoa.same here..instead i didnt introduce him to my parents and i cant call off the engagement fearing Allah's wrath. I even told my parents i don't like the guy but they insisted every one sort of coerced me and scared me into saying yes. I know my marriage is going to be horrible. And iam.going to resent my parents for the rest of my life. Infaxt i know i am doing the guy wrong.he tries to talk but i pretend to be busy.
God help me
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Why ruin your life and his life? Allah has made divorce allowed let alone you who are not even married. You have a legit reason so break up and let him have a wife who loves him and you let yourseld have peace of mind
 
keiv said:
It doesn't sound like you hated him originally if you introduced him to your parents. Maybe it's waswas? How does he treat you? Is he practicing? What is it you don't love about him? Is it a matter of looks? Personality? Lack of deen? Etc.

It's hard to say one thing or the other without any of us knowing the situation.
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Yes it's waswas and I made a big mistake I just don't love him, he's okay but because there's no love there's one thing I don't like about him. He's messy and he doesn't care to look clean and all and am a hygiene freek but that was not the main reason. I really don't love him and I want him to have someone who loves him, he deserves better and I think it's haram for me to marry him without love.
 
Yes du'a is the only solution right now I'll try my best to convince my parents and ask for forgiveness to both mine and his parents and especially him if I have to ask for the rest of my life but I can't marry him without love thank you.
 
Revert alYunani said:
Why ruin your life and his life? Allah has made divorce allowed let alone you who are not even married. You have a legit reason so break up and let him have a wife who loves him and you let yourseld have peace of mind
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Family pressure. I said no and they clearly told me to leave the house. And almost beat me
 
iammuslim98 said:
Family pressure. I said no and they clearly told me to leave the house. And almost beat me
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Why dont you try to tell the guy the truth? Maybe you come up together with a plan like maybe you talked a lot and know each other better and decided you dont fit at all so its better not to marry.
Every sane normal guy with values would not marry smn who is forced to marry him. So give it a try?
What your family is doing is big haram btw. They will be questioned about it.
 
Revert alYunani said:
Why dont you try to tell the guy the truth? Maybe you come up together with a plan like maybe you talked a lot and know each other better and decided you dont fit at all so its better not to marry.
Every sane normal guy with values would not marry smn who is forced to marry him. So give it a try?
What your family is doing is big haram btw. They will be questioned about it.
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They are not backing out either. He took it in the other direction : after marriage i will have no where else to go so I will have to live with him in whatver condition he want.
 
iammuslim98 said:
They are not backing out either. He took it in the other direction : after marriage i will have no where else to go so I will have to live with him in whatver condition he want.
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Well if thats how he wants it then in islam you are not even supposed to cook if you dont want so just make his life as much miserable as you can

No cooking no shopping no washing dishes clothes nothing
 
Revert alYunani said:
Well if thats how he wants it then in islam you are not even supposed to cook if you dont want so just make his life as much miserable as you can

No cooking no shopping no washing dishes clothes nothing
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Aoa.. Are u being sarcastic brother? Because that's just really wrong isnt it?
 
iammuslim98 said:
Aoa.. Are u being sarcastic brother? Because that's just really wrong isnt it?
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I am not. If he knows you are marrying against your will and he uses the fact that youd be homeless if you dont marry him i dont know how evil can a person be to do this. This is smth totally unislamic. If i was you id do much much worse but for the sake of ramadan and being in an islamic forum i wont give you these kind of advices. Just dont let anybody do injustice to you.If they do on purpose, take your revenge with duaa and with your actions.
 
I never understood a man or a woman want to be married and happy to marry and forcibly even want to marry a person who doesn't love them, want them, or want anything to do with them. Such group of people are at height of evil and they deserve nothing but worst of treatment.
 
Revert alYunani said:
I am not. If he knows you are marrying against your will and he uses the fact that youd be homeless if you dont marry him i dont know how evil can a person be to do this. This is smth totally unislamic. If i was you id do much much worse but for the sake of ramadan and being in an islamic forum i wont give you these kind of advices. Just dont let anybody do injustice to you.If they do on purpose, take your revenge with duaa and with your actions.
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Aoa. You are right. It is like i am jumping from one hell into another. Everyone keeps telling how there are no more suitors..marriage was never my cup of tea. I wanted to stay free so that I would get the man of my choice in jannah. I guess, this was also wishful thinking
 
If in severe doubt and this marriage seems very impractibale based on compatibility... Then you should not go ahead.... Why take a chance? Just to keep parents happy... Its your life... Isn't it. Consider compatibility and character. Even then you won't know what marriage is like UNTIL you live with them.

You are not exactly tying your camel here are you?

What's the likely hood of this marriage succeeding?

You do sound confused, you brought this guy to your familys attention.. Now you want to back out..??

Personally if I had doubts I would not force myself. These kind of mistakes can lead to bad situations and circumstances...

It has to be a genuine doubt... Not panic and unnaccessary apprehension and speculation.. Its not valid then...

You need to be realistic and practical in your approach... Its not just about the heart.....

Review your thoughts...
 

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