losing my religion

[soldierof44]

there was a time when i grew up being such a believer. i honestly - believed that there is a God and his name is Allah - and i still do believe that- honestly. but I have come to the point where im seriously wondering if God cares - now i am not questioning his existence - i believe he does. but i believe he is very unjust. at least to me.

i am in struggle. and i understand that we have to struggle in life, but does it really need to be this much? i been away from zinah, alcohol , gambling and all the vices all life long - and here i am - still nowhere.
i been working to try and build a career and been saving to have a good life - cause i never complain about materialistic stuff - i think im content with what i have ( alhamdulilah?) at least on career is where i stand.
but is it worth it?

but its the part which the soul wants most that i just cant seem to find - i been seeking to find a woman all my life. and it seems impossible for me to find love. i am burning. i have strong desires and yet none of them are being met. while other people find love early in life - some even at 16- here i am- never knew love at my late 20s.
so loookin up for guidance i come up with realities - i am above average in style - i have a fine face but my nose is too big cause i crashed my bike ( all these unfortunate things happen to me of course) , but i believe women are mostly avoiding me cause of my height - 170 cm. all the scientific data point this out.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...21cm)%20taller.

how could God put me in such disadvantage? why cant I be taller when it was so easy for him to just make me taller? why has he given height to so may wherei am from the average is over 180 cm, and i am so much smaller? what did i ever do to deserve this? height is 100 percent genetic so dont come at me blaming that its my fault cause its not.

what more does this person need to do to just have one woman? to marry and be loved and have kids? but i guess things just dont go this way. i feel completely betrayed by Allah itself, and its been a long time since i have left practicing or going to the mosque. the bare idea of being religious ( except for when i fast in ramadan) just makes me annoyed - when years ago i used to be very practicing.
after all , can u be practicing to a God you don't love and trust at all?

if you have anything to say - do that - if this thread doesnt turn me around - i promise you i am leaving. i cant take this anymore

[soldierof44]

i still havent done zinah tho. i dont watch porn. i still am clean as a person. im just very secular now. and i dont pray or anything like that.

[soldierof44]

all the work i put on- just to return to an empty house. f my life. i wish i could perish

[Imraan]

there was a time when i grew up being such a believer. i honestly - believed that there is a God and his name is Allah - and i still do believe that- honestly. but I have come to the point where im seriously wondering if God cares - now i am not questioning his existence - i believe he does. but i believe he is very unjust. at least to me.

i am in struggle. and i understand that we have to struggle in life, but does it really need to be this much? i been away from zinah, alcohol , gambling and all the vices all life long - and here i am - still nowhere.
i been working to try and build a career and been saving to have a good life - cause i never complain about materialistic stuff - i think im content with what i have ( alhamdulilah?) at least on career is where i stand.
but is it worth it?

but its the part which the soul wants most that i just cant seem to find - i been seeking to find a woman all my life. and it seems impossible for me to find love. i am burning. i have strong desires and yet none of them are being met. while other people find love early in life - some even at 16- here i am- never knew love at my late 20s.
so loookin up for guidance i come up with realities - i am above average in style - i have a fine face but my nose is too big cause i crashed my bike ( all these unfortunate things happen to me of course) , but i believe women are mostly avoiding me cause of my height - 170 cm. all the scientific data point this out.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...21cm)%20taller.

how could God put me in such disadvantage? why cant I be taller when it was so easy for him to just make me taller? why has he given height to so may wherei am from the average is over 180 cm, and i am so much smaller? what did i ever do to deserve this? height is 100 percent genetic so dont come at me blaming that its my fault cause its not.

what more does this person need to do to just have one woman? to marry and be loved and have kids? but i guess things just dont go this way. i feel completely betrayed by Allah itself, and its been a long time since i have left practicing or going to the mosque. the bare idea of being religious ( except for when i fast in ramadan) just makes me annoyed - when years ago i used to be very practicing.
after all , can u be practicing to a God you don't love and trust at all?

if you have anything to say - do that - if this thread doesnt turn me around - i promise you i am leaving. i cant take this anymore

Do not despair brother. i feel the same way some times.

all i am saying to counteract the was was and negativity is :

i was born a muslim, will die a muslim believing in the 5 pillars and 6 articles of faith in islam
and i always prompt myself to remember the unfortunate to re-engage that feeling of gratefulness that my life could have been a lot worse.

i know its not a happy content life... but i feel we have no choice but to take each day as it comes, continue praying and trying to improve ourselves in knowledge / prepare ourselves for the afterlife
yes it is sad, im in a similar situation to you and i keep saying to myself, "don't give up" as we dont know what is around the corner..., people of similar age or later in life have emerged successfully in raising a family

it is sad and i feel a lot of pity, not just for myself but many others who are still not married or even divorced. Being divorced has its own set of traumas associated with it, it is difficult.

Keep praying bro. and dont give up

please remember me and my family in your duas. Jazak Allah Khair.

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[- Qatada -]

If you knew this is a hormonal issue more than a faith issue, you wouldn't leave the guidance.

Your vitamin d and vitamin b complex levels are low. People with vitamin deficiencies have low serotonin (happy hormone) levels.

Don't leave your faith. Make Duas to Allah for what you want, then start a healthy diet filled with vegetables, fruits and proteins. Go to the gym. Build yourself to be the man you want to be and make Duas to Allah so He makes your progress quicker.

When you become that man with health and wealth, you will easily find the woman you want.

[wealthbuilder]

there was a time when i grew up being such a believer. i honestly - believed that there is a God and his name is Allah - and i still do believe that- honestly. but I have come to the point where im seriously wondering if God cares - now i am not questioning his existence - i believe he does. but i believe he is very unjust. at least to me.

i am in struggle. and i understand that we have to struggle in life, but does it really need to be this much? i been away from zinah, alcohol , gambling and all the vices all life long - and here i am - still nowhere.
i been working to try and build a career and been saving to have a good life - cause i never complain about materialistic stuff - i think im content with what i have ( alhamdulilah?) at least on career is where i stand.
but is it worth it?

but its the part which the soul wants most that i just cant seem to find - i been seeking to find a woman all my life. and it seems impossible for me to find love. i am burning. i have strong desires and yet none of them are being met. while other people find love early in life - some even at 16- here i am- never knew love at my late 20s.
so loookin up for guidance i come up with realities - i am above average in style - i have a fine face but my nose is too big cause i crashed my bike ( all these unfortunate things happen to me of course) , but i believe women are mostly avoiding me cause of my height - 170 cm. all the scientific data point this out.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...21cm)%20taller.

how could God put me in such disadvantage? why cant I be taller when it was so easy for him to just make me taller? why has he given height to so may wherei am from the average is over 180 cm, and i am so much smaller? what did i ever do to deserve this? height is 100 percent genetic so dont come at me blaming that its my fault cause its not.

what more does this person need to do to just have one woman? to marry and be loved and have kids? but i guess things just dont go this way. i feel completely betrayed by Allah itself, and its been a long time since i have left practicing or going to the mosque. the bare idea of being religious ( except for when i fast in ramadan) just makes me annoyed - when years ago i used to be very practicing.
after all , can u be practicing to a God you don't love and trust at all?

if you have anything to say - do that - if this thread doesnt turn me around - i promise you i am leaving. i cant take this anymore

Walaikumsalam

Brother, Allah has not made humans to make their life easier. He has made humans to test them in their love for Allah. He tests some by making life easy and some by making life difficult. Even the Prophets had to face the same tests. Prophet Suleman could control even jinns and he could control the birds and animals. Whereas Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) has to face a boycott for 3 years without food and water. And throughout his life Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) had hardly got to eat food. He used to be hungry for 2-3 days without food. Our job is to keep trust in Allah and move ahead brother, inshaAllah if not this life, our hear after will be better.

And just focus on building career. InshaAllah some girl will definitely find you. Try to change your approach to finding the girl. Try to approach different methods, meet new people. 170 cm is a reasonable height and inshaAllah its nothing to worry about.

[soldierof44]

yes i will be checking those mineralsd and vitamins but what i long more for is the female love. lets not cope around, justr like food and watyer the body needs seggsual activities to be in peace. and some people have it so easy yet i have many problems to reach love. im tired

- - - Updated - - -

yes bro but i notice for some people its so easy even if thnings are rough. and sometimes those peope dont even deserve it yet i see Allahs blessings on them. all i wisdhed for was to be 10 cm taller, was that too much for Allah to give me?

[soldierof44]

yes bro i will find the woman i want when i am 48 bro.

[soldierof44]

what kills me is that men with ill intentions got no problems with women. and women lust over them. meanwhile me, just cause of my height probably, am clueless when it comes to women at this age. this really sucks and u tellin me to be patient when theres nothing to be patient about.its over

[wealthbuilder]

what kills me is that men with ill intentions got no problems with women. and women lust over them. meanwhile me, just cause of my height probably, am clueless when it comes to women at this age. this really sucks and u tellin me to be patient when theres nothing to be patient about.its over

:salam:

Allah says in Quran.

