Despair

[RevertTayra]

How do you deal with yourselves when aware of ungrateful behavior? I despair, knowing that's not permissible. But I do despair. I have no hopes in myself. I don't think anything is going to change me for better. I'll always be the bad person, no matter what.

I'm a lost case. I want to throw myself into hellfire cause I deserve nothing better.

[- Qatada -]

"And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except for those astray?" (Quran 15:56)

Do not lose hope in Allah's mercy, for Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is indeed the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Quran 39:53)


Muhammad God's Messenger (peace be on him) said:

A servant [of Allah's] committed a sin and said: O Allah, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for them. Then he sinned again and said: O Lord, forgive me my sin. And He (glorified and exalted be He) said: My servant has committed a sin and has known that he has a Lord who forgives sins and punishes for sins. Do what you wish, for I have forgiven you. It was related by Muslim (also by al-Bukhari).

Hadith Qudsi 33: http://Sunnah.com/qudsi40

[RevertTayra]

You can't do whatever you want, unless ungrateful. And that's me. Ungrateful. Allah is great, He's perfect, He's the best. I'm the bad one and don't deserve to exist...

[Murid]

:salam:

:bism:

We are unable to fully worship Allah in just, but Allahs mercy is above his wrath.
https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyh...revails-wrath/

There is a very known narration (I can not find reference on web), as I remember, where a hermit that maybe worshiped Allah 100 years on the judgement day will get towards paradise because of Allahs mercy, but he will ask like "what about my deeds" and his deeds will only weight like only his eyesight on the scale.

There are some known narratiobs about rewarding duas, like:
https://hadithanswers.com/allah-pers...aise-of-allah/

Or like this salawat:
https://smallstepstoallah.com/reward...ys?print=print

Or
https://smallstepstoallah.com/a-treasure-from-jannah

https://smallstepstoallah.com/salatul-awwabeen

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[- Qatada -]

You can't do whatever you want, unless ungrateful. And that's me. Ungrateful. Allah is great, He's perfect, He's the best. I'm the bad one and don't deserve to exist...

Your regret should help you become a better person and servant of Allah.

If it's making you feel burdened and it's turning you towards more sin and negativity, then this is not a good regret.

It has to.be balanced.

You have to think you're a good Muslim, who is trying her best. Allah loves you for that. Allah loves you more than He loves 5billion other people who do not believe in Him.

And there is one sin you keep falling into, and you're going to keep trying to come out of it by saying sorry to Allah each time. That's all.

[Eric H]

Peace be with you RevertTayra;

Allah is great, He's perfect, He's the best.

Amen

I'm the bad one and don't deserve to exist...

Allah created you for a purpose, and as you say, Allah is perfect. Allah did not create you to give up when the going gets tough. Allah is bigger than all the problems you face, trust in Allah.

As I understand, even the prophet, pbuh said, he would only achieve salvation through the grace and mercy of Allah. Please correct me if I am wrong.

May Allah bless with with the wisdom, strength, peace, perseverance and the resilience to do his will.

Eric

[RevertTayra]

Yeah... but I have no problems.

Allah gave me everything. He gave me so much care and love. And what I do? Instead of spending time in sujood, I', busy with Dunya.

When hardship hits me, I'm the best - Tahajjud every night, Quran at least 1 hour, doing so many good things. When happy and satisfied, there's no tahajjud, no 1 hour of Quran, only stupid Dunya.

I don't deserve anything.

Yes @Murid that's the hadith and narration in my head. I deserve nothing and Allah is the Most Merciful.

My hopes in Allah will never vanish. He is always there.

[Murid]

:salam:

@RevertTayra

You are not that wrong, but you are right, you can a little bit improve and find something in between, like regular wirid at night and after fajr.

In the narration from the link:
https://sunnah.com/nawawi40:19

You will find:
"Recognize and acknowledge Allah in times of ease and prosperity, and He will remember you in times of adversity."

