View Full Version : Asalamu aliakom

02-06-2006, 12:06 AM
Greetings brothers and sisters,

I am new to the forum and new to Islam as well. I converted only 3 short months ago and still have so much to learn. Anyway, today I am feeling very sad and I dont know if I really need couseling or advise but just I need to say whats on my mind somewhere and I guess here is a good a place as any.

Quick background on me, I was married and divorced many years ago and have daughter from that marriage (she is 15) . Now I am married again, but this time to a very nice muslim man, allhumduillah ( and no he never pressured me to convert ) We were living in a muslim country but do to some family issues my daughter and I had to return to the US. My husband stayed behind to continue to work and the plan was I would return to him as soon as possible. The problem now is that due to a court order I can not take my child back out of the country. So if I return to my husband I will have to leave my daughter here with my mother. Her biological father is trying to make trouble for me despite the fact that he is so busy with drinking and women he can not be a decent father figure to her.

Anyway I feel I am going crazy now. I am torn between my husband who I love with all my heart and my child who I would die for. I miss my husband so much, Im very sad without him and also I miss being in a muslim country. But if I leave my daughter I am sure I will be miserable without her. Also Im afraid to leave her here with bad influences and the western culture constantly trying to destroy her upbringing. Especially at this age where many young girls begin to do bad things. But... if I stay I fear I will lose my husband. I keep praying for any answer or any guidance but still I dont know what to do. My husband says if I return without her we can try to get visa for him to come USA but I know he dosnt really want to be in this country and we are both worried that here he will not have a good job like he does overseas so his ability to support our family will be hindered. For me I dont mind working to help but he is a very proud man and though he has always allowed me to work he does not allow me to use my money for any household expenses as he feels that is his responsibility. Also I dont know how long the visa process will take and although I dont mind leaving my child for a few months to try for this I would hate to leave her for years. And what if God forbid they deny his visa all together, would I then be without my child forever? I feel I could just cry every minute. :-\

Well I guess thats it...if anyone reads this.. thanks for listening!

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02-06-2006, 12:14 AM
walikum salam wr wb sister

Insha'allah be strong

Life is full of trials and tribulations - we just have to hold firm

I pray Allah swt makes everything well for you.

welcome to the forum and enjoy your stay.

Bro aku

02-06-2006, 12:20 AM
i don't understand, why can't you go back to your husband with your child. What court order

02-06-2006, 12:48 AM
well congrats on ur conversion and welocme to islam !

well... there is a prayer called istekara...
so u pray two raka and u make this duaa tellign allah talla i have two choices in front of me or 3 etc i dont noe which to pick plz pick the one that u noe will benefit me and my relgion and do not choose the one that will harm me
and u put eveyrthing in allahs hand
which ever one he chooses is the one with the benefit

really u are in a tight spot ...

if u could really try to go to ur ex-husband and tlk to him plead with him... to stop messing around... mayb he'll agree to $ ...
good luck and really ill keep u in my prayers inshallah...

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02-06-2006, 03:40 AM
First ....Thank you to those who replied. For Moss....
My exhusband went to the court and argued that due to the fact our daugter and I were residing in a foreign country he was being denied his right to see her. The thing is, he never saw her even when we were here. He was either too busy or just didnt care. The judge however based his ruling as he said "on the well meaning intentions of my ex rather than past actions". The ex also did his best to throw in the words "muslims and terrorists" as much as possible during the hearings, a calculated act that Im sure helped to sway the court in his favor. Anyway, since the ruling the ex has not made even one attempt to contact his daughter or see her. The real reason behind all of this is the fact that he hates muslims and arabs. We hadnt spoken for years but when he heard that I married a man who is both those things and we were living in a muslim country, he began to make trouble. He played on the fear of muslims in this country to help his case and sadly it seems to have worked. The thought of attempting to leave with her despite the order has crossed my mind but that means if I ever try to enter the country again I could be arrested for kidnapping! Can you believe that?? Kidnapping my own child who Ive taken care of this child all her life with no help from him and yet Im the one in danger or going to jail if I leave with her. The ruling is being appealed but in the mean time, Im in stuck with the judgement as it is written. Im begining to hate this country Im from! The ignorance and prejudice in some areas is astounding.

02-06-2006, 03:53 AM
Salam Alaikum, sister:

Awwww, sis, I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. I was going to suggest you appeal, but you you've already done that, so it's a good start. Please ensure you document everything and maybe plead your case about how good her life was in the country you were in. Is your daughter able to request a meeting with the judge to give her opinion or preference?

You could always go through the spouse sponsorship immigration. I'm not sure of exactly how it works in the USA, but I think it's similar to Canada and spouses are usually given higher priority. It could take 8-12 months. But, you can always start the process and if, inshallah, you're able to leave with your daughter, you can stop it.

I wish I could help. Please know I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

May Allah, swt, ease your burden and make this easy for you. Ameen

Jazak Allah Khair :love: :rose:

Wa'alaikum Salam

02-07-2006, 11:41 PM
Again I want to say thank you for all the replies here on the board. Your replies are encouraging and Im grateful you all took the time. And a special thanks to member F.Y. for your PM with all the hadith. I couldt reply by PM since I am an new member but just wanted you to know Ive printed your message and Im sure reading over it again will help to remind me to stay strong.
May Allahs blessing be upon you all.
Take care

Allah hafiz

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