Wicked women are for wicked men, and wicked men are for wicked women. And virtuous women are for virtuous men, and virtuous men are for virtuous women. The virtuous are innocent of what the wicked say. They will have forgiveness and an honourable provision. ^{(Quran 24:26)}

Brother, don't be jealous seeing people with ill intentions. They will only get such women in return.

Between, what is your age. And I didn't ask you to be patient on marriage. I just asked to be patient on what Allah has given you. And height is never a problem, there are always women below your height, you will be satisfied with your height look for them,. If you don't find one in your country, you can find in another country. Today word has become so small, start exploring it. There are lot of opportunities.

You can message me directly for personal assistance. I can help you completely come out of this problem inshaAllah

[SoldierAmatUllah]

I just ecovered from duhayma Alhamdulillah after its strike thats happening to majority of muslims struck with more trials


It's all very common -know many stories...such people have big rewards in hereafter- With this mentality,we can not afford to give up on imaan-

Allah can show dreans if Paradise,everyone...He can shpw our place un Jannah in a live view,not just a dream & send us beautiful spouses - all it takes to persevere & do good deeds.

Sin?Repent
Feeling overburdened?Take seklies,watch your fav tv show,spend time near nature or read your fav books etc.
Career is very important- Focusing on with duas & due effort brings wonders.

We need to try & try - This world was never meant for happiness ,fhose who have it all...don't look at them.Make your own goals,work on them,compete only with yourself,love yourself.You got all in you.Try to discover ...start praying - i have my low days but about qaza,i rush before it gets qaza.Not always but it happens

Actually i had a dream 2 weeks ago...seen a guy with a personality (quality guy from face)but short height.Later i understand that theres no deprivation for anyone,short,talller,white,brown,fat or slender.

Please ALLAH according to best of your capacity & He Ta'ala will please you!

I repent from being paranoid at times too but i believe He "understands"!

Take care- I'm 34 & my life is between highs & lows,woth a big transitional phase.


I'm trying to stay in Deen - didn't do it all in teens & 20's to go to hell...No,I'm resistabt & changed my focus & since my marriage is not working iut like many Muslim women out there,I'm focused on my career,a start up Consultancy & I'm so happy to be working whoch i never thought un my wildest thoughts!

Don't despair- We all are having our shares if tortures,pain,trials & feeling disliked.

DON'T forget to take a screenshot of this post! :-)

[soldierof44]

tried to send u a personal message but it aint working.
hello bro

first of all thanks for reaching out
but i dont think my problems can be fixed unless i become slightly taller.
bro i seepeople who are basic and have no problems with women just cause they taller. i swear i have seen it. what kills me is the injustice Allah has put on me by being short. people litterally see me as a child or a teenager..
he made women respect only tall guysa, and made me short. this isnt ok. a lot of injustcas has happened in my life. i been through a lot over something i cant control/
also lost my mom to cancer at asge 18, had a difficult childhoopd and teenage hood cause we werent rich. when everyone was having fun, i was hangiion out alone.

bro and the most brutal thing is that for Allah its easy to giv me 10 more cm but he just didnt want to, now im way away from puberty and am stuck like this forever. this is what caused me to leave practicing cause the God i pray to doesnt lkisten and already gives more to those who dont even care He exists. meanwhgile i put effort and pray and still limited and over. this is why i dont even feel like goin to jummah let alone be more practicing.

[Sunshineday]

You said you were a believer -but I not sure what you believed. It didn't say anywhere in the Quran or the advice from Islam, that as long as you can get what you want, then you can be happy. The test is that regardless of what you don't have, you still accept Allah as he is above all that (your desires), how can you be a Servant of Allah, when you complain you don't get this and this?? Was there not a story of a Muslim in the past living his wife to go to war even if they didn't procreate etc.

What do you know of marriage and love?? Love in islam as per the Quran, is for believing Men and believing women -not for a little bit believing. Was there not a story of a trick played on a woman, who said to the Prophet Muhammed peace be upon him, that I ask Allah to save me from you, and so he didn't pursue the marriage. Frankly who do you think you are, to set the conditions to Allah when it is he who has already set those conditions?? Even an angel wouldn't care about you, let alone a woman, as accepting Allah, regardless of what we don't have, is important, if you can't do that, then your wasting everyone's time. Frankly you ain't worth it.

Nobody is going to say on the Day of Judgement to Allah, I wasn't loved and now pity me, Allah isn't going to be critical of anyone if they didn't love you, that is not your right. As long as people are not committing a crime, Allah is never going to take anyone to account for not liking you personally. You are weak and if it wasn't your height and it was something else, you'll be blaming that too. So your holding Allah to your own standards, when you can't even keep your own body functioning. He created you and now you wish to complain. It is no difference like some people who wish they had a different mother- so what they think of saying to Allah, that someone else should given birth to them?? How low does it get?? So your not going to be happy with Allah unless you get married - so here you're value of your relationship with Allah is poor. No Prophet would ever choose a woman over Allah and it isn't for any other religious person to do so.

There doesn't seem much fear of Allah, the Day of Judgement and also amazing of what is happening in the world today, with now the upcoming financial crisis-here you need to hold steadfast in Islam, as these countries will be no more and the coming of the Dajjal. As what are you going to do then?? Accept food from the Dajjal because Allah isn't giving you any at that time?? This is why we fast in the month of Ramadan to increase discipline. Yes, it is good that you actions have not been sinful, but your mind is already wrong for saying what you had said-and this is something that you will 100% disown on the Day of Judgement.

[SoldierAmatUllah]

Edited:Typos

I just Recovered from duhayma Alhamdulillah after its strike thats happening to majority of muslims struck with more trials


It's all very common -know many stories...such people have big rewards in hereafter- With this mentality,we can not afford to give up on imaan-

Allah can show dreams ofParadise,everyone...He can show our place in Jannah in a live view,not just a dream & send us beautiful spouses - all it takes to persevere & do good deeds.

Sin?Repent
Feeling overburdened?Take seklies,watch your fav tv show,spend time near nature or read your fav books etc.
Career is very important- Focusing on with duas & due effort brings wonders.

We need to try & try - This world was never meant for happiness ,those who have it all...don't look at them.Make your own goals,work on them,compete only with yourself,love yourself.You got all in you.Try to discover ...start praying - i have my low days but about qaza,i rush before it gets qaza.Not always but it happens

Actually i had a dream 2 weeks ago...seen a guy with a personality (quality guy from face)but short height.Later i understand that theres no deprivation for anyone,short,taller,white,brown,fat or slender.

Please ALLAH according to best of your capacity & He Ta'ala will please you!

I repent from being paranoid at times too but i believe He "understands"!

I'm 34 & my life is between highs & lows,with a big transitional phase.


I'm trying to stay in Deen - didn't do it all in teens & 20's to go to hell...No,I'm resistant & changed my focus & since my marriage is not working like many Muslim women out there,I'm focused on my career,a start up Consultancy & I'm so happy to be working which i never thought in my wildest thoughts!

Don't despair- We all are having our shares of tortures,pain,trials & feeling disliked.

DON'T forget to take a screenshot of this post! :-)

[Pure Purple]

there was a time when i grew up being such a believer. i honestly - believed that there is a God and his name is Allah - and i still do believe that- honestly. but I have come to the point where im seriously wondering if God cares - now i am not questioning his existence - i believe he does. but i believe he is very unjust. at least to me.

i am in struggle. and i understand that we have to struggle in life, but does it really need to be this much? i been away from zinah, alcohol , gambling and all the vices all life long - and here i am - still nowhere.
i been working to try and build a career and been saving to have a good life - cause i never complain about materialistic stuff - i think im content with what i have ( alhamdulilah?) at least on career is where i stand.
but is it worth it?

but its the part which the soul wants most that i just cant seem to find - i been seeking to find a woman all my life. and it seems impossible for me to find love. i am burning. i have strong desires and yet none of them are being met. while other people find love early in life - some even at 16- here i am- never knew love at my late 20s.
so loookin up for guidance i come up with realities - i am above average in style - i have a fine face but my nose is too big cause i crashed my bike ( all these unfortunate things happen to me of course) , but i believe women are mostly avoiding me cause of my height - 170 cm. all the scientific data point this out.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...21cm)%20taller.

how could God put me in such disadvantage? why cant I be taller when it was so easy for him to just make me taller? why has he given height to so may wherei am from the average is over 180 cm, and i am so much smaller? what did i ever do to deserve this? height is 100 percent genetic so dont come at me blaming that its my fault cause its not.

what more does this person need to do to just have one woman? to marry and be loved and have kids? but i guess things just dont go this way. i feel completely betrayed by Allah itself, and its been a long time since i have left practicing or going to the mosque. the bare idea of being religious ( except for when i fast in ramadan) just makes me annoyed - when years ago i used to be very practicing.
after all , can u be practicing to a God you don't love and trust at all?

