Forgiving those who harmed you.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Firstly forgiveness can only be considered once one is free from any further harm from the oppressor. After that one may consider forgiveness. However know that forgiveness is for your benefit, not theirs. The process of forgiveness and the release of thoughts and feelings that have kept you tied to the past can be done without the other person's participation.

Forgiveness allows you to let go of the regrets or resentments that eat up your valuable energy. It’s for you to be free. To move on. To take the next steps. It’s for you to regain your life, regain your future, and take your power back from their hands. No, forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you!

Allah says: “And the retribution for an evil act is an evil one like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation – his reward is [due] from Allah. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers.” (Quran 42:40)

“And whoever is patient and forgives – indeed, that is of the matters [worthy] of resolve.” (Quran 42:43)

“. . . and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”(24.22)

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said:" Be merciful to others and you will receive mercy. Forgive others and Allah will forgive you. (Ahmad 7001)

Forgiveness is easier said than done. However know that forgiveness is only for the pleasure of Allah and your reward is with him alone! However by the act of forgiveness we also rid our hearts of the negative and toxic effects of hatred, enmity, bitterness and resentment which in turn allows more room in our hearts for peace and contentment, which is the key to true happiness in life!

Depending on how much the abuse/harm has effected you then do not hesitate to visit a good reputable Muslim counselor/therapist to help you overcome your trauma/abuse/harm whether mental, physical or both. Also talk and share your feelings with a close and trustworthy family member or friend.

Most of all always share your feelings with Allah and cry unto him especially in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud as he is most closest to his slaves at that time. Always put your full trust, faith, hopes and reliance in Allah and know that he is with those who patiently persevere.

Consider the inspirational story of the man who forgave his son's murderer:

[Eric H]

Peace be with you Hamza and thanks for sharing,

However know that forgiveness is for your benefit, not theirs. The process of forgiveness and the release of thoughts and feelings that have kept you tied to the past can be done without the other person's participation.

The first time I learned to forgive was as if a great weight had been lifted from me. I have had the opportunity to see forgiveness in action many times, including incidents that were leading to death. Twice I have met people in the process of ending their lives, and on both occasions I was able to help them find the power to forgive which gave them a purpose to live.

I have been a street pastor for fourteen years, we wonder the streets until around 4 am after the pubs have shut, we often come into contact with drunken violence. Before I signed up to this, I said to myself that if I was ever a victim of violence, then I would forgive them. There was an incident about a year later when I was hit and pushed around. The police caught up with these lads and asked if I could come and make a statement. I said no. If I make a statement, and they are charged, how can I then forgive them?

I did say to the police that I was prepared to meet up with these lads and listen to their story, but afterwards they must be allowed to walk away free. But this was not acceptable to the police, so I did not make a statement. Months later we met up with these lads again. It transpired that the most angry lad had never got on with his dad, then his dad had cancer and they started to make amends. Sadly the dad died; and we just happened to meet this lad when he was extremely angry and struck with grief. He didn't need or deserve a police record, rather he needed a helping hand.

May Allah bless you all as you journey through Ramadan,
Eric