Calamity and hardship in religion? Is it a punishment?

[HomeyGirly]

I've been having hardship regarding purity in the past few months and its become severe in the last couple of weeks. Its gotten to a point where I'm crying everyday. every salat time actually and I'm missing salat as well bc Im delaying it untill the end bc of cervical mucus coming randomly and its so random that I cant trust my wudu to hold while praying so I wait untill the last time of salat and I always end up praying the last rakats outside of the time and then I have to make it up in the next salat which is also deleayed and I'm not even sure if my salat is even valid bc Im wearing najas clothes bc its hard for me to purify my clothes and i jus dont know what to do anymore. I feel like its a punishment from allah bc I've dropped my sunnahs bc of it and salat takes me 13-15 minutes to pray now bc I keep repeating fatihah and I've got so many issues that all just make me wanna commit but i cant bc whats waiting is gonna be way worse and I jus feel extra horrible bc salat was supposed to be what you turn to for help yet my calamity is in prayer itself. it takes me a hour in the bathroom using it and the scholars always arguing about issues doesnt help me either and just makes me take the safer option bc I have no choice since its regarding my prayer and the one who doesnt pray is a kaffir and if my prayers are invalid then what would that make me? I dont even understand why cervical mucus wasnt mentioned by aisha or the hadiths bc every woman has them and if it broke wudu and was najas that would be a hardship and they wouldnt be able to pray early either but they prayed in congregation didnt they? There would have been at least one report but theres none and im so done with everything right now and I just dont know what to do. I want to ignore and I could and things would get easier but then id be neglecting and turning away from my deen and its been only 4-5 months since I got guided back to deen and started praying again and things have been getting harder and harder and now I don;t know how im going to ever even have a normal life like this. Im exauseted and I spend so much time in the bathroom and my whole day is spent between the bathroom and trying to catch salat and crying bc im not sure if my prayers are even valid and im scared about the hereafter and Im just tired of all the shcolars and their arguments and wish i was born in the prohphets saw time and i could have gotten direct fatwa from him and didnt allah say that he inteneds ease for us and that he placed in the religon no difaculty? Im so confused and lost all trust in the scholors and their arguements and opions bc theres only one right answer and idk which and its serious bc its regarding my salat and im just so done and dk what to do. I cried three times today at the minimum. i just kept crying at asr and magrib and duhr time. with the most tears at asr and duhr and will probbly cry more at isha if i have to go back in that bathroom. Ive started dreading having to dahir myself in the shower bc it takes hours and I hate using the bathoom bc the toliet splashes back and then I have to rinse off in the bathtub which takes 20-30 minutes together and Im just exauseted. The abthroom is a nightmarish place now and idk what to do. I cant take the easier either bc its unkown and Im dreading getting my clothes dahir again bc then ill have to dahir myself in the shower with the water splashing back to me from the walls so i gotta use a bucket instead and my hair is a nightmare with huge curly hair and idk anymore.


tldr; tm hardship about purity with cervical mucus and all my clohtes being najas and idk if my prayers are valid at all bc I end up praying the last rakats outside of its time and I spend a hour in the bathroom, 20-30m just for using it and more if i gotta make wudu and pray too. and then not to mention I cant and dont have no power over the discharge and its normal and aisha ra literally said that they use to not regard the yellow and brown discharge after the menses of no concern so idk what to do anymore. Im drowning and im tried of it and I think i have ocd and depression but idk if i have the ocd/waswas bc i could swear on allahs name on most of the najasa and i feel like its a punishment bc it made me drop my sunnahs. I feel like it might be bc ive sinned alot lately and im being punished for it and idk what to do. My deen is getting too hard and my salats are exausting me and i need help but all the schlors arguing arent doing anything to calm me or help me and just makes me take the safer option bc i dont want to go to jahama for choosing ease and neglecting my salat.

pls make dua for me i feel like vomitting from the exaustion and idk what to do.

[Muhammad]

Assalamu alaykum sister,

It seems like you are suffering from waswas, which is the whispers of shaytan. Islam is a religion of mercy and ease, not hardship. Allah tells us in the Qur'an that He wants ease for us, and through studying the teachings of Islam we find many examples of this. So you have to keep things simple and fight these whispers. Shaytan doesn't want you to succeed and wants you to give up and stop praying, so you can't let him win. Ignoring the doubts is actually following the teachings of your deen, not neglecting it. You have to follow what your deen teaches you and that includes turning away from such doubts. May Allah make things easy for you and protect you, Ameen.

The following thread contains useful advice that will help you further, In sha Allah: How to Overcome Waswasa/OCD in Worship (islamicboard.com)