Finding Faith.. Finding your other half
By Zachariah Matthews
Marriage, one of the happiest days in the life of a believer, is a major milestone for young Muslims, especially those living in the West surrounded by fitnah and fasaad – evil and corruption.
If our young Muslims do not have a vast reserve of deep faith and high morals; if they are not constantly remembering Allah (swt), staying away from doubtful matters, eager to do good and keen to establish the nawaafil (optional) and `ibadat (prescribed devotional rites), then they will inevitably be affected by the pollution of this society – where dating, courting and pre-maritl relations are common.
Islam views marriage as a strong bond – mithaqun ghaleeth, a challenging commitment in the fullest sense of the word. Marriage is a commitment to life itself, to society, and to the dignified, meaning survival of the human race. It is a commitment that two Muslims make to one another as well as to Allah (swt). It is the kind of commitment in which they will find mutual fulfillment, love and peace, compassion and happiness, comfort and hope. All this is because marriage in Islam is regarded first and foremost as a righteous act, n act of responsible devotion.
Encouragement to marry
Islam values and treasures the institution of marriage. Marriage is encouraged, while celibacy and monasticism is discouraged. The Prophet (S) said: “Marriage is a part of my sunnah (example) and whoever disdains from my sunnah is not of me”
Story of Rabii’ah ibn Ka’b
For a profound example of how our beloved Prophet (S) encouraged marriage we should review the story of Rabii’ah ibn Ka’b (RA). He was young and poor, with no family, wealth or a place to stay. He used to shelter in the Suffah (a raised platform) of the masjid. He was very fortunate to be in the service of the Prophet (S) and one day the Prophet (S) asked him, “Don’t you want to get married Rabii’ah?” “I don’t want anything to distract me from you service,” he replied. “Moreover, I don’t have anything to give as a mahr (dowry) to a wife nor any place to accommodate her.” The Prophet (S) told him to visit one family requesting to marry their daughter. The Prophet (S) then instructed one man to collect some gold for Rabii’ah to give as dowry and to buy a sheep for the walimah (wedding celebration) . The Prophet (S) also asked his wife ‘Aa’ishah (RA) to give some barley for the family which she did, saying: “By Allah, we do not have any other food.” After the wedding the Prophet (S) gave Rabii’ah a piece of land to set up a home.
Look at the extent to which the Prophet (S) went to assist this worker of his to marry. Instead what we find today is the opposite. So many obstacles are placed in front of marriage – making it harder and harder for our young brothers and sisters to marry.
Foundations for happiness
Marriage plays an important role in the lives of all believers. It can either be a source of blessing or misery. In order to protect married life from falling into misery, Islam lays down the foundations to ensure the happiness of a marital home. The most important of these are:
1. Correct intention (Niyyah)
Islam is keen to see that the first and foremost intention behind marriage is the perfection of one’s imaan, as the Prophet (S) said: “Whoever is granted a righteous wife by Allah, Allah has helped him in half of his faith. So let him fear Allah in the remaining half.”
Islam is also keen to see that the purpose behind marriage is to build a Muslim home that will become a sound brick and cornerstone in the structure of the Islamic society. The Quran describes this cherished wish of the believers as: “And those who say: ‘Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the muttaqeen (pios)” (25:74)
2. Correct Choice
One of the first things that Islam emphasizes is the correct choice of one’s life partner. Islam stresses good character and deen (religion) as a basic condition for the correct choice and warns of the consequences of striving after beauty, wealth and social status. Islam explains that the beauty of character is more lasting that the beauty of physical appearance and that the wealth of the soul is greater than material wealth.
Beware those who are searching for physical beauty rather than character and wealth rather than quality. Let them submit to the commands of Islam and fight off the satanic desires in their hearts. Let them respond to the call of Allah (swt) in the verse: “And marry those among you who are single and (also marry) the saaliheen (pious) of your slaves and maid servants. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them our of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficient for his creatures’ needs, All-Knowing.” (24:32)
3. Correct Personality
A happy marriage depends on the free will, intentions and attitudes of the husband and wife. If both of them enter into marriage with the sole purpose of pleasing their Lord, Allah (swt), the road ahead can only be pleasant and prosperous.
Both husband and wife have duties and rights – but the best of them are those who perform their duties without insisting on their rights.
Duties of a husband
The husband’s personality plays a vital role in married life. He must be the ideal model from whom his wife feels determination and affection. He must be wise- capable of weighing matters in the islamic perspective and giving them their rightful place.
The way a husband treats his wife is a test of his moral worth. The Prophet (S) said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”
As a husband you have a duty to support your wife. You should provide her with food, a home to live in, clothing to wear and most importantly with education. Educated mothers will produce an educated nation.
You have the overall duty to manage the house. The Prophet (S) said: “Each one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock… A man is the mas’ool (responsible person) in his family, and will be questioned about those under his care. A woman is responsible for the household of her husband she will be questioned about those under her care…”
The Prophet (S) also helped with household work. There is nothing in Islam, which says that men do not have to help out at home.
Duties and rights of a wife
A wife has a duty to obey her husband. The Prophet (S) said: “If a woman performs the five daily salaah, fasts in the month of Ramadaan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, say to her: ‘Enter Jannah through whichever of its gates she pleases’.” There is of course no obedience in what Allah and His Messenger has prohibited.
She has the right to be consulted and express her views. The leadership responsibility given to the husband is not a position of dictatorship. The principle of shura (mutual consultation) applies just as equally in the family as it does in the Islamic parliament.
The golden rule should always apply – she must recognize that the husband is responsible for running the family while she has responsibility for those under her care.
She has the right to retain her own name. She also has the right to own, inherit and use property as she wishes.
Finally, marriage is one of the most crucial turning points in the life of believers, and they should present (for the Islamic cause) model examples of a successful married life
from the united muslims of australia magazine, 'The Message - Marriage a completion of half the faith'