If you find my post offensive please ignore it.
I highly doubt you are purely being rejected based on your height. Yes everyone wants good looks, height is criteria now a days.Suppose you are taller and you got a girl to marry but how logical is that someone has chosen you just because you are tall.Do you really think it will make your life happy in a long run. What about the other ctieteria? Marriage doesn't work out only on the basis of height.
Have you asked them why they rejected you ? Did any of them said you are too short.Overall personality matters and probably you haven't figure it out yet what is wrong with you.
Now coming to the point other got beutiful one and you didn't?
They look happy because they are content with whatever they have got.No one gets perfect everyone compromise in one way or other.
Look around there are people who are born with disabilities, they are struggling to survive on daily basis forget about marriage. Isn't your life is better than them?
Taller people struggle too to get a husband or wife.
I have a cousine she is around 5'8"_5'9 tall and she is a doctor.She had set high standard for herself and she deserve that.She wanted a guy of her height or taller and a doctor too.She rejected guy who is a dcotr but shorter than her.Soon she realized height doesn't matter so gave up height ctieteria.But people did rejected her for being too tall.Girl of her height would be consider very tall in my country.she would look odd one out in the crowd of women's section whenever we had wedding ceremony etc.

Eventually she gave up crieteria of doctor too.All she wanted guy who has a decent background and earning enough to support a family.yet she struggled mostly due to her height.Finally she got married and she got most of the thing which she wanted and she is happy whatever she got.
All her siblings are tall.Her elder sister got married and her husband is bit shorter than her she always wear flattest sleeper possible to avoid looking taller than her husband.
His brother is around 6'1"-6' 2" got married to girl who is just around 5'2".He has no issue with that.
Ask yourself if you would have been that tall would you marry a short girl ?

if you have anything to say - do that - if this thread doesnt turn me around - i promise you i am leaving. i cant take this anymore

You will have to deal with much bigger problem if you manage to get married.Marriage is not the end of the world.If you loose your iman over such lame thing I don't know how you are going to face problems in future.If you loose your iman over this you will be ultimate looser in both duniya as well aakhira.

[wealthbuilder]

tried to send u a personal message but it aint working.
hello bro

first of all thanks for reaching out
but i dont think my problems can be fixed unless i become slightly taller.
bro i seepeople who are basic and have no problems with women just cause they taller. i swear i have seen it. what kills me is the injustice Allah has put on me by being short. people litterally see me as a child or a teenager..
he made women respect only tall guysa, and made me short. this isnt ok. a lot of injustcas has happened in my life. i been through a lot over something i cant control/
also lost my mom to cancer at asge 18, had a difficult childhoopd and teenage hood cause we werent rich. when everyone was having fun, i was hangiion out alone.

bro and the most brutal thing is that for Allah its easy to giv me 10 more cm but he just didnt want to, now im way away from puberty and am stuck like this forever. this is what caused me to leave practicing cause the God i pray to doesnt lkisten and already gives more to those who dont even care He exists. meanwhgile i put effort and pray and still limited and over. this is why i dont even feel like goin to jummah let alone be more practicing.

:salam:

I think you need 25 posts to be able to send message.

Bro, I don't have parents as well. lost them both a few years ago. I was not married then. No relative spoke to me in a good way as they used to do previously when my parents were alive. As they thought, I would ask them for help with money and other things. As I was jobless. I was not having money to eat food for 1-2 days. I had to stay hungry like this for a few months until I overcame depression. Basically, I was rejected by my relatives and friends. I had to live for few months in isolation, alone, hungry and depressed. But alhamdulillah, never I felt it was a punishment for me. I just believed, its a test from Allah. Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) and his companions have seen much worst scenarios in their life.,

Once was when Khalid Bin Walid was traveling to Rome to fight in the path of Allah. People didn't have food to eat nor water to drink. They would see the desert and they would feel as though water is there and they would run after it. But their wont be any water. Few people died in this process. Imagine, when they did all this and still fought in the path of Allah. You are leaving Allah, just because your height is 10 cm less.

[Ghost1987]

As salam alaikum

You need to do more zikr
Maybe 100 times la ilaha illallah

Do dua

Have patience in prayer

Never give up hope in Allah
Even if you do major sin

Think about the mercy of Allah

Make wudu then say dua after reciting zikr

Don't give up

You see have certain faith in God

He will help you

Wa laikum

[soldierof44]

Lol why are you coping so Hard?

I see people who dont believe at all, even communists, who get
Beautiful women jsut cause they have the right
Measurements.
Height natters in attraction and if we say it doesnt we are lying ourselves.
You cant force anyone to like you. Ibeen always trying my best
And all i get is rejection. Meanwhile i dont hold super high standards for
Women when it comes to height.

We keep ignoring the physical needs of our bodies, and the physical world
Attraction cant be forced on a woman and wharever ithey want
I dont seem to have it, even if i have the purest intentions.
And pls dont come st me with this threatning BS, if you wanna threaten
Someone go join isis my friend.

[soldierof44]

Well i wouldnt mind dating a woman shorter than me ,but even shorter women
Seem to prefer taller men. Its very shallow i know ,but can you bring
Logic what women are attracted to? They are attracted to it and its a fact.
Like i said to the guy above ,whatever women want i dont seem to have it.
I am a hardworking man who got rejected many times, and i put a lot of effort
Into my looks and hygiene. But i have failed so much i might even have given
Up on trying to find someone all together.

[Pure Purple]

Well i wouldnt mind dating a woman shorter than me ,but even shorter women
Seem to prefer taller men. Its very shallow i know ,but can you bring
Logic what women are attracted to? They are attracted to it and its a fact.
Like i said to the guy above ,whatever women want i dont seem to have it.
I am a hardworking man who got rejected many times, and i put a lot of effort
Into my looks and hygiene. But i have failed so much i might even have given
Up on trying to find someone all together.

I mean to say very short women.There are so many women struggling to get married as they are very short. Would you marry such girl ? They are being rejected even though they have all good qualities but they are not very good looking or very short.


Not everyone is attracted to looks. Maybe when they are young they are attracted to looks and as they are getting older they start giving preference over other qualities. There are people who give preference to character nature etc.

[soldierof44]

I mean to say very short women.There are so many women struggling to get married as they are very short. Would you marry such girl ? They are being rejected even though they have all good qualities but they are not very good looking or very short.


Not everyone is attracted to looks. Maybe when they are young they are attracted to looks and as they are getting older they start giving preference over other qualities. There are people who give preference to character nature etc.

Are you kidding me?
I want someone to love me when shes young. Not when shes "older and
Has ridden many trains. Sister i think islam is clear on purity. Why am i wastinmy time discussing attraction with a female?
You always say something and do something else.

Everyone is attracted to looks. I look good but i ahve the shoetfall of being short.
Its soulcrushinf how much i been rejected cause of it. People dont take
U seriously caus i look like a teenager.
Look at all the scientific research on height
Women profer to be with scum of earth if they have good genetic built which
Height is a good indicator of.
Pls dont waste my time with all this coping mechanism bs.

Im looking for some geniuine and logical advice. It was enrageing when u said ---

[soldierof44]

Well, i guess I am out. Some people just have no luck and I am one of them. BUT i cant lie and pray , and keep religion, when deep down i dont love God and am not content with him. Goodbye

[Muhammad]

when deep down i dont love God and am not content with him. Goodbye

It seems you have highlighted the root of the problem, which is not knowing and loving Allah سبحانه وتعالى and not understanding the way He engages with His creation. This is what you must focus on - learning more about Allah سبحانه وتعالى and realising that everything He Decrees is based upon His perfect knowledge and wisdom. He is the Creator of the heavens and the earth; everything belongs to Him. Who are we to question or complain about His creation? Look at things in perspective and you will realise that there is so much to be grateful for. There are countless people who don't have food to eat or clean water to drink. There are countless people with cancer, disability and pain. They would probably give everything they own just to live a healthy life albeit being below average height. And being 'short' does not mean you cannot be happy in life or be successful. You need to stop being so negative and realise Allah سبحانه وتعالى has blessed you with this life which is a single opportunity that cannot be wasted. Turn to Allah سبحانه وتعالى and He will guide you to being content with what you have.

[soldierof44]

I do understand you to some degree,i used to love and be greatful to allah for what he had given me. Until i found out it wasnt enough. How come we always compare ourself with hose who have less, but never with those who have some things that are universally desired? Didnt you read the scientific research i sent you on the very beginning?

Some people are simply more loved and favored by allah ,and i gotta face the fact that i am not one of them. So i cant lve him in return. In fact i dont love God at all. Like nada.

So thanks for reaching out but you have none of you all gave absolutely no proof that God cares, when he blesses some with so much more, and i cant have my basic needs met, when my intentions have always been clean. Its OVER.

[soldierof44]

I dont want to know and learn whats on scripture, when it doesnt match my reality. A whole youth spent trying to stay clean and in the end i cant even get one woman to marry ,while these 6 feet plus people get em all. Its over i wont even try anymore. Whats the worst is that i was a believer. I used to believe like i knew the sun was gonna rise and set, that god will find me a way, but today i doubt that God cares so how can I? God favors whom he wills he said and i want one of them. Thats why I cant love him. Bye

[soldierof44]

Already too late to have the first experiences at 27 yrs old, already too late to find a pure woman who hasnt been touched. Already too late for everything. I will perish before I lay down my dignity. And you speaking that things will be fine, NO THEY WONT. Dont lie to me. Its not cool.
I have spent the best years of my life working and trying too hard, and i cant land on someone just cause of things i cant control. Look at the world ,look around a bit, those succesfuk with women have nothing more in their brain than me, just a bit more length in femur. I am sorry but my god failed me the second me made me and I wish he didnt make me at all.

