Upbringing of children...into Islam

[Ferrari1981]

Upbringing of children...

Children are without doubt an amazing blessing of Allah (swt). With their arrival while still being unable to speak, they give their parents a very powerful message: that the roles of thee two individuals have now forever changed. From being a carefree youthful couple they have now transformed into a caring set of parents, whom the child will soon lovingly refer to as mum and dad. (Fisabilillah.org).

When a child begins talking the child should first be made to recite the kalimah:

"There is none worthy of worship but Allah (swt), Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah(swt)".

Every child has the right of Islamic education and being taught good manners upon their parents. This in turn will ensure that they lead a proper Islamic life and be saved from the hardships of this world and the Hereafter. The Quran says: "O you who believe, save yourself and your family from a fire, the fuel of which is men and stones". (Surah at-Tahrim)

The story of this book continues... I love this topic about raising children... but the issue always is about the parents first, the parents need to be motivated and be self taught into Islamic way of life in a decent environment for the child to be raised in.

Seeking a pious person can be a difficult process... even though Islam teaches us Deen is the most important aspect of any partner... I would love to have children as I'm sure anyone would but in order for that to occur a decent pious partner is required. You cant just marry anyone and hope for the best... I found someone whom I believed was a perfect pious muslimah (a dream - trustworthy, loyal, committed, pious, loving, understanding, smart, a great role model) whom I assumed would be ideal for a perfect pious partner to gain knowledge from each other and be awesome enough to raise our child the right way... in a great atmosphere with a muslim community near by and masjids close by (like in a arab country). I will always pray for her and if the future will let us be one, then I know our living environment and children will be raised well. If not at least we will know there was one who was enough, whom I will miss dearly.

In-laws are also an important aspect to the upbringing of our children if they come from a decent Islamic background too... a young family is better to spend time with as is the older generation I knew of...

Life is full of suprises and though we will have free choice to decide who to have a family with, Qadr from Allah (swt) will always be a our fate, Allah (swt) knows best and is the best of planners. May Allah (swt) give us all a chance of parenthood and raise our children the right way with the right people behind us, Ameen.

Ma'asalaama

Comment and discuss how your parents raised you and how would you raise your own (future) children...!?

[Ferrari1981]

My responses elsewhere:

http://maniacmuslim.com/forums/index...dpost&p=437925

Its very interesting what feel about it...

[Vaseline]

My parents moved to australia in the 80's and since then, my 3 siblings and I were born and brought up here. I think, compared to other ethnic Muslim families here, my parents have brought us up well, especially my mother who is a strong practicing Muslim. Our culture is somewhat similar to religion and our parents have encouraged us to maintain our cultural identity as well Islamic identity. That is, around the house, I wear the traditional shalwar kameez and dubatta and when I go out, I wear clothing (acording to Islamic standards) and a Hijab.

As for schooling, my brother, sister and I was sent to a public school where there weren't much Islamic teachings, every tuesday a lady would come in and we'd have a religion class, for a short time period. My other sister went to a private Islamic school. Honestly, there's no religious difference between us. Later on, my sisters' and I went to an all-girls' public school in high school and my brother went on to a selective school.

We have an extended family here also and fortnightly on Sundays we all meet up and do Islamic work - ie we read Qur'an, there are talks given by each member regarding Islamic issues eg, terrorism or emulating the Prophet's life in our life, and we discuss ummah affairs. This was established since the 80's and us children born here in Australia have learnt a lot about Islam through this.

Strictly speaking, I've seen other Muslim families and the parents have no idea what their children are up to...............kheir Insha'Allah.

I think I'll bring up my children in the same manner which my parents brought us up, Insha'Allah.

[Vaseline]

My responses elsewhere:

http://maniacmuslim.com/forums/index...dpost&p=437925

Its very interesting what feel about it...

I read a post where one sister (i think it was) said that the public school was a no-no and she'll send her kids to Islamic school. Regarding that, I think, personally, I'll send my kids into an Islamic primary school so they can get into the practice of Islam and then single-sex public high school.

