Is marriage important?

[bint e aisha]

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah

Hope everyone is doing well.

I'm worried about one thing. I hope I will get answers. Is it really important in life to marry? Isn't it ok if a woman decides that she won't marry anyone? Is there anything wrong with this?

[soheil1]

Hello.
Regardless of Islamic view on this matter, a good marriage usually leads to better life.

[SintoDinto]

I can understand the pressure, sister. It must be hard in different ways for women than for men, so that I can't fully understand because, well I've never been a woman. But try not to settle for anyone, and make sure you marry with your parents respecting your wishes of who you want to marry. Forced marriage is absolutely haram. Don't go for anyone less than someone who will complete you, but at the same time, try not to be too perfectionistic, because we all have flaws. But too often both issues are a problem. Often both problems are issues at the same time, pulling in opposite directions, where on the one hand we want someone who loves us, and on the other hand, we dont want to be trapped. But do istishara and istikhara and make sure you consult people about who you are speaking to. I feel sorry for many women. Women in many ways have it harder than men due to the immense burdens caused by a bad relationship. This is where your parents come in. As well as scholarly and prophetic guidance. The prophet saws said, to women, marry a man who is good in religion AND good in character. imam malik (rh) even advised to get a man irritated to see how he will respond as a test, whether he will be patient, or angry, calm and trying to resolve, or bitter. the prophet also advised not to marry a man known for beating women. but if you truly do not want to marry, ask yourself, do i need to work on self development, because this is true, we need to be content with ourselves before being with a partner, otherwise well be codependent, or are you at risk of falling in temptation and heartache? ive been there, but im not ready to marry since i need to work on being complete as a person. and we often need to be able to control some of own bad habits before we get married, for instance nouman ali kahn advised (and this applies to women too, women are also victims of this addiction) to get rid of a porn addiction before getting married since it will not change the addiction just being able to have intimacy in marriage. as for the feeling of being trapped, if you find yourself a best friend who you are compatible with, im sure itll easier. and yes, as soheil1 said, marriage makes life easier.

[bint e aisha]

Hello.
Regardless of Islamic view on this matter, a good marriage usually leads to better life.

Yes and bad marriage leads to worse life.

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[IslamLife00]

As far as I know it's important if you have desires and fear falling into zina. For a woman, if not mistaken, also if she has no means to provide for and protect herself.

There is no forced marriage in Islam. If you don't want to marry then you don't, but you need to guard yourself.

[xboxisdead]

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah

Hope everyone is doing well.

I'm worried about one thing. I hope I will get answers. Is it really important in life to marry? Isn't it ok if a woman decides that she won't marry anyone? Is there anything wrong with this?

Sister, you don't have to marry if you don't want too. In fact, you can stay single the rest of your life. No where in Islam it says marriage is forced and everyone must marry or they die disbeliever. If you think getting married would mean been neglectful on your duties and be shortcoming then you are better off been single and not have children then getting married. Not everyone is fit to been a parent and not everyone is fit to been a spouse or partner, either. You can take this opportunity in improving yourself in this world and afterlife. Get to know your rab better. Get educated for the dunaya and akhira as well. Have you reached the peek of your degree in university or colleges? Have you build your own company or achieved your dream as a doctor, teacher, etc? Do you have your own business you have always wanted to build but not done it, yet? Take this opportunity to build this business then. Maybe you want to open an orphanage institution and help thousands of children who are homeless a place to live until of old age from harm by men or women (adult).

Know that forced marriage is forbidden in Islam and it is not an Islamic practice. Forced marriage is an ignorance practice. You need to educate yourself and be able to decipher between jahillya practice and not; the only way you can do that is know your deen better. Know the rights of women in Islam better and get closer to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). These are all positive things you can do and achieve, and if you believe marriage will distract you from doing these things (in additional to being unable to fulfill your duties correctly) then don't get married.

[bint e aisha]

Any advice/lecture/article for those who are afraid to marry?

[xboxisdead]

Any advice/lecture/article for those who are afraid to marry?

If you are afraid to get married then you are not ready yet. I suggest you step back first, and when you feel your ready then open the topic again.

