Am I married or divorced? Help

[Peacefulense]

Am I married or divorced?


My husband left me and my daughter (1 year old) for 6 months. We had a disagreement about a tiny issue, curtains. Gave me silent treatment for a month. Complained to my mum about things that have happened years ago as justification to why he left us. Refused to reconcile or seek mediation, family meeting , sheikh and counselling. Him and he’s family made up a whole story that I refused to let him see he’s daughter, all I said was that he needs to build a relationship with her because he wanted her to sleepover a weekend in another city when he hasnt seen her for 6month?? So they tried to threaten me with custody rights, court and parental rights, but that didn’t go anywhere for obvious reasons.


Anyways I focused on my life for the past 6 months, last week Sunday he wanted to meet, so we did. I came in positive thinking he will finally agree to a mediation. He came in with a list - a list of all the wrong things I have done for the past 2 years ( married 2 years). Blamed me for everything. Basically he was playing victim and absolutely did not take any responsibility for anything. When it was my turn to talk, he justified it all and got angry. I asked him if he is going to take any responsibility especially for the fact he has been absent father for 6 months ( 9
Months total, disappeared for 3 month) he said no - I did the right thing. He said 90% of the faults lies on me . I was baffled and shocked. He said “I am the victim here! I have been wronged” . I asked him so what do you want he said “ we don’t see eye to eye….I have been reflected and I came to the conclusion this is your personality” it’s like he is describing himself to me, projection. He told me he will divorce me and told me to give him 2 days to sort the papers out yet, the answer was washy washy, I had to get it out of me. After putting me down and complaining how horrible person I am and that he wants to end things he says “I appreciate you as a wife and a mother.” I said “when I walk out of this restaurant I am no longer your wife.” And walked off.


It’s been a week. No answer. It never felt like I was married because he never stayed with us for more than 3 months straight. The reason he disappears is he doesn’t get he’s way, child. I have come to realise this is a habit and he’s character, stringing me along.


It’s been half a year, my father is prolonging things with the sheikh. Every time I ask him, he says I will have a meeting with the sheikh this week and now it’s 6 month. Nothing. I’m sick and tired of waiting and to live in confusion and uncertainty. I believe my husband is purposely trying to waste my time. This the second time he has disappeared for long periods of time. I want a divorce and I want to move on, I have tried everything I can.


What advice can you give me?

[IslamLife00]

Assalaamu'alaykum ukhti and Ramadan mubarak

I found some information inshaAllah will help.

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/2685...nd-on-his-wife

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1168...unt-as-divorce

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/263228/if-he-says-to-his-wife-divorce-talaaq-or-you-are-divorce

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1845...go-back-to-her


If you don't find the information helpful, you can submit question to islamqa (link at the top of the page)

or Sheikh Assim al Hakeem
through his website https://www.assimalhakeem.net/
he also answers on Twitter, which will be almost immediately, but since it's personal I would imagine you don't want to post on Twitter

May Allah make it easy for you and your daughter

[Hamza Asadullah]

Am I married or divorced?


My husband left me and my daughter (1 year old) for 6 months. We had a disagreement about a tiny issue, curtains. Gave me silent treatment for a month. Complained to my mum about things that have happened years ago as justification to why he left us. Refused to reconcile or seek mediation, family meeting , sheikh and counselling. Him and he’s family made up a whole story that I refused to let him see he’s daughter, all I said was that he needs to build a relationship with her because he wanted her to sleepover a weekend in another city when he hasnt seen her for 6month?? So they tried to threaten me with custody rights, court and parental rights, but that didn’t go anywhere for obvious reasons.


Anyways I focused on my life for the past 6 months, last week Sunday he wanted to meet, so we did. I came in positive thinking he will finally agree to a mediation. He came in with a list - a list of all the wrong things I have done for the past 2 years ( married 2 years). Blamed me for everything. Basically he was playing victim and absolutely did not take any responsibility for anything. When it was my turn to talk, he justified it all and got angry. I asked him if he is going to take any responsibility especially for the fact he has been absent father for 6 months ( 9
Months total, disappeared for 3 month) he said no - I did the right thing. He said 90% of the faults lies on me . I was baffled and shocked. He said “I am the victim here! I have been wronged” . I asked him so what do you want he said “ we don’t see eye to eye….I have been reflected and I came to the conclusion this is your personality” it’s like he is describing himself to me, projection. He told me he will divorce me and told me to give him 2 days to sort the papers out yet, the answer was washy washy, I had to get it out of me. After putting me down and complaining how horrible person I am and that he wants to end things he says “I appreciate you as a wife and a mother.” I said “when I walk out of this restaurant I am no longer your wife.” And walked off.


It’s been a week. No answer. It never felt like I was married because he never stayed with us for more than 3 months straight. The reason he disappears is he doesn’t get he’s way, child. I have come to realise this is a habit and he’s character, stringing me along.


It’s been half a year, my father is prolonging things with the sheikh. Every time I ask him, he says I will have a meeting with the sheikh this week and now it’s 6 month. Nothing. I’m sick and tired of waiting and to live in confusion and uncertainty. I believe my husband is purposely trying to waste my time. This the second time he has disappeared for long periods of time. I want a divorce and I want to move on, I have tried everything I can.


What advice can you give me?

Asalaamu Alaikum sister, obviously we cannot comment on your relationship issues as there is always two sides to a story. But what we can say is that you must continue to try and get him onboard with you to get marriage counseling from a Muslim, so that both of you can discuss and try and resolve your issues on neutral grounds.

You mentioned that you have been patiently trying for many months now to try and resolve your issues. However whenever he expresses his feelings to you about what he considers to be his issues with you and your personality then please do not act dismissively to his feelings and concerns but tell him that you will be willing to hear out all his feelings, concerns and issues with you on neutral grounds with a good reliable Islamic marriage counselor. Tell him that this is the last resort in order to save your marriage and that you both must think of the children as surely this will have a negative impact upon them. However you must be willing to hear out his concerns genuinely as he must do with your concerns. You both must really want to make this marriage work in order to save this marriage.

Ask of Allah sincerely during these blessed nights to help resolve your marital issues and to do what is best for you both. If after trying your best to get him to undergo marriage counseling with you and nothing else works then you will have to get in touch with your local or regional Islamic Shariah board to take the next steps.

May Allah do what is best for you both with regards to your marriage situation. Ameen.