There are some Islamic schools down here who have a co-ed say chemistry or biology class because there's not enough girls or boys who chose the subject for a single-sex class. So they have to combine the classes together...I find it very ironic.....might as well just send them to a public all-girls' or an all-boys' high school where chemistry/biology are much mroe commonly taken

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[Woodrow]

I'm backwards. My youngest Daughter is actually bringing me up as Muslim. Much of what I am learning is from her, Her husband and her Children.

[NJUSA]

Eh, however you come to learn about Islam is just right. My dad didn't want to raise us kids as Muslim, he was afraid that we'd have a low opinion of ourselves, being girls and all, and so I'm teaching him about being Muslim without being a misogynist, and he's super proud of me, but then again, he's my dad.

[Daffodil]

Asalamulaikum

Very good topic uve started Alhumdulillah. The raising of kids is so extremely vital n so important how can we not make sure we are clued up and find the correct spouse to raise children in an Islamic manner and think everything through. Yes we will make mistakes but parenting like anything else is a learning process, however we cant go wrong when we have the prophet saw's example and have the quran as a guide.

A childs education starts right from the moment its concieved, this is because a child can hear, feel, respond, etc when in the womb. When the mother is happy hormones get into the baby n make the baby relaxed n calm n happy, when the mother is sad n upset it also impacts the baby but this doesnt neccaserily have to be a bad thing as the baby learns how to cope with these feelings and gets it ready for when it comes in to the world.

One crucial error i think parents make when raising their kids is not leading by example, i.e the parents teach the children not to lie but when some one is at the door that they dnt want to speak to they tell the children to answer n say "mummy/daddy" isnt in. what kind of message does this send to the child? U have to practice what u preach. Very young children always imitate their parents and want to copy what they do, when they see their parents praying salah they too mimic their actions. This doesnt just go with parents but every one else that they see and play with which is why its important we keep gud company n that they keep gud company.

Another thing where parents go wrong with is sending their child to a school whether private or state, mixed or unmixed etc. Parents these days think that by sending their child to an "islamic school" will turn out angels n the kids will be islamic etc, this isnt the case, alot of "islamic schools" arent very islamic, alot of them fail to teach islamic manners and islam in general. Rather these are just schools for muslims.

Im not saying islamic schools are bad, they are far better then mixed state schools however islamic schools arent the answer to having brillianty behaved intelligent children. Alot of times parents send their kids to islamic schools where they learn about islam etc yet they come home to a very unislamic environment where the parents dnt read namaz, no actual islamic activities are going off, the tv is on, music is on, switch on the playstation, play violent games etc etc. How then can the child practice what was taught at school, n how can u expect the child to bring in fruits of that labour when its such a different situation at home. all the stuff they learn in school goes down the drain. If parents are going to send their child to an Islamic school then make sure u have an islamic home too.

me and my husband are going to be homeschooling our kids Inshallah. Alot of people dnt know much about homeschooling n think its extremly hard and time consuming and a waste n some even think its illegal not to send ur child to school, however this is completley the oposite. Here are some reasons I think parents dont wish to homeschool their kids...

-They think its illegal not to send the child to school. However is is not the case, its perfectly legal, however it is illegal not to provide them with an education.

-They would rather dump their kids, and sometimes these poor kids are as little as 2 years old and younger! in some nursery playgroup school thing because they want them out of their hair or are busy with jobs. How can a parent, let alone a mother who is responsible for her child want the blessed thing to be dumped in some playgroup without its mothers comfort? when the poor child needs its mother attention n love n comfort the most that no teacher can give? is ur child that much of a burden to u that u wud rather dump it in some school rather then make sure u provide it with the upmost best education u possibly can? are u too dumb to teach a little child a b c or one add one?

-they think the child wont have any friends and be secluded from society. this is totaly not the case, infact its the complete oposite. home schooled kids have shown to be more social and mature and have brilliant communication skills then those that are in schools because of spending so much time around adults. also just because u homeschool doesnt mean ur child will be deprived of playing with kids its own age as there are so many other home educators that have set up home schooling networks n hold activities etc so that the children can meet together and play/work. Also, its not difficult for kids to make friends, most of my friends when younger werent kids from school they were from my street, we'd take turns riding eachothers bikes n playing hopscotch etc. Also when u send ur child to the madressa they make loads of friends there who are muslim so thats a bonus. kids make friends all over the place, parks/cousins/ur own friends kids etc.

