In Need Of A Relationship Advice

So this is quite an interesting tale I will share with you. I would really like an answer to this. I have a friend, for the sake of this we will call him Jimmy, okay? Right, so Jimmy is actually a Muslim guy, I just picked out a random name. So he is quite young, he is only about to be 15. What happened is that the guy has literally fallen in love with someone around his age and they have fallen in love with him back, I know 15 sounds quite young but the guy talks like he is 23 or so. Main note is that he is way more mature than his age would otherwise suggest. The girl is also a Muslim. Now Jimmy isn't the most religious boy, but when I questioned him out of his religion he gave me several points that are very stunning:

Point 1: My partner and I are badly in love and would like to get married at 24. We are currently too young and our parents obviously won't let me, back in those days it was common to marry at 10-12. A major point.
Point 2: I made a swear to God, that in the name of my glorious Lord, Allah SWT, I'd never commit zina. I'd never have sex with someone who I am not married to in any circumstances with my choice. Pretty good promise that we all should make, maybe out of decency even.
Point 3: She prevents me from doing zina or watching pornography. We do discuss what type of sexes and how will we have them after the marriage, but key note is after the marriage. If we do not ever get the chance to marry, it will remain a fantasy. This is the biggest point in my mind up until now, because it requires the most careful analyzing. This girl is indirectly protecting him from zina because she is the motivation to make such a promise and because of her he has total control over pornography.
Point 4: We do not engage or touch physically at all. At best we talk about the sex we will want to have after our marriage, nothing more.



So I would like advice on how should Jimmy proceed? He has given some major points and this all still may be a sin, but you tell me is doing zina or watching pornography worse than texting about the sex you will want to have with your wife after the marriage? I mean you aren't married so it may still be bad, but is it that bad? I don't think that would be a fair odd. Correct? One may also question what if this girl leaves, well first of all it is unlikely to happen and secondly I talked about it to him too. He said it is very unlikely to happen, but it will not have an affect on my promises.


In conclusion: He is a lot more grateful about stuff. A lot more happier. Doesn't see pornography or such. Doesn't want to commit zina or adultery. All that for a girl in return which he works hard to earn? He works for hours a day for that girl. Could you believe it? There are adults who wouldn't work that much for someone, but he wants him to be good enough for her to accept him as her husband. All he does at max is discuss some type of sex he will want to do with her after the marriage to keep stuff "exciting" and keep him "motivated" to work.

In Islam, people become socially and spiritually responsible at the age of puberty, so yes, Islamically it would be permissible from a religious perspective for them to get married. Most places do not offer true freedom to practice one's religion, so he would have to abide by whatever laws are in place where he lives. If Jimmy is dependent on his parents, he is also limited by that as well.

Most of what you described about little Jimmy sounds like every other teenager out there. What Jimmy is going through is nothing new. Teenagers are hormonal and they seem to "love" the first person they relate to. If he wants to go about this the right way, he needs to stop these private communication sessions with the girl. Jimmy needs to wait until they are legally able to get married and while he is waiting, he needs to keep discussing it with his parents and to be open about it so they continue to support him.

Substituting one sin for another is the wrong way of looking at this. The whole idea of 'Which one is worse, looking at porn or privately chatting with a girl and fantasizing about what we can do with each other' is just wrong in every way.

In the meantime, let him read the story of Barsisa.

Hi, thank you very much for your answer. May peace be upon you. I will start it off by my own views to your answer, and as far as I am concerned mostly I agree with you, we are going on the same track. Though you did also mention that religiously it is legal for them to marry already, but as we both know, times are unfortunately hard on them, we have strict laws today that we didn't have back then and we have a totally different society. Even if there was no law problem, such a marriage is no longer a common practice. So that really means it is a major test on them and their love. Regarding the puberty and hormones though it happens, I don't think it's that what is affecting him. Why? Because I know him for a long time now and he has been quite mature for long now and it's only now that this is happening. I am pretty sure he is doing well in his puberty. One thing if I may ask is what is a good solution? See she became his happiness and he often talks about if he is the lucky one to get her, he will treat her well and all, but of course there is like a decade or so of wait at best for them, she is also a motivation for him to work hard. Isn't it positive to love someone and to be motivated to work hard for them? Also since it doesn't offer advice on the matter that this sin which is much smaller on scale than those 2 major ones: Adultery, zina or pornography. It does state that it shouldn't be judged like that and I absolutely agree, but may I question is it better for you to risk failing such major sins instead of committing small ones? If you could clarify more doubts and could really give some solid advice of patience and all, I'd think it would be help to him.

