Lost 100pc

[iammuslim98]

Hi everyone. I am not writing to get pity or sympathy, but to express my emotions. I've been praying for 12 years to get married but things have only gotten worse. We live in an isolated area, my narcissistic father threw out my mother from our house, he doesn't let me get a job, and isn't looking for any suitable match. Whenever someone brings up the topic he says When ever God would want, He is going to make it happen. I wonder why some men are such monsters, i am rotting here at my house, with no future. What if he dies tomorrow, i'll have nothing to rely on, no job, no companion, and he often prays to my face that i hope u turn into a prostitute then you'll know the kind of blessing u have living here. I literally didn't feel like fasting all through this month. I took it as a burden, not as a fun activity like i used to do as a younger individual. I have lost all hope. I pray, I make dua, but after 12 years, I feel like i should take the hint.