format_quote Originally Posted by
natureboy9896
Assalam alaikum,
I've studied at an University (started 6 years ago, graduated cca 3 years ago) where I've met a girl colleague. I've liked her for a couple of years now and we've actually been a part of the same friends group for years, but since I don't live in a fully islamic oriented country, and generally Muslims here have a lifestyle mixed with Islam and the West, I couldn't go right away and propose for marriage. We've known each other for around 6 years and I don't think she is in love with me. However, in a month or two, she is likely moving to a different city for work purposes which is cca 2 hrs away from the city we both currently live in.For a bit now, after praying, I've begged Allah to make her my wife in the near future and as I see that she is moving away, the realistic chances of that happening seem to become lower as time goes by. I know that Allah is the Only Who knows the truth and what will happen and I don't want to lose hope. At the same time, I am not sure if she likes me in such a way. I've begged Him to make her my wife and I intend to keep begging. However, I know that Allah will grant something if it's good for you, and since not much "seems" to be happening, I also started begging Him to make her a good thing for me (i.e "Oh Allah, if she is not good for me, please make it so that she is good for me"), since the Almighty can grant anything.
I wonder if that's the proper approach towards something like this:
- 1a. to ask to make her my wife if she is good
- 1b. if she isn't good for me, then to ask Him to make her good for me
- 2. if I am praying and begging enoughI am sorry for my English,
I hope it was clear what I wanted to ask.
Asalaamu Alaikum,
My brother firstly regardless of whether we reside in a place where Islam is not the main religion or people are not practicing the Deen as it should be, then it is not an excuse for us not to go about finding a spouse in the right way i.e. to ask for her hand in marriage through her mahram. If she does have Deen in her then she would really respect such an approach especially if it may not be the norm due to people not practicing the Deen properly. Surely if she had religious qualities about her then a person asking for her hand in such a way would stand out for her.
However on the other hand the problem with falling for someone before marriage is that we may become blinded by signs that they are not good or right for us. The primary quality we must look for in a spouse is that they have religious characteristics, qualities, piety and that they practice the Deen:
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman; (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (Al-Bukhari)
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “If someone with whose piety and character you are satisfied comes to you, then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be disorder in the earth and a great deal of evil.” (At-Tirmidhi and others and classed as Hasan)
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, “Marry the loving/friendly, the child-bearing woman, for I shall outstrip the other nations with your numbers on the Day of Judgment.” (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and others and classed as Sahih)
If you are satisfied that she does have the above religious qualities and characteristics that would be good for you in a spouse then make Isthikhara. Ask of Allah if she is best for you as a marriage partner. If you are still inclined then tell her that you are interested in marrying her and would like her Mahrams details in order to pursue marriage with her. Her response will then give you the answer you are looking for.
We must always be careful not to fall for anyone before Nikah otherwise we put ourselves in danger and shaythan is always the third party in private interactions with the opposite gender. Know that Allah is the matchmaker and he will do what is best for you if you pursue marriage in a way that pleases him and is within the boundaries of what is permissible.
May Allah find you a spouse that is best for you with regards to religious characteristics and qualities. Ameen