-they think it costs too much. homeschooling like everything else is only as expensive as u make it. u can decide how u want to homeschool n what resources u want to use etc, its like saying how long is a piece of string? the gud thing about home schooling is that u will be able to keep hold of all the stuff n use it for the 2nd/3rd/4th child n so on n u can get so many free worksheets n things from online n homeschooling networks.

-they think it takes too much effort. when u had kids u shud have thought about that. raising kids is not easy, no one sed it wasnt, however the mothers are the teachers for their children. "EDUCATE A MAN, EDUCATION AN INDIVIDUAL, EDUCATE A WOMAN, EDUCATE A NATION!" ur child will learn more in the space of an a couple hours when home educated then it wud do in the space of 6 hours in a school. this is because u will be teaching ur child on a one to one basis rather then one to 30, ur child will learn better without having loads of other kids to distract him/her n having its own teacher who knows how the child learns n the best way he/she learns because ur the mother! u know ur child best. if ur child is dumped in a school where the teacher teaches like 200 other kids in a whole day how is the teacher then gonna make sure each individual child is taught in the best way he or she learns ie visual, practical, theory, copying etc. In home schooling u can be so flexible. your child can have all its lessons in the matter of an hour because say u go for a walk, thats the childs p.e lesson, then u pop into the shop, u let the child count up n giv the money to the shop keeper n thats his maths lesson, u walk back home n talk about the flowers n trees etc, thats their science lesson, u talk about who created the flowers and trees etc n thats their islamic lesson, u go back home start getting the dinner on, thats their cooking and science lesson. Everysingle thing u do is an education for ur child.

-they think it will come in the way of their other priorities. erm excuse me but ur child shud be ur first priority, isnt ur childs education the most important thing?

Home schooled kids tend to do their gcse's as early as 13/14 because theyre so advanced Alhumdulillah. some set up their own businesses at 16.

One of my friends that home schools her kids was telling me that on fridays they only have islamic lessons which i think is wikid because it reminds them that fridays are special.so u see when homeschooling u can involve islam in everything, u can teach em in an islamic way/perspective, when teaching them history u can teach them about our prophets peace be upon them all and the sahabas n everything related to islam. u can teach them about how they invented so many things. when doing science u can teach them about how Allah swt ses in the quran the the earth n sun all rotate etc. when doing everything n anything u can involve islam into it and the more time they spend with their practicing parents the more of their morals and manners they will adopt.

our childrens education is a fundamental part of their upbringing and it doesnt deserve to be dumped into the hands of the kuffar in a kuffar environment where our children take part in xmas/diwali/vai saki etc festivals n are made to hold plays n sing in choirs, our children are our precious little sprouts and we cannot affort to sprinkle weed killer on them by poisening their minds, they take nourishing/love/care/ to grow well

Alhumdulillah this is such a huge topic which I cannot talk about enough, n I dnt want to make this too long. so Ill stop.

Asalamulaikum.

[amirah_87]

ass salaamu alaykum pppl!

i'd like to add insha'allah....i think thatone of the most improtant steps of upbringing a child ........is to make sure that they grow up in an islamic country!! ......

jazaakallahu khayr for benefiting us akhee..

wa alaykum ass salaam

[syilla]

wow this is a good topic to bring it up.

Daffodil : I admire your family. I'm always the one who wants to bring the family together to do islamic activities...but they always say they're busy

(especially my husband-but he has the time to watch world cup, but i'm not saying he does not perform his duty as a muslim...just in the aspect of family activities-except for reading yassin every thursday night).

Woodrow : I think you have such a wonderful daughter. But i think she is also learning from you.

NJUSA : you're a solehah daughter.

Daffodil : do you know how to homeschool children as part time? Because i'm trying to teach my son at home when i've the time but i'm not consistent enough.

amirah87: not all is fortunate to live in islamic country. I think wherever we are...we should try our best to upbring our children as islamic as we can. Like a fish...even it lives in the sea...but it never get salty.

[Daffodil]

Daffodil : do you know how to homeschool children as part time? Because i'm trying to teach my son at home when i've the time but i'm not consistent enough.