[bint e aisha]

If you are afraid to get married then you are not ready yet. I suggest you step back first, and when you feel your ready then open the topic again.

My parents are seriously considering a proposal and they're not giving me any right to have a say. I have to do something :(

[SintoDinto]

My parents are seriously considering a proposal and they're not giving me any right to have a say. I have to do something :(

Get a job and move out. Or consult a sheikh.

[SintoDinto]

Try reasoning with your parents. If they dont listen, consult a sheikh. If that doesn't work, get a job and move out.

[Eisenman]

You don't have to marry if you don't like too. It's better not to marry than have a bad marriage

[xboxisdead]

My parents are seriously considering a proposal and they're not giving me any right to have a say. I have to do something :(

Another cliché story of ignorance. This is sheer example, example A of what happens when we go astray from path of Allah and increase in ignorance in our deen and our rights. Sister, your story will only worsen for future women and men alike. It is simple. No parent is allowed or have any authority or right to force marriage to any of their children, period. You have full right not to get married at all and stay single the rest of your life, if you want. You want to stay single, be empowered, work, run a business and contribute to the world politically and economically and sponsor a child (you can only sponsor female child/children) and raise that child alone and never touch, see or have any relationship with the opposite sex? Go for it. It is your choice and your right. You want to get a master's degree and become the smartest person in the world, run your own business, have men and women working under you and enjoy that power and proclaim wealth and be the richest person in the world an die single and wealthy? That is your right, your choice and no one have right to stop you or prevent you from doing that. Go at it. Fill your fill if that what makes you happy. Either way, you are not forced into marriage and no parent have right to marry you by force to anyone you don't want too or say no too. Even if he is the smartest, most handsomest, richest, best of character man with charming personality. If your choice of men, the ugliest, most poorest, dumbest person but he is of good character and deen and you want to bark orders and be qayama in that house and take care of him financially and support him and that gives you fill because he is like a crippled poppy and it makes you feel needed, wanted and empowered...that is your right also. I hope this clears it once and for all.:heated:

[iammuslim98]

Aoa. I feel your pain right now. Was stuck in a similar situation. Got no say. Family and social pressure drove me to say yes. Don't like the guy one bit. Has made me wary of religion and life.

[bint e aisha]

Aoa. I feel your pain right now. Was stuck in a similar situation. Got no say. Family and social pressure drove me to say yes. Don't like the guy one bit. Has made me wary of religion and life.

I'm sorry to know that. May Allah ta'ala grant you strength and make everything easy for you sister.

[FinalNyc]

I agree about taking care of yourself. Your happiness is always the most important.

[IslamLife00]

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1639...e-in-this-case


https://islamqa.info/en/answers/2685...-them-to-marry

May Allah make it easy for you. it seems you need to have someone else talk to your parents about it. have you talked to an imam, someone knowledgeable that your parents will respect and listen

Her father forced her to get married; is this marriage valid and what is the ruling on intercourse in this case? - Islam Question & Answer ...

Not only your parents cannot force you to marriage. In the time of Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam, he allowed a woman to divorce although there was nothing wrong with her husband's Islam and behavior.
She just had to return the mahr.

It was narrated from Ibn 'Abbas that the wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet and said:
"O Messenger of Allah, I do not find any fault with Thabit bin Qais regarding his attitude or religious commitment, but I hate Kufr after becoming Muslim." The Messenger of Allah said: "Will you give him back his garden?" She said: "Yes." The Messenger of Allah said: "Take back the garden and divorce her once." (Ibn Majah, An-Nasa'i)


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[IslamLife00]

[iammuslim98]

I'm sorry to know that. May Allah ta'ala grant you strength and make everything easy for you sister.

Aoa. Strength for what? To be able to spend my entire life and even eternity with a guy i dont find attractive at all, who isn't religious even. Hasn't recited the quran once. I feel like killing myself but scared of the aftermath since I've never been a good Muslim in the first place.. Should I do dua to Allah to grant me what I want? Or should I just go with the flow?