Thanks.

LoveProphets said:

Also since it doesn't offer advice on the matter that this sin which is much smaller on scale than those 2 major ones: Adultery, zina or pornography. It does state that it shouldn't be judged like that and I absolutely agree, but may I question is it better for you to risk failing such major sins instead of committing small ones? If you could clarify more doubts and could really give some solid advice of patience and all, I'd think it would be help to him.

Thanks.

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Akhi Kiev already answered that. Substituting one sin for another is not the solution, it's not smaller risk or bigger risk.
Everything big starts with small, small sin will undoubtedly lead him to bigger sin.
In regards to risk, Allah is the only Sovereign on Judgement Day. Why take the risk, making assumption that one sin is smaller than the other, that Allah will forgive him?
Even if it's small but he does it regularly, what makes you think it is still small to Allah?

LoveProphets said:

So I would like advice on how should Jimmy proceed? He has given some major points and this all still may be a sin, but you tell me is doing zina or watching pornography worse than texting about the sex you will want to have with your wife after the marriage? I mean you aren't married so it may still be bad, but is it that bad? I don't think that would be a fair odd. Correct? One may also question what if this girl leaves, well first of all it is unlikely to happen and secondly I talked about it to him too. He said it is very unlikely to happen, but it will not have an affect on my promises.

In conclusion: He is a lot more grateful about stuff. A lot more happier. Doesn't see pornography or such. Doesn't want to commit zina or adultery. All that for a girl in return which he works hard to earn? He works for hours a day for that girl. Could you believe it? There are adults who wouldn't work that much for someone, but he wants him to be good enough for her to accept him as her husband. All he does at max is discuss some type of sex he will want to do with her after the marriage to keep stuff "exciting" and keep him "motivated" to work.

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Again, you are making assumptions. You assume that the girl will not leave, that the marriage will happen.
No one knows what Allah has decreed for the future, his or this girl's future. What if Allah takes her life, or his, before the marriage? All this zina would be for nothing, not to mention it is a sin.
What if Allah takes him, or her, before they repent from these sins and all other sins they have committed, together or individually?
He did right when he stopped committing some sins, but does he do anything to guard himself from it?
Zina is not only sexual activity (by sexual organs) before/outside marriage. There are also zina of the tongue (e.g. talking about sex before they are married) and zina of the eyes (e.g. watching porn).


[FONT=&quot]It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of zina, which he will inevitably commit.
The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking, one may wish and desire, and the private parts confirm that or deny it.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5889; Muslim, 2657. [/FONT]

Hello, may be peace be upon you.


Anyways I did manage to secure some good news. Now I made him realize that the sin he may be committing may still be too big, and he convinced himself and the girl to skip talking about those and into a much better thing. Now their main goal is to be financially stable and get married. I am pretty sure this is much of a permissible goal, in fact it's a good aim in my mind to want to do such a thing and take care of others. They just decide and calculate stuff that they want to do, the ages that are desired by them to get married, how to store enough money. Just some love signs. Of course they know that either or in fact both of them can die way before, but as we always try to plan in the positive odds, it makes complete sense that they are planning this way, but checking the will of almighty God, Allah SWT. They committed sins out of ignorance and are repenting now. Pretty cool, now we can just pray for them that things go their way and the will of God is their happiness inshallah.

If they repent sincerely and guard themselves from falling into sin, inshaAllah it will be accepted and Allah will bless their efforts.