Asalamulaikum

u dnt have to home school ur kids every single day, What u can do is fit it into ur time, so if ur free in the morning n evening then teach ur child then, or if ur free in the weekend as well as a few days durin the week u can homeschool then too. It doesnt have to be 8am-3pm everyday like in a school. u can be as flexible as u want, However I think its best to have some sort of structure to it as well so the child has some sort of a routine.

How old is ur son.

[syilla]

daffodil...my son is two and half

[Umm Khalid06]

:sl:
am trying to Bring up my child in a Muslim society unlike the society that I was brought in.

ROLE MODELING
The most effective way to teach anything to anybody is to be a role model. This is why Allah sent human beings as prophets to all peoples. Whether we willingly accept this job or not, it is a fact that your child learns how to function in life by watching what you do. Even the absent parent is role modeling to the degree that a boy, whose father abandoned his family, will probably treat his own children the same way.

Every time we deal with our children, we are teaching them, whether we intend to or not. There is a famous poem by an anonymous author that depicts this vividly. It begins:

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

Therefore we must examine carefully how we deal with our child in order to have a desirable end result. This same poem continues:

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

:w:

[Ferrari1981]

:sl:
am trying to Bring up my child in a Muslim society unlike the society that I was brought in.

ROLE MODELING
The most effective way to teach anything to anybody is to be a role model. This is why Allah sent human beings as prophets to all peoples. Whether we willingly accept this job or not, it is a fact that your child learns how to function in life by watching what you do. Even the absent parent is role modeling to the degree that a boy, whose father abandoned his family, will probably treat his own children the same way.

Every time we deal with our children, we are teaching them, whether we intend to or not. There is a famous poem by an anonymous author that depicts this vividly. It begins:

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

Therefore we must examine carefully how we deal with our child in order to have a desirable end result. This same poem continues:

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

:w:

Thats so true cool, where did you get that from!?

[Umm Khalid06]

same site i will look for you

[Maryam22]

My parents moved to australia in the 80's and since then, my 3 siblings and I were born and brought up here. I think, compared to other ethnic Muslim families here, my parents have brought us up well, especially my mother who is a strong practicing Muslim. Our culture is somewhat similar to religion and our parents have encouraged us to maintain our cultural identity as well Islamic identity. That is, around the house, I wear the traditional shalwar kameez and dubatta and when I go out, I wear clothing (acording to Islamic standards) and a Hijab.

As for schooling, my brother, sister and I was sent to a public school where there weren't much Islamic teachings, every tuesday a lady would come in and we'd have a religion class, for a short time period. My other sister went to a private Islamic school. Honestly, there's no religious difference between us. Later on, my sisters' and I went to an all-girls' public school in high school and my brother went on to a selective school.

We have an extended family here also and fortnightly on Sundays we all meet up and do Islamic work - ie we read Qur'an, there are talks given by each member regarding Islamic issues eg, terrorism or emulating the Prophet's life in our life, and we discuss ummah affairs. This was established since the 80's and us children born here in Australia have learnt a lot about Islam through this.

Strictly speaking, I've seen other Muslim families and the parents have no idea what their children are up to...............kheir Insha'Allah.

I think I'll bring up my children in the same manner which my parents brought us up, Insha'Allah.

:sl:
subhanallah. hey sis, my parents moved to australia in the mid 70's. (i think it was 75)
:sl:

[Vaseline]

:sl:
subhanallah. hey sis, my parents moved to australia in the mid 70's. (i think it was 75)
:sl:

You know what? I'll be laughing very hard if I know you in person. You don't happen to live in Sydney do you? And of an indian/pakistani ethnicity?

[Vaseline]

ass salaamu alaykum pppl!

i'd like to add insha'allah....i think thatone of the most improtant steps of upbringing a child ........is to make sure that they grow up in an islamic country!! ......

jazaakallahu khayr for benefiting us akhee..

wa alaykum ass salaam

I wouldn't say islamic country sis but rather an Islamic environment. You can "classify" Pakistan as an Islamic country but they are so modern these days [girls wearing sleeveless clothing sleeveless?!!?!?!] and it's true [yet ironic]. So, I think if you provide an islamic environment for them, then that will be the first step into strengthning their Iman. As Daffodil mentioned, homeschooling is an option ---> Islamic setting.