[keiv]

Aoa. I feel your pain right now. Was stuck in a similar situation. Got no say. Family and social pressure drove me to say yes. Don't like the guy one bit. Has made me wary of religion and life.

Aoa. Strength for what? To be able to spend my entire life and even eternity with a guy i dont find attractive at all, who isn't religious even. Hasn't recited the quran once. I feel like killing myself but scared of the aftermath since I've never been a good Muslim in the first place.. Should I do dua to Allah to grant me what I want? Or should I just go with the flow?

I'm sorry to know that. May Allah ta'ala grant you strength and make everything easy for you sister.

Strength to increase your knowledge of the deen. Strength to make you stronger in iman. Strength to remove suicidal thoughts. Strength to be able to handle whatever situations you may face.

[iammuslim98]

Strength to increase your knowledge of the deen. Strength to make you stronger in iman. Strength to remove suicidal thoughts. Strength to be able to handle whatever situations you may face.

Aoa. It is still confusing. So one should just accept fate and do dua around it? I recite the Quran daily, offer prayers and do everything I can to increase eman. But when I think about marrying a guy I have no interest in, really puts me off. Family says after marriage things will get better. Automatically, I will begin to like that guy. If not, then divorce is not an option so I will have to live with him regardless. Can I do dua to bring back my hope? I ask Allah for anything, then why do dua for strength and not what I want? Should I measure the social variables and implications of a dua before doing it? Can we do dua for things we have lost due to our mistakes? Can we do dua tk change our patents' heart or anyone's heart for that matter or just do generic duas, so that when the ones we wanted do not materialise we don't lose faith?

[SintoDinto]

Aoa. Strength for what? To be able to spend my entire life and even eternity with a guy i dont find attractive at all, who isn't religious even. Hasn't recited the quran once. I feel like killing myself but scared of the aftermath since I've never been a good Muslim in the first place.. Should I do dua to Allah to grant me what I want? Or should I just go with the flow?

you two need to either consult a sheikh, a lawyer, or move out. no one has the right to do this to you. try reaching out to supportive relatives too.

[SintoDinto]

Also consult a mental health professional if you are having suicidal thoughts. Call the police. I repeat call the police or get some form of help. https://www.childline.org.uk/info-ad...rced-marriage/

Forced marriage | Childline Forced marriages can happen in secret and can also be planned by parents, family or religious leaders. It may involve physical abuse, sexual abuse or emotional abuse....

[xboxisdead]

Also consult a mental health professional if you are having suicidal thoughts. Call the police. I repeat call the police or get some form of help. https://www.childline.org.uk/info-ad...rced-marriage/

Forced marriage | Childline Forced marriages can happen in secret and can also be planned by parents, family or religious leaders. It may involve physical abuse, sexual abuse or emotional abuse....

I have deleted my message!

[iammuslim98]

Also consult a mental health professional if you are having suicidal thoughts. Call the police. I repeat call the police or get some form of help. https://www.childline.org.uk/info-ad...rced-marriage/

Forced marriage | Childline Forced marriages can happen in secret and can also be planned by parents, family or religious leaders. It may involve physical abuse, sexual abuse or emotional abuse....

Aoa. The police sides with the parents (cultural thing). I did talk to a professional regarding my mental help a few times but couldnt afford them long term. I have nothing but dua. But my sins are definitely getting the best of me. Nothing left but to accept qadr.

[bint e aisha]

Another cliché story of ignorance. This is sheer example, example A of what happens when we go astray from path of Allah and increase in ignorance in our deen and our rights. Sister, your story will only worsen for future women and men alike. It is simple. No parent is allowed or have any authority or right to force marriage to any of their children, period. You have full right not to get married at all and stay single the rest of your life, if you want. You want to stay single, be empowered, work, run a business and contribute to the world politically and economically and sponsor a child (you can only sponsor female child/children) and raise that child alone and never touch, see or have any relationship with the opposite sex? Go for it. It is your choice and your right. You want to get a master's degree and become the smartest person in the world, run your own business, have men and women working under you and enjoy that power and proclaim wealth and be the richest person in the world an die single and wealthy? That is your right, your choice and no one have right to stop you or prevent you from doing that. Go at it. Fill your fill if that what makes you happy. Either way, you are not forced into marriage and no parent have right to marry you by force to anyone you don't want too or say no too. Even if he is the smartest, most handsomest, richest, best of character man with charming personality. If your choice of men, the ugliest, most poorest, dumbest person but he is of good character and deen and you want to bark orders and be qayama in that house and take care of him financially and support him and that gives you fill because he is like a crippled poppy and it makes you feel needed, wanted and empowered...that is your right also. I hope this clears it once and for all.:heated:

Do you not believe that women should be married to their kufu?

[xboxisdead]

I believe women should marry which ever type of a man that she wants to get married too. It is not right for any parent to force her into marriage. I also believe if she wants to be single the rest of her life, it is her right also. If she wants to run a business and sponsor children and raise them alone, she can do that also. If she wants a type of a man where she is the qayama and that makes her happy and the man who marries her agree with these terms and he obeys his wife and he is happy with that, nothing stops her from doing that. What I don't believe is forced marriage. If a woman wants to stay single, childless and live alone and that makes her happy that is her life also. I don't know what kufu is though, please explain it to me.

[bint e aisha]

I believe women should marry which ever type of a man that she wants to get married too. It is not right for any parent to force her into marriage. I also believe if she wants to be single the rest of her life, it is her right also. If she wants to run a business and sponsor children and raise them alone, she can do that also. If she wants a type of a man where she is the qayama and that makes her happy and the man who marries her agree with these terms and he obeys his wife and he is happy with that, nothing stops her from doing that. What I don't believe is forced marriage. If a woman wants to stay single, childless and live alone and that makes her happy that is her life also. I don't know what kufu is though, please explain it to me.

Kufu means compatibility. Please go through this article to understand what it means: http://www.shariahprogram.ca/women-islam/kafaah.shtml

I don't know if all that is really required for marriage.

[xboxisdead]

Kufu means compatibility. Please go through this article to understand what it means: http://www.shariahprogram.ca/women-islam/kafaah.shtml

I don't know if all that is really required for marriage.

I am not sure it is required. I doubt you will find anyone really compatible with other. Follow the Qura'an and the prophet in how to get married and what to find for partner.

Kafa'ah (Suitablity and Compatibility) in Nikah A healthy marital life coupled with a good relationship make up the prime objects of Nikah. That is only possible when natural inclinations and backgrounds are shared (by both spouses)...

[abd.rahman303]

Allah's prophet Muhammad (SAWW) said: "When a man has married, he has completed one half of his religion"
Allah says in the Quran: "And we have created you in pairs."
Allah has created a system for this universe and those who donot follow that system in any form face some sort of abnormality (either in disguise or not). Marriage is a sacred concept in Islam because it is a lifestyle system. A husband and his wife are made for each other, to look out for each other, to fulfil each others needs and to increase the ummah of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Thus marriage is important. But it is not haram to not marry.

[Revert alYunani]

tbh Aisha , we will never feel as happy being single as we would feel if we were married.Remember Adam as was in jannah yet his happiness was complete when Hawa was created.
So idk if it is allowed or not to choose not to marry.Sometimes i feel like it would be better to just go in the desert and live alone to save my heart from being broken over and over trying to find the right one and trying to find my place in this dunya,but at the same time being married would give you more responsability and way more happiness,feelings you would have never felt before,and this feelings and responsability would give you more motivation for everything.
And Allah is so merciful that youd still be in state of ibadah even while you are married.Think when one is being intimate with their spouse,you are not thinking of Allah you are not thinking of anything,yet you are getting good deeds for that...
There are some goodness in it that wed never exp being single.May Allah give us all righteous spouses.Ameen...

