What should I do Islamically?

[NusraAli]

Salam,I am currently in a bad place mentally as my life has spiralled immensely in the past year. I had a tough upbringing where my mother abused me and my siblings. I get told by everyone that it isn't abuse because parents can punish their children when they misbehave. I completely agree with this statement but to what extent? My mother has tried to suffocate me as a child by placing a pillow over my head with her whole body weight. She had given an ultimatum to me and my brother when we were arguing as children by giving us a knife to end ourself. My father treated us well whenever we got to see him as he worked abroad. During a lot of my teen age, my mother would bring around numerous men while being married to my father and committed adultery. My response to this was being quite rude to my mother in the sense I seemed angry all the time that I couldn't do anything about it as a child. She told me if I wasn't happy then I could get lost. My father eventually found out and was furious so he filed for a divorce. My father planned on selling the house leaving my mum with nothing but she has always been a cunning women. I was studying for my A-Level exams one night where she barged into my room throwing my notes and study material everywhere, she set my notes on fire with a lighter. She threatened me to call my father and beg him to put the house in her name as we would be made homeless. In the end, my fathers heart was in the right place and he had given the house to my mother without any cost. A few years later, my mother got married to one of the men she was sleeping around with who is a Hafiz and they had a child together. I am currently an adult and married to my husband. I was still at University when I had my Nikkah so my husband lived with me and my family. My husband lost his job and struggled to get one which made my mother start arguments with me all the time. She would backbite about me and my husband constantly but I just tried doing my best to ignore it. On June 20th, my father past away from cancer, when my mother found out, her face lit up in happiness and she was laughing. I was crying my eyes out and she seemed to not care and the distress of me and my siblings. My mother kept us away from our father after the divorce saying he was horrible and bad mouthing him. I was always to scared to talk back to her so I just agreed and did whatever she said my whole life. My mother has belittled us, wished for our death and treated my father horribly. Why has Allah allowed all this? After my father's death, I could not take it anymore. My husband finally stood up to my mother and we left. She is now happily married under a house my father left for me and my siblings, she is wanting to put her new husband on the mortgage and take my biological brother off it. I have been told that I will not get any share of the house because I don't deserve it. I am not upset about the money, I am upset that my mother and her new husband profit off my father who is no longer here. I have so many regrets, my mother made me treat my father horribly and feed me lies. I have hurt my father and I can never apologise for it. Allah has taken him away from me before I could make things right. Right now, I have no parents, I am alone and I absolutely hate my life. I still have a little sister who is 14 which still lives with my mother, I am currently trying to get a house with my husband so she can move in with us. My entire life has been about taking care of other people but why can't Allah see that this is too much for my heart? There is so much I can type about my miserable life but I don't see the point as it won't change my past. I just wanted advice because I know that in Islam our mother's are the door to Jannah but how can my mother be the door to Jannah for me? She has hurt me beyond repair.

[Muhammad]

وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

It is very sad to hear about the difficulties you have been through. Whatever hardship you go through, there is comfort in the fact that it is a worldly difficulty and perhaps in the Hereafter you will reap many rewards. But, it is not right to question Allah سبحانه وتعالى or criticise His Decrees. Allah سبحانه وتعالى allows things to occur which might appear ‘bad’ on the surface, but in reality there is much wisdom and benefit behind them. As humans, our knowledge and understanding is extremely limited so we do not know what is best for us. Instead, put your trust in Allah and know that He never burdens anyone beyond their ability. He is Loving and Merciful and Sees and Hears everything you go through. So be patient and you will become closer to Allah سبحانه وتعالى. Think about the life of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم who was the best person to ever walk this earth yet he faced difficulty after difficulty, and still he was a grateful servant of Allah سبحانه وتعالى. Don’t hate your life but regard it as a precious gift. Allah سبحانه وتعالى has guided you to know Him and believe in Him, so turn to Him and at the same time do what is in your ability to rectify your situation. إن شاء الله you will see better days very soon.

May Allah سبحانه وتعالى help you and rectify the affairs of all your family, Ameen.