Cousin’s remarriage - Advice Needed

[anonymous]

Salam,

My cousin is divorced and has a child. She recently received a proposal from a man who is 3 years older than her. He was born and raised in the UK. My father is her wali because her father passed away.

This man spoke directly to my father regarding my cousin for marriage. This man is in his mid 30s and married when he was in his early 20s. He married a divorced woman who had a son. After marriage, many problems occurred between his wife. Their argument mainly centred around her working for long periods and neglecting her home. She would constantly travel for work purposes and he would be left looking after the home. She refuses to work part time and is not willing to compromise on her career. They had a daughter together and he decided to make things work for the sake of their daughter.

The problems still continued and he was unable to continue in this marriage after all these years due to her disobedience and lack of willingness to compromise with her career. The moment he begun contemplating divorce, he found out that his wife was 6 weeks pregnant with their second child. He had a change of heart and decided not to go ahead with the divorce, but to instead consider taking a second wife. He is financially stable and would be able to support both wives.

His first wife is currently 3 months pregnant and he takes care of her but she keeps mistreating him constantly. He has spoken to my father and expressed the desire to marry my cousin. My father met this man a few times and felt comfortable with him. He is practicing and has good character. My cousin also met him and felt compatible with him.

My aunty is not happy with this arrangement and suggested this man should divorce his first wife if he really wants to marry her daughter. She doesn’t want my cousin to be a second wife and involved in any drama relating to his first wife.

My father and aunty don’t seem to agree with each other. I wanted to seek some opinions and advice on how they should proceed with this situation?

[AngelOfAllah]

Salam,

He should marry your cousin, if she is obedient and he will not treat her harshly due to his experience with his other wife. He should continue to support his own offspring from the first marriage, and he should remain married only if this option will cost him less than separation from his first wife. He should not cohabitate with the first wife and should treat her as a ward and not as a partner. Her insolence makes her unworthy of marriage to a man who submits to Allah; as a man submits to Allah, so should his wife submit to him.

[A.R.BRahimbaksh]

Assalam walikum warahmatullah e wa barakhatuhu,
Firstly,I say a story there was a man he was a great scholar I knew him he is such a nice person ,ver obedient to Allah he said, " I prayed to Allah that how can l become more closer to him .I prayed alot about it one day I saw in dream hazarat muhmmad (PBUH) and he advice me to marry a women ( he took her name ) then Allah will be more closer then I went there and get married.she was ver much strict and I'll-mannerd .she never respected me .I was very much depressed about her . because the always miss behave with guest I became guilty. And I saw another dream in my dream that an angel came and said to me that it was your test .and Allah wants you to make her a nice person .Allah wants her to be good trough you .then I started my best" .and now she is very much nice with .and talk very softly .
As you have said about your cousin problem what is her decision?.what does she want? It is for her to get married,but I think if the man can treat both of them equally.l think women should submit to his husband if somebody doesn't.so the man should be nice to her not give that much respect .But I believe that if a dog starts barking, you cannot answer it to start barking.You should deal with everyone according to your ability not what others did to you .there should be a difference . This characteristic of yours will make you unique.
Both of them should be treated equally.
But your aunty is doing wrong, it is unfair to demolish someone's house and build your own house. She will also have mother and sister. I believe that woman is doing wrong, she is misunderstanding, she does not value relationships. He hasto take her out of trouble, ( this a big test and trouble for her to break his husband heart ) he has to support him, one day she will understand. She deserves punishment but separation is a big punishment.he has to make her realize about her presence and about the future of his children.they will be mentally disturb when this matter doesn't be solved .if he wants to get married again the he has permission he can but doesn't trat the first wife badly . If he can treat her nicely .
I think so ..... If your heart from my words so I am really sorry .please forgive me .

Jazaka Allah khairen