[xboxisdead]

tbh Aisha , we will never feel as happy being single as we would feel if we were married.Remember Adam as was in jannah yet his happiness was complete when Hawa was created.
So idk if it is allowed or not to choose not to marry.Sometimes i feel like it would be better to just go in the desert and live alone to save my heart from being broken over and over trying to find the right one and trying to find my place in this dunya,but at the same time being married would give you more responsability and way more happiness,feelings you would have never felt before,and this feelings and responsability would give you more motivation for everything.
And Allah is so merciful that youd still be in state of ibadah even while you are married.Think when one is being intimate with their spouse,you are not thinking of Allah you are not thinking of anything,yet you are getting good deeds for that...
There are some goodness in it that wed never exp being single.May Allah give us all righteous spouses.Ameen...

Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) also given women seven special rewards over men for being married. She get to enter which of the seven doors of paradise like that, by marrying a man. A man need to climb mountains of good deeds of special acts to enter one of the doors of paradise. For example, if he wants to enter the fifth door (again example) of paradise he need to be the most honest, best, salesman and running his business with honesty and not cheat his customer. He needs to maintain that for the rest of his life (how hard and challenging is that? Very!) she (the wife) get to enter this door of paradise for been married to her husband. BUT....there is an exception for the woman. It is not enough been married. You need to give your husband all his rights to a point you don't even say oooof to him. Look the best for him. Give him sex on demand. Obey him. Please him. Not be a <beeep>. No feminist, etc. Your husband dies pleased with you...TADA......PARADISE AND ALL seven doors is yours (as long as you die Muslim).

So the advantage for women getting married are seven folds more than a man in the afterlife. A man would be happy to enter ONE DOOR.....

[IslamLife00]

Reminds me of these hadiths :

It was narrated that from Abdullah bin Amr that : the Messenger of Allah said: “This world is but provisions, and there is no provision in this world better than a righteous wife.” Sunan An-Nasa'i

Narrated Sa`id bin Jubair: Ibn `Abbas asked me, "Are you married?" I replied, "No." He said, "Marry, for the best person of this ummat (Muhammad) of all other Muslims, had the largest number of wives." Sahih al Bukhari

Ameen to Akhi @ revert alyunani's dua

[xboxisdead]

A woman could be a risq or worst thing on planet Earth that a man is better off without them (not being extreme either). It is up to a man and his intellect to, after praying to Allah to help him , find that risq woman. Until then, he better remain single and childless, in the meantime. Even if it means he dies not finding one. The ahadeth IslamLife00 quoted right here is the blue print that the man need to look for that woman. If he can't find her where he lives, he leaves and looks else were. But we have side tracked to the OP question. OP, did we answer your question? If you feel we have not reached the closure you seek, please ask professional help. This is as far as our ability here. Sorry in advance if we couldn't be much of help.

[Revert alYunani]

https://youtu.be/B9HNYDOcT3k


Right answer to your question

[IslamLife00]

@ Ukhti, I found this regarding compatibility in marriage. I can't quote you for some reason but inshaAllah you will see it.


https://islamqa.info/en/answers/6996...ings-difficult


Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was also asked about a man who proposed marriage to another man’s daughter. When he asked about him, he found out that he did not pray, and the one who was asked about responded by saying: “Allaah may guide him.” Should they go ahead with this marriage?
He replied:
If the one who is proposing marriage does not pray in congregation, then he is an evildoer who is disobeying Allaah and His Messenger,
and going against the Muslim consensus, which is that offering prayer in congregation is one of the best of acts of worship.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (23/222):
The scholars are agreed that it – praying in congregation – is one of the most important and best of acts of worship, and one of the greatest symbols of Islam. End quote.
But this evildoing does not put him beyond the pale of Islam, so it is permissible for him to marry a Muslim woman,
but someone else who adheres to Islam and is of an upright character would be better than him,
even if he is less wealthy and of a lesser lineage, as it says in the hadeeth:
“If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then give (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him in marriage.”
They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, even if he falls short with regard to wealth and compatibility.”
He said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then give (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him in marriage” three times.
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.

And it is proven in al-Saheehayn and elsewhere from the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment.
Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (may your prosper).”
These two ahaadeeth indicate that the best things to pay attention to are religious commitment and good character in both the man and the woman.
The guardian who fears Allaah and understands his responsibility is to pay attention to the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him,
because he will be asked about that on the Day of Resurrection.