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None of you undersand, none of you will be able to understand my pain. None of you can even care. Its done - im exiting.

[Hamza Asadullah]

there was a time when i grew up being such a believer. i honestly - believed that there is a God and his name is Allah - and i still do believe that- honestly. but I have come to the point where im seriously wondering if God cares - now i am not questioning his existence - i believe he does. but i believe he is very unjust. at least to me.

i am in struggle. and i understand that we have to struggle in life, but does it really need to be this much? i been away from zinah, alcohol , gambling and all the vices all life long - and here i am - still nowhere.
i been working to try and build a career and been saving to have a good life - cause i never complain about materialistic stuff - i think im content with what i have ( alhamdulilah?) at least on career is where i stand.
but is it worth it?

but its the part which the soul wants most that i just cant seem to find - i been seeking to find a woman all my life. and it seems impossible for me to find love. i am burning. i have strong desires and yet none of them are being met. while other people find love early in life - some even at 16- here i am- never knew love at my late 20s.
so loookin up for guidance i come up with realities - i am above average in style - i have a fine face but my nose is too big cause i crashed my bike ( all these unfortunate things happen to me of course) , but i believe women are mostly avoiding me cause of my height - 170 cm. all the scientific data point this out.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...21cm)%20taller.

how could God put me in such disadvantage? why cant I be taller when it was so easy for him to just make me taller? why has he given height to so may wherei am from the average is over 180 cm, and i am so much smaller? what did i ever do to deserve this? height is 100 percent genetic so dont come at me blaming that its my fault cause its not.

what more does this person need to do to just have one woman? to marry and be loved and have kids? but i guess things just dont go this way. i feel completely betrayed by Allah itself, and its been a long time since i have left practicing or going to the mosque. the bare idea of being religious ( except for when i fast in ramadan) just makes me annoyed - when years ago i used to be very practicing.
after all , can u be practicing to a God you don't love and trust at all?

if you have anything to say - do that - if this thread doesnt turn me around - i promise you i am leaving. i cant take this anymore

Asalaamu Alaikum,

Jazakallahu Khayran for sharing you're issues with us. I know it was not easy for you to share all of this and I can feel your pain and disillusionment through your words. Firstly, my brother we must try to be more optimistic in life and also look at those who have less than us and who are in a much worse situation than us. You say you are short in height, but you still have all your limbs, eyesight, hearing and your mental and physical health in intact Alhamdulillah. If you have your health, then you have everything. There are very rich and handsome people out there who do not have their health and worst of all they do not have the most valuable gift of all that we have - Imaan (faith). You tell me is there a better gift a person can be given than the gift of imaan? Allah could have created you as a non-Muslim and in some other land. However, out of all people in this world he gave you the gift of imaan and he gave you the gift of good health. Two gifts that are priceless. So, Allah has in fact put you with an advantage over most people on Earth!

You say others are taller, but how do you know they are any happier? Do you really know what they are experiencing in their hearts and behind closed doors? Every person is experiencing that which none of us know what they are going through. We must never assume that a person who is taller or more handsome or richer is any "better off" in life. This is an extremely wrong and flawed way of thinking. This is the thinking that shaythan our enemy wants us to believe! It has even become well known amongst the non-Muslims of today that being richer and more handsome does not bring any more happiness. In fact, being richer and more handsome brings many more challenges and tests which one will be liable for in the Hereafter. However, it is richness of the heart that is the most important thing of all. Those who are rich in their hearts are the happiest people on Earth, regardless of their situation and circumstances. It is not a cliche to say that the happiest people in life are those that experience bliss, peace and contentment in their hearts. How does one feel such bliss, peace and contentment in their heart? By staying away from the major sins and building a close and strong connection with Allah through prayer, patiently persevering through trials and hardships in everyday life, through understanding and reflecting on the meanings of Allah's words in the Qur'an, through giving in charity for his pleasure, through treating people well, through his glorification and remembrance night and day and in standing in prayer at night when most are asleep. Through developing this strong connection with Allah then nothing will affect us in life as we have the love of Allah in our hearts and that is all that would matter to us. Through this strong connection we will never become disillusioned with anything in life, and we will have more hope, trust, faith and reliance in Allah's decisions and our Dua's will be more likely to be accepted.

Believe me my brother there is someone for everyone out there, but the more we become impatient and start to blame Allah then the more we will be at huge loss in life. Look at what shaythan and your ego has done to you for you have become so bitter and disillusioned that you are blaming Allah and you have resentment for his decisions. You will not benefit in any way for becoming like this. You are losing out in a huge way. So, you must turn this around now. Allah has brought you here and has given you an inclination to come here to share your feelings with us so that you may be given the correct advice. Allah loves you and he wants you to return back to him, so will you not then return back towards him? Walk towards him and he will run towards you. However, walk away from him and your enemy will become closer to you. Is that what you want? Allah does not need you or me, but we desperately need him. Who else do we have to turn towards but Allah? Would we rather continue getting deceived by our enemy and ego? Then will you continue to allow your ego and the whispers of your enemy to destroy you in this world and the next? That is the true loss. Not what you think you are going through. You have so much more than most people in this world. So never think otherwise!

A very close friend of mine is clinically blind. He has lost his family and lives alone in a one-bedroom flat. He has also struggled to find a partner for over a decade now. However, I have never come across someone so strong minded, optimistic and positive in life. He says to me that in return for patiently persevering through all of these hardships and struggles and for especially the loss of his eyesight then he says that he hopes that Allah will be merciful to him and grant him Jannah in return. Subhanallah. Know that it is our enemy shaythan who wants us to lose hope, make us disillusioned and lost faith and trust in Allah. How can we enable our enemy to succeed in doing this to us? This is such a short life. Why would we risk eternity of bliss in the Hereafter for any short-term test and hardships? We can turn every pain into pleasure in this world and the next.

Therefore, my brother you must stop doing this to yourself at once. Turn all of your impatience into patience and loss of hope into hope for reward from Allah, for he will reward us for even a minor prick on our finger, as long as we patiently persevere for his pleasure. It is not worth losing out on all of these huge potential rewards and in the great pleasures of the Hereafter for such a short-term perceived inconvenience in this world or from any trial and hardship we face in this life, due to becoming impatient and losing hope which is what our enemy wants. Therefore, we must be more grateful to Allah for what he has given us. Allah says in the Qur'an that the vast majority of people are ungrateful and how true is that? He gave us life, good health physically and mentally, a loving family, shelter, food on our plates, sustenance, wealth and the best gift of all - Imaan! Yet we are still ungrateful to him and instead of thanking him for what he has given us we lose faith in him for what we think we don't have. We start to compare ourselves to those we think have more than us and are better off than us when we do not know what misery and turmoil, they are experiencing in their lives which may be much worse than ours. This is from the great deception of our enemy, who tricks us into ignoring the immensely valuable gifts we have been given and tries to focus on what we think we don't have. This is pure lies and deception from our enemy! We must never fall for this evil deception! Every morning or evening sit there and reflect on the countless favours Allah has done for you. Write down what you are grateful for every day. This is something that even non-Muslim self-development coaches recommend. However, we who have faith should do this even more so as we know that everything we have is from Allah. We also know that every trial and hardship will never go unrewarded, as long as we do not become impatient and start blaming Allah. If we want our situation to change - then we must change!

So, my brother, repent for doing this to yourself and turn back to Allah and you will turn all your feelings of pain and loss into expiation of your sins and great rewards and pleasure from Allah. Ask for his help and guidance and build a strong and close bond and relationship with him by keeping away from the major sins and by fulfilling all of your Fard obligations unto him. Give in charity and pray to him at night when most are asleep, and you will see positive things happening in your life i promise you that!

[soldierof44]

Bro thanks for the long writing i really am greatful to that. But what if i told you i tried all you said and still was at loss?
Can u believe that there was a time when I was greatful for health and everything, can u believe that i do write lists of what i am greatful for, can u believe that i do give charitu even now as " not much of a believer", can u believe that i prayed hard and believed once, can u believe that i did my best, can u believe that i been patient for years and years and to this day idont know how a womans touch is, can u believe that i uses to believe that god would tske care of me? Can u believe that i laughed at the marxists and hated them when they told me that nobody is coming to save you?
Can u believe that i feel so sad that i think they have been proven right?

For how much long should i stay patient , am i asking too much but a female for MY BASIC BIOLOG8CAL NEEDS MET? I am a hardworker, everything i achieved wasnt easy but i did it with sweat and tears, and here i go see these people who dont deserce nothing get women, people who never entered the mosqhe but that same God gave them 10 or 15 cm more and they get more than i can dream of? Bro b3 realistic please. Stop coping. Tell me a rwal good advice cause im in serious pain. I dont believe im the one in disolussion here i see things clearly. I just would like to know, why didnt allah make me slightly taller, was thay too mych for him, how can u tell me he loves me when i go through constant pain and heartbreak, when i am a man of great value, can u believe thay i dont smoke or watch porn and all these things, i am too pure to be true and in the end nothing. Is love too much to ask? Should i start lying myself that eveerything is all right just cause i am healthy?
Do u know thay part of h3alth is also mental health and sexual release which i KNOW NONE OF.