[searchingsoul]

Comment and discuss how your parents raised you and how would you raise your own (future) children...!?

My husband and I send our children to public schools. We made this decision because we decided that we wanted them exposed to people of various backgrounds and we wanted the children to face the reality of the sociey in which we live.

I teach my children that there are bad people in this world and this world is not fair. I do not try to shelter them from all ills of society. I think that it is important for them to develop the skills necessary to cope with the negatives within our world. It is not the society we live in that is a problem, it's how we deal with what we perceive to be negatives within society.

We try our best to be good examples for our children. Parenting is not easy but is very rewarding.

[Ferrari1981]

Im sure being a parent is a very large responsibility...

Upbringing of a child is as hard as being a parent, some people have been baby sitters or worked in schools and have better knowledge then us...

But first time experience is the blessed one...

May Allah (swt) bless us all with this special blessing of having a child and us to to be great parents... our job is to teach our children Islam not culture... make sure there on the right track...

Inspire them...

[Musaafirah]

:sl:
am trying to Bring up my child in a Muslim society unlike the society that I was brought in.

ROLE MODELING
The most effective way to teach anything to anybody is to be a role model. This is why Allah sent human beings as prophets to all peoples. Whether we willingly accept this job or not, it is a fact that your child learns how to function in life by watching what you do. Even the absent parent is role modeling to the degree that a boy, whose father abandoned his family, will probably treat his own children the same way.

Every time we deal with our children, we are teaching them, whether we intend to or not. There is a famous poem by an anonymous author that depicts this vividly. It begins:

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

Therefore we must examine carefully how we deal with our child in order to have a desirable end result. This same poem continues:

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

:w:

:sl:
Wow! I love that poem..
Can I just ask...regarding the way WE are bought up, would that affaect the way we bring our children up? I mean, say our parents have no patients with us, would that in turn make us less patient?
Or if we want to be able to be patient..but unintentionally be impatient, how could we sort ourselves out? :heated: ..i probably make no sense..
:w:

[Ferrari1981]

:sl:
Wow! I love that poem.. Can I just ask...regarding the way WE are bought up, would that affaect the way we bring our children up? I mean, say our parents have no patients with us, would that in turn make us less patient?
Or if we want to be able to be patient..but unintentionally be impatient, how could we sort ourselves out? :heated: ..i probably make no sense..
:w:

I think people change...

I mean it depends not just on how you were raised but who your role models were like who inspired you.

Some people were raised in cultural environments but changed their way of life to suit them and their future. People like Yusuf Islam and other converts (reverts) like Yusuf Estes...

I think you may end up raising your child slightly from the upbringing you had, but also using your own philosophy via your role models and inspiration to be a better person.

So yea you can change your childs upbrining by:

- role model
- inspiration
- your ways of a better life
- cultural or religiously
- moving to another country

Theres many ways but most importantly if your good parents your children should be bought up well Inshallah, but then again children have a mind of their own...

[limitless]

My husband and I send our children to public schools. We made this decision because we decided that we wanted them exposed to people of various backgrounds and we wanted the children to face the reality of the sociey in which we live.

I teach my children that there are bad people in this world and this world is not fair. I do not try to shelter them from all ills of society. I think that it is important for them to develop the skills necessary to cope with the negatives within our world. It is not the society we live in that is a problem, it's how we deal with what we perceive to be negatives within society.

We try our best to be good examples for our children. Parenting is not easy but is very rewarding.

:sl:

I like that idea, expect the public school part. Never hide true identity of society, media, and culture from the children. Let them know of the consequences of bad deeds and of good deeds.

Personally, no matter how good of a parent you are; in the end children will have their own choice, just like we did. Some of us choose to be good and others bad. You attempt your best to show them good paths, but if its the child's nature to become bad, theres nothing (physically) we can do to prevent it; instead ask Allah to guide them.

:w:

[Umar001]

Man am so scared to have kids,
I hate hearing about a Muslim leaving Islaam, imagine that muslim is my kid.

OMG.

If it wasnt for the fact that I had to have kids I dont think I would just for tht reason, well that and the fact that it would mean i'd have to work more and so on, while i could be studying