That Gender Thing (Wife's Rights in Islam)

[DaSangarTalib]

:salamext:

Before broaching the subject of gender in Islam, it must be stated that the Holy Qur'an and the Hadith are clear regarding the status of women. There are detailed commandments, and guidelines for the relationship between men and women, and feminine virtues that a woman should have vis-a-vis her husband.

Allah says, "Women shall with justice have rights similar to those exercised against them, though men have a degree of advantage above women. Allah is Mighty and Wise." [Al Baqara 2:228]

But when two people live together, it is a law of nature that friction arises. It is not serious, but even in a most light-hearted way, there are things that need to be spoken about, before they are resolved. The Qur'an describes the relationship between man and wife as, "They are your garments and you are their garments." [Al Baqara 2:187]

These words define how men and women relate to each other - like the body and its garments. The two must go together, for apart, they have little reason to exist. How pretty a bird appears with its feathers, but if all the feathers were to be plucked, it would be totally disfigured!

Women over the world think that this is a man's world. Everything in nature and nurture seems to conspire to give the male an advantage over the female. If that sounds far-fetched, then pause and reconsider.

He can open all his own jars. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob him blind. Guys in masks don't attack him. He doesn't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere he goes. He never has to wear high heels. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle his feet. He can be showered and ready in 10 minutes. He can be President. People never complain about men drivers.

Old friends don't care if he has lost or gained weight. He is treated like royalty when he is sick. If he is 34 and single, nobody notices. Middle aged and huge stomach? No problem, it's expected.

He can sit with knees apart no matter what he is wearing. Gray hair and wrinkles add character. It's OK to marry a girl much younger than him if he has money.

Add up all this, and you will find many women who have a (justifiable) angst with the gender thing.

My dear hubby attends lectures on Islam on Saturday evenings. Last week, the discussion was about the rights of men over their wives. It was just the thing to bloat a man's ego. Some of the rights were an eye-opener even for him. This I really could have done without, because he couldn't wipe the smug smirk off his face for days.

In a nutshell, these are the things a guy can expect from his wife. Husbands ought to be given the rights and respect due to the Emir of the household. That means listen and obey - it is obligatory. Always seek to please the husby, for he is the key to Paradise. It is attributed to the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) that the woman who dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, shall enter Paradise.

It very much includes thanking the husband constantly for the nice things he does. Then thank him again. This is one of the most important techniques for a pleasant relationship, as the opposite is a characteristic of the women of hellfire. The most important thing is to have a ready apology even if he's in the wrong and say, "let's be friends."

According to Abu Huraira, the Prophet (PBUH) considered a woman good if she was a delight to her husband's gaze, obeyed his wishes... [Abu Daud]

He can therefore, expect her to be all dressed up for him. It's not just "dressed up" folks, but to be dressed up like the houris of Paradise. Large lustrous eyes, with generous helpings of kohl, no doubt. And silky robes. And let's not forget the earrings, bracelets, diamonds and pearls. Give away all your ratty nighties, sisters!

When he comes home, she ought to greet him wonderfully, have a hot dinner ready, and have the kids clean and sweet smelling. That includes having a sense of humor, and camaraderie with him. For instance, the Prophet (PBUH) told Jabir to marry someone who would make him laugh and he would make her laugh.

Well, speaking for women, we have a few grumbles to air ourselves. The Prophet (PBUH) used to pitch in and help his wives tidy up the home and even mend his own clothes and shoes. If it was not beneath him to do it, why is housework considered solely "woman's work"? If the Prophet saw something inappropriate with his wives, he used to remain silent and did not comment on it. I don't think many Muslim men follow this example!

We could do with some thanks, once a day at least. Racing against time to have lunch ready, someone chops their finger along with the onions. All the thanks she gets is that there is too little salt in the curry. One never thinks about a fly until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day - which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something to bug him. In the words of Allah's Messenger (PBUH) "The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family." [Ibn Majah]

Sometimes, a smile is all it takes. Smiling is charity and I'm sure the wife is not exempt from the Muslim ummah. A kiss and a cuddle do more to ease tensions than a thousand words.

Remember that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) would kiss his wives before leaving for prayer, even while fasting. Men often look down upon the requests of their wives. The Prophet (PBUH) set the best example for us in an incident when his wife, Safiyya, was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and made place for her on his own camel.

The Prophet (PBUH) would joke and play with his wives. He had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. He used to race against his wife A'isha in the desert.

Can you even remember when you shared a book together. When was the last time men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just as you want us to look our best, we want you to, too.

Remember that the Prophet (PBUH) would always start with the toothbrush when returning home and always loved sweet smells.

Well, for better or for worse, men and women are partners for life. And though we may aggravate one another every once in a while, love wins out in the end.

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from amongst yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." [Ar Rum 30:21]

:wasalamex

[jinaan]

Salaam,

Your post is very interesting and a topic that is discussed all the time. Sometimes I think women tend to get carried away with thinking that when it comes to marriage they are treated as servents to their husbands. You mentioned that women have to dress up for their husbands and say thank you for everything they do. What I'm not sure about is why that is a bad thing. We women have no problem getting in our best clothes when we are going out and making sure we look better than ever, but when it comes to looking nice for you spouse we feel like we are being degraded. I think the problem is not what islam expects from women but what modern men might expect. Islam does not even require a women to cook for her household. That is a duty placed on the shoulders of the man of the house. I think that when islam requires a woman to obey her husband it is out of respect for him and his position in the home. Men also have to have compassion and patience with women. It's not that women and men are not equal, they are just different and their roles in life are different.

salaam~

[Umm Yoosuf]

^^^

Assalaamu Alaikum sister

Some things I agree with you sister. And something’s I wasn’t really sure about.

__________________________________________________ ______________

In a nutshell Masha Allah good post. I think it's really important that husbands and wives know their rights between them and fulfil it.

[renak]

I would do all these things and be a servant to my husband if he financially supported me well. I have been working all my life, and now just want to be ther pretty little thing waiting at home. lol

I don't care if my man wears the pants in the house...as long as I tell him which pair to put on.

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[Sis786]

Well said Sis..lol

As for the women not being treated as equall i think that this is due to lack of knowledge about Islam and the following of traditions.

Usually a man wants his wife to be like his mom, But what they forget is that there parents were married a long time ago, the times have chnaged and with many asian communties the elder generation werent very Familiar with the correct teachings of Islam.