PLS BRO. Stop
You re just causibg more pain to me. I am supersad, suicidal, if god ever loved me it would have been time to save me, andnjot bring me to this point.

I see teenagers fall in love, and here i am. Never knowing any. I wish with all ny heart that i died soon and if it wasnt fornmy father and brother that would crumble it i killed myself, i wouldbhave done it long ago. I wouldnt like to live a secondbmore. This isnt living. This is pure hell. And u say God loves me. Pls give me a break

[soldierof44]

But know that i am very greatful for all of you writing all these things to me. But pain is an emotion and cant be fixed with words only reality needs to shift.

I tried everything and still.. damn I wish i was never born i swear to the very god. There is no point in me being here

[soldierof44]

I do not wish to be a disbeliever, i am very conservative and i hate people in the left and liberals and such. I wish to remain oj the right path, but seeing God give so much to others and leave me astray has simply KILLED my very soul, and the desire to gain knowledge and love of him .
Its basically like there is an invinsible wall that i cant break no matter how much i try. I am so so so tired sometim3s i wonder where i find the strenth to go on. I am rock bottom and i keep hearing you promising relief when in fact it just keeps getting worse i am not getting any younger, this year i had surgery whcih was a major test, i have struggled with a lot of things, dont i deseg3 some peace, dont i deserve a break? Just cause my femur is slightly shorter. A woman cant love and respect a short man. I see what women do for taller guys. They see them as leaders and madculine in their shallow brains. I will never know that kind of love. And its not just women, i am always seen as a teenager, these things hurt and who else is to blame? Me? Did i writ3 my genetic code? Look, i am gonna kill myself. Theres no saving from that. I just dont know how much soon. Its done.

[Hamza Asadullah]

But know that i am very greatful for all of you writing all these things to me. But pain is an emotion and cant be fixed with words only reality needs to shift.

I tried everything and still.. damn I wish i was never born i swear to the very god. There is no point in me being here

Firstly, re read my post as i edited it and re read again and again so that it permeated into your heart. Secondly no I don't believe you have tried everything. You are clearly deceiving yourself if you think that. So, for the net 30 days, leave all the major sins you are doing especially any in private, turn to Allah and repent sincerely and cry unto him and beg of his mercy and forgiveness. Pray all of your 5 prayers and try to pray them at the Masjid, pray Tahajjud each night even if it is 15-20 minutes before Fajr begins and make intense Dua for help, guidance, mercy and forgiveness. Remember Allah as much as you can throughout the day. Give in charity as much as you can for his pleasure.

As you are not married then fast twice a week on Mondays and Thursdays. Read 2 pages of the Qur'an with its meanings and reflect over what you read. Every morning or evening spend 30 minutes in reflection of what blessings, gifts and favours Allah has done to you and given you. Listen to good Islamic lectures about being grateful to Allah for his gifts and on death and the Hereafter and the rewards in Jannah. However, you are feeling then share it with Allah in Dua. He loves that we ask if him even if it is for a shoelace. Then what about big things like this? Try to remember Allah and glorify him from awakening to sleeping and you will feel a positive change in your heart insha Allah. Go to sleep early each night as it can affect mood. Try to eat healthy and nutritious food. Go and walk in nature and start doing some exercise even if it is 30 minutes walking a day.

Write down positive mantras every morning and evening and keep it with you and keep going over it about how you are worth it and how you are worth more than you think you are and how you love yourself and that you will stop being so hard on yourself for things that are out of your control. This is because has you clearly have self-worth issues and low self-esteem. I would seriously recommend you get therapy from a Muslim male therapist as it will help you significantly as you clearly have deep unresolved issues. Do all of this for the next 30 days then come back and tell us how you feel but until then do not claim that you have tried everything because you clearly haven't

[soldierof44]

Oh no not the same old same old advice bro lol of course i have low self esteem cause i am 170 cm, those who gettin all the love dont have delf esteem issues. Oh cmon bro u clearly didnt read all that i wrote. I basically been off manor sins my whole life, and u telling me to fast??
Lol bro these other man need no fasting cause they slayin jusrbcause they were favored with 10 cm more lol its ridicoulous. I am sorry but its over

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You hear but u dont listen i wrote you paragraphs and u keep telling me the things i already done. And no no therapy for me those things dont help. What helps is reality not words.

[soldierof44]

I am not a junk food ester snd a prrdon eho indulged in any form of addicitive things. So no these things cant apply to me.

[Hamza Asadullah]

Oh no not the same old same old advice bro lol of course i have low self esteem cause i am 170 cm, those who gettin all the love dont have delf esteem issues. Oh cmon bro u clearly didnt read all that i wrote. I basically been off manor sins my whole life, and u telling me to fast??
Lol bro these other man need no fasting cause they slayin jusrbcause they were favored with 10 cm more lol its ridicoulous. I am sorry but its over

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You hear but u dont listen i wrote you paragraphs and u keep telling me the things i already done. And no no therapy for me those things dont help. What helps is reality not words.

Then you are clearly in denial. You are here claiming to have done everything everyone has advised when in fact you clearly haven't done any of those things with any long-term consistency. Instead, you just want to continue to spew your toxic and negative attitude. You say "therapy" doesn't help. Based on what? Have you had therapy to know that or are you basing those things on your false perceptions on what other people have said? This is because I hear the same thing from others when it comes to therapy. However I am telling you to find a Muslim therapist who can give you the right therapy in accordance with our Deen. If not then talk to a learned Scholar who specialises in counselling in your area.

It's easy to just rant and be negative and not make the necessary changes to ourselves. This is because change is difficult, and ranting is easy. However, you have received excellent advice in this thread, and I have also given you a plan to follow for just 30 days. So instead of shunning the advice you have received in here then follow it with long term consistency. If you tried a few things in the past and did not feel it made any difference, then this time implement all the advice together for the longer term. That is the only way you will notice any positive changes within yourself.

There is no magic pill. The answer, cure and the keys to success in this world and the next are only with Allah. So, it is only through a stronger connection and bond with him will we receive what we need, want and that which will bring about the changes we want in every aspect of our lives.

[soldierof44]

didnt the prophet pbuh say to speak the truth even when it hurts? even whern its bitter?

[soldierof44]

wallahi bro i know you have a good heart and you intend to help, but as u can see we cant bend reality. its over bro :')

[Hamza Asadullah]

watch the video i sent you, and then we speak how therapy helpsd. i wish i never woke up from that surgery.

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why are you censoring the truth?

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lol bro u coping hard. therapy doersnt help, watch the video. you will understand the truth then. then u see what therapy can do and why i seem to be dwelliung on negativity which is the actual truth.

We take our opinions, perspectives and stances of every aspect of our livees from the Lord of the worlds and through his Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam). Not from anyone else, whether they are Muslim or not then it doesn't mean they are giving us the correct opinion, perspective and stance in accordance with our Deen.

This is why you have become so negative, toxic and disillusioned because you take your opinions, perspective and stance from people who are promoting toxic masculinity and are telling you what true masculinity is. Either you follow the advice given to you from the perspective of our Deen which is the true advice to help you with your situation or you continue to listen to those who will only continue to being about your downfall through the perspective that shaythan wants you to have. The choice is yours!

The perspective of our Deen in accordance with height is as follows. So will you choose it over the perspective of shaythan?

A man's height does not have any particular significance in Islam. Allah The Almighty Creates human beings as He wishes and gives everyone a specific shape. He Creates some people tall while others short; He makes some people handsome, while others not so and determines the sex of the person to be male or female, as He Wishes. The most respected and the one whom Allah loves and brings nearer to Him is the one who is pious and fears Allah as much as possible. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.}[49:13].

However, one should not interfere in changing his own innate features unless he has a deformity, but one can increase or improve his ethical characteristics such as acquiring more patience, becoming more tolerant and strengthening belief in Allah, etc.

Therefore, one will be questioned about his deeds and morals, while he will not be questioned about his "natural born" features.

Allah Knows best.

Source: https://www.islamweb.net/en/fatwa/82...ight-and-islam

Physical beauty is not considered to be a measure of virtue among people in Islam; rather the standard on which distinctions are made is taqwa (piety, fear of Allaah). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]. Verily, Allaah is All-Knowing, All-Aware”
[al-Hujuraat 49:13]

Hence sharee’ah (divine law) came to correct our outlook which is usually based on outward appearances. There are many ahaadeeth (Prophetic narrations)on this topic, including the following:

It was narrated in al-Saheeh that Abu Hurayrah said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Allaah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Birr wa’l-Silah, 4651).