As I know there are other narrations containing similar meanings.

Also:
https://www.abuaminaelias.com/dailyh...regular-small/

Because of everything mentioned, a regular night and day wirid, even if small (like estegfar, kalima tamjid, salawat or say sadaqah and other deeds) is so good.

Of course, there come times when we need to focus more on work and dunya (nothing wrong with "dunya" or work when you use wealth well, donate, give zakah, build sadaqah jariya projects etc...), and sometimes we have more time for nawafil ibadah.

Thats normal.

[RevertTayra]

Thank you @Murid

I actually, last night, read that it's ok during sinning time to repeat estegfar a lot as it softens the heart and finally makes us aware, although we don't think of the dhikir at all. Prior to this I thought it has no effect if our mind is somewhere else, so from that moment estagfar is ON :)

[Murid]

:salam:

It depends what is your definition of sining or what are the sins.

Of course we should not do major sins with half-absentmindedly repeating estegfar-as that is a very bad adab. We must avoid sins.

For example if you are invited at a decadent party/wedding etc. and you can not refuse a round or two of dhikr/estegfar without drugs or alcohol is a very good idea.

Changes in person most often are a stepwise process.

We have daily, monthly, yearly...lifetime timeframe and we must invest well our efforts as in surah asr.

Similarly working at work (of course we make duas, salawat, dhikr if idle time) is not meant to be like without productivity, donr jobs, tasks etc.

What you meant by estegfar is a part of that process of change/metamorphosis/athanor/transmutation/how different people call it.

As a child learns we need to learn too.

The heart/mind to be present, we need to get throught knowledge, understanding, practical examples and wisdom.

We need to reflect upon names of Allah. There are published books even by Saudi scholars giving examples of Quranic and hadith sources connected to asma. I bought recently one similar book in four tomes (1000+ pages).

In beginnings say we know the basic Arabic meaning of estegfar wording. We have a good niyyah, sincerely asking Allah.

We should not be to hard on ourselfs and thinking that we do it absentmindedly and that we require some higher stages of consciousness.

Afterwards we learn asma and related (there are a lot, lot of hadith and with time we learn new and new ones) hadith to say some longer, like astagfirullah al adheem alladhee la ilaha illa huwal hayyul qayyumu wa atubu ilayh, meaning.

With time you notice changes in yourself and around yourself and you get understanding and wisdom.

With more advanced practices that is greater and greater and if consistant and advancing you are going into changes, dhulm leaves, noor and mercy enters, you heal etc.

It is known even from salafi accepted literature like Ibn Qayyim or Ibn Taymiya works that estegfar and dhikr induce great changes.
There are their multiple works in tomes about that.

[Eric H]

Peace be with you RevertTayra;

You are sounding so much more positive now, than from when you started this thread. Has anything happened to make you feel more encouraged?

May Allah bless you through your struggles.
Eric

[RevertTayra]

Peace be with you RevertTayra;

You are sounding so much more positive now, than from when you started this thread. Has anything happened to make you feel more encouraged?

May Allah bless you through your struggles.
Eric

Allah happened. I simply addressed to Allah my state of heart and He changed my mood immediately. I understood what was happening to me and I'm so grateful He did this to me - another favor and blessing.
I still have this opinion about myself and it's ok. I would still throw myself at Jahannam and I'm aware that no matter what I do, I'll never deserve even a blink of my eyes.

Allah sent me many messages through Quran or ulema's quotes that were literally like directed and written for me and He gave me insomnia for 3 nights and the 3rd night I realized it was His invitation for tahajjud salaat.

I can't even express what happened, it's just so beautiful and miraculous...

[Eric H]

He gave me insomnia for 3 nights and the 3rd night I realized it was His invitation for tahajjud salaat.

Allah works in profound and mysterious ways.

May Allah bless you with wisdom and hope to see you through your struggles.
Eric