It was narrated that Abu Dharr said: “I exchanged words with another man, whose mother was a non-Arab. I insulted his mother, and he mentioned that to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He said to me, ‘Did you trade insults with so and so?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Did you insult his mother?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘You are a man in whom is jaahiliyyah (ignorance)…’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Adab, 5590; Muslim, al-Eemaan, 3140). According to another report: “…I said to him, ‘O son of a black woman’,” and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “In you there is jaahiliyyah” – i.e., one of the characteristics of jaahiliyyah.
It was narrated that Sahl ibn Sa’d al-Saa’idi said: “A man passed by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he asked a man who was sitting with him, ‘What do you think of this man?’ He said, ‘He is one of the nobility. By Allaah, if he proposes marriage he deserves to get married and if he intercedes, his intercession deserves to be accepted.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said nothing. Then another man passed by, and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked, ‘What do you think of this man?’ He said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, he is one of the poor Muslims. If he proposes marriage he does not deserve to get married, if he intercedes his intercession does not deserve to be accepted and if he speaks he does not deserve to be heard.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘This one (the second man) is better than an earthful of (men like) that one (the first man).’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Riqaaq, 5966).

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “People should stop boasting about their forefathers who have died, for they are no more than the fuel of Hell, or they will be more insignificant before Allaah than the dung beetle which rolls up dung with its nose. Allaah has taken away your jaahili arrogance and pride in your ancestors; rather man is either a believer who fears Allaah or an immoral person who is doomed. All of them are the sons of Adam and Adam was created from dust.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, al-Manaaqib, 3890; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 3100).
All these ahaadeeth indicate that which we have mentioned above, which is that one’s appearance and colour should not be the basis of one’s feeling proud, distinguished, superior or of high status, and that the Muslim should get close to those who are pious and righteous.

It was narrated that ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas said: “I heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saying out loud, not quietly: ‘…Rather my friends are Allaah and the righteous believers…’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Adab, 5531; Muslim, al-Eemaan, 316).

Source: https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1399...-really-matter

Our type of gender, male or female, tall being and short, etc.
are chosen by Allah for which we should be content. What if we did not have
eyes, legs, etc.? Your difficulties of reaching are also rewarded by Allah,
therefore, you should be grateful.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Read more at https://askimam.org/public/question_detail/738

[soldierof44]

bro, are you listening or not? im not saying Alah judges on height. but people will. those are not opinions, they ar facts that i have seen, wittynessed and gone through, nonber of my tall friernds are sdingle, all my short friernds are, these are SCIENTIFIC FACTS. wow. i cant believe im talking to a wall. at least let the video up for the rest of the peoplke so they can see it. and know the truth. this will be my legacy as for tomnorrow i will be gone. im roping

[Hamza Asadullah]

Oh no not the same old same old advice bro lol of course i have low self esteem cause i am 170 cm, those who gettin all the love dont have delf esteem issues. Oh cmon bro u clearly didnt read all that i wrote. I basically been off manor sins my whole life, and u telling me to fast??
Lol bro these other man need no fasting cause they slayin jusrbcause they were favored with 10 cm more lol its ridicoulous. I am sorry but its over

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You hear but u dont listen i wrote you paragraphs and u keep telling me the things i already done. And no no therapy for me those things dont help. What helps is reality not words.

That is because you are basing your self-worth and self-esteem on what you perceive others to find attractive and good and not on what Allah finds attractive and good which is for us to have Taqwa and piety. In the Hereafter when we are standing before Allah then we will regret even wasting a single second of our precious time in our short lives being concerned about something which does not matter an iota in this world and the next. We will wish we did just one more good deed as the currency of success in this world and the next are good deeds and nothing else! Consider the following article:

How to Cultivate Self-Worth Beyond Appearance

If you wore your sense of self-worth pinned on you like a price-tag, what would the value be?

Would it be single digits like the clothes size you might aspire to?

Perhaps double digits like the low-scale weight you’re chasing?

Maybe it’d be triple digits – equivalent to the amount of likes your most recent, heavily filtered, selfie you posted on social media?

Would you allow how you imagine others to perceive your fleshy packaging to determine your mark-up and self-worth?

The Difference(s) Between Self-Worth and Self-Esteem

Self-worth and self-esteem are often used interchangeably, yet within the sphere of psychology, they are arguably different and liable to be diametrically opposed.

Self-esteem can be understood as an internal assessment of our own qualities and attributes – both physical and otherwise. Self-esteem therefore may determine how worthy we may feel.

Conversely, self-worth is the understanding that irrespective of how you may appraise your internal and external traits or feel about yourself, you are of value and have an innate worth by virtue of simply being you (Woolfe, S).

In practice, having a strong sense of self-worth dictates that despite inevitable fluctuations in self-esteem (as some days you’re the sumo, while other days you’re the loincloth), you recognise that you are still valuable.

The Dangers of Investing in the Depreciating Asset of Appearance

Multiple studies conclude that singularly deriving self-worth from appearance and appearance based- approval from others has a direct correlation with reduced image satisfaction, increased body-image discontent, and increased body surveillance (Overstreet, N & Quinn, D. 2012, Abstract)- thereby potentially leading to disturbed eating patterns and/ or a disordered relationship with exercise.

This negative self-esteem or self-worth may arise from the discord between conflicting aspects of the self – e.g. the “idealised self” versus the “real-self”. The larger the discrepancy the lower one’s sense of self-worth and esteem (Ibid. p.360)

Fundamentally, we may devalue ourselves based on the ways in which we view ourselves through the potential judgment of others.
Despite being an internal evaluation, self-esteem is often founded on external attributes – such as appearance, and our self-esteem often influences the extent to which we deem ourselves valuable.

Consequently, self-worth and/ or self-esteem that hinges on appearance alone denies us every other life-affirming or vital activity/ interaction that could positively enhance our life and add value to our existence and everyday experiences. This is evidenced by the 67% of women between the ages of 15-64 surveyed worldwide who agreed that appearance concerns caused them to avoid social engagements / connection (e.g. meeting friends, dating, going to work, visiting the doctor) (Calogero, R et al. 2007, Abstract).

Rewriting our Personal Price Tag – Building Self-Love and Self-Worth

So how can we positively re-write our own personal price-tag and seek to maintain value when the market of self-esteem fluctuates?

Oddly enough, to increase our self-worth and value, we need to move beyond metrics.

We need to do away with what is measurable and look for what is truly meaningful.

Subtract Comparison & Add Bodily Connection

Body acceptance and self-love are by no means vanity or narcissism, but the ability to express love for your body/ appearance – even if you are not fully satisfied or comfortable with all aspects of your appearance.

It is the acknowledgement that you have innate and inherent value just by virtue of being you and the knowledge that deviation from societal beauty norms does not decrease how much you are worth.

Self-acceptance arises from removing self-judgement and comparison (i.e. “she is prettier than me” or seeking to “be more attractive than others”) and instead entails loving the body for what it can do and the connection it offers to others (e.g. shared ethic heritage) (Tylka, T & Wood Barcalow, N. 2015, p.122) and the recognition that you are more than your body.

Studies suggest that shifting our self-worth from focusing on bodily appearance to embodied experience or “connected embodiment” (e.g. experience of engaging body with world) (Ibid) enables us to better counter body-shaming dialogues (Ibid) and fully appreciate our existence aside from our external appearance.

Moreover, the concept of body functionality (i.e. focusing on what the body can do – such as one’s fitness, dexterity, capability, etc) also offers a way to paradoxically become more aware of our body’s functionality to move away from simply self-objectifying and being a body alone.

A strong sense of self-worth and associated practices that foster self-value, have been shown to protect both physical and mental health – if not offer resilience or protection against poor body-image (Snapp, S et al. 2012, p. 212)

Conversely, evidence suggests that a basing your sense of self-worth on your appearance is linked to a range of internalised mental disorders (e.g. eating disorders, anxiety, depression, etc) and externalised disturbances (e.g. substance abuse, violence, self-harm, etc) (Mann, M et al. 2004, p.357).

Subtract Social Ideals & Add Self-Care

Now this isn’t to say that appearance isn’t or cannot be a factor that contributes to our sense of self-worth, but instead we should seek to foster what researchers have termed “adaptive appearance investment”.

This concept can be understood as appearance-related self-care (e.g. personal grooming) that showcase personal style and personality – it makes the internal external and enhances one’s own features as opposed to seeking to alter them to fit social conditioned appearance ideals (Tylka, T & Wood Barcalow, N. 2015, p.123).

Instead, these appearance-based benefits may be viewed as acts of kindness towards the self and manifestation of the understanding that appearance-based acts of self-care are necessarily a way to improve your appearance for others, but a way to nurture and respect yourself.

What to Withdraw and Deposit in Your Self-Worth Bank Balance:

Self-esteem is the fragile internal appraisal of yourself, whereas self-worth is the knowledge that, despite your own (potentially scathing) evaluation, you are still worthy and have inherent value by virtue of being you.

Self-worth based on attributes beyond the important is an important protective factor against poor body-image, self-destructive behaviours, and associated mental and physical ramifications

Self-worth can be built and better fostered through the practice of self-love/ acceptance and self-care.

Appearance can still be a determining component of self-worth, through the act of adaptive appearance investment.

Source: https://embodyhealthlondon.com/subtr...nd-appearance/

[soldierof44]

Subtract Social Ideals & Add Self-Care

Now this isn’t to say that appearance isn’t or cannot be a factor that contributes to our sense of self-worth, but instead we should seek to foster what researchers have termed “adaptive appearance investment”.

This concept can be understood as appearance-related self-care (e.g. personal grooming) that showcase personal style and personality – it makes the internal external and enhances one’s own features as opposed to seeking to alter them to fit social conditioned appearance ideals (Tylka, T & Wood Barcalow, N. 2015, p.123).

Instead, these appearance-based benefits may be viewed as acts of kindness towards the self and manifestation of the understanding that appearance-based acts of self-care are necessarily a way to improve your appearance for others, but a way to nurture and respect yourself.

i take care of grooming and everything but still get 0 action. i toldf u - whats holding me bAack is things i cant contrrol.

[Hamza Asadullah]

bro, are you listening or not? im not saying Alah judges on height. but people will. those are not opinions, they ar facts that i have seen, wittynessed and gone through, nonber of my tall friernds are sdingle, all my short friernds are, these are SCIENTIFIC FACTS. wow. i cant believe im talking to a wall. at least let the video up for the rest of the peoplke so they can see it. and know the truth. this will be my legacy as for tomnorrow i will be gone. im roping

Why are you so concerned about what other people think when they will forget you very quickly after you die. Will your height matter then? No one will say "he was short", but they will remember you by the legacy you left behind!

When we are alone in our graves then we will only be concerned with any good we did and the good we should have and could have done!

So, we must get our priorities straight! People will never be happy with us nor even with themselves. So, it matters not what they or anyone else thinks of us or what they find attractive or not which always changes according to different times, cultures and norms. Therefore, we must only be concerned about what Allah thinks because you and I will die alone, and we will be in our graves alone and we will stand on the day of judgement alone! No one else to be there with us or to hold our hands!

So, stop being concerned with that which has no significance! We must change our mindset and shift it to that which is the most important thing of all and that is what Allah thinks of us, the one who created us. The one which whom our destiny lies and the one with whom we hope by his mercy he can grant us a good death and a good time in the grave and a smooth transition to the hereafter and most of all eternal success so that we may be granted Jannah then meet him and see his countenance.

What better success is there than that? Or will you continue to focus on what others think and on petty things that have absolutely no significance in this world and the next?

[soldierof44]

i dont care what people think i couldnt cARE less. i care what women think cause they are the only creatures i could ever reproduce with. but its too late now. thanks for trying toi help

[soldierof44]

let me be in peace in my last 24 hours. i will call my fam members and friernds and tell them i love them, i will drink a coffe thrn smth else,ill go to sleep and wont wake up again. let me sleep and dont disturtb me with your nonsense when i gave u the facts.

[soldierof44]

thanks for trying to help. may the god u beliefve reward u

[Hamza Asadullah]

i dont care what people think i couldnt cARE less. i care what women think cause they are the only creatures i could ever reproduce with. but its too late now. thanks for trying toi help

Yes, and who is the match maker? in whose hand lays the power to find us spouses? Do you not think that if we please Allah and build a strong connection with him then will he not do what is right for us and best for us in this life?

So, you must stop listening to your enemy shaythan who is chipping away at your weaknesses constantly and making you continue to lose hope. You must pull yourself together and stop destroying yourself over that which has no true significance in this world or the next. Focus on what you can do within your physical capabilities and put your time, effort and energy working for the Hereafter and doing as much good as you possibly can. By building a strong bond and connection with Allah and getting closer to him then surely, he will never allow us to be at loss and we will receive immense goodness in return!

Allah always gives far more back to us than we put in. So ask of him and put your trust, hopes, reliance and faith in him alone!

[soldierof44]

i have asked the match maker for years and nothing has happened. these other people getting women not asking Allah at all and thry getting quitte the matches ;). bye bro

[Hamza Asadullah]

i have asked the match maker for years and nothing has happened. these other people getting women not asking Allah at all and thry getting quitte the matches ;). bye bro

Again, in order for our situation to change then we must change. Also as i've already stated don't assume you know anything about what other people are going through as you and I know nothing about what is in their hearts and what goes on behind closed doors. Every single person is going through a unique set of challenges, trials and hardships. We must focus on ourselves and not be fooled by our enemy into thinking others are "happy" due to so and so. True happiness and contentment come's with richness of the heart and not being rich in anything else.

Focus on bettering yourself and building a strong bond and connection with Allah through all of the advice you have received and the plan I suggested for you. Then keep consistent with those changes and you will see the positive effect on your mind, soul and heart as well as help from Allah. Sometimes Allah tests our resolve to see whether we will patiently persevere or lose hope and become disillusioned. However, we can turn things around very quickly as long as we still have our life.

So turn back to Allah and ask of him for forgiveness, guidance and help and know that he listens to every prayer and if we turn to him and try to build a closer connection to him then we will gain the help we need and want in every aspect of our lives including your pursuit of a spouse. Consider the following article:

Not losing hope in the Dua’s that we make


One of the common complaints of many of us Muslims is that when we make Dua, we don’t see its immediate effects. As a result, we get disheartened and lose hope in the effectiveness and powers of our Dua. The post below highlights a passage written by Ibn Al-Jawzi (may Allah have mercy on him) where he discusses this topic.

For those of us who don’t know, Abu’l-Faraj ibn al-Jawzi (508 AH – 597 AH) is known to be one of the most prolific authors in Islamic history. According to a research conducted on the extent of his research works, the number of Ibn al-Jawzi’s books is more than 376 texts. Some even say that he is the author of more than 700 works.

About the matter of Dua’s not being answered. Ibn al-Jawzi in one of his books commented the following:


I think part of the test is when a believer supplicates and receives no response, and he repeats the dua for a long time and sees no sign of a response. He should realize that this is a test and needs patience.

What a person experiences of waswaas (whispers from shaytan) when the response is delayed is a sickness which needs medicine – I have experienced this myself. A calamity befell me and I supplicated and did not see any response, and Iblees started to lay his traps. Sometimes he said: The generosity (of Allah) is abundant and He is not miserly, so why is there a delay?

I said to him: Be gone, O cursed one, for I have no need of anyone to argue my case and I do not want you as a supporter!

Then I told myself: Beware of going along with his whispers, for if there was no other reason for the delay except that Allah is testing you to see whether you will fight the enemy, that is sufficient wisdom.

My soul (nafs) said: How could you explain the delay in the response of Allah to your prayers for relief from this calamity?

I said: It is proven with evidence that Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, is the Sovereign, and the Sovereign may withhold or give, so there is no point in objecting to Him.

The wisdom behind that is proven in definitive evidence. I may think that something is good, but wisdom does not dictate it, but the reason for that may be hidden, just as a doctor may do things that appear outwardly to be harmful, intending some good purpose thereby. Perhaps this is something of that nature.

There may be an interest to be served by delay, and haste may be harmful. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “A person will be fine so long as he does not become impatient and says, ‘I prayed but I did not receive any answer.’”

The response may be withheld because of some fault in you. Perhaps there was something dubious in what you ate or your heart was heedless at the time when you said the dua, or your punishment is being increased by means of your need being withheld, because of some sin from which you have not repented sincerely. So look for some of these reasons, so that you might achieve your aim.

You should examine the intention behind this request, because attaining it may lead to more sin, or prevent you from doing some good, so withholding it is better.

Perhaps losing what you have missed out on will cause you to turn to Allah and getting it will distract you from Him. This is obvious, based on the fact that were it not for this calamity you would not have turned to Him, because the real calamity is what distracts you from Him, but what makes you stand before Him is good for you and is in your best interests.

If you ponder these things you will focus on what is more beneficial for you, such as correcting a mistake or seeking forgiveness or standing before Allah and beseeching Him, and forget about what you have missed out on. End quote. Source: Sayd al-Khaatir (59-60). (This publication is in three volumes containing aphorisms and wise counsels)


About the issue of Dua’s being accepted, the following two sayings by Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) are also very noteworthy:


It was narrated that Faddalah ibn ‘Ubayd said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) heard a man making dua after his prayer, but he did not send blessings upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “This man is in a hurry.” Then he called him and said to him or to someone else: “When any one of you has finished praying (and makes dua), let him start by praising Allah, then let him send blessings upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), then after that let him ask for whatever he wants.” Al-Albani said: it is a saheeh hadeeth. (Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 2765.


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The slave will receive a response so long as his dua does not involve sin or severing of family ties, and so long as he is not hasty.” It was said, “What does being hasty mean?” He said: “When he says, ‘I made dua and I made dua, and I have not seen any response,’ and he gets frustrated and stops making dua.” Narrated by al-Bukahari, 6340; Muslim, 2735.

— Finally, for those of us who have abandoned the practice of Dua, we may be missing something quite important. Wishing is not the same thing as making a Dua. We may keep wishing our wishes but we have a better chance of seeing them materialized when we actually make the effort to enter the state of Dua and asking Him what we want.

Source: http://www.iqrasense.com/islamic-top...t-we-make.html

Sufyan ibn 'Uyaynah said "Let none of you think that his Du'aa will go unanswered because of the sins that he knows of himself.

Indeed, Allah responded to the Du'aa of the worst amongst His creation; Iblees (Shaitan, the cursed one), when he said; 'O My Lord! Give me respite until the Day of Judgement!' He (Allah SWT) replied, 'Then you are of those who have been reprieved.' (Surah al-Hijr 36-37).

So if the Du'aa of Iblees' can be accepted, then surely the Du'aa of a sinner has more right than the devil himself!" And surely your Lord is never unjust...

May Allah accept our Du'aas and grant us the ability to continuously seek His forgiveness (through sincere repentance)... Ameen.

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They said: We call upon Allâh, but He does not respond to us



Ibrâhîm ibn Adham (d.160H) - rahimahullâh - said, when he was asked about the verse: "Call upon Me and I will respond to you." [Sûrah Ghâfir 40:60] They said: We call upon Allâh, but He does not respond to us. So he said:

"You know Allâh; yet you do not obey Him.
You recite the Qur'ân; yet you do not act according to it.
You know Shaytân; yet you continue agreeing with him.
You claim to love Allâh's Messenger 'alayhis-salâm; yet you abandon his Sunnah (guidance and way).
You claim to love Paradise, yet you do not work for it.
You claim to fear the Fire; yet you do not stop sinning.
You say, Indeed death is true; yet you have not prepared for it.
You busy yourselves with the faults of others; yet you do not look at your own faults.
You eat the sustenance that Allâh provides for you; yet you are not grateful to Him.
And you bury your dead; yet you have not heeded its lesson." [3]


[3] Al-Hâfidh Ibn Rajab related it in al-Khushû' fis-Salâh (p.62).

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[soldierof44]

no time bro. its already too late. thanks so much for reaching out

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let everyone else see that video, so people know the context. farewell brothers

[Hamza Asadullah]

Therefore we must realise that Allah knows better what is best for us so we should have full faith, trust and reliance on him that he will do what is best for us. Also if we wants to increase the effectiveness of our Dua's then the following hadith tells us how to do this:

It was narrated that Faddalah ibn ‘Ubayd (Ra) said: The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) heard a man making Dua after his prayer, but he did not send blessings upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “This man is in a hurry.” Then he called him and said to him or to someone else: “When any one of you has finished praying (and makes Dua), let him start by praising Allah, then let him send blessings upon the Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), then after that let him ask for whatever he wants.” (Al-Tirmidhi, 2765)

The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “The slave will receive a response so long as his Dua does not involve sin or severing of family ties, and so long as he is not hasty.” It was said, “What does being hasty mean?” He said: “When he says, ‘I made Dua and I made Dua, and I have not seen any response,’ and he gets frustrated and stops making Dua.” (Al-Bukahari, 6340; Muslim, 2735)

So we must realise that trials will befall us but Allah is testing us to see how strong our resolve is and whether we will turn to him or not. So we must never lose hope. We should make us of the times when Dua's are readily accepted especially the time of Tahajjud. Ask of him, beg and cry unto him and he will never leave you empty handed!

So never lose hope in making Dua to Allah. We should always bare in mind that we do not know what is best for us and others. It may also be that Allah is keeping our rewards for making Dua to him so that on the day of Judgement when we see the rewards and we ask Allah what are these huge rewards and he tells us that these were the rewards of the many Dua's we did but we thought they were not answered but Allah kept the reward for us. Therefore we would wish that none of our Dua's were accepted so that we may get all the rewards on the day of Judgement.

Therefore never lose hope and keep making Dua and always bare in mind that Allah knows what is best for us and those we make Dua for and it maybe that he is accepting our Duas in other ways that we are not aware of that are even better than the Dua's we made.

So trust in Allah and know he will never turn us away empty handed because those who make much Dua can only be in a win win situation!

May Allah never make us lose hope in him and make us patient and persevere through trials and hardships. Ameen

[SoldierAmatUllah]

bro, are you listening or not? im not saying Alah judges on height. but people will. those are not opinions, they ar facts that i have seen, wittynessed and gone through, nonber of my tall friernds are sdingle, all my short friernds are, these are SCIENTIFIC FACTS. wow. i cant believe im talking to a wall. at least let the video up for the rest of the peoplke so they can see it. and know the truth. this will be my legacy as for tomnorrow i will be gone. im roping

Allah controls the hearts of His creation.Will help you on the right time- it's testing timss
Once you you surrender & realise that Allah doesn't waste reward of good doers & a person is tested according to his imaan.

First give it time- it takes years to get to one's rewards of both lives - greatest reward is HANNAH's dsgrees...up,higher & highseest.

Yyour pain is a reality - We agree but forget the non religious guys- Our bbros/sisbon Inaan are suffering someone so huge as mental illnesses,losses of imaan & end in nowhere but ...some are in extreme critical situation...I'm tortured all sides - feel nothing but hell is end.

Though i have alot of good things going on but I'm not giving up because of bad experiencez,mental health,losses etc.

Do whatever you are able to but keep to salaat 5 times & do good deeds as a second nature.

We all will havevto lray for each otherr!Because we all have been victim of Duhayma fitan

[SoldierAmatUllah]

Read this...beneficial

The Fitan Of Duhayma |Warning| Must Read!

The Fitan Of Duhayma |Warning| Must Read! Surah Fatiha:Ayah 1 -1 In the Name of the Holy & Pure God with Love & Special Mercy for the people who stays in Islam despite the tornadoes in...

[SoldierAmatUllah]

I told you earlier too,around 2-3 weeks ago,i seen a dream in which i see a quality guy on face though he was short.But looked quality.

It has absolutely "Nothing to do with me"nothing to do with marriage but i realised it's ok if the whole package is barely okay too.

P.S:Not talking about myself.

So,there i see a dream & see you here for your issue...See..it doesn't mean literal but ALLAH showed me a relatively shortrr guy as "quality"

Stop complaining & focus on short Ibadah acts & focus on career!

ALLAH Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is with you.Don't ruin & destroy yourself for a ending life for a life of eternity of Paradise- being saved from hell which very scarily is existent!

May you receive peace & healing from Allah Ta'ala soon!

[soldierof44]

I came here to find solitude and maybe guidance but all i hear are the same thinfs over and over.

I am too numb fdom all the rejections just cause i wasnt enough. I wasnt manufactured well.
I am sorry my Lord but it wasnt my fault.

I am letting you go,please You let me go too. Farewell

[Muhammad]

I came here to find solitude and maybe guidance but all i hear are the same thinfs over and over.

I am too numb fdom all the rejections just cause i wasnt enough. I wasnt manufactured well.
I am sorry my Lord but it wasnt my fault.

I am letting you go,please You let me go too. Farewell

I am not really sure what you are looking for. But as an idea, perhaps spend some time volunteering in a hospital. When you see people who are dependent upon other human beings for basic needs that most of us take for granted, like picking up a spoon to feed yourself, or being able to sit up, or having a drink of water, or needing to urinate or defaecate, you will quickly realise that you have so much to be thankful for and you will forget your complaints. May Allah forgive us for our shortcomings and help us to be grateful servants, Ameen.

[Umm Malik]

Brother .. yes you did a very hard work .. but know that sometimes .. some words break all the love that we build
So ... try to look first to that minerals and also somthing i want you to pay attention to
Sometimes we made a really good job and we rely on it and all the time feel like i did something for you .. so you have to make this thing just the same way as i want
And its not
From the first lines i understand that the thing is somthing you were looking for and it happened in a deferent way than you expected
And may be that was the best for you at that time but doesn't mean that it wont work at all
But why you despair brother?
You think this can bring joy for you ?
Brother... i know this time is defecult because of all the temptations surrounding us ...
But its also a temporary dont forget that
We all will left
But i can tell you that one day i was like that
Not seeing any thing deserve to live for
Feeling like if i only could die now
But if i did i would regret all the years that i lived ... i was not dreaming that time that i could be one day
You have to have many thing in your life
Not one thing
Also you can ask an imam to look for a wife for you or even some women from your family to tell her what you love in your next wife and did the same
May be this way could bring for you a women that allah want to full your heart with wihle you are about to left him
Imagine if i am with my sister and she was a bit tired doing the housework ans ask me for help
I respont to her while taking my phone speaking with my other sister teling her ... i am coming right now wait for me
My sister at that time feel like i am the worst sister in the world
Don't looking to her tiredness and not caring for her going to my other sister quickly
She just took her phone wrote a long message to me reminding me with all things that she did for me and how i dont deserve her love
Five minutes later i entered the house with my other sister saying to her " surprise! "
It was all for you my lovely sister
But you just didn't know how much we did to make all the procedures for umrah because you were saying many times that that was your dream to go there
May be my english couldn't help me to tell you all what i want to clarify for you
But i can just tell you that being the disbeliever will not change anything
You will just lose the best thing you can ever have in this life
And i know what i am saying
Dont lose your iman
Your disbelief will not bring a women for you
Its just because you were strong mashallah
Shaytan comes to you from that point
Dont give